(“The belt, the flannel, and the bible — only these three things are sacred.” Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)
In an effort to get more of you bastards walking around as human billboards for CagePotato.com, we’re going to start giving away CP “Hall of Fame” t-shirts to our two favorite comments of the week. (Well, out of the ones we actually read, at least.) This week’s honorees are:
Krazy Kracker on “Paulo Filho Has No Excuse”: This is no laughing matter you guys. Earlier tonight Filho was complaining of chest pains and was rushed to the nearest emergency room. After several tests doctors have comfirmed that instead of a heart, Paulo has a gigantic clitoris pumping pure estrogen through his veins. The flow of estrogen can only be slowed by wearing sleeveless flannel shirts and resting on your back once every minute. Usually cutting weight is no problem if he can time his fights into that five day window all clitoris owners have once a month, where he can purge himself of roughly ten pounds of pesky blood, but Hurricane Ike threw a wrench in his plans. Without being whipped into a PMS induced rage, we saw his true colors… a typical moody bitch, yelling at someone to do chores from the other room, looking for rich men to lay at MMA events and falling into missionary position whenever a man gets within three feet. A sad day for the sport indeed. According to Filho’s manager “All we need is four days, a lot of chocolate, sweatpants and a copy of Sleepless in Seattle and Paulo will be back in the cage the THIRD week of any month you’d like.”
bpd on “It’s Election Day, Even in the World of MMA”: A guy living off a legacy who hasn’t done anything in eight years but tarnish said legacy vs. a Hawaiian with an impossibly brilliant ground game…
John McCain is Ken Shamrock, Barack Obama is BJ Penn.
Fellas, shoot your address and size to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll hook you up.
Unrelated: All the lists on our Power Rankings page have been recently updated except for the light-heavyweight list (not much action lately) and the pound-for-pound list (I’ll get to it after UFC 91). Feel free to swing by and leave your usual abusive comments, though keep the following in mind:
1) Rankings are based on performance over the last two years, career accomplishments, and a completely subjective analysis of how each fighter would do against other top-ranked fighters in their division, though the weight given to each criterion varies depending on my own inscrutable whims.
2) I know you think so-and-so needs to be in the rankings, but trust me, he still needs at least one more win over a top-20 opponent before he enters/re-enters the top ten.
3) No. You’re just wrong, okay?