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Cage Potato Ban: Talking Us Through The Replay


(‘I am waaaaay too high for this bullshit right now.’)

It is inevitably the most uncomfortable, unproductive moment of any UFC broadcast. It’s more worthless than the extended video game/shitty action movie promos. More worthless even than the closeups on celebrities in the crowd, which at least has the virtue of Shaquille O’Neal’s childlike exuberance for the sport and Mandy Moore’s impressive cycle of facial expressions (wholesome, enthusiastic, coquetteish — all in a few seconds!).

The most cringeworthy moment of any UFC pay-per-view comes when we hear those magic words from Joe Rogan: “Talk us through the (insert name of alcoholic beverage sponsor) replay.”

Please, someone tell me when this has ever yielded any commentary worth hearing. It’s not that fighters don’t have anything interesting to say. It’s just that they usually don’t have anything interesting to say right then. They’re out of breath, riding high on adrenaline, and already thinking about the after-party. What do you want them to say?

 

At best, we can hope for a faithful narration of what we’re already seeing. As we watch a slow motion replay of a big right hand landing, the fighter tells us that this was the point in the fight where he landed the right hand. Then again, maybe he’ll get confused and think it’s a clip from a different point in the fight. Maybe he’ll just watch without saying anything and every second of dead air feels like an eternity. Maybe he’ll get so pumped watching his own knockout that he’ll just scream ‘Wooo!’

Almost never does it result in some valuable insight, is my point. And if it doesn’t work well with even the most articulate of fighters (and it doesn’t), why would you even attempt it when interviewing a non-native English speaker?

It’s awkward enough to interview someone when his friend/training partner serves as translator and has only a passing interest in relating every word that’s said. He’d rather just give us the gist of the statement, which is why a Brazilian can talk for two minutes straight and the translation comes out sounding like: “He is happy. He thanks UFC. He wants many courageous fights.”

This doesn’t add anything significant to the broadcast, so why draw it out by trying to get him to explain what he sees on a giant screen? I realize there is a need to work this sponsor ploy into the show. I get that. But isn’t there some other way that doesn’t involve forcing the fighters to stand there uncomfortably while we look at it? Couldn’t Rogan and Goldberg talk us through the replay? They could mention the sponsor as much as they want, plus the fighter gets to retain a little dignity.

I appreciate the ways that the UFC has streamlined their broadcast in many ways. But this is one post-fight tradition that needs to go. If Yoshiyuki Yoshida‘s experience with it at UFC 84 didn’t prove that beyond all doubt, then I can’t imagine what it will take.

It’s not Rogan’s fault (something tells me he probably hates it more than any of us). It’s not a failure on the fighters’ part. Really, no one’s to blame except those who keep the practice in use. It’s just a bad idea. Let’s stop it. Forever. Thank you.

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Joe Rogan sucks- May 26, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Joe Rogan loves the cock.
Pun- May 26, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Way to steal a quote Tpark. Good Job!
Tpark- May 26, 2008 at 7:40 am
It looks like the tattoo artist just puked all over his arm and just decided "Hmmm that shit doesnt look half bad when im drunk"
Rear Naked Anal- May 26, 2008 at 7:04 am
You beautiful cum bubbles did it! I was going to make a point of bringing this topic up today to you Potatoes but godddamn it, you done did it already. You would think that after at least 97% (science) of those replay walk throughs failed violently, that maybe somethibg would have changed. I would be interested to know if Rogaine ever brought it up during a meeting. He doesn't seem ignorant enough to think that this feature has any upside. Also, any time I am granted a reprieve from Joe's irritating voice is a supernice. I will now submit this comment via arm bar.
LISTEN WEBSITE GUY....- May 26, 2008 at 5:08 am
Why do you fuckin nit pick everything about all these MMA orgs? Every little gay article you type has some hate, bitch ass complaint, or other bullshit. Don't bitch so much man, even though it is your time of the month, lay the fuck off with the whining.
Steve-O- May 26, 2008 at 12:13 am
I totally agree, I've always hated the talk-us-through bit as well...but there are a few who seem to do it well (i.e. - nate quarry when he wins and tyson griffin was surprisingly accurate), so I think they should keep that segment, just don't ask them to talk us through.

if joe simply says take a look at our fucking replay, that gives them the opportunity to react if they feel the need to, if not, we're still watching something cool and maybe getting some funny reactions out of them, but the ones who like to talk still have the opportunity to run with it
Popetastic- May 25, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I think they need to work on asking better questions. Saying "tell me your thoughts on the fight," and sticking a microphone in their faces is almost pointless.

The "talk me through the Mickey's, Bud-light, Chuck-E-Cheese, Town Fair Tire, Ex-Lax replay" bit is horrible. Even if a foreign fighters gives a pointed and compelling account of the action on the replay, we'll never know about it--unless the translator fills us in after the replay is over.

I've been scratching my head over this one for quite some time. I will say this, though. It's not quite as awkward as the old Larry Merchant post-fight interviews. You know, the ones where he'd ask the loser how it felt to be socked around like a little girl ?
ss- May 25, 2008 at 11:02 pm
lol, yoshida's comments were sporadically funny. i listened in on dh kim as well - horrible translation - in fact, what kim said wasn't at all what the translator was saying either.
shutupandfight- May 25, 2008 at 9:05 pm
outstanding caption!
The Bloc- May 25, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I gotta agree the fight replay often turn out to be more awkward than a BJ kiss on a Hughes lips, but i think what joe is tryin to do is get them to talk about their strategy and if it went well or not... like you said at that point they cant really think straight... you gotta love when they call out other fighters for their next fights though.
Rob Enderle- May 25, 2008 at 5:39 pm
>Man Joe Rogan looks ripped there,

I know, I know... youre just imagining how his big ripped dick would feel, right?
hahaha- May 25, 2008 at 5:18 pm
nothing wrong with letting the fighters have a chance on the mic after a fight..if they jus talked it'd be way better though.

Man Joe Rogan looks ripped there, I guess that's what jiu-Jitsu with eddie bravo does to you..not to mention all that freakin tai kwon do bs..
Boneman- May 25, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Gee...I wonder If Joe uses the same Pharmacist as Sherk...?

Wanna bet $100.00 he does...?
mma pro- May 25, 2008 at 4:09 pm
then again it is cool sometimes to see the fighters react to seeing a sick sub or a hard ko for the first time.
Chazzik- May 25, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Nate Quarry had me laughing after the Kalib Starns fight. If it wasn't for that post fight interview, the fight would easily be forgotten in a few months.
BIG CHRIS- May 25, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Keep the post fight interveiw and lose the fighter talking us through the replay....I agree 100%. especially if the guy don't speak english....now on to other things, are they going to fire Kpoenfaggot today or let him have a nice memorial day then fire him...please let me know when he signs his walking papers cause I hate that fool!!
hellz ya- May 25, 2008 at 1:04 pm
The only fighters that I like to listen to after the fight is Rampage and Forrest because there both funny with it everyone else is just brutal.
Jeff- May 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Sounds good. Let's get rid of Joe too while we're at it. I hope he isn't elusive.
ksgbobo- May 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm
While I do enjoy the post fight interview, it is always awkward to listen to them talk about the fight and what happened. Like you said they are all pumped up, and it is worse when you have someone who doesnt speak english and needs a translator, just makes it that much worse.
Sam- May 25, 2008 at 12:33 pm
See Brandon Vera v. Justin Eilers. Twas hilarious then... but yes only then.

Yoshida's was pretty hilarious as well, "talk us through the action... or not"
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