(Nice try diverticulosis, but no dice.)
Canadian socialized medicine may have tried to kill Brock Lesnar or at least end his career, but after an agonizing few weeks the big man "healed [him]self" and will return this summer to face the winner of the Shane Carwin-Frank Mir fight. This is what we learned during Lesnar’s appearance on "Sportscenter" today.
Sitting beside Dana White and wearing a t-shirt laden with all the usual sponsors (Fusion Ammo, Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches, etc.), Lesnar explained the entirety of his long medical odyssey from an early misdiagnosis to a collapse in Canada that left him at the mercy of lousy Canuck doctors, to his return to the U.S. where good old American doctors prepared to put him under the knife to fix his diverticulosis, which would have cursed him with a colostomy bag and ended his career. But, after laying for days on end in the hospital and losing forty pounds, he went to get a second opinion, which also called for surgery.
Lesnar went home, returned to the gym and put some weight back on, and when he came back to the hospital on January 5 it was, "a miracle; they were dumbfounded. They couldn’t find any signs of any problems in my stomach."
So there it is, the amazing recovery of Brock Lesnar, thanks to the power of positive thinking, a change in diet, and, according to Dana White, "some holistic stuff." No thanks at all to the Canadians.
Of course DW did not miss a chance to plug UFC 111 in March, saying that Lesnar is still the UFC heavyweight champ ("Let’s be clear about that," added Brock) and will face the winner of Carwin-Mir. However, if anything should "happen" to the winner of that bout, then Lesnar will take on the victor in the UFC 110 bout between Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Cain Velasquez. Basically, whoever is left standing in the heavyweight division with a win in their last fight, they get a shot at Lesnar’s title.
At least the champ will be coming back, and not relegated to sitting on the couch with a colostomy bag stuck to his hip, watching hunting shows on satellite TV for the rest of his life. It’s a miracle.
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Comments
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:27
Overstating how poor canadian medicine is, and overstating how awesome brock lesnar is. No surprises.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:32
i knew they were gonna pull the miracle card.. all for promotion, this shit is startin to unfold like WWE
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:32
Hey, the Canadian health care system seems to be working for GSP just fine.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:38
@Jay GSP is not impressed with their performance, actually.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:41
"K guys, Brock is doing great but don't fucking tell anyone!"
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:44
It ain't no mircale, Brock will not be the same fighter. And his medical problems will come back. He said he used to suck down pain pills and vodka for years when travelling with the WWE. I'm sure he only has a few years left as a fighter before his body fully says no more, it'll be interesting to see how he adapts.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:45
@ Catalyst8487 Haha, that comment actually made me LOL- nice
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:47
best news i heard all day and i cant believe haiti got hit again 6.1 damn!!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:49
Fuck Frank Mir. I've got zero interesting sitting through the hype for yet ANOTHER fight with these two. So he choked out a guy who hasn't been able to even come close to getting a title shot and he's back at the front of the line? How about one of the other guys who hasn't gotten his face pounded in by Lesnar already gets a shot? What the fucks going on here? In protest to this current layer of bullshit, I will NOT be purchasing the PPV for this fight [should it happen] and will sit and watch it for free online two hours later like every other UFC event I've ever seen.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:50
Awesome. My dad's a naturopath. I figure Brock using the word "holistic" in any context doubles his business.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:50
Not a big Brock fan but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see him fight again. Get well you bastard.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:52
Goog, No one gives a shit about you and your tantrums.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:55
If he lost fourty pounds it will be an issue, he has already said its harder at his age now to maintain his bulk and now he has to try to regain 40 pounds in 6 months to get back to a spot where he could man handle Frank Mir...except Frank is gaining weight too...this will be interesting but I agree Nogeuria should get the next shot.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:55
Ben Fowlkes is an overweight faggot.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:00
I love how he makes it sound like Canadian medicine is on par with, say, Mexico. Remember, America: socialized health care is the Devil!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:01
@newdeal: they said he put 30lbs back on in like 2 weeks. Of the 40 he lost.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:05
We were just trying to pave the way for a Canadian HW champion to take over. I mean, I have no clue who, but there's gotta be some pipe fitters or lumberjacks out West that can haul ass in the cage.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:09
He'll put the weight back on no problem, now that he's back to his usual diet of delicious Jack Link's snacks and Coors Light.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:11
@ mmmiles9000: It was all a plot by the evil Harold Howard. The time of his return draws nigh!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:20
As a US citizen, i hate that this is the face of the American MMA champ. Who else do we have, Brian Bowles? He's from West effin' Virginia, you ever driven through there? BJ Penn isn't from the US, he's from Hawaii--they count as their own country. Same with Alaska. Why does Brazil keep having to take all the titles? Fuck it, i'm just going to become Canadian. Pam Anderson, GSP, and Mike Holmes, i'm joining you guys. Sure, Canada ain't famous for music or food, but i can import. Brock Lesnar is healthy--i can go back to hating his (perforated) guts.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:25
@goog You hate mir, we get it. Now say something about Sean Penn.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:26
agentsmith>> well, if he's comin' on, come on! (and hey, wasn't howard the guy that had videos of himself punching holes sandbags that he'd hung up? Was i the only person impressed by this????)
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:26
Attaboy Rex, you're welcome up here anytime! htt p:// cuzoogle.c om/2008/06/30/happy-canada-day/
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:27
@ ReX13: We don't count Pam Anderson as Canadian anymore. She's all yours, America.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:31
So wait...did they successfully remove the cock from his chest? That file photo has me unsure of what to think.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:45
agentsmith>> For the record: Canadian Pam Anderson = gorgeous American Pam Anderson (post Playboy, surgery and Hep C) = um, no thnx All the Canadian chicks i've met while snowboarding have been 100% WIN.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:57
You guys realize this was all just an elaborate ploy to buy Brock time to try and cut to 205, right? Also, we faked the moon landing and Big Nog is a legit contender for the HW belt.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:58
i do not like lesnar at all, with that said its so fucking good to have him back i hope he stays well
Wed, 01/20/10 - 10:58
@ ReX13 Where do you snowboard up here? @Brock Everything i've ever done to myself landing me in the ER has been paid for by my fellow Canadians. Pretty sure Lesnar will be buying whatever mediction he needs from a Canadian pharmacy anyway. Hopefully his disaproval will keep him clear from Canada in the future.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:01
Boo large headed Lesnar, Hooray MIR!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:07
GetUp&Kill >> Sorry, i meant my only contact with Canadians is through snowboarding--in the US. However, Whistler Blackcomb is on my list. Unfortunately, i fear the Olympics will draw more attention to BC--making it more popular and thus more expensive and crowded.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:13
Hi guys, I'm from Canada (Montreal). Let me tell you something: REJECT Obama's health care plan if you care for your health, and take a good insurance instead! And kick Michael "Fat Fuck" Moore in the ass, he's a cunt. Medicine is a disaster in Canada and many canadians are jealous of your private system!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:14
Canada's health system is shit =/ its prob = to mexico, quit watching movies like SiCKO and try to get treatment of something serious there, was sad.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:27
@ReX13 Ya, Whistler is a gong show this year even without the Olympics. Wait for good snow next year.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:28
Healthcare in Canada= excellent if your ailment is minor to extremely minor(common cold, anitbiotics, sprains etc). Healthcare in Canada= poor if you have to have secondary procedures for diagnostics i.e. X-Rays, MRI's, Bone Scan etc. The problem which you don't see in the movies is that when something is "Free"(even though we do pay through taxes) many people line up for it, causing those who really need it to get delayed heavily(My MRI for a torn MCL took 5 months to get). @Phazon I'm a 514 too.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:28
@ Emopinata You = nonsense. Source your statements or GTFO.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:33
@ Get Off Me Maybe these services are poor in big cities but even then...I have had major and minor procedures (above the common cold etc.) and never had any problems. The system is triage based, so the worst case scenerios usually receive treatment first, the others are have to wait; however, in the same shoes no-one could complain. All in all, tax dollars included, the system works and most Canadians are happy with it.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:42
reminds me of a song from south park! BLAME CANADA!!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:42
eh?
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:43
I'm in Canada. I've had many x-rays and a couple of surgeries for injuries, and never had to wait for anything. X-rays have always been done within an hour. No experience with serious illness though. I'm glad to hear Lesnar will return.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:45
Brazil looks to have the best overall fighters in the world right now. I used to think Thailand had the best fighters but it seems like they're all Muay Thai fighters and as such, one-dimensional in their training. However, I would like to see a Thai or Dutch Muay Thai fighter compete in MMA like the guy who won the K-1 Max tournament, Petrosyan. That dude is super fast with his kicks, reminiscent of Bruce Lee. Badr Hari should also try and compete in MMA as well....
Wed, 01/20/10 - 11:51
move on to the next post, people.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:00
@GetUpAndKill Bang on with the big cities and yes I am well aware of Triage, spent 10 hours in a waiting room with an abcess the size of a basball on my inner thigh(all beacause I told them my pain was at a level of 8 on 10....lol I learned my lesson there). No way would I change our system for another, but it is "poor" in the areas I reffered to i.e MRI's, don't get me wrong I could have one done in a week for $700.00, that's what I ended up doing in my case. The surgery afterwards had me waiting another 4 months and there was nothing I could do(again triage like mentality, old before young for surgery). What I am saying is that if you are not in BIG trouble, you're good, if you're in BIG trouble, I would not qualify repairing a torn ligament within a calendar year terrible good(from your first visit to being released after surgery).
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:07
this is not a goddamn discussion on the merits of the canadian helath care system. whatever anybody has to say, it's fucking good because it won't put you in the poorhouse (i'm a 613er). case closed. it's about whether lesnar can maintain or not. i say not. it's all about carwin and mir. if carwin wins against mir, then i fully expect a clash of the titans when he meets lesnar and pulls 6 feet of intestine out of his a-hole. if mir beats carwin, then it looks like his weight and muscle gain will combine with his superior ground game and he'll take lesnar. all the hammer fists in the world won't help lesnar then. and goog - chill the fuck out.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:11
@ Get Off Me Fair enough, no doubt there are horror stories at every level of healthcare....and I do agree on your last sentence. Physio type stuff is not exactly up to snuff.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:19
Can I just add that diverticulosis had a horse shoe up its ass in its first go around with Lesnar? A friggin' Horse shoe!!! Oh, and that's what you get for drinking Coors, Brock. Brock, I'm glad you're slated to come back. You bring much more to the sport that you detract from it. And as much as I want to see you get beat, I want it to be at your best. Best of luck.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:21
Wait, is every person i enjoy having discussions with a flappy-headed, beady-eyed canadian????? Armfarmer, where are you from? Even on the damn internet, all the a-holes are Americans.... EDIT HA! At least the website authors are US nationals.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:39
ReX13, even if you're not an American, you manage to be one in spirit. Lesnar and his colon would be proud. Cheers mate.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:50
For the sake of clarity, i am in fact from the US. Even worse, from the SOUTH. But hey, it could be worse, i could be from Boston.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 12:59
Canadian here. And ReX just lost a whole lot of love from me.... j/k (no I'm not) lol
Wed, 01/20/10 - 01:04
Some holistic stuff = Boldenone
Wed, 01/20/10 - 01:27
Hey fellas, the Canadian health care system isnt as bad as he makes it sound. He ran into a bad doctor, no reason to think they are all useless. And his miracle???? Let me tell you what he did............. i want you to google this.........Gerson therapy. You can go as deep into the rabbit hole as you like but the short of it is that they cure people everyday through a natural therapy. Cancer, diabetes, you name it. Dont be so close minded, just cause the doctor doesnt perscribe it doesnt mean it wont work. I can tell you first hand it works......
Wed, 01/20/10 - 03:26
@Getupandkill try asking some canadians if they would want their kids with the system they have. they prob will say no. i'd gladly give my kids the coverage and system i have in the u.s, you're not worth argument because i have experienced the shit system of canada first hand. was pathetic. and i have my real life experience first hand to argue with non-virtual people. get a good system please.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 03:43
oh and, get a good military to support, so your tax payer money just doesn't go to healthcare, a garbage one.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 04:02
Lesnar is an ass licker. Even when he's swigging Coors while laying on his wife, he's licking hairy man ass. P.S. Canadian here too. Boo-Ya!
Wed, 01/20/10 - 04:21
The Brock does have a almost magical glow to him. He emits light. Ya kinda need sunglasses to look right at him.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 05:52
I will be pissed if I have to watch another Lesnar-Mir fight.
Wed, 01/20/10 - 09:04
Did Lesner say it was his high protein diet? hmmm, well I guess if that is what works for you Brock. I am sure enough of your gay faggot fans will provide you with enough manjuice to keep you going.
Thu, 01/21/10 - 04:35
well for a start Goog frank mir has worked his way back up to the top of the heavyweight division. by beating two of the top contenders in a row. check Kongo, and big nog. and i believe that frank mir is really in with a chance on getting hes revenge on the heavyweight champion Brock lesner and retaining wat is rightfully his. :)
Thu, 01/21/10 - 06:47
Miracle? More like he was healed by a sudden surge of awesome from his penis sword tattoo. Iron Man has his thingy in his chest. The Juggernaut has some goofy crystal. Brock Lesnar has a cock knife on his chest.
Thu, 01/21/10 - 01:05
frank mir held a telethon in non-english speaking countries under the pretence of saving acres of rainforest from slash and burning. when tabulations were complete he took the money collected and retreated back to the us where he went from corner to corner rolling every lemonade stand in the state of idaho, becuase i mean who really keeps track of idaho. while evading idaho state troopers he picked up brock lesnar and took him and the money to the same doctor that got rid of magic johnsons AIDS. he pleaded for him to accept the money in exchange to cure a still hospital gown adorned brock. after much convincing and a little science brock lesnar rose from his condition, cured, to uncontrolably hang cling the bed he was laying on. frank mir returned happily home and fell fast asleep clutching his stuffed royce gracie doll knowing he would have a chance to redeem hisself.
Sat, 01/23/10 - 12:17
How ironic... Jack links caused his illness !
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