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Cage Potato Ban: Offering to Fight For Free

(‘Rampage, I’m not saying that you’ve turned into a little Spencer Pratt-acting, Hollywood punk bitch. But your actions and your statements lately have been very Spencer Pratt, Hollywood punk bitch-esque.’)

It’s been a while since old CP had to lay the ban hammer down on something.  Ever since people stopped comparing Kimbo Slice to Mike Tyson, it just hasn’t seemed quite as necessary.  But when we read both Rashad Evans and “Rampage” Jackson insisting, on separate days and in separate venues, that they would fight one another for free, we felt that we had no choice.  It stops here, gentlemen.  No more offering to fight for free.  

Here’s why:

You won’t actually do it.  We all know this.  None of us really believes that ‘Page might literally go over to Evans’ house and fight him in the front yard, though that would be an awesomely contrived ending to an action movie.  But this is real life, and in real life even Jackson knows enough to realize how stupid it would be to fight for zero money.  That’s his job.  He risks injury and great bodily harm because there’s money in it.  

It’s the same with Evans, though at least he had the sense to qualify his remarks by saying he’d “almost” do it for free.  That’s like when you say you’re so hungry you’d almost eat at Applebee’s.  You won’t really go through with it.  Not unless there are no other options and the vending machine is all out of Cheez-Its.

You’re trying to make a point.  We get that.  But particularly in Jackson’s case, when you won’t fight a guy on an agreed upon date in your hometown, for a bunch of guaranteed money, why would we believe that you’ll fight the same guy for nothing?  

It’s not going to happen, so stop talking about.  Instead, come up with a new phrase that accurately conveys how much you want this fight.  Like, for instance, ‘I want to whip his ass so bad I’d turn down a movie role to do it.’

Cagepotato Comments

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Dr Garbo- September 25, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I see it now: Joe Rogan...Marriage counselor to the stars
Frank Mur- September 25, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Upon reading this post on Rampage and Rashad being equally affraid of each other, I came to the conclusion that Texas Roadhouse was the best bet, and sure enough, the Filet was devine.
WAR Texas Roadhouse
Ed M- September 25, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Rampage just posted up new stuff on his blog, and he said he'd meet Rashad at a gym and fight for free again. Let's see if the CP ban holds up.
kill it- September 25, 2009 at 4:29 pm
The only time I'd fight for free is in prison, and even then it would probably cost me my ass.
Ted Nutmeg- September 25, 2009 at 3:16 pm
My offer to fight Greg Kelly for free still stands.
Barc- September 25, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Does anyone else notice Joe Rogan's "Would you like some candy, little girl?" face?
Barc- September 25, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Hell no. You guys need to hit up a Beto's once in a while. It's greasier on the train out of town than when it showed up; but, damn. Open 24/7 and they don't care. They'll give you a de nada on your way out with your full pound burrito at 3 in the morning. What now Chili's? Bring your buddies Applebees and TGI Fridays. Beto's fine mexican food will be waiting... and P.S. They know a secret form of Judo that's not totally politically correct to speak about. Yeah, It's that secret.
The Truth- September 25, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Texas Roadhouse.....yessss

I also been crackheadin for Red Robin and Moes Grill.
NinJay- September 25, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I lol'd with the Applebees reference. It's funny because it's true. I will pick Chili's over Applebees every day of the week. They might actually make the food the exact same way, microwave, but Chili's taste better for some reason. Plus the large Hefeweizen's they have on tap make my mouth water.


I never order a steak unless I am going to a "steakhouse".....but since you say it's good perhaps I will give it a shot. Texas Roadhouse is where it's at for a good steak.
WarpedAcorn- September 25, 2009 at 12:01 pm
What is the difference between Applebees, Chili's, and TGI-Fridays? Is it just the flair? Its the same damn menu.
NateGetsIrate- September 25, 2009 at 11:50 am
Olive Garden is for pussies? lol!

Good thing i'm a Chili's guy, since our manliness is apparently now based on what restaurant chain we frequent. Their steak is the bomb-dizzle, by the way.
Goat- September 25, 2009 at 11:37 am
Applebee's is the best low budget restaurant in America.

Here's the math, ladies:

Happy Hour + 3 Friends + 3 Long Islands + 3 Appetizers = a ton of decent food and drink for less than 6 bucks a player.

You can't even get a fucking Jack in the Box combo meal for that much.

So shut the hell up CP, and continue to eat at your pussy, over-priced Olive Garden.
knucklesamitch- September 25, 2009 at 11:27 am
I'm a veteran! And a diabetic! Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!
WarpedAcorn- September 25, 2009 at 11:18 am
Applebee's food is strangely better as leftovers the next day after being microwaved, which is odd because that is how they are initially prepared. It doesn't make sense, but neither do Rampage's decisions.
J-Dog- September 25, 2009 at 11:10 am
What's wrong with Applebee's? Their 'brewtus' beers are cold and tall... September 25, 2009 at 11:07 am
Cheez-Its... yummmmm...
Joedirt- September 25, 2009 at 11:07 am
Probably make more in a movie role than fighting for the next 2 years. I don't blame him.
Fedor vs. Bas- September 25, 2009 at 10:57 am
I think Rampage should say, "I ALMOST want to whip his ass so bad I’d turn down a movie role to do it. . . ALMOST"
EDoggFunkMonk- September 25, 2009 at 10:53 am
Rocky 5 ended in a street fight. Why can't The Ultimate Fighter? Kimbo trains Rampage and Rashad on the art of street fighting and then it airs live on Spike... Did I just give away the season finale? Sorry, Dana.
Smitty- September 25, 2009 at 10:47 am
Yeah CP, way to play both sides of the argument, and trick dumb ass readers (^) into thinking you're as negative about certain fighters as they are.
"You won’t actually do it. We all know this."
ksgbobo- September 25, 2009 at 10:44 am
lol...I like the Applebee's comment...they sure do suck!
Viva Hate- September 25, 2009 at 10:35 am
CP thank you for the most brilliant display of writing ever seen on the internets! Great call out, I stand and applaud you sir.

However, if they do somehow end up fighting for free in a front yard, I bet you will feel like a silly goose huh.