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Brock Lesnar No Longer Bothering to Make Any Sense At All


(‘Oh, that? It’s an allegory for how we train around here. Or, wait, when it involves an animal does that make it a fable? Hold on, let’s ask Tuchscherer.’)

Sometimes I get the feeling that Brock Lesnar is actually a really smart, articulate guy, but he has a vicious sense of humor that makes him want to say the most ridiculous things he can think of just to see if anyone has the balls to call him out on it.  Chances are, no, they don’t.  So he just keeps talking and things keep getting weirder.  The latest such example comes from a Yahoo! Sports article that attempts to get inside Lesnar’s head by eating lunch with him at Subway.  Naturally, there’s all the usual smack talk about Shane Carwin‘s lack of difficult opponents and that adorable little Division II national wrestling championship that he won.  But there’s also this bizarre quote when Lesnar gives his take on TUF 10′s recent Kimbo Slice-Roy Nelson fight:

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl.  The fat biker dude took his vest off and put ranch dressing on his (chest)."

In a perfect world, the interviewer would have countered that statement by asking, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’  But sadly, ours is an aggressively imperfect world, so that probably didn’t happen.  Instead, we’ll go ahead and ask.  WTF, Brock?  What is that even supposed to mean?  Ranch dressing on his chest?  What kind of bars are you hanging out in, anyway?

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J-Dog- October 12, 2009 at 7:29 am
What a tool. Everyone knows if you want to masturbate your chest-cock, BBQ sauce makes a much better lubricant than Ranch dressing.
Meaot- October 9, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Good thing Roy Nelson doesn't have a chest dick or we'd know where all that ranch dressing came from. So if we see Brock with ranch all over his chest during his fight with Shane Carwin we'll know what happened.
danomite- October 9, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Brock Lesnar would like all of you to know that the quote was taken out of context. He wasn't talking about the Roy Nelson fight at all, he has nothing but respect for both Mr. Nelson and Mr. Slice. He was merely describing to the interviewer the kind of pornography he likes to watch when he gets on top of his wife. He would also like to state that he's not biased, he watches all kinds of gay porn.
Raju-Erkki- October 9, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Oh you all would just love to suck Brocks cock, you little bitching girls
wilch- October 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Brock Lesnar is the new Jared, though without the excess skin, lisp and lazy eye.
Emo Sux- October 9, 2009 at 1:48 pm
What Brock means by "Ranch Dressing" is the clothing ranchers wear. Rednecks get pissed as shit when someone throws a pair of sweaty Wrangler jeans on their dick-tattood chest. Its a cultural thing.
NateGetsIrate- October 9, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@ One Two:

You're so full of shit, lol!
One Two- October 9, 2009 at 12:38 pm
So I'm from South dakota too and we have the Sturgis rally were thousands of fat vest wearing bikers that look exactly like roy roll into town and since he doesn't have a beard or tats that makes him a fat gay biker hence the biker reference. busting peoples balls is a second language here hes basically saying they fought like a couple homos and since kimbos face was in roys chest the whole time hes insinuating he was licking ranch from the fat gay bikers chest in some sort of gay foreplay.

loose translation--Kimbo and nelson fight like queers and nelson looks like a fat gay biker.
Dropkick_Murphy- October 9, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Mad Libs much, Brock?
Da Spied Her- October 9, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I get it! Ranch dressing is fattening.
AgentoftheBat- October 9, 2009 at 11:41 am
I read this and wondered how many tired ass "Cock sword" And "Dick Tattoo" jokes would be in the comments. You unoriginal bastards delivered!
EzMoNeY- October 9, 2009 at 11:29 am
i had a dream last night that sable kicked brock lesnars ass, i feel like it's some kind of vision of the future, doesnt relate to anything you brought up on here other then the that fact that shits starting to get weird
punchguyinface- October 9, 2009 at 11:17 am
Lesnar likes to put ranch dressing on the tip of his sword/cock tattoo and then look at it in the mirror... followed by a session of shooting defenseless critters to make up for his repressed homosexual urges.
Badguy- October 9, 2009 at 11:07 am
People relax! Brock was simply trying to be funny. And it wasnt.

He used a couple of analogies

Couple of high school kids - because they both looked like shit
Biker dude ref - Because Nelson looks liike a fat biker dude
dressing ref- because he is fat thought somehow he probably has food all over his chest when he eats ect.

Not as big of a deal as you all are making it out.
GEE-yuh-TEEN- October 9, 2009 at 10:52 am
This should prove that Carwin has a lot of restraint. Brock gives him so many easy targets, yet Carwin refuses to take the easy bait.
Strife- October 9, 2009 at 10:47 am
Funny how we turn a biker putting ranch dressing on his chest into a mile long gay joke. Its not gay if its ranch dressing guys, now if it was raspberry vinaigrette then he would be a pole smoker

and @ El Famous Burrito

Props on the Chris Farley joke.
Dante- October 9, 2009 at 10:42 am
This makes perfect sense. Brock is a genius.
Cajun Samurai- October 9, 2009 at 10:13 am
maybe ranch dressing is the only acceptable lube for a cocksword
Richard Fitzentite- October 9, 2009 at 10:10 am
I think it just confused him when Roy ordered a whopper from Dana after the fight.
portland mma- October 9, 2009 at 10:07 am
"This is why Lesnar won't be champ for long. He doesn't have the brains or the mental power."

LOL, I hate Brock Lesnar but the dude didn't beat Randy Couture, Mir or Herring with mental power the dude is a fucking tank. What is Brock talking about though? How many high school kids get in bar room brawls and what bar room brawl ends up with ranch dressing all over someone? Sounds like Brock is inviting a bunch of highschoolers to his house for drunken debauchery and a ranch dressing love fest.
El Famous Burrito- October 9, 2009 at 10:04 am
No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
Jugger- October 9, 2009 at 10:01 am
Just curious... why is "chest" in parenthesis?
GetUpAndKill- October 9, 2009 at 9:55 am
When Brock starts talking and sees something (like a giant Coors Lite advertisement...or his wife) he somehow loses track of what he's saying and fucks it all up.

Obviously during this interview in a Subway (WTF? he must have eaten everything there!?!) he saw the ranch dressing and jumbled it into his interpretation of the fight.

Brock's head is filled with imagery and his reality becomes skewed with it. How else do you sit through a day of an awful tattoo of a cocksword?
MMAComments2- October 9, 2009 at 9:54 am
And he is different from you?
NateGetsIrate- October 9, 2009 at 9:51 am
Maybe that last sentence was just an observation he just made about what was going on in that Subway during the interview.

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl... Dude! That fat biker dude just took his vest off and now he's putting ranch dressing on his chest. What the fuck!?"
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