11 Famous Actors and Their Embarrassing Early Film Roles

CagePotato Comments of the Week


(Fight!‘s June 2010 issue, on newsstands now.)

Okay, we gotta tell you a couple-three things:

– Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night beginning at 10 p.m. ET for our liveblog of Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum.

– Hurry up and enter some pools on MMA FightPicker. There will be no prizes for the winners, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.

– How ’bout a round of e-appaluse for the Potato Nation members who made their presence known in the comments section this week, and will be receiving one-year subscriptions to Fight! Magazine

Disco-Platypus on "Knockout of the Week: Marlon Sandro Flattens Masanori Kanehara in 38 Seconds, Wins Sengoku Featherweight Title": The Sengoku championship may as well be labeled, "The Champion Who Would Crumble Most Quickly When Faced With American-style Wrestling."

DangadaDang on "Report: Batista Signs With Strikeforce; Opponent and Date of Debut Set to Be Announced": He is aware that no one in MMA can be brought out of a sleeper hold on the pure energy of a chanting crowd, correct?

And finally — uh-oh, get comfortable…


bierergoggles on "Consider Your Minds Blown; Anderson Silva Training With Steven Seagal for Sonnen Fight and Chael Couldn’t Care Less":

Steven Segal is kind of like a "Mercenary" these days, roaming the earth killing, or training people to kill. I think him training Anderson Silva is a good thing as he understands "The Path Beyond Thought" and can help Silva re-ignite the "Fire Down Below". He will help Anderson with the realization that he is "Under Siege" by Sonnens relentless attacks but until they fight, him retaliating would be a "Flight of Fury".

I think Sonnen is "On Deadly Ground" and is only hurting himself as he has now pushed Silva to train harder and go "Out For Justice". Sonnen is "Born to Raise Hell" with his verbal onslaught and does not realize that all the talking is making him "Marked for Death". He sees himself as "The Patriot" and he is so "Submerged" in his own hype, he thinks he is "Above the Law" and that he is actually "The Keeper" of the secret of to beat Anderson Silva.

What Chael does not realize is that he is putting the rest of the UFC Middleweight Division "Under Siege 2, Dark Territory" as he has essentially "Pistol Whipped" Silva, who is already "A Dangerous Man". His "Kill Switch" has been flipped and Silva is now "Driven to Kill".

When the fight begins and they touch gloves, Silva will lean in and whisper (in perfect English I might add) "Today You Die". After a few minutes when Chael is fully in “The Belly of the Beast” he will realize he brought a “Machete” to a gun fight. The entire fight Silva will always stay just "Out of Reach" of Chaels relentless takedown attempts. It will be like fighting a "Glimmer Man" and Chael will realize that Anderson is truly “Hard to Kill”. Only when Sonnen is “Half Past Dead”, eyes swollen shut, fighting "Against the Dark", and his attacker appears to be but a "Shadow Man” will Silva go "Out For a Kill".

The next day for Sonnen will be a "Black Dawn" as he will feel like he was beaten by an entire "Attack Force". Covered in lumps the size of “Clementine” oranges, his face burning as if it’s been pressed directly “Into the Sun”, Chael will have to face the fact that he was dished out some "Urban Justice" by "The Foreigner".

As the “Ticker” counts down the days to UFC 17, Chael better pray that Dana White makes an “Executive Decision” and cancels the fight in the best interest of his health.

[Ed. note: Bro, you left out The Onion Movie.]

*****

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get your Fight! Magazine subscription all set up.

Cagepotato Comments

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Harry Nips- June 27, 2010 at 7:17 am
I'm lookin for Bobby Lupo. Has anyone seen Bobby Lupo?
Disco-Platypus- June 26, 2010 at 9:10 am
Wow! This is the first time I have won something since winning, "Who can keep quiet about this the longest" after impregnating my cousin.

Electronic mail sent.
Canadian Chronic- June 26, 2010 at 8:03 am
too fuckin funny, u guys are hilarious!
ccman- June 26, 2010 at 12:11 am
I was robbed
DangadaDang- June 25, 2010 at 6:38 pm
These magazines will match my CP shirt nicely.

And in response to Steven Seagal's role in The Onion Movie

When Chael steps in to the Octagon there will be a look on Anderson's face that simply says..."I don't think you have the balls"
bierergoggles- June 25, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Wait Wait... I've got your ball! HA HA

If its any consolation, I thought your comment was hilarious.

AND

I would like to also point out... THAT WAS NOT EASY!!! HA HA Taking that many horrible movies with ridiculously clique titles and fitting them into a relevant story is no easy task my friend.

I consider myself the Weird Al of the snarky blog come backs world.
2DaDeath- June 25, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Good job, bierergoggles. Good job wasting my freaking time!!!

j/k.
ubidoob- June 25, 2010 at 5:01 pm
bierergoggles = awesome.

Well played.
CanadianGreaser- June 25, 2010 at 5:00 pm
LMAO! Brilliant!
MaximumSpaniard- June 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm
bierergoggles: The Gene Shalit of Steven Seagal films.
Sabado Gigante- June 25, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Bieregoggles:

Well Played Mauer!
bierergoggles- June 25, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am not sure if I can ever top that gem... I guess my only hope would be Jean Claude Van Dam coming in to help train Josh Haynes. I think stylistically they would be a great team as Van Dam is an action star with decent Karate skills while Haynes is just terrible. HA HA... no but seriously... he's terrible. HA HA
Phattousai- June 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Oh, oh I get it. bierergoggles makes a long drawn out pun and everyone wets themselves. I give you gold with a Queer as Folk/Cyborg reference and I get squat! I'll be in the car...."
Soda Popinski- June 25, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Id be waiting on my subscription too if it wasnt for this awesome CP shirt im wearing.
cecils_pupils- June 25, 2010 at 3:14 pm
[Jean Claude Van] Dam that was a long, but well done, comment by bierergoggles.

And glad to see that DangdaDang's made it... comment gold buddy!
Viva Hate- June 25, 2010 at 2:55 pm
@Rex,
Or does someone owe me a thank you for the reminder? No need guys, you are very welcome.

Congrats to the winners, great job, DangadaDang still has me laughing my ass off.
Tariq Trotter- June 25, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Gunga la gunga
Clinch-Smash- June 25, 2010 at 2:31 pm
bierergoggles Holy Shit tha was great, LMAO!!!!
Dick_Misanthropenis- June 25, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Si, biererererergogggles muy divertidos. Es lo pinche bastardo de muchas graciosos.
mt59801- June 25, 2010 at 2:12 pm
bierergoggles should get a guest column for that
steampunk22- June 25, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Nice comments!

Still waiting on my first Fight! Magazine to show up, come on Canadapost, any day now....
El Famous Burrito- June 25, 2010 at 2:00 pm
That was awesome. Nice jorb.
825IVER- June 25, 2010 at 1:58 pm
whoa after the first paragraph i was like good luck getting under siege 2 dar----

game blouses.
Dick_Misanthropenis- June 25, 2010 at 1:51 pm
COCKPUNCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sakuraba3900- June 25, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Ridiculously awesome
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