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By the Way, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira Kicked Dave Herman’s Ass With a Broken Rib

(“You know what else doesn’t work on me? Left hooks to the fa-DAMN IT!” / Photo via Inovafoto)

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira is the oldest 36-year-old in the history of humanity. And while he came into his UFC 153 fight against Dave Herman as a more-than 2-1 favorite, he didn’t inspire much confidence at the weigh-ins, where he dragged his way up to the stage, shook Arianny Celeste‘s hand (perhaps mistaking her for Burt Watson?), used his brother to brace himself while taking off his wind pants, removed his shirt to reveal a noticeably soft midsection, then limped his way to the staredown.

As it turns out, there’s a reason why Big Nog may have looked even more decrepit than usual that weekend (via MMAConvert):

Former interim UFC heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira fought Dave Herman at UFC 153 with a fractured rib. Nogueira suffered the injury a week into training for the short notice bout with Herman in Brazil. “Fractured my rib three weeks ago on my right side,” said Nogueira, in an interview with SporTV. “I went to the doctor, took a local anesthetic to be able to train.”

With a redemptive armbar victory over a jackass in his home country — and after a two-year stretch that saw him undergo surgery on two knees, a hip, and an arm, not to mention countless smaller injuries including the aforementioned rib — you’d think this might be a good moment for Nogueira to step away from the sport like a hero, without risking any more long-lasting damage to his body. Obviously, that’s not happening, and Nogueira is asking for a top-ten opponent in his next appearance. Jesus, man, what’s it gonna take? Are you really going to keep fighting until your entire body looks like that hole in your back?

Our suggestion: Feed Nog #1 light-heavyweight contender Chael Sonnen, after Sonnen inevitably crashes and burns against Jon Jones. Unless Nogueira wants a top-ten heavyweight, in which case we got nothin’.

Cagepotato Comments

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Mr_Misanthropy- October 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm
No, he clearly beat him with an armbar. Blunt objects are not allowed in MMA.
dipsetkilla316- October 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Big nog says he was hurt after every fight win or loss
mma4ever- October 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm
What the fuck ? Scientific law? Guilty dog ? Babbles? What kind of horse shit is this ? Yup drano kills again
mma4ever- October 22, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Unn huh. Enjoy your sword fight with sho
Buster Hyman- October 22, 2012 at 11:59 am
Instead of shaking her Hand next time big nog should just slop peanut butter in that hole in his back and let arianny do what she does best
Sho Nuff- October 22, 2012 at 11:48 am
You know, drano, it's pretty much scientific law that the more homophobic someone behaves the more likely it is that they regularly enjoy a penis parade.
dranokills- October 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm
you know sho puff it's pretty much scientific law that "guilty dog barks first". Not that there is anything wrong with that, if you want to be a rump ranger that is cool. you and mmagay4eva will live happily ever after. thanks for your 1 cent worth. oh and look mmagay is already talking about sword swallowing or never know he just babbles .
dranokills- October 22, 2012 at 11:06 am
glad you know your name queer4eva. and Me making fun of your stupid gay talk makes me gay..mmhmmmm yeah ok right, sure whatever you want to fantasize about, ya dumb fucktard.
EAT A BAG-O-DICKS! ....and there ya go.
Alan K- October 22, 2012 at 9:18 am
Have him fight Struve next.
mma4ever- October 22, 2012 at 9:04 am
Just curios. Is durr durr whatever epilepsy
mma4ever- October 22, 2012 at 8:55 am
What do u think im pretending to know ? I do know that getting to you must not be that hard but being on the rag does not exuse u for being increaseingly anoying remember drano u being gay ain't ur personal choice u were born that way so be ok with it and have a dick ta ta ta for now d
Sho Nuff- October 22, 2012 at 8:47 am
Making excuses for what dumbass? Winning?
2DaDeath- October 22, 2012 at 8:54 am
2DaDeath- October 22, 2012 at 8:31 am
Dude is always making excuses!
Sho Nuff- October 22, 2012 at 8:20 am
I can think of a couple of top heavyweights - rematch him with Fabricio Werdum (who I am sure would love a shot to avenge his loss in Pride) or the loser of Carwin-Nelson. Big Country vs Big Nog would be a war, both men too stupid to get knocked out, Roy with an edge on his feet but no slouch on the ground, Nog with the jits edge, and no slouch on his feet.

As for retiring, fuck that, I'm selfish, if the man wants to fight, I want to watch him fight. WAR MINOTAURO!
dranokills- October 22, 2012 at 8:08 am
durr durr wheres mmaqueer4life at? I'm shocked hes not here pretending he knows something.
"durrr durr queer this or that, blah blah blah, I know for a fact Herman could beat nog cause I suck his dick, my new name is mmaballchinian4eva!!! you suckers better recognize...durr durrr...oh uh yeah Drano isn't cool, cause durrrrr I am cooler and I talk like a retard from the 90's"
LesnarsIntestine- October 22, 2012 at 7:23 am
"HAHA!! So fucked up.. That nook in his back is kinda creepy.. I would use it to bring weed on a plane if I was traveling overseas." -Nick Diaz
blunt.ed- October 22, 2012 at 7:08 am
U got nothin?

WarpedAcorn- October 22, 2012 at 7:07 am
I still believe that Dave was paid to take a dive in that fight. This news just adds more weight to that conspiracy theory, as is him not being released [yet] following his 3rd consecutive loss.
amsterdamheavy- October 22, 2012 at 7:06 am the fuck did he get cleared to fight like that?