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BREAKING: Jose Aldo Fractures Rib. UFC 189 Headliner in Jeopardy. God is Dead.


(I AM MADDER, I GUARANTEE IT.)

(*inhales deeply*) (*buries face in couch pillow*)

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

We all knew that this day would come. Between the next-level trash-talk, the unprecedented world tour, the insane promos — both of which were described by Dana White as “the most expensive ever” – and the talks that the event would need to sell 1 million+ pay-per-views for the UFC to break even (which early figures indicated would happen), we knew that the MMA Gods would simply never allow the UFC 189 megafight between Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo to come to fruition. We knew this, yet we held out hope.

Which is why, perhaps more than ever before, it hurts so much to say this.

According to various sources (but first broke by Combate’s Anna Hissa), Jose Aldo fractured a rib in training early this morning. Two and a half weeks out from UFC 189. While his fight with McGregor has yet to be officially called off, one has to imagine that it’s only a matter of time.

God. Dammit.

Now of course, some have been quick to note that Aldo’s injury has come just weeks after his drug testing fiasco, but can we just not right now? Can’t we all just wallow in misery and drink ourselves into a midday coma before Johnny Conspiracy starts spouting his mouth off? GAHHH I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.

This sport is the worst, you guys. THE WORST. We’ll have more on this story as it develops. Go f*ck yourselves.

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