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[BREAKING] Rampage Jackson Out of UFC 153 With Elbow Injury

(We can pay for your elbow surgery, Rampage, but the UFC’s insurance policy does not cover gonorrhea.) 

In the past few years, we have seen former light heavyweight champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson turn from a Ricardo Arona-powerbombing, Chuck Liddell-stomping, Southern California freeway-racing SOB into a tirelessly complaining, terrible rappingtranssexual raping shell of his former self. His ongoing war with the UFC and their insistence on giving him “boring fights” has grown tired to even the biggest Rampage fan at this point, and regardless of how hard he has tried to convince us that “big fights” are waiting for him outside of the UFC, most of us just assumed that once he got the tar beat out of him by Glover Teixeira at UFC 153, he would abandon MMA altogether, star in a series of direct-to-DVD films in the vein of Blood and Bone, and fade into obscurity until 2025, when he will be arrested for binging on 5 hour energy drinks, stripping down to his birthday suit, and destroying a magazine kiosk in New York City because “my neighbors demon-possessed dog told me to.” Or something like that.

In either case, it seemed as if we would finally reach the light at the end of the figurative tunnel at UFC 153, and could bid Jackson adieu once and for all. Because clearly, his passion for the sport had dwindled beyond the point of return.

Well, my friends, Dana White just dropped a bombshell on Twitter, and not even Sly Stallone can get us out of this tunnel:

Rampage is hurt and out of UFC 153 RIO. SUCKS!!!!!!

You can almost feel the apathy in White’s tweet.

Ariel Helwani confirmed that Jackson suffered an elbow injury, and that the UFC is currently looking for a replacement opponent for Teixeira.

We will keep you informed as things transpire.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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ChewTheDirt- September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am
I don’t even know what to expect anymore with this UFC. 153 better make up for the 151 debacle. MMA training expert talks about UFC 153 . The Silva fight should be quite interesting...
fishtaco- September 11, 2012 at 10:16 pm
You clowns are just haters why cause you will never have his money or his fame. Why so much hate for a warrior that puts it on on the line like he does i dont get. Most of you dont understand what these guys go threw. Oh yea and fuck this asshole that wrote this story. A healthy rampage would SMASH glovers over rated ass.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm
The video that the picture is from was shockingly disturbingly bewilderingly horrifyingly utterly hilarious.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 11, 2012 at 8:23 pm
He'd needs to take whatever money he has left and buy a trailer park and open a used car lot before he ends up in Mark Kerr/ Wes Simms territory, you know, in a Mazda b2200 down by the river. "You Need To Diversify Yo Bonds Nigga!"
Vera- September 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm
A strategic withdrawl...something Rampages dad should have done !!
fishtaco- September 11, 2012 at 10:18 pm
Your just mad your stank hoe mommy had you and you dont know which trick is your dad
Viva Hate- September 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm
FYI Vladimir Matyushenko is injured and out of 152.
SethF- September 11, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Fried Taco- September 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm
It took him this long to realize he wasn't fighting Danny Glover, aka Chandella Powell?
Anhonestmoose- September 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Meh, Rampage seems disinterested in fighting these days. He would have gotten smoked by Teixeira.