Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next? Presents: The 2012 Potato Awards

MMA Fail of the Year: Dude Dares His Opponent to Knock Him Out, Is Kindly Obliged

I want you to think of the most common criticism of mixed martial arts as a sport that doesn’t involve gay sex references. Regardless of what you thought of — be it that MMA fighters aren’t real athletes, a boxer/kickboxer/Shaolin monk/etc. would destroy an MMA fighter in a real fight, that MMA fighters can’t take a punch or that MMA fighters are a bunch of idiotic, meathead frat boys — this supports that criticism. In fact, this clip did more to make us look bad this year than every season of The Ultimate Fighter, every domestic violence case, every tribal tattoo, painted fingernail, Affliction t-shirt and fluorescent mohawk combined. - Seth Falvo

Dishonorable mentions: The amateur that Nick Diazed before getting KTFO, the tubby bro who thought a sloppy backfist would defeat a halfway smart guy with muscles and skills, the guy who knocked himself out by missing a flying kick, James Irvin proving he’s not quite XARM material, pretty much everything Ken Shamrock did this year(Yes, again).

Catchphrase of the Year: “Let Me Bang, Bro”

In 100 years, whenever there’s a schoolyard tussle that some do-gooder is trying to break up, the phrase “Let me bang, bro” will most certainly be heard and understood by all parties present. They will not know the origins, just as we don’t for the vast majority of phrases we spit out daily, but that’s the beauty of a great phrase — it lives on while the loser who immortalized it is cruelly forgotten by history. And in Julian Lane’s case, that’s a very good thing. - Anthony Gannon

Honorable mention: dicknailed

The Steve Nelmark Memorial “Is He Dead?” Award: Strikeforce’s Long, Slow Demise

We’ve seen dozens of candidates for this award get absolutely dicknailed this year, but only one of them has been abused so badly and so often throughout 2012 to truly deserve this award: Strikeforce. Yes, Scott Coker’s darling angel and Dana White’s bastard stepchild has seen its best cards get overshadowed by the lack of direction for the promotion, its not-so-hot cards get cancelled entirely, its best fighters shipped off to the UFC and injury/apathy keeping the few fighters Strikeforce still has worth watching out of action. A lot of fighters this year made us wonder if they were still alive after being on the receiving end of a vicious knockout. Strikeforce made us hope that someone would mercifully put it out of its misery. - Seth Falvo

Honorable Mention: Paulo Thiago, whose devastating loss to Siyar Bahadurzada @ UFC on FUEL 2 inspired the usage of “dicknailed” in the first place.

Best Female Newcomer: Jessica Cambensy

The “UFC Macao” Octagon Girl proved that as awful and genocidal as the Spanish Empire was, they did make one significant contribution to the human race when they force-fed their ‘pure’ blood with that of the savage indigenous folks who inhabited the Philippines. The result: smokin’ hot babes like Jessica, who possess not only that sexy Asianness, but the larger European bust that the good Lord did not see fit to bestow upon the women of the Orient. - Anthony Gannon

Honorable mentions: Shannon Ihrke (gorgeous from any angle!), Nicole MejiaBelle Rodriguez, Kat Kelley, Kahili Blundell, Katie DeLuca, Kendra Schnell, Donna Lazarescu, Paizly Contreras, Natalie Lawrence

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Spaceman- January 2, 2013 at 5:42 pm
2013 prediction...Ryan Jimmo gets destroyed by any Top 10 fighter.
XENOPHON- January 1, 2013 at 1:50 pm
@ Clyde - Hah, I think Chael is practicing for he rubber guard just in case his ass crosses paths with Anderson Silva one last time.
XENOPHON- January 1, 2013 at 1:47 pm
@ SethF - Yeah, here too CP. Eskimo Kisses for all. GRIN

You could say I was in the north-forties - day and night keeping the zombies in check for quite a while. Reveille was at 03:00 (3 a.m.), not hitting the rack until taps at 23:00 (11 p.m.) every fucking day.

Sadly, the geography and terrain was not conducive to any fruitful strain of potatoes. The one's who were nearest me, have for now been caged by the house of ill repute they sprang from and ultimately caged by their own doing.
crappiefloper- January 1, 2013 at 11:26 am
Just woke up next to dancing mom and capt dickswing...I really need a shower
SethF- January 1, 2013 at 11:14 am
@XENOPHON & @FightZen

First, welcome back, XENO. Second, you're both welcome.
Clyde- January 1, 2013 at 10:33 am

Looks like Chael has his sights set on submission of the year. Not sure if it counts when it's on yourself...
XENOPHON- January 1, 2013 at 7:35 am
SethF... Tatanka, really? Don't feel bad FightZen, I found myself in the same trap just a few minutes ago. Fucking Seth! GRIN

The Best 2012 Year Award goes to Nathan Smith. Why you ask? Greenskeeper - Lotion. BIG GRIN

"It rubs the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again!" Well in fairness Jared Jones must get some of the credit for this find too.

Which one of you crazy fucks grew up listening to Barret Eugene Hansen (aka. Dr. Demento?)
FightZen- December 31, 2012 at 9:43 pm
I just spent my New Year's eve reading about Tatanka. Fuck you guys.
fatbellyfrank- December 31, 2012 at 8:02 pm
The drunken mom caused millions of boners instantaneously!!!
Pardon me gents, coming from a man who would tap Kim Winslow in a heartbeat drunken mom was nothin special
Deadpanda- December 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm
This list needs more Steve Mazzagatti stash.
Mr_Misanthropy- December 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm
"CagePotato’s crackpipe team of writers spent all morning cutting and pasting old articles in 27 different categories, which we've haphazardly vomited in no conceivable order."

There, I fixed it. No no, thank you.

PS- You forgot "New Female Up and Cummers 6".
PPS- Post more links to Edith's tits.
Mr_Misanthropy- December 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I thought it was entertaining but I just couldn't resist...
crappiefloper- December 31, 2012 at 3:23 pm
LOL! Done and DONE! Also included a," get back to me if you identify yourself or relative in video"'clause. I honestly give it about 15 more min before I hear from someone
boober- December 31, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Am I the only one who really enjoyed the Guida/Maynard fight?
crappiefloper- December 31, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Fuck me dude I clicked on the dickswing link. I feel like i need a televised beheading video for a palet cleanser.
The12ozCurls- December 31, 2012 at 3:11 pm
I warned you.
I even included a long-winded disclaimer just in case. But still, you and I both know that you are going to forward that link to most of your friends and all of your enemies.
crappiefloper- December 31, 2012 at 2:23 pm
CP has a lobby? By,"lobby" I can only assume you refer to whichever of yours grandmothers basement this thing is run out of.
peacexxl- December 31, 2012 at 12:29 pm
FUCK YOU CP!!! No matter how many times you say it it will never be true. There is no concensus among anyone who knows anything about MMA that FE won the 2nd fight. Yes it was close,much closer than the first one,but Henderson still won. You need to take Edgar's balls out of your mouth long enought to give Bendo his due.
El Guapo- December 31, 2012 at 11:45 am
Nog Dog shivers while he shits... FTW!!
Fried Taco- December 31, 2012 at 10:49 am
Tawny makes me brawny.
Mr_Misanthropy- December 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm
You mean you need Brawny paper towels?
Sho Nuff- December 31, 2012 at 10:09 am
"For the record, though I have written things for CagePotato that have been more newsworthy, more topical and even more thought-provoking"... Really? When is CP going to publish those? Bazinga!
The12ozCurls- December 31, 2012 at 10:34 am
They are linked asshole - LOL!
BTW, that was freaking hilarious.