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CagePotato.com Presents: The 2012 Potato Awards

MMA Fail of the Year: Dude Dares His Opponent to Knock Him Out, Is Kindly Obliged

I want you to think of the most common criticism of mixed martial arts as a sport that doesn’t involve gay sex references. Regardless of what you thought of — be it that MMA fighters aren’t real athletes, a boxer/kickboxer/Shaolin monk/etc. would destroy an MMA fighter in a real fight, that MMA fighters can’t take a punch or that MMA fighters are a bunch of idiotic, meathead frat boys — this supports that criticism. In fact, this clip did more to make us look bad this year than every season of The Ultimate Fighter, every domestic violence case, every tribal tattoo, painted fingernail, Affliction t-shirt and fluorescent mohawk combined. - Seth Falvo

Dishonorable mentions: The amateur that Nick Diazed before getting KTFO, the tubby bro who thought a sloppy backfist would defeat a halfway smart guy with muscles and skills, the guy who knocked himself out by missing a flying kick, James Irvin proving he’s not quite XARM material, pretty much everything Ken Shamrock did this year(Yes, again).

Catchphrase of the Year: “Let Me Bang, Bro”

In 100 years, whenever there’s a schoolyard tussle that some do-gooder is trying to break up, the phrase “Let me bang, bro” will most certainly be heard and understood by all parties present. They will not know the origins, just as we don’t for the vast majority of phrases we spit out daily, but that’s the beauty of a great phrase — it lives on while the loser who immortalized it is cruelly forgotten by history. And in Julian Lane’s case, that’s a very good thing. - Anthony Gannon

Honorable mention: dicknailed

The Steve Nelmark Memorial “Is He Dead?” Award: Strikeforce’s Long, Slow Demise

We’ve seen dozens of candidates for this award get absolutely dicknailed this year, but only one of them has been abused so badly and so often throughout 2012 to truly deserve this award: Strikeforce. Yes, Scott Coker’s darling angel and Dana White’s bastard stepchild has seen its best cards get overshadowed by the lack of direction for the promotion, its not-so-hot cards get cancelled entirely, its best fighters shipped off to the UFC and injury/apathy keeping the few fighters Strikeforce still has worth watching out of action. A lot of fighters this year made us wonder if they were still alive after being on the receiving end of a vicious knockout. Strikeforce made us hope that someone would mercifully put it out of its misery. - Seth Falvo

Honorable Mention: Paulo Thiago, whose devastating loss to Siyar Bahadurzada @ UFC on FUEL 2 inspired the usage of “dicknailed” in the first place.

Best Female Newcomer: Jessica Cambensy

The “UFC Macao” Octagon Girl proved that as awful and genocidal as the Spanish Empire was, they did make one significant contribution to the human race when they force-fed their ‘pure’ blood with that of the savage indigenous folks who inhabited the Philippines. The result: smokin’ hot babes like Jessica, who possess not only that sexy Asianness, but the larger European bust that the good Lord did not see fit to bestow upon the women of the Orient. - Anthony Gannon

Honorable mentions: Shannon Ihrke (gorgeous from any angle!), Nicole MejiaBelle Rodriguez, Kat Kelley, Kahili Blundell, Katie DeLuca, Kendra Schnell, Donna Lazarescu, Paizly Contreras, Natalie Lawrence

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Comments

  1. Sho Nuff Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 10:09


    "For the record, though I have written things for CagePotato that have been more newsworthy, more topical and even more thought-provoking"... Really? When is CP going to publish those? Bazinga!
  2. The12ozCurls Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 10:34


    They are linked asshole - LOL! BTW, that was freaking hilarious.
  3. Fried Taco Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 10:49


    Tawny makes me brawny.
  4. El Guapo Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 11:45


    Nog Dog shivers while he shits... FTW!!
  5. peacexxl Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 12:29


    FUCK YOU CP!!! No matter how many times you say it it will never be true. There is no concensus among anyone who knows anything about MMA that FE won the 2nd fight. Yes it was close,much closer than the first one,but Henderson still won. You need to take Edgar's balls out of your mouth long enought to give Bendo his due.
  6. crappiefloper Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 02:23


    CP has a lobby? By,"lobby" I can only assume you refer to whichever of yours grandmothers basement this thing is run out of.
  7. crappiefloper Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:04


    Fuck me dude I clicked on the dickswing link. I feel like i need a televised beheading video for a palet cleanser.
  8. boober Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:05


    Am I the only one who really enjoyed the Guida/Maynard fight?
  9. The12ozCurls Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:11


    I warned you. I even included a long-winded disclaimer just in case. But still, you and I both know that you are going to forward that link to most of your friends and all of your enemies.
  10. crappiefloper Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:23


    LOL! Done and DONE! Also included a," get back to me if you identify yourself or relative in video"'clause. I honestly give it about 15 more min before I hear from someone
  11. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:32


    "CagePotato’s crackpipe team of writers spent all morning cutting and pasting old articles in 27 different categories, which we've haphazardly vomited in no conceivable order." There, I fixed it. No no, thank you. PS- You forgot "New Female Up and Cummers 6". PPS- Post more links to Edith's tits.
  12. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:34


    I thought it was entertaining but I just couldn't resist...
  13. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:36


    You mean you need Brawny paper towels?
  14. Deadpanda Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 03:55


    This list needs more Steve Mazzagatti stash.
  15. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 08:02


    The drunken mom caused millions of boners instantaneously!!! Pardon me gents, coming from a man who would tap Kim Winslow in a heartbeat drunken mom was nothin special
  16. FightZen Says:

    Mon, 12/31/12 - 09:43


    I just spent my New Year's eve reading about Tatanka. Fuck you guys.
  17. XENOPHON Says:

    Tue, 01/01/13 - 07:35


    SethF... Tatanka, really? Don't feel bad FightZen, I found myself in the same trap just a few minutes ago. Fucking Seth! GRIN The Best 2012 Year Award goes to Nathan Smith. Why you ask? Greenskeeper - Lotion. BIG GRIN "It rubs the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again!" Well in fairness Jared Jones must get some of the credit for this find too. Which one of you crazy fucks grew up listening to Barret Eugene Hansen (aka. Dr. Demento?)
  18. Clyde Says:

    Tue, 01/01/13 - 10:33


    http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/weirdest-photos-ever-16.jpg Looks like Chael has his sights set on submission of the year. Not sure if it counts when it's on yourself...
  19. SethF Says:

    Tue, 01/01/13 - 11:14


    @XENOPHON & @FightZen First, welcome back, XENO. Second, you're both welcome.
  20. crappiefloper Says:

    Tue, 01/01/13 - 11:26


    Just woke up next to dancing mom and capt dickswing...I really need a shower
  21. XENOPHON Says:

    Tue, 01/01/13 - 01:47


    @ SethF - Yeah, here too CP. Eskimo Kisses for all. GRIN You could say I was in the north-forties - day and night keeping the zombies in check for quite a while. Reveille was at 03:00 (3 a.m.), not hitting the rack until taps at 23:00 (11 p.m.) every fucking day. Sadly, the geography and terrain was not conducive to any fruitful strain of potatoes. The one's who were nearest me, have for now been caged by the house of ill repute they sprang from and ultimately caged by their own doing.
  22. XENOPHON Says:

    Tue, 01/01/13 - 01:50


    @ Clyde - Hah, I think Chael is practicing for he rubber guard just in case his ass crosses paths with Anderson Silva one last time.
  23. Spaceman Says:

    Wed, 01/02/13 - 05:42


    2013 prediction...Ryan Jimmo gets destroyed by any Top 10 fighter.
  24. The Legends Son Steps Up | NZ Says:

    Wed, 01/09/13 - 07:15


    [...] Your 2012 Potato awards.  Special Bonus, someone resembling Tank Abbott makes an appearance. [...]
  25. URL Says:

    Thu, 01/31/13 - 09:26


    ... [Trackback]... [...] Find More Informations here: cagepotato.com/cagepotato-com-presents-the-2012-potato-awards/ [...]...
  26. [VIDEO] This Flying Armbar is the Greatest Submission of 2013 So Far, Bar None. | FUERADEORDEN.US Says:

    Fri, 03/29/13 - 03:33


    [...] may be only a few months into 2013, but the list of potential Potato Award recipients is quickly filling up like it’s going out of style. We already have a strong frontrunner [...]
  27. MMA News Roundup: Dan Severn's Short List For Final Fight | FIGHTDAY Says:

    Tue, 05/21/13 - 07:18


    [...] a look at the Cage Potato awards for 2012 (Cage [...]
  28. [VIDEO] Coty Shannon Scores an Omo-Peruvian-Necktwister, Retroactively Wins 2012 Potato Award for Greatest Submission | Cage Passion MediaCage Passion Media Says:

    Tue, 09/10/13 - 09:09


    [...] in point: Last year, we declared Wolfgang Janssen’s flying reverse triangle to be the greatest submission of 2012 at the 2012 Potato Awards. We comp’d a limosine and hotel room for Janssen so he could be [...]
  29. [VIDEO] Coty Shannon Scores an Omo-Peruvian-Necktwister, Retroactively Wins 2012 Potato Award for Greatest Submission | Fight Pins | MMA Pins Says:

    Wed, 09/11/13 - 09:49


    [...] in point: Last year, we declared Wolfgang Janssen’s flying reverse triangle to be the greatest submission of 2012 at the 2012 Potato Awards. We comp’d a limosine and hotel room for Janssen so he could be [...]
  30. Four Hidden Storylines For ‘UFC 165: Jones vs. Gustafsson’ | info4all Says:

    Sun, 09/22/13 - 07:46


    [...] time he was given any sort of significant exposure by the UFC he was one half of the main event of that horrible UFC 149 card and his dull performance there may have turned off fans for a [...]
  31. UFC 166 Highlight Videos: Velasquez Dominates Dos Santos, Nelson Pays the Troll Toll + The FOTY Frontrunner | Fight Pins | MMA Pins Says:

    Tue, 10/22/13 - 04:37


    [...] first round finishes on the main card alone, UFC 166 staked its claim as an early frontrunner for “Event of the Year” at this year’s Potato Awards and will likely achieve the same notoriety at awards ceremonies [...]
  32. GIF of the Day: Chinzo Machida Scores an *Insane* Flying Knee KO in First Fight Since 2010 - MMALinker Says:

    Sat, 11/23/13 - 11:40


    [...] the 4-4 Brian Wood. We’ve thrown a gif of the finish above, which might just be a “Knockout of the Year” frontrunner for this year’s Potato Awards. Somebody let Chinzo know so he [...]
  33. BREAKING: Dominick Cruz Tears Groin & Vacates Title, Faber vs. Barao II at UFC 169 | Fight Pins | MMA Pins Says:

    Tue, 01/07/14 - 12:39


    [...] Faber will be fighting on less than a month’s notice. It should be noted that the last time these two met, the result was the worst card of the year. [...]
  34. The Ten Most Random Replacement Opponents in MMA History | Fight Pins | MMA Pins Says:

    Sat, 02/15/14 - 06:39


    [...] light-heavyweight. The short-notice bout felt like the recipe for a memorable freak show fight, and it certainly did not disappoint. Why This Isn’t Ranked Higher: As random as matching these two guys up against each other [...]
  35. urlman cow Says:

    Tue, 04/08/14 - 05:10


    Woman of Alien... Fantastic function you might have completed, this website is actually amazing with great information and facts. Time is God's method of holding every thing from occurring simultaneously....

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