Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Brock Lesnar vs. Cain Velasquez: Head to Head

(Use the rage, Cain. Use it!)

By this point, you’ve probably picked a winner for tomorrow night’s Lesnar vs. Velasquez event in Anaheim. Maybe you think Cain Velasquez‘s speed and striking technique will win the day. Maybe you think Brock Lesnar‘s power and hugeness will carry him through. But have you really considered all the relevant factors? Let’s run down the UFC 121 headlining match and see who really holds the advantages…

Lesnar: 1-0 (first-round TKO win over Min Soo Kim)
Velasquez: 2-0 (first-round TKO wins over Jesse Fujarczyk and Jeremiah Constant)
Advantage: Velasquez

Lesnar: 2 (lost to Frank Mir by submission, defeated Heath Herring by decision)
Velasquez: 1 (defeated Cheick Kongo by decision)
Advantage: Velasquez

Lesnar: "Enter Sandman"
Velasquez: A vaguely threatening Mexican tune about illegal immigration
Advantage: even

Lesnar: 6’3", 265 pounds, 81" reach
Velasquez: 6’1", 240 pounds, 77" reach
Advantage: Lesnar

Lesnar: "Frate Trane" [sic]
Velasquez: Dude doesn’t even have an official nickname, let alone one that’s been bestowed upon him by MMA forum admirers.
Advantage: Lesnar

Lesnar: 1998 NJCAA Heavyweight Champion, two-time All-American Div 1 NCAA Wrestler, 2000 NCAA Heavyweight Champion (was runner-up in 1999)
Velasquez: 2002 NJCAA Heavyweight Champion, two-time All-American Div 1 NCAA Wrestler, 2005 Pac-10 Conference Wrestler of the Year
Advantage: Lesnar

Lesnar: Team DeathClutch, a private camp devoted entirely to him; heavyweight training partners include Cole Konrad, Pat Barry, Chris Tuchscherer, and Jon Madsen
Velasquez: American Kickboxing Academy; heavyweight training partners include Daniel Cormier and Mark Ellis
Advantage: even

Lesnar: A thick, veiny sword
Velasquez: "BROWN PRIDE"
Advantage: Velasquez.
Advantage, if you’re one of those people who are offended by Cain’s tattoo: even

Lesnar: 1 (Submission of the Night against Shane Carwin at UFC 116)
Velasquez: 2 (Knockouts of the Night against Denis Stojnic at UFC Fight Night 17 and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at UFC 110)
Advantage: Velasquez

Lesnar: 113 days
Velasquez: 244 days
Advantage: Lesnar

Lesnar: Sun is in Cancer, Mars is in Taurus
Velasquez: Sun is in Leo, Mars is in Libra
Advantage: Lesnar, apparently

Lesnar: UFC heavyweight champion to defend the title three times consecutively
Velasquez: "Mexican heavyweight champion in fighting history" — even though he was born in California
Advantage: Lesnar

Lesnar takes it by a score of 6-4-2, which suggests a TKO victory in round 3 or 4. If you think we left out any crucial deciding factors, please let us know in the comments section…

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

Sort by : Show hidden comments
dranokills- October 24, 2010 at 12:36 pm
hey fried taco watch yourself, you are crunchy, and spicy, and you could be in danger.
fatbellyfrank- October 22, 2010 at 8:24 pm
^ and apparently, If Pluto is in line with your Uranus, your names Mickey Mouse!!
fatbellyfrank- October 22, 2010 at 8:22 pm
@ Fried taco LOL buddy, apparently Uranus is a very ugly planet :)
Fried Taco- October 22, 2010 at 11:45 am
@fatbellyfrank - I've seen Uranus, and believe me, you can fit a lot of stuff in there! ;-)
buddahga69- October 22, 2010 at 11:43 am
how about add a category of quality of opponents beaten...hell, cain doesnt have any quality opponents on his wins other than nog...and he looked like shit in that fight and is past his prime by a long shot....and he has a win over rothwell who is a top b level fighter at best.....
GSP for Prime Minister- October 22, 2010 at 11:41 am
On Saturday, Brock will be looking to make Cain his "Brown BRIDE"... eh?! Get it?!! HAHA
RearNakedSpoon- October 22, 2010 at 10:42 am
Lesnar gassed out dancing the mariachi, Cain could dance it all night long.

+1 to Cain (a.k.a Brown Trane?)
ghostboner- October 22, 2010 at 10:06 am
Oh come on CP. First you try to tell m that Sara Kaufman will own Marloes (You will never ever ever live that down) and now you're trying to say that Cain WON against Kongo? I scoff at your ridiculous assertions.

Dietary advantage - Lesnar. (I saw Cain's favorite restaurant in the promos. One word, hepatitis. E coli at the very least)

Edit: Advantage - Even. If Brown Pride can survive the Hep and E coli he gets bumped up. Still doesn't win the advantage because Brock survived diverticulitis, and years of steroid abuse and folding steel chairs, which we all know gave Lance Armstrong cancer. The roids, not the chairs.
fatbellyfrank- October 22, 2010 at 9:56 am
Fried Taco Says:
Sat, 10/23/2010 - 01:01
I was totally betting on Cain until I saw the astrological signs. Now my money is on Lesnar.
I beleive the majority of astrological forecasts come from the one planet, aparently they're extracted from Uranus :)

Steve W- October 22, 2010 at 9:41 am
Three word: Epic Viking Beard

Advantage: Lesnar
djp1988- October 22, 2010 at 9:40 am
BROCKLESANR def. Cain Velasquez via F-5 Round 1. This of course being an amazing comeback after Velasquez's AKA cronies attack BROCKLESNAR with foreign objects under the ring, er, octagon.
k-onda- October 22, 2010 at 9:17 am
I'm a Cancer, I never knew I was in such good company with un-hinged professional fighters and psycho-killers. Hum, but now it all makes sense.
topdog- October 22, 2010 at 9:01 am
I'm taking a shot of Cazadores each round Brock lasts. Im assuming 3 or 4. 4 rd. TKO!!!!!! Oh and Shields is going down. I hope Hamill beats Titos head and makes his ear drums bust but I doubt it.
dogpt3- October 22, 2010 at 8:58 am
@ RWilson Whats really embarrassing is that Lesnar made millions dancing like a mariachi and other ridiculous things because the American public is stupid enough to watch the WWE.
DangadaDang- October 22, 2010 at 8:44 am
Brock Lesnar makes Jean Claude Van Damme's dance moves look like Sly Stallone's dance moves.
Cro mag- October 22, 2010 at 8:19 am
Newdeal hit it on the head. This is where Cain gets his ass handed to him. I'm not a Lesnar fan in the least but I like him better than Brown Boy.
agentsmith- October 22, 2010 at 8:11 am
Regarding unofficial nicknames:

Lesnar: "Vanilla Gorilla", "Cock Chestner" / "Cock Sword" / etc.

Velasquez: don't even try to tell me his unofficial nickname isn't "Brown Pride". When I referred to him by that name when talking to Roy Nelson, ol' "Big Country" knew exactly who I was talking about.
knucklesamitch- October 22, 2010 at 8:09 am
The only thing that has me doubting a Lesnar victory is that no one has managed to defend the heavyweight strap 3 consecutive times.
Joedirt- October 22, 2010 at 8:02 am
Cain.... 3rd round. Heard it here... probably not first but still... you heard it hear too.
Fried Taco- October 22, 2010 at 8:01 am
I was totally betting on Cain until I saw the astrological signs. Now my money is on Lesnar.
newdeal- October 22, 2010 at 7:55 am
Velasquez is going to get crushed. Yes he has fast hands but lesnar will take him down and control him on the ground. Everyone thinks Velasquez is the second coming because he knocked out Noguiera...only problem with that is Noguiera tried to actually stand with him even though he was far slower, Brock wont and Velasquez doesn't have the power of Carwin to push him back with punches. If Kongo had any ground game whatsoever he would have beat Cain and this fight wouldnt even be happening and Kongo sucks
RwilsonR- October 22, 2010 at 7:26 am
Just watched the video, and I actually feel bad for Brock. That poor asshole probably has dozens of videos like that where he was made to look like a complete fool from all of his years in the WWE. No wonder he just wants to live out in a cabin alone in the woods. That shit is embarrassing.
knucklesamitch- October 22, 2010 at 7:14 am
in the category of horseshoes pulled out of opponents asses to beat them over the head with, lesnar wins 1-0.
Spotpuff- October 22, 2010 at 7:12 am
That video and caption are hilarious.
RwilsonR- October 22, 2010 at 7:05 am
How does 'Enter Sandman' not win over some mariachi bullshit? I think this is rigged... or some nod towards affirmative action.