(You know, without his beard, Kimbo kind of looks like Reginald VelJohnson. Props to CagePotato reader ‘DopenesS’.)
It’s weeks like these that prove how unbelievably smart, funny, and cultured CagePotato’s readers are, in comparison to the slack-jawed readers of other MMA websites. Seriously, we love you guys (no homo). Here are three highlights from a wild week in the trenches of the CP comments sections…
K.E.G. on "Gina Carano Semi-Nudity to Hit Newsstands on 10/9":
Hopefully they will leave out the obvious pages on…
-Tra telligman’s weird chest.
-Josh Haynes’s extra skin
-Jacare’s vagina head
-Kimbo’s beard/manscaped chest hair
-Tito’s massively swollen head
-Kaleb Starnes’s vagina
Dana White: All right. Who is the winner? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when the fight airs and we both watch, and find out who wins… and who loses.
Fans: But it’s so simple. All we have to do is divine from what we know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the winner on the press junkets or the loser? Now, a clever man would put the loser into the press junket, because he would know that only a great fool would believe what he was given. We are not great fools, so we can clearly not choose the fighter in the press junkets. But you must have known we were not great fools, you would have counted on it, so we can clearly not choose the fighter in the press.
Dana White: You’ve made your decision then?
Fans: Not remotely. Because the media is coming from Vegas, as everyone knows, and Vegas is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the fighter out of the spotlight.
Dana White: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Fans: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Dana White: Vegas.
Fans: Yes, Vegas. And you must have suspected I would have known the media’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the fighter in the press junket.
Dana White: You’re just stalling now.
Fans: You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? You’ve beaten EliteXC, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the loser in the press junket, trusting on your ratings to save you, so I can clearly not choose the fighter in the press. But, you’ve also bested Affliction, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that ratings are fleeting, so you would have put the loser as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the fighter in the press junket.
Dana White: You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.
Fans: IT HAS WORKED! YOU’VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! WE KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS!
Dana White: Then make your choice.
Fans: I will, and I choose – What in the world can that be?
If your name is whitey, K.E.G., or Nomad, please send your names, addresses, and shirt sizes to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll send you something special as soon as we get around to it. (Hint: it’s a t-shirt.)