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Brockwatch: Lesnar Is A Medical Miracle, Will Return This Summer


(Nice try diverticulosis, but no dice.)

Canadian socialized medicine may have tried to kill Brock Lesnar or at least end his career, but after an agonizing few weeks the big man "healed [him]self" and will return this summer to face the winner of the Shane Carwin-Frank Mir fight.  This is what we learned during Lesnar’s appearance on "Sportscenter" today. 

Sitting beside Dana White and wearing a t-shirt laden with all the usual sponsors (Fusion Ammo, Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches, etc.), Lesnar explained the entirety of his long medical odyssey from an early misdiagnosis to a collapse in Canada that left him at the mercy of lousy Canuck doctors, to his return to the U.S. where good old American doctors prepared to put him under the knife to fix his diverticulosis, which would have cursed him with a colostomy bag and ended his career.  But, after laying for days on end in the hospital and losing forty pounds, he went to get a second opinion, which also called for surgery. 

Lesnar went home, returned to the gym and put some weight back on, and when he came back to the hospital on January 5 it was, "a miracle; they were dumbfounded.  They couldn’t find any signs of any problems in my stomach."


So there it is, the amazing recovery of Brock Lesnar, thanks to the power of positive thinking, a change in diet, and, according to Dana White, "some holistic stuff."  No thanks at all to the Canadians.

Of course DW did not miss a chance to plug UFC 111 in March, saying that Lesnar is still the UFC heavyweight champ ("Let’s be clear about that," added Brock) and will face the winner of Carwin-Mir.  However, if anything should "happen" to the winner of that bout, then Lesnar will take on the victor in the UFC 110 bout between Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Cain Velasquez.  Basically, whoever is left standing in the heavyweight division with a win in their last fight, they get a shot at Lesnar’s title.

At least the champ will be coming back, and not relegated to sitting on the couch with a colostomy bag stuck to his hip, watching hunting shows on satellite TV for the rest of his life.  It’s a miracle.

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Lonny- January 23, 2010 at 12:17 pm
How ironic... Jack links caused his illness !
capmcrook18- January 21, 2010 at 1:05 pm
frank mir held a telethon in non-english speaking countries under the pretence of saving acres of rainforest from slash and burning. when tabulations were complete he took the money collected and retreated back to the us where he went from corner to corner rolling every lemonade stand in the state of idaho, becuase i mean who really keeps track of idaho. while evading idaho state troopers he picked up brock lesnar and took him and the money to the same doctor that got rid of magic johnsons AIDS. he pleaded for him to accept the money in exchange to cure a still hospital gown adorned brock. after much convincing and a little science brock lesnar rose from his condition, cured, to uncontrolably hang cling the bed he was laying on. frank mir returned happily home and fell fast asleep clutching his stuffed royce gracie doll knowing he would have a chance to redeem hisself.
Robocop Didnt Tap- January 21, 2010 at 6:47 am
Miracle? More like he was healed by a sudden surge of awesome from his penis sword tattoo. Iron Man has his thingy in his chest. The Juggernaut has some goofy crystal. Brock Lesnar has a cock knife on his chest.
Under Banga- January 21, 2010 at 4:35 am
well for a start Goog frank mir has worked his way back up to the top of the heavyweight division. by beating two of the top contenders in a row. check Kongo, and big nog. and i believe that frank mir is really in with a chance on getting hes revenge on the heavyweight champion Brock lesner and retaining wat is rightfully his. :)
UFC fan- January 20, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Did Lesner say it was his high protein diet?
hmmm, well I guess if that is what works for you Brock.
I am sure enough of your gay faggot fans will provide you with enough manjuice to keep you going.
Stash- January 20, 2010 at 5:52 pm
I will be pissed if I have to watch another Lesnar-Mir fight.
robthom- January 20, 2010 at 4:21 pm
The Brock does have a almost magical glow to him.

He emits light.

Ya kinda need sunglasses to look right at him.
VadersAsthmaMeds- January 20, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Lesnar is an ass licker. Even when he's swigging Coors while laying on his wife, he's licking hairy man ass.
P.S. Canadian here too. Boo-Ya!
Emopinata- January 20, 2010 at 3:43 pm
oh and, get a good military to support, so your tax payer money just doesn't go to healthcare, a garbage one.
Emopinata- January 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm
@Getupandkill
try asking some canadians if they would want their kids with the system they have.
they prob will say no.
i'd gladly give my kids the coverage and system i have in the u.s,
you're not worth argument because i have experienced the shit system of canada first hand.
was pathetic.
and i have my real life experience first hand to argue with non-virtual people.
get a good system please.
SavageHenry- January 20, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Hey fellas, the Canadian health care system isnt as bad as he makes it sound. He ran into a bad doctor, no reason to think they are all useless. And his miracle???? Let me tell you what he did.............

i want you to google this.........Gerson therapy.

You can go as deep into the rabbit hole as you like but the short of it is that they cure people everyday through a natural therapy. Cancer, diabetes, you name it. Dont be so close minded, just cause the doctor doesnt perscribe it doesnt mean it wont work. I can tell you first hand it works......
Chinstroker- January 20, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Some holistic stuff = Boldenone
Kimbos Bread- January 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Canadian here.


And ReX just lost a whole lot of love from me....

j/k

(no I'm not) lol

ReX13- January 20, 2010 at 12:50 pm
For the sake of clarity, i am in fact from the US. Even worse, from the SOUTH.

But hey, it could be worse, i could be from Boston.
Sneaky Pete- January 20, 2010 at 12:39 pm
ReX13, even if you're not an American, you manage to be one in spirit. Lesnar and his colon would be proud. Cheers mate.
ReX13- January 20, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Wait, is every person i enjoy having discussions with a flappy-headed, beady-eyed canadian?????


Armfarmer, where are you from?

Even on the damn internet, all the a-holes are Americans....

EDIT HA! At least the website authors are US nationals.
Sneaky Pete- January 20, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Can I just add that diverticulosis had a horse shoe up its ass in its first go around with Lesnar? A friggin' Horse shoe!!!

Oh, and that's what you get for drinking Coors, Brock.


Brock, I'm glad you're slated to come back. You bring much more to the sport that you detract from it. And as much as I want to see you get beat, I want it to be at your best. Best of luck.
GetUpAndKill- January 20, 2010 at 12:11 pm
@ Get Off Me

Fair enough, no doubt there are horror stories at every level of healthcare....and I do agree on your last sentence. Physio type stuff is not exactly up to snuff.
Hulk Smash- January 20, 2010 at 12:07 pm
this is not a goddamn discussion on the merits of the canadian helath care system. whatever anybody has to say, it's fucking good because it won't put you in the poorhouse (i'm a 613er). case closed.

it's about whether lesnar can maintain or not. i say not. it's all about carwin and mir. if carwin wins against mir, then i fully expect a clash of the titans when he meets lesnar and pulls 6 feet of intestine out of his a-hole. if mir beats carwin, then it looks like his weight and muscle gain will combine with his superior ground game and he'll take lesnar. all the hammer fists in the world won't help lesnar then.

and goog - chill the fuck out.
Get Off Me- January 20, 2010 at 12:00 pm
@GetUpAndKill
Bang on with the big cities and yes I am well aware of Triage, spent 10 hours in a waiting room with an abcess the size of a basball on my inner thigh(all beacause I told them my pain was at a level of 8 on 10....lol I learned my lesson there).
No way would I change our system for another, but it is "poor" in the areas I reffered to i.e MRI's, don't get me wrong I could have one done in a week for $700.00, that's what I ended up doing in my case. The surgery afterwards had me waiting another 4 months and there was nothing I could do(again triage like mentality, old before young for surgery). What I am saying is that if you are not in BIG trouble, you're good, if you're in BIG trouble, I would not qualify repairing a torn ligament within a calendar year terrible good(from your first visit to being released after surgery).
whitey- January 20, 2010 at 11:51 am
move on to the next post, people.
KidDinomite- January 20, 2010 at 11:45 am
Brazil looks to have the best overall fighters in the world right now. I used to think Thailand had the best fighters but it seems like they're all Muay Thai fighters and as such, one-dimensional in their training. However, I would like to see a Thai or Dutch Muay Thai fighter compete in MMA like the guy who won the K-1 Max tournament, Petrosyan. That dude is super fast with his kicks, reminiscent of Bruce Lee. Badr Hari should also try and compete in MMA as well....
rpn452- January 20, 2010 at 11:43 am
I'm in Canada. I've had many x-rays and a couple of surgeries for injuries, and never had to wait for anything. X-rays have always been done within an hour. No experience with serious illness though.

I'm glad to hear Lesnar will return.
whitey- January 20, 2010 at 11:42 am
eh?
whitey- January 20, 2010 at 11:42 am
reminds me of a song from south park!

BLAME CANADA!!
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