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Cain Velasquez Receives Immediate Rematch Against Fabricio Werdum, Because UFC Title Shots, Amiright?

(The controversial finish to Velasquez vs. Werdum 1, in which Cain clearly tapped after being dominated for two and a half rounds. Via Getty.)

UFC title fights, amiright you guys? It seems that it’s getting more and more difficult for us self-proclaimed “experts” of the sport to accurately predict who’s next in line for one, what with Alexander Gustafsson receiving his on the heels of a TKO loss and Ronda Rousey all but locked in to defend hers against Floyd Mayweather next. But amidst the chaos that is the UFC title picture, there’s always been one weight division that we can count on for consistency: Heavyweight.

I mean, yeah, you could argue that Brock Lesnar shouldn’t have earned one following a 1-1 stint in the organization, or that Andrei Arlovski‘s opponents (Tim Sylvia aside) were little more than fall men brought in to, well, fall, but not nowadays! Nowadays, title shots must be earned, which is exactly why the next man to face newly-crowned champion Fabricio Werdum will be…the guy who he just beat. Yay matchmaking!

Yes, it was announced on last night’s edition of UFC Tonight that Cain Velasquez has “officially earned a rematch” with Werdum at a time and venue TBD. Here’s the tweet sent out by the officially official UFC Tonight account, followed by my three favorite responses. 

How the fuck can they use the word EARN, bro? How about the fact that you’re talking about THE MOST DOMINANT HEAVYWEIGHT EVERRRR?!! It’s like this Tommy character doesn’t even remember Velasquez’s two (count ‘em, *two*) title defenses that took place back in 2013 over guys he had previously defeated. Or to put it in the words of Dana White, “Fuck you and you’re 1,300 followers, dummy!”

Personally, I just hope that this completely-necessary rematch takes place at 10 feet above sea-level or less, or else the greatest heavyweight of all time™ is in for another rough night at the office.

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