Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next? Presents: The 2012 Potato Awards

The Krazy Horse Bennett Arrest of the Year Award: Jon Jones Slams His Reputation Into a Telephone Pole (5/19/12)

Already reviled as a phony by some MMA fans, Jon “Bones” Jones completely demolished his good-guy image with an early-morning Bentley-powered DUI in a car packed with female student-athletes — and it wasn’t the first time he endangered public safety while behind the wheel. If someone like Clay Guida or Cowboy Cerrone merged into a streetlight after a long night of partying, we’d quickly dismiss it as party boys needing to party. For the pious, Philippians-tatted light-heavyweight champ, it was just more ammo for his growing legion of haters, who never quite bought into his philosophical Man of God persona in the first place.

After he pled guilty, every flaw in Jones’s character became magnified, seized on by MMA fans like buzzards on rotten gazelle meat. Suddenly, Jones was an egomaniac with a Christ complex, not to mention a total pussy. But that May car accident was the true turning point in Jones’s relationship with the fans. He’s officially a heel now, and every night, thousands of disgruntled UFC fans pray to their Chuck Liddell shrines that Bones gets taken down a peg. No luck on that one, so far.  - Ben Goldstein

Honorable mentions: Arianny Celeste for her drunken limousine-to-hotel-room brawl with an ex-boyfriend (“I be going crayyyy ha hey bay bayyy), and Houston Alexander for defeating his cybersexing son in an unsanctioned boxing match.

Worst Event of the Year: UFC 149: Faber vs. Barao (7/21/12)

Ladies and gentlemen of, I submit to you that no matter how you look at it, UFC 149 was — hands down — the absolute worst event of 2012. For the handful of those reading this who have watched UFC 149 yet still aren’t convinced, consider the following:

It wasn’t free. Sure, Bellator had some forgettable cards scattered throughout the year, and UFC on FOX 2 was pretty garbage-ass, but at least we didn’t have to pay to watch those events.

The total lack of relevant names. Save for the main event between Urijah Faber and Renan Barao and the Lombard/Boetsch fight, there were no fighters on this card worth paying to watch. Granted, that doesn’t mean that the fights will necessarily be terrible…

The fights were indefensibly terrible. …but in this case, yeah, the fights were fucking craptacular. Regardless of whether you preferred to watch good strikers, good grapplers, equal parts of both — essentially, if you don’t like watching three rounds of wall-and-stall with minimal attempts at anything resembling offense, your feelings were badly hurt by three of the five main card fights. The other two fights didn’t deserve boos, but weren’t exactly Henderson vs. Rua, either.

Literally everyone who watched it agrees. And I mean everyone. Including Dana White.

In conclusion, I am correct, those of you who disagree with me are not, and can kindly rot in hell. Thank you. - Seth Falvo

Dishonorable Mentions: UFC on FOX 2, UFC 147, UFC on FX 4, ProElite 3: Grove vs. Minowa

Worst Fight of the Year: Cheick Kongo vs. Shawn Jordan @, you guessed it, UFC 149 (7/21/12)

(Photo via Esther Lin,

Many fans would have rather paid to sit in an empty arena for UFC 151 than to watch the worst fight of the worst card of the year. No, I’m not talking about Clay Guida vs. Gray Maynard (although that was a close second). The majority of the so called “fight” was spent demonstrating the proper technique for hugging your opponent to death. There was more action at my grandpa’s funeral that there was between “Cup-check” and “Not to be confused with Michael” Jordan. I’d suggest you go back and watch if you don’t believe me, but I just don’t think I could handle being responsible for the death of so many innocent bystanders. - Jason Moles

Best Fight of the Year: Joe Lauzon vs. Jamie Varner @ UFC on FOX 4 (8/4/12)

(Photo via Gary A. Vasquez, US Presswire)

2012 may not have brought us the zombie apocalypse or the end of humanity as we know it, but what it lacked in doomsday events it more than made up for in crowd-pleasing brutality in the cage. Neither Joe Lauzon nor Jamie Varner ever took their foot off the pedal during their meeting at UFC on FOX 4, opting instead to play Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots for the audience that night. Fans were treated to brilliant exchanges between the two lightweight warriors, and a few narrow escapes after each man was dropped during the bout. The final act was just as spectacular as the preceding scenes, as evidenced by the dramatic (and eerily similar to pro wrestling) finish. Varner speared Lauzon, sending him flying across the cage, and smashed him against the canvas only to be caught in a lethal triangle, giving J-Lau not only the W, but the Submission of the Night bonus as well. - Jason Moles

Honorable mentions: Jim Miller vs. Joe Lauzon @ UFC 155, Chan Sung Jung vs. Dustin Poirier @ UFC on FUEL TV 3, Jon Fitch vs. Erick Silva @ UFC 153

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Cagepotato Comments

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Spaceman- January 2, 2013 at 5:42 pm
2013 prediction...Ryan Jimmo gets destroyed by any Top 10 fighter.
XENOPHON- January 1, 2013 at 1:50 pm
@ Clyde - Hah, I think Chael is practicing for he rubber guard just in case his ass crosses paths with Anderson Silva one last time.
XENOPHON- January 1, 2013 at 1:47 pm
@ SethF - Yeah, here too CP. Eskimo Kisses for all. GRIN

You could say I was in the north-forties - day and night keeping the zombies in check for quite a while. Reveille was at 03:00 (3 a.m.), not hitting the rack until taps at 23:00 (11 p.m.) every fucking day.

Sadly, the geography and terrain was not conducive to any fruitful strain of potatoes. The one's who were nearest me, have for now been caged by the house of ill repute they sprang from and ultimately caged by their own doing.
crappiefloper- January 1, 2013 at 11:26 am
Just woke up next to dancing mom and capt dickswing...I really need a shower
SethF- January 1, 2013 at 11:14 am
@XENOPHON & @FightZen

First, welcome back, XENO. Second, you're both welcome.
Clyde- January 1, 2013 at 10:33 am

Looks like Chael has his sights set on submission of the year. Not sure if it counts when it's on yourself...
XENOPHON- January 1, 2013 at 7:35 am
SethF... Tatanka, really? Don't feel bad FightZen, I found myself in the same trap just a few minutes ago. Fucking Seth! GRIN

The Best 2012 Year Award goes to Nathan Smith. Why you ask? Greenskeeper - Lotion. BIG GRIN

"It rubs the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again!" Well in fairness Jared Jones must get some of the credit for this find too.

Which one of you crazy fucks grew up listening to Barret Eugene Hansen (aka. Dr. Demento?)
FightZen- December 31, 2012 at 9:43 pm
I just spent my New Year's eve reading about Tatanka. Fuck you guys.
fatbellyfrank- December 31, 2012 at 8:02 pm
The drunken mom caused millions of boners instantaneously!!!
Pardon me gents, coming from a man who would tap Kim Winslow in a heartbeat drunken mom was nothin special
Deadpanda- December 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm
This list needs more Steve Mazzagatti stash.
Mr_Misanthropy- December 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm
"CagePotato’s crackpipe team of writers spent all morning cutting and pasting old articles in 27 different categories, which we've haphazardly vomited in no conceivable order."

There, I fixed it. No no, thank you.

PS- You forgot "New Female Up and Cummers 6".
PPS- Post more links to Edith's tits.
Mr_Misanthropy- December 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I thought it was entertaining but I just couldn't resist...
crappiefloper- December 31, 2012 at 3:23 pm
LOL! Done and DONE! Also included a," get back to me if you identify yourself or relative in video"'clause. I honestly give it about 15 more min before I hear from someone
boober- December 31, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Am I the only one who really enjoyed the Guida/Maynard fight?
crappiefloper- December 31, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Fuck me dude I clicked on the dickswing link. I feel like i need a televised beheading video for a palet cleanser.
The12ozCurls- December 31, 2012 at 3:11 pm
I warned you.
I even included a long-winded disclaimer just in case. But still, you and I both know that you are going to forward that link to most of your friends and all of your enemies.
crappiefloper- December 31, 2012 at 2:23 pm
CP has a lobby? By,"lobby" I can only assume you refer to whichever of yours grandmothers basement this thing is run out of.
peacexxl- December 31, 2012 at 12:29 pm
FUCK YOU CP!!! No matter how many times you say it it will never be true. There is no concensus among anyone who knows anything about MMA that FE won the 2nd fight. Yes it was close,much closer than the first one,but Henderson still won. You need to take Edgar's balls out of your mouth long enought to give Bendo his due.
El Guapo- December 31, 2012 at 11:45 am
Nog Dog shivers while he shits... FTW!!
Fried Taco- December 31, 2012 at 10:49 am
Tawny makes me brawny.
Mr_Misanthropy- December 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm
You mean you need Brawny paper towels?
Sho Nuff- December 31, 2012 at 10:09 am
"For the record, though I have written things for CagePotato that have been more newsworthy, more topical and even more thought-provoking"... Really? When is CP going to publish those? Bazinga!
The12ozCurls- December 31, 2012 at 10:34 am
They are linked asshole - LOL!
BTW, that was freaking hilarious.