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Brock Lesnar No Longer Bothering to Make Any Sense At All

(‘Oh, that? It’s an allegory for how we train around here. Or, wait, when it involves an animal does that make it a fable? Hold on, let’s ask Tuchscherer.’)

Sometimes I get the feeling that Brock Lesnar is actually a really smart, articulate guy, but he has a vicious sense of humor that makes him want to say the most ridiculous things he can think of just to see if anyone has the balls to call him out on it.  Chances are, no, they don’t.  So he just keeps talking and things keep getting weirder.  The latest such example comes from a Yahoo! Sports article that attempts to get inside Lesnar’s head by eating lunch with him at Subway.  Naturally, there’s all the usual smack talk about Shane Carwin‘s lack of difficult opponents and that adorable little Division II national wrestling championship that he won.  But there’s also this bizarre quote when Lesnar gives his take on TUF 10′s recent Kimbo Slice-Roy Nelson fight:

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl.  The fat biker dude took his vest off and put ranch dressing on his (chest)."

In a perfect world, the interviewer would have countered that statement by asking, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’  But sadly, ours is an aggressively imperfect world, so that probably didn’t happen.  Instead, we’ll go ahead and ask.  WTF, Brock?  What is that even supposed to mean?  Ranch dressing on his chest?  What kind of bars are you hanging out in, anyway?


  1. GlebJolie Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:07

    simple food-based homoeroticism... sorry, big guy.
  2. Aptninja Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:09

    "The fat biker dude took off his vest and put ranch dressing on his chest, and then the black guy was under there and he couldn't get out, and he was like 'No, not now,' but he couldn't help it, and the biker guy was just so powerful, his mouth started moving down his...THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER BECAUSE YOU'RE A FAGGOT!"
  3. Koeikan Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:10

    Makes sense to me. The guy tatooed a giant penis on his chest. Dumping ranch over it seems to be the next logical step.
  4. knuckleup101 Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:17

    Nice one Koeikan......... but maybe he prefers man batter over ranch.........
  5. Harry Russo Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:30

    Brock is a misanthrope. He has already said he hates fags, now he hates blacks, and bikers by stereotyping them as cracker ass cracker fat fucks. That must mean he hates obese people as well. Chinks, spics, and jews are next. Brock hates everyone.
  6. LastEmperor Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:35

    This is why Lesnar won't be champ for long. He doesn't have the brains or the mental power. Fighting is all mental.
  7. rockhuddy Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:40

    I think Brock secretly fantasizes about putting ranch dressing on his chest penis and having Roy Nelson lick it off.
  8. itsgalf Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:44

    Looks at the advertisement on the right: Health Drops Beverage Booster Why did they make the 'O' look like a Vagina?
  9. NateGetsIrate Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:51

    Maybe that last sentence was just an observation he just made about what was going on in that Subway during the interview. "It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl... Dude! That fat biker dude just took his vest off and now he's putting ranch dressing on his chest. What the fuck!?"
  10. MMAComments2 Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:54

    And he is different from you?
  11. GetUpAndKill Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 09:55

    When Brock starts talking and sees something (like a giant Coors Lite advertisement...or his wife) he somehow loses track of what he's saying and fucks it all up. Obviously during this interview in a Subway (WTF? he must have eaten everything there!?!) he saw the ranch dressing and jumbled it into his interpretation of the fight. Brock's head is filled with imagery and his reality becomes skewed with it. How else do you sit through a day of an awful tattoo of a cocksword?
  12. Jugger Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:01

    Just curious... why is "chest" in parenthesis?
  13. El Famous Burrito Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:04

    No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
  14. portland mma Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:07

    "This is why Lesnar won't be champ for long. He doesn't have the brains or the mental power." LOL, I hate Brock Lesnar but the dude didn't beat Randy Couture, Mir or Herring with mental power the dude is a fucking tank. What is Brock talking about though? How many high school kids get in bar room brawls and what bar room brawl ends up with ranch dressing all over someone? Sounds like Brock is inviting a bunch of highschoolers to his house for drunken debauchery and a ranch dressing love fest.
  15. Richard Fitzentite Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:10

    I think it just confused him when Roy ordered a whopper from Dana after the fight.
  16. Cajun Samurai Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:13

    maybe ranch dressing is the only acceptable lube for a cocksword
  17. Dante Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:42

    This makes perfect sense. Brock is a genius.
  18. Strife Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:47

    Funny how we turn a biker putting ranch dressing on his chest into a mile long gay joke. Its not gay if its ranch dressing guys, now if it was raspberry vinaigrette then he would be a pole smoker and @ El Famous Burrito Props on the Chris Farley joke.
  19. GEE-yuh-TEEN Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 10:52

    This should prove that Carwin has a lot of restraint. Brock gives him so many easy targets, yet Carwin refuses to take the easy bait.
  20. Badguy Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 11:07

    People relax! Brock was simply trying to be funny. And it wasnt. He used a couple of analogies Couple of high school kids - because they both looked like shit Biker dude ref - Because Nelson looks liike a fat biker dude dressing ref- because he is fat thought somehow he probably has food all over his chest when he eats ect. Not as big of a deal as you all are making it out.
  21. punchguyinface Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 11:17

    Lesnar likes to put ranch dressing on the tip of his sword/cock tattoo and then look at it in the mirror... followed by a session of shooting defenseless critters to make up for his repressed homosexual urges.
  22. EzMoNeY Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 11:29

    i had a dream last night that sable kicked brock lesnars ass, i feel like it's some kind of vision of the future, doesnt relate to anything you brought up on here other then the that fact that shits starting to get weird
  23. AgentoftheBat Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 11:41

    I read this and wondered how many tired ass "Cock sword" And "Dick Tattoo" jokes would be in the comments. You unoriginal bastards delivered!
  24. Da Spied Her Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 12:02

    I get it! Ranch dressing is fattening.
  25. Dropkick_Murphy Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 12:22

    Mad Libs much, Brock?
  26. One Two Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 12:38

    So I'm from South dakota too and we have the Sturgis rally were thousands of fat vest wearing bikers that look exactly like roy roll into town and since he doesn't have a beard or tats that makes him a fat gay biker hence the biker reference. busting peoples balls is a second language here hes basically saying they fought like a couple homos and since kimbos face was in roys chest the whole time hes insinuating he was licking ranch from the fat gay bikers chest in some sort of gay foreplay. loose translation--Kimbo and nelson fight like queers and nelson looks like a fat gay biker.
  27. NateGetsIrate Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 12:41

    @ One Two: You're so full of shit, lol!
  28. Emo Sux Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 01:48

    What Brock means by "Ranch Dressing" is the clothing ranchers wear. Rednecks get pissed as shit when someone throws a pair of sweaty Wrangler jeans on their dick-tattood chest. Its a cultural thing.
  29. wilch Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 02:39

    Brock Lesnar is the new Jared, though without the excess skin, lisp and lazy eye.
  30. Raju-Erkki Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 02:41

    Oh you all would just love to suck Brocks cock, you little bitching girls
  31. danomite Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 04:05

    Brock Lesnar would like all of you to know that the quote was taken out of context. He wasn't talking about the Roy Nelson fight at all, he has nothing but respect for both Mr. Nelson and Mr. Slice. He was merely describing to the interviewer the kind of pornography he likes to watch when he gets on top of his wife. He would also like to state that he's not biased, he watches all kinds of gay porn.
  32. Meaot Says:

    Fri, 10/09/09 - 06:05

    Good thing Roy Nelson doesn't have a chest dick or we'd know where all that ranch dressing came from. So if we see Brock with ranch all over his chest during his fight with Shane Carwin we'll know what happened.
  33. J-Dog Says:

    Mon, 10/12/09 - 07:29

    What a tool. Everyone knows if you want to masturbate your chest-cock, BBQ sauce makes a much better lubricant than Ranch dressing.

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