(Props to Ronnie James Dio)

Heads up, Potatomaniacs: Our new t-shirt design is being printed up as we speak, and we’re giving away the first four before they’re even available in CP’s high-tech online store. For the vision-impaired, the message on the back says "MMA Is Not a Crime." Wear it, and tell the world that you support the sport, and that you also love to party. Scoring the brand-new tees are…

GEE-yuh-TEEN on "Dr. Johnny Benjamin Sets the Record Straight Re: Piss-Drinking": You think Machida asks for his piss sample back from the NSAC after the drug tests are complete?

Brock SMASH puny human odour on "How Angry Does Quinton Jackson Get on ‘TUF’ 10?": Soon afterwards, that door had a miscarriage.

superflat on "Question of the Day: Does It Matter If No One Cares About a Fight Night’s Main Event?": Offshore barge means there’s the chance they fill-in the undercard with a monkey knife fight. And to answer your question, I’ve sat through whole episodes of "Sabado Gigante" thinking I was watching Bellator.


Ted Nutmeg on "What Your Favorite MMA Fighter Says About You":
If your favorite fighter is Randy Couture, the year is 2004.

If your favorite fighter is Sakuraba, you absolutely lose your mind over armbar highlight reels.

If your favorite fighter is Matt Hughes, you wore camo shorts to the county fair last week.

If your favorite fighter is Vitor Belfort, you have the world’s largest gay porn collection.

If your favorite fighter is Tim Sylvia, your last name is Sylvia.

If your favorite fighter is Gray Maynard, you have a Valtrex prescription.

If your favorite fighter is Chris Leben, you are homeless.

If your favorite commentator is Joe Rogan, you write for Cage Potato and you are similarly inexplicably in love with Bruce Buffer.

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Well alright! If you’re a winner, please shoot your commenter name, real name, shirt size, and address to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get you hooked up as soon as we can.