Quinton Jackson in Fighter” width=”150″ height=”150″ class=”alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-2966″ />
Kenny Florian in Fighter” width=”150″ height=”150″ class=”alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-2967″ />
(Sample images courtesy of Viking Studio. Click thumbnails for larger versions.)
This month marks the release of Fighter: The Fighters of the UFC, a collection of black-and-white portraits of over 100 UFC fighters, shot by acclaimed photographer/Coach president Reed Krakoff. The book features a foreword by Sam Sheridan, and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Yellow Ribbon Fund. According to the press release, “The striking images are juxtaposed with quotes from each fighter, whose candor will be surprising to even die-hard UFC fans.” And the best part is, we’re giving away three copies to you, our loyal readers. Just provide a clever caption to the photo that’s after the jump, and we’ll pick our favorites on Friday. Feel free to enter more than once; good luck…
(Vladimir Putin, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Aleksander Emelianenko at BodogFIGHT: Clash of the Nations, 4/14/07).
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Comments
Mon, 10/20/08 - 05:54
Hey Jean-claude, you holding?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 05:58
Jean Claude "I would totatly look better in those shorts " lol Puttin " I wouldn't mind seeing that Jean" lol homos
Mon, 10/20/08 - 05:59
its illegal for high school wrestlers to cut weight with a plastic bag but not for mma fighters?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 05:59
Aleksander tires his hand at stripping after being told that he cant fight in the US. Only to then be told by Jean Clude... "Your doing it all wrong!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:00
To clarify, the contest will be closed at 2 p.m. ET on Friday, and I'll announce the winners at 3.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:00
It's like that uncomfortable feeling in an elevator, everybody has to keep looking up
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:00
Aleksander Emelianenko looked down at Putin and asks: What you got there Putin? Putin looks down at Aleksander Emelianenko and replies: Vodka and carrot juice Aleksander Emelianenko confused asks: Why? Putin replies: I get drunk but I see good.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:01
Well, guess I'm first... Aleks: Stay away from me Van Damme. I know what you did to my brother... Van Damme: Don't worry, somebody else has their eye on you *cheesy grin* Putin: (I'll test his real judo skills backstage) Don't kill me Aleks! :D
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:03
Hi I'm here for the gangbang....
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:03
All those without Hepatitis, sit down... not so fast Aleksander!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:03
On set for the film "Street Fighter 2: Zangief gets gayer"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:04
"So what's a little hepatitis among friends? You're lucky I didn't give you radiation poisoning!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:05
"Can you believe Hepatitis can get through this tiny thing?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:05
"'Cos I only have eyes...for you." "KGB man Putin looks to play cops and robbers." "Keep giggling, Jean, and I'll go Chuck Zito on you."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:05
aleks - 'jean claude, meet me in the back and i will show you how to perform a triangle choke like i promised. putin can ref if he wants.'
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:06
Jean-Claude: Oh My Frein, Aleks, I never tell you how I learn to do splits, eh? Nyet. Well, my Frein, I first get zee Hep so bad, like you have, no? NYET! Yes, yes. Zo, I get zee Hepititties very bad. And zen, my legs zey are scared of - Le Belgian Bulge - so scared zey are repelled to sides and boom, splits. Jus like zis. Hahahaha, so comrade Van Damme, there is cure, yes? Nyet.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:06
Jean-Claude breathed a sigh of relief...finally, someone who was even more underdressed than he was.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:06
Aleks-"Well, is this what I have to wear in order to get casted for Hard Target 2?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:06
"If you like these tattoos, just wait until I show you the ones you can't see."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:08
"universal soldier sucked"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:08
the bad, the good, and the ugly
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:08
Forrest: " People Magazine said i was too fat for their cover."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:10
Putin: "...now go home and get your fuckin' shine-box!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:12
why yes this is the Van Damme mullet starter kit.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:14
Didn't know this site was full of homo's that want a book full of pictures of all male fighters.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:14
How do you say pussy in russian
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:14
There's a party in my mouth after the fight, and everybody will be cumming.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:15
Jeans film career was finished due to scars from the Facial Chlamydia he received backstage from the Emelianenko Brothers at this event.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:15
Blood Sport II : Electric Bugaloo
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:15
"Hey Putin, what you think of my pee pee pee?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:16
Russias new national defence
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:16
Musical chairs was about to turn ugly.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:17
Aleks: "I punch like George Foreman" Putin: "what's that? Bomb Georgia??"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:17
Ok last one.... Aleks: So Mr. Putin... how was the fight? Did I do good? Van Damm: I was not eeempressed with your performance!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:18
the label didnt say warm water only! how was i supposed to know!?!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:18
"At least it's not Chuck Zito"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:18
Putin: Ok listen Alrksander we're going to invade Georgia.. Aleksander: Bit im no listened to fight in in Amerika!!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:19
Putin: ' i wonder where that tattoo goes....'
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:20
"So I understand terms: If I am succeed in getting my brother to impregnate the girl, I will be made king of South Ossetia, yes?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:20
"Hey Putin, Dont touch him, he gave me the Hep after he promised me a role... then he threw salt in my eyes!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:20
Winner!!! jim smith Says: October 21st, 2008 at 12:15 pm Blood Sport II : Electric Bugaloo
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:21
Got Hep? or Hard Target 2: This time it's viral warfare
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:21
In Soviet Russia, joke never gets tired of you.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:22
Putin quickly regrets cracking that killer mullet joke.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:22
Aleks: "Jean-Claude Van Damme, how's taste my hepatitis? Good no?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:23
Here Aleksander is looking at the entie reason for the widespread hypotitus rumors.... jean claud.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:24
Oye van-dam, how you like my peepee, is good no.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:28
Is Gary Shandling that irrelevent?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:28
While Jean Claude distracted Aleks following the fight, Roger Moore stole the golden dragon again.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:30
How's Taste my big pee pee?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:30
HAVEN'T YOU HERD.....THE BIRD IS THE WORD!!!!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:30
Jean-Claude Van Damme: "Take your fancy clothes and your black silk underwear and go back to Disneyland"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:31
Vladimir Putin looks on as Jean-Claude Van Damme refuses to hold Aleksander Emelianenko , as he does not feel he is worthy enough as Aleksander's brother Fedor was
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:31
Jean Claude found Alek's attempt at a flying spinning roundhouse kick just adorable. Putin was not so pleased.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:33
The event - The Anual European Oily Cock Competition The judges - Former Russian president Vladimir Putin, martial arts movie star Jean-Claude Van Damme, and as always a bitch from the audience. Putin - "Pull eet out" Aleksander - "I use pull from side of shorts technique" Bitch - "Whoa" Van Damme - "hahaha......is that it?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:34
Do these shorts make me look fat?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:34
"Hey Putin!" "...how taste my big pee pee pee?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:34
@ TOP PHOTO= "DERE-LICK MY BALLS." @ LOWER PHOTO= "Aleks found it remarkable to be in the presence of true fighters"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:34
"Mr. Prime Minister, I have advantage of Fedor: bigger wee wee that contain piercing. For benefit of Russia I put flag tattoo on my testes, if wish you. No? At least allow me rape lesbian on your left."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:34
HELL YEAH ITS BUSINESS IN FRONT AND PARTY IN THE BACK DUDE!!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:34
All right, would you rather: Make eye contact with Vladimir Putin's teenage daughter, or look directly at Jean-Claude Van Damme?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:35
Aleksander Emelianenko: Excuse me. Hi. VAN DAMME: Hi. Aleksander Emelianenko : Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who is the Prime Minister of Russia by the way, um, he thinks you're cute. VAN DAMME: You don't think I'm cute? RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell him? VAN DAMME: You can tell him I think his friend is cute.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:35
"Whadda ya mean, the 3 of us are fake fighters!!?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:37
Aleks is smiling because he thinks he has met someone with more diseases than him, & jean claude is thinking the same thing in his head.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:37
Yea it IS a Mississippi mudflap, Tennessee top hat, Kentucky waterfall, a 10-90, achey brakey hair..... thanks for asking!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:37
Vladimir Putin, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Aleksander Emelianenko, embark in a staring contest after Aleksander easily defeated Pele, though for Aleksander, Vladimir was a much stiffer test
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:37
"If this was bloodsport and you didn't have hepatitas b, I'd kick your A**. But since the later isn't and the former is a possiblity, I'll just laugh in you're face while your President scoffs you as well." Sincerely, Jean Claude Van Damme (MMA Superstar Wannabe)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:39
Jean: "Perhaps I can dances with you and get a boners?" Aleks: "Fahck to you" Putin: "I can see America from my house."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:39
So witch of you will be kissing my pee pee pee first? OR Quit Laughing at me Van Damme. Yours wouldn't look as half is big if you weren't 3'11".
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:39
JC - "That's a huge bitch"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:40
Nuthugging shorts: $50. Wicked tattoos: $500. Standing sweaty and half-naked in front of the Prime Minister of Russia and his retarded manservant: priceless.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:40
Jean thinks back to the old days when he sported the mullet. Putin gets angry because of the receding hairline he has had since age 5.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:40
My best Michael Jackson Impression? OK!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:40
"Hey! Putin! You like my stars?!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:41
So witch of you will be kissing my pee pee pee first? OR Quit Laughing at me Van Damme. Yours wouldn't look as half is big if you weren't 3'11".
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:41
If you try to roundhouse kick me I'll put my balls in your mouth. Seriously. Then me and the PM next to you will take pictures of it and put it all over YouTube. I'm not kidding, Frenchie.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:41
Since he can't invade America, I choose, the country of Georgia!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:41
Calvin Ayre's newest venture: BodogGAY.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:42
Aleks: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. Putin: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast??
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:42
Usually when Aleks has this dream, it's Margaret Thatcher and the guy from Dolemite.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:42
Who wants a free mustache ride?!?!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:43
Hey thats the same shirt your wife has!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:44
Aleks: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. Putin: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast??
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:45
Aleks retells the story of how he showed a little more leg to get that ride from the truck driver that gave him the Hep.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:45
When I'm done with you, Van Damme, hep-B will be the least of your worries. You'll be shitting pancakes for a week. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Russia, keep your ass to the wall and your eyes on the floor. Vlad, are we still on for Scrabble on Tuesday?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:47
Aleksander-"Hey Putin, how's you like my pubic hair tattoo?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:47
I am ready for the threesome, you are all clean of the venerial diseases, yes?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:48
This is for the guy in the back. I feel the connection.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:49
Aleks, I can not promise you there will be no cold war, but I promise I have no cold sores.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:51
"Jean, when you admit you're gay - and Vlady admits he's still KGB, gimme a call. I got a great idea for a homo-erotic screenplay about a modern day Russian prison escape foiled by love."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:51
"Wow is that Steven Seagal?" Alex
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:53
Aleksander Emelianenko after an easy win, asks Vladimir Putin and Jean-Claude Van Damme if they would like to see him take on his brother, one was amused, one was not.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:53
Despite all the ups and downs of Jean Claude Van Dam's, Putin's and Aleksander's careers...they are still in better shape than ProElite.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:54
"haa.. thats all you got?," Frank Dux(jean claude) "ok you want battle? See you in the Kumite," Aleks "Those nipples... are soo erectifying," (head voice) Putin
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:54
"You told me you was clean Vlad! Now I got Hep C and I ain't been sleepin' 'round with nobody else!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:54
It started off as a hilarious moment, but after 20 minutes the audience became uncomfortable with Alek playing statue for the president.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:57
In Soviet Russia, tight spandex shorts wear you.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:58
"Boy you sure have a pretty mouth." Alex says in his best hillbilly draw. Putin does not aprove.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:58
Jean-Claude anxiously awaits Aleksander's decision to either give up, or shed his last piece of clothing to remain in the strip musical chairs competition
Mon, 10/20/08 - 06:59
Putin: "Hey Jean, check out the camel toe on this guy"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:00
"And our next model is young stallion Aleksander! Aleksander is wearing our complete fall line of nut-strangling shorts and professional grade MMA gloves."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:01
Even though the trash is all bagged and ready to be placed by the curb, beware of coons and high shirtless hippies who may sift through your trash.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:01
Example #5341 - That Vam Damme is clearly straight.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:01
Aleks - "I noticed that wink. Let me teach you something I learned in the gulags."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:03
The shorts...they make me look big here, no?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:03
Good luck, Fowlkes. That was a bad photo to pick for a caption contest. How can I tell? Because all these captions suck. Not one even half way to funny.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:03
Notice that the woman sitting there is the least interested in a man with nothing but spandex shorts on.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:05
"Sirriussly, I want to be a shkateboarder"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:06
I likem blod and your mom's blod is the kind of blod that I like.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:07
What? Who cares about the shorts? It's not like I'm going to end up on some two bit MMA websites' caption contest?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:09
Van Damme: "You got knocked out by Crocop, you got knocked out by Crocop, Croatians are the best, Croatians are the best!" Putin: "Aleksander, what are you willing to do for a full pardon right about now?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:10
NO! I wasn't in Eastern Promises! Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:11
Putin- "I wanted his FEDOR emelianenko, not this one!" Van Damme-"So THIS is the Russian super soldier you were telling me about?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:11
Aleks: Are you looking at my package? Van Damme: Um.... Putin: Yea you were....ha....ha...ha.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:11
Putin- "I wanted his brother FEDOR emelianenko, not this one!" Van Damme-"So THIS is the Russian super soldier you were telling me about?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:12
Aleks: Are you looking at my package? Van Damme: Um.... Putin: Yea you were I saw you!....ha....ha...ha.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:12
Got 99 problems...but a bitch ain't one.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:12
putin: "so this is the famous kimbo slice"?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:12
Putin, in a fake French accent: "I am not impressed by your performance."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:16
"I take you to backroom for private dance, yes?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:17
Jean Claude recovering from what will go down in history as THE most awkward boner *previous record held by....Jean Claude Van Damme
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:17
Aleks has just learned that Putin was cheating on him with Jean: "Hey Jean, how's taste my pee-pee-pee?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:20
emelianenko speaking............. whilst holding russian wang. "sees dis van damme, dis is where da hepatitis lives........."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:20
no homo
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:23
i bet you can't guess where i'm hiding my autographed copy of street fighter.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:25
Jean Claude: *laughs in terror* Putin: Hums "Never Scared" by Bone Crusher.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:26
Where's Claudo? See if you can spot the Midget 1980's Action Star at the Russian Cagefight.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:26
"I am strong like bool (bull - with a russian accent)!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:28
In spite of his fighting skills, Aleksander Emelianenko proved to be terrible at musical chairs.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:28
Kumite! Kumite!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:29
Just after Aleks air-quotes "democracy," and they all have a good laugh at Putin's expense.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:31
To VanDamme's dismay, he has to hide ANOTHER boner on camera.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:31
The brain trust gathers, less one - Chuck Norris.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:32
"I love you." "I love you more." "No, I love you more." "No, I love you more." "No, I love you more." "No, I love you more." "No, I love...
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:32
You ever have that dream where you're in your underwear, standing in front of a crowd of people, with Vladimir Putin and Jean Claude Van Damme in the front row, and everybody's laughing at you?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:33
Street Fighter 2: Zangief vs Guile
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:34
Casting calls for "Bloodsport 2" take a turn for the bizarre.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:35
Aleks proudly displays his frontal murph, in hopes that Van Damm is the highest bidder, and he can be his russian Male Order Bride.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:35
Coincidentally, 2 weeks after this photo was taken, Aleksander tested positive for hepatitis c AND polonium-210.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:36
Vladimir: I don't ever remember strippers having Mullets. Do you Jean-Claude? Jean Claude: Actually i rocked it in 88 working at Chip n' Dales!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:38
Hows taste my hep b-b-b.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:38
Hows taste my hep b-b-b?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:39
Oops, got the wrong "hep"...official entry: Coincidentally, 2 weeks after this photo was taken, Aleksander tested positive for hepatitis-b AND polonium-210.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:43
OK, Van Damme, I'll let you touch it for twenty, but if Putin wants to watch he has to pay.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:43
Guess how Aleks got the Herps. (Hint: look behind Putin)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:43
Aleks- "I win. Next we fight America, Mr. Putin?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:43
"This one? This tattoo indicates a willingness to give the Hep to high ranking government officials."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:44
THEEEEEEEEEESE NUTS
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:44
He makes my peenie go "Ba-da-doing doing doing"!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:45
Three guys who will never make it in America.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:48
Aleks - Jean Claude, what are you doing? Jean Claude - Nothing... Aleks - You falling love with a hispanic television star or something? Jean Claude - Aleks...I had an accident.... Aleks - You had an accident? What does that mean?...WOOD!!!! Uhhh...Don't worry buddy, hang tight and I'll be right back. Putin - Look everybody! Aleks is pitching a tent!! Aleks - Well yeah! Everyone who sports their wood is cool! He's just the coolest!! Putin - Hey! Jean Claude has a boner too! Jean Claude - Umm..yeah! Putin - Alright, man!! Fedor - If getting hard is cool, consider me Miles Davis
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:49
"During this fight, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than twenty million. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:49
Emelianenko: "I'm here for your daughters"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:50
Putin is pissed that his secret plan to infect American fighters with Hepatitis failed.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:53
While the rest of the crowd got Aleks' knock knock joke, it was a way homer for Putin.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:53
"Come Putin, let us pray to big vodka bottle in sky that big brother and I will have strength for many fights to come."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:54
The russian version of Chipindales certainly has a way to go.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:55
Matt Herpes for the win.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:57
How it taste, my hepatitis B?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:58
Aleks: Sir, I could have sworn your daughter there was at least 16!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:58
Aleks exictedly grabs himself mistakingly thinking that Siegfried and Roy were in the front row to cheer him on.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 07:58
Vladimir Putin: duuuude wtf you wearin' Jean-Claude Van Damme: hihii you could see his pee pee
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:00
Damme: Me and CroCop (Croatians) beat ur RUSSSIAN ass! Fedor: Vat yuuu saay? Damme: haha...Fedor, i was just playing. Aleks: how u like taste my pee pee...pee?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:02
Putin: "Very good. But brick not hit back!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:03
Vladamir: You know, I have the same tattoo on my waist too! Aleks: Really?!? Van Damme: (tee hee) And I've seen it! (tee hee)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:05
How's look my pee-pee tattoo, yah?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:06
the poor man's "Fighting Fedor"- soon on CBS
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:06
In Soviet Russia, there is no calculator, only wolverine. You ask wolverine, what is 2 plus 2? Wolverine scratch you in the face 4 times, this is answer. If wolverine scratch you five times, this is answer. Wolverine is always right. There is no food in Soviet Russia, only wood. We chop up wood and cook with vodka to make soup, this is the only sustenence. In winter is difficult to decide whether to use wood for warmth or food, this is why every night we pray to big vodka bottle in sky for more trees to grow.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:07
1: "If you think that's hot you should see me in a thong". 2: "Who said politics can't be sexy?" 3:"A fighter, a fascist and a washed up actor walk into a bar..." 4:"I'm a politician, I only laugh when I make people cry" 5:"Cheer up, the cold war's over Vlad"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:10
contestants for the poor man's "Fighting Fedor" - soon on CBS
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:10
Hey Schmoopy I'm not Schmoopy, you're Schmoopy! Schmoopy Schmoopy Schmoopy...
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:12
aleks emelianenko has a crotch tattoo?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:12
Putin: Why can't you be more like your brother?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:14
Props to JimSmith for the reference.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:14
Touching yourself in front of Putin: Maximum Risk(y)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:15
NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!!!! (putin)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:15
Hepatitis is nothing to laugh at.... Unless you don't have it.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:17
"Hey Putin, How come you didn't tell me your boy Van Damme had Hep!" "See that Van Damme? That is how you finish Tong Po!" "And for the win in 14 secs Aleks Emelianenko!" "Okay Jean, pay me my $20. I told you Frank Dux and his record was fake!" Emilianenko: "Anyone want to go halves on a bastard?" "Can you guys tell that I have a boner?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:18
"I swear the tests were a hoax... once we're blood-brothers, we'll rule Russia TOGETHER."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:18
This isn't a picture. It's a live video feed from a stare-down til you giggle competition.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:18
Enthralled by seeing the real-life version of his ghoul tattoo, Emelianenko failed to notice the guy sneaking a microphone up his ass.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:20
Putin: Whats the difference between Aleks and a affliction t shirt Van? Jean claude: No idea what? Putin: Nothing they look the same! Jean claude: HAYOO! hihihiii
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:21
i was trying to think of somethen really good tosay so that i could win this book and how sick it would be to have than i relized that i cant read....
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:22
"I train Muay Thai with the old man"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:22
Putin-"The Georgians aren't the only ones with an oil pipleline I want to take control of, I just found some new territory to invade!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:23
Putin: Why did you strip so fast? Jean Claide: Yea why did you stirp so fast? Aleks: I was Russian
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:24
Aleks: "Anyone for a manage on three?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:26
Aleks: "Anyone for a manage on three?" Putin to Aleks: "You can do it!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:27
You know how I know you're gay? (putin) How? (aleks) You have your own enema boy follow you around wherever you go. (putin) Oh yeah. You know how I know you're gay? (aleks) How? (putin) Because you're OBVIOUSLY trying not to look at my junk. (aleks) My daughter is not amused! (putin) Everybody else is. I win! (aleks)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:27
When did Caption become Conversation?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:28
Aleks: "Hey Jean when was your last decent movie?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:28
these all suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:31
"Aww come on guys. You mean to tell me NOONE wants a date with me?!?!?! All proceeds are going to charity. Come on, do I hear 10 euros? (laughter erupts)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:31
Surprise at the Russian Thugs Awards... Poutine win and declares "Alexsender is a tough guy, but he's got no political ground game. I'm more well rounded".
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:32
Aleks the Russian Bear fucks two tan twinks. or The opening scene of Naylin' Putin
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:38
Frank Dux stopped smiling when Aleks reached into his shorts and pulled out Jackson's Harley-Davidson bandana.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:38
Aleksander: The girl, I wish to buy her. How much for your women? Putin: I'm sorry, Aleksander, but as much as we all hate "Street FIghter: The Movie," Jean Claude has diplomatic immunity. JC: Colonel Guile wins again! Aleks: If he dies, he dies. Putin: (To JC) Keep absolutely still,Jean Claude; their vision is based on movement JC: Ha ha, dance for Jean Claude, sweaty male stripper! Aleks: I will break you.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:42
ill trade you my sweet boys regular jeans for that hep b you got there, i heard all the kids are doing it these days...stop bitin your nails sweetheart before i eat your heart and get a tattoo with your blood so i can get some hiv too
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:48
Jean: "I can't get over the size of that Russian."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:49
Putin: "I'm going to pound your ass harder than I did Georgia, baby."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:52
Van Damme to Putin: Look at how this fucker dresses to go to the theatre.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:58
Aleks: I promise to do a lot of Van Damage to my opponent, and Putin a good show for you guys.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 08:59
Svetlanka's uneasiness grew with Aleksander's smile.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:01
"I was in the pool! I was in the pool" ( Seinfeld reference)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:02
AE:"I was in the pool! I was in the pool" ( Seinfeld reference)
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:04
We rape him together yes no?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:05
Aleks: Is there something funny. Putin: Leave him alone Aleks be the bigger man he is winning right now because he know s hes under your skin.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:06
It is hard to tell from the sunglasses, but Van Damme's eyes are strongly fixed on Emelianenko's package...hence his giddy expression.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:07
"Aleks can you give me a turn...Hmmm? I don't know Vladi, I think I like the white shorts better, especially with those gloves."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:08
Unlike the younger Emelianenko, Mr. Putin hunts a different kind of bear.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:08
Its funny, Leni Riefenstahl also had a similar book that promoted the Third Reich's work. Nice to know that no matter if its the 3rd or 4th Reich, invading shitheads are the same the world over. Im sure the nazis were also defending their homes when they were occupying foreign lands. If only i could shit on the that yellow ribbon site, I would.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:14
"In communist Russia we must fight for our food"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:15
Aleks cautiously exchanges small talk with the man that could be the largest threat to the American Army. to not accidentally anger him... Jean-Claude Van Damme. Then fist bumps Putin.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:15
"Just thought you'd like to see what a skater's body really looks like."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:18
Let's go see who really has the smallest pecker.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:19
"I totally just shit myself"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:19
Our plan to bring the 80's back is nearly complete. I have begun to revive the Cold War. Aleks is working to bring the mullet and short shorts back into fashion. Now Jean, all we need is for you to make a movie someone will release in theaters.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:20
"Let’s go see who really has the smallest pecker."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:21
"Excuse me, may I have this dance?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:23
Get enough foreigners in a room one of them are bound to leave with hep-b
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:23
"Me and my brother Fedor are baking a cake later. You wanna help us?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:31
"Why couldn't you be more like your brother?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:33
Jean-Claude and the rest of the audience giggle at the awkward silence that can only occur between two men who obviously didn't share a hotel room at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:33
"So how much for the girl?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:33
sonic boom!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:34
Jean-Claude: "Yeah you can knock people out, but can you do the splits and then punch a guy in the balls?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:36
Aleks: Frank Ducks, You like what you see, Yes? Jean-Claude: No, it's DUX. Aleks: Oh, right, like put up your dukes!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:38
Alex did not hear the funny joke Vladimir Putin just told, becasue he was to busy locking eyes with the guy sitting behind Jean-Claude Van Damme. WTF?!?!?!?!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:38
The Associated Press has found footage of recently banned Russian fighter, Aleksander Emelianenko, moments before he contracted Hepatitis-B.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:39
Damme: "Little ass dick, hahaha." Crowd: "Hahahaha." Putin: *thinking to himself* Oh God, don't bring up that conversation.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:40
2 hours prior to Alex taking Jean Claude out on the town and contracting Hep B
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:41
How did Gary Shandling get a seat two away from Jean Claude Van Damme?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:42
Aleks better be careful because hepatitis or not Putin will still KGB his ass.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:43
JCVD: Hey Vlad, these Bolshoi Dancers have really let themselves go
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:46
A ring-side lesson in the art of the nipple-tweak.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:46
"Come on guys... give me my seat back"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:47
Russia's attempt to invade France by giving everyone hepatitis.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:48
He does exist. They do exist.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:49
I'm sorry Aleks, but he looks too good on screen to pass up.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:50
You like shorts, yes?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 09:59
Putin: "I think I am going to rear my head in this Palin's airspace after the show." Van Damme: "Bring me along, she'd make a great wife number five!" Aleks: "Better bring me along. The Universal Soldier will probably give her ballet slippers. I have something I got from prison that will be more of a lifelong gift."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:06
this is my rifle this is my gun... this is for fighting this is for fun.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:06
What, do I amuse you?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:29
Van Damme and Vladamir Putin didn't realize it, but Aleks had just infected both of them with sexually transmitted "visa problems"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:36
Bodog Fight brings you: The Aristocrats
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:41
turtles, yeah I like turtles!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:43
In case you don't know the joke: (NSFW) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUILIfuzKzU
Mon, 10/20/08 - 10:55
Which one's which?
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:01
Did my pee pee taste good!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:06
Aleks "Hey birthday boy, I heard you needed a lap dance..." (cue backstreet boy song) Putin "bwwuuhhhh??" Jean "tee hee it was my idea, SURRRPRISE!!"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:08
"Only three people get the joke"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:11
"Breaking News: Jean Claude Van Damme not impressed with shape of Aleksander Emelianenko's nipples; girl (bottom left) agrees"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:13
"Aleksander Emelianenko hits on Jean Claude Van Damme's cousin (bottom left)"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:13
Aleks It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ... Putin: whats a ZJ?? Aleks: if you have to ask, you cant afford it. Jean: Ive got 4$
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:15
I've got your Kumate' right here Van Damme!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:16
"Van Damme: Not a hard man to entertain"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:18
"Van-DAMN"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:27
Jean Claude Van Damme can only giggle nervously in fear as Putin explains. "Nyet Van Damme, HE is the reason I KNOW you are acting in a movie production by the Russian National Film Board before you return home. Understand Komrade?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:28
Jean Claude Van Damme can only giggle nervously in fear as Putin explains. "Nyet Van Damme, HE is the reason I KNOW you are acting in a movie production by the Russian National Film Board before you return home. Understand Komrade?"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:30
Mr. Putin, on the other hand, was focused on the proposed gangbang by Mr. Emelianenko. Mr. VanDamme would not comment as the vibrating egg in his ass was on "stun". More after these words from our sponsor.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:31
seriously you tell me i look like Mcaully Caulkin one more time and i'll sick Van Damme on you
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:33
"If you think that was funny wait until you see my other one."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:33
Van Damme smiled knowingly as Putin suddenly realized one very important thing: Aleks put the screw in the tuna.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:33
Aleksander Emelianenko comes to the sudden horrifying realization that his childhood "standing in front of all of your heroes in your underwear while they laugh at your small penis" nightmare has just become a reality.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:34
A still from the Sarah Palin version of "The Sum of All Fears"
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:36
Putin to Aleks: Howssssssssss taste my pee pee pee? Van Damme: LOL
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:37
Vlad Putin in 007:From Aleks with love.
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:45
Putin says, "You may have won this battle, but I gave you Hepatitis B you son of a bitch...."
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:48
The Aristocrats
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:57
Aleks: You look even gayer in person. Van Damme: Thank You. Aleks: No, Thank You!
Mon, 10/20/08 - 11:59
Putin: hey you looking at my man aleks?! jean: Oh he is cute.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:02
jean: would you like to come to our place later? aleks: your cool with hepatitis right? putin: i dont know i'll think about it.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:04
aleks: i dont care how good you look jean...this! is perfection. putin: god, he looks like he has hepatitis or something.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:09
"Hows taste my pee pee pee?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:10
Aleks: Oh god I am soooooo underdressed.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:10
Aleksander: ....ill have a coke
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:13
Aleks: I am Mother Russia.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:15
"it seriously isn't that small, it's just cold."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:16
Putin: Kill him, kill the jedi! Emelianenko: Yes, my lord.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:19
Aleks: The name's Aleksander Emelianenko, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Aleksander, and I'll kill you. Van Damme: Ooooooh! Aleks: You just made the list, buddy. Also, I don't like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. And I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you. Putin: Lighten up, Aleksander.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:21
"Mr. Putin, to be clear, you want me to go back in there and violate my opponents ass?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:23
"Mr. Putin, to be clear, you want me to go back in there and violate my opponent's ass?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:32
I must break you.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:38
In Mother Russia, creepy tribal pubes grow YOU.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:45
Up next in Russia's first ever gay male auction, we have Aleksander. Aleks loves getting in on with former government leaders and early 90s action movie stars and hates using condoms. We will start the bidding at 100 dollars
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:48
you break my record, i break you, like i break your friend.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:05
Jean-"You have a mullet you dyke." Alexs-"You make terrible movies, ha ha ha..."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:06
"What is this shrinkage you keep laughing about?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:06
Aleksander-" HEY IT'S YOU! VAN DAMME! "YOU"RE DISCHARGED, SARGE!" Van Damme- "Uh...whats that now?" Aleksander-"From Universal Soldier, Remember?!" Van Damme- "Oh...yeah that one. I don't watch dat shit" Putin- "WATCH IT JEAN CLAUDE, DOLPH LUNDGREN WAS IN UNIVERSAL SOLDIER! RUSSIAS GREATEST MOVIE STAR!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:26
Jean-Claude looked up and knew at once he had found his co-star for Bloodsport 6: Tapout From Behind.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:27
Aleks to Van Damme: "That's how you kick the fuckin tree!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:28
In Soviet Russia, Jean Claude Van Damme watches you!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:36
Wow. I must have no fuckin' clue as to what's really funny ... How could someone type some of this shit seriously? Good job, Fowlkes. You pulled all the lurkers out of the woodwork.... and none of them are funny (myself included?) Goes to show how many absolute dipshits read this site (myself included?)
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:37
Aleksander: There's something I have to tell you Putin: What is it? Aleksander: you should probably get yourself tested Van Damme: Putin you cheating son of a bitch!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:45
And so, JCVD finally understood what Putin meant when he said "In Soviet Russia, condom wears you."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:46
Putin: So seriously, what part of "no homo" don't you two get?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:05
A dictator, a Russian Mafioso, and a third-rate "martial artist:" I call it.....The Aristocrats.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:05
Little did Van Damme know he was about to star in the Russian Version of the "Eiffel Tower"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:23
"Jean Claude, Do these shorts make me look fat?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:49
"Wanna fight this guy in a drained swimming pool? How about a parking garage surrounded by cars with their headlights on?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:51
Putin to Aleksander: why you grillin me holmes...I will judo slam you!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:05
I'd love to roll with you but I don't usually grapple with people that just shit their pants.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:10
Putin: OK, 75 rupees to see your cock and that"s it!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:11
I also got a couple for the other pics: Forrest: I'm such a huge LHW I have to wear plastics even when I'm doing a photo shoot. Rampage: Fighting Wandy again will prove to everyone I'm not crazy anymore! Kenny: I came :)
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:17
Pretty sure Aleksander and Van Damme are both laughing at how much Putin looks like Victor from the Underworld movies.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:30
Putin: the best thing about tonight is that were not fighting because tonight will be the night that i fall for u over agian dont make me change my mind because a man like u is impossible to find ur impossible to find!!!!!!!!!!!! Aleks: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiight
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:35
Aleks: "Ah, so you think it is funny that I have 'Fun Hole' tattooed on my lower back? That's how you get hepatitis."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:39
Putin to Aleks: "You're one of only two fighters from Russia anyone cares about and you have to represent us by wearing a mullet"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:39
Aleks: Do these shorts make me look gay? Putin: No, your face does. VD: Teehee!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:41
Putin: No knockout, no food. Aleks: Aww man. VD: You suck
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:43
Putin: Hey Rosie o'donell called says she wants her penis back
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:43
Putin to Aleks: I'd like to take back what I said about you being a Nazi....
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:45
Aleks: Hey pooty, have you heard? Putin: About what? Aleks: Oh, I'm sorry. It was my understanding that everybody had heard. PUTIN: About what? Aleks: BU-BU-BU-BU-BIRD BIRD BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:47
Putin to aleks: Hey Rosie o’donell called says she wants her penis back
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:49
Aleks: I will break you. VD: (sounding way too much like big gay Al) O-M-G! You sound just like that guy from that Rocky movie. That's so super! Putin: Yer all a bunch-o-QUEERS!!!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:52
Putin guilty of KGB aka (Kissing Guy Balls)
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:55
the cast of "From Russia with Love 2"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:12
Putin : "So who could take whose butt in prison?" Aleksander : "I would so push that silly shirted man's shit in." JCVD: "Obviously you haven't seen Death Warrant."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:13
Five years in one of your fucken gulags Putin. Your turn.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:19
Van Damme to Putin: "You thought he was me? I'd never wear black Silk underwear!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:26
Jean Claude Van Damme and his life partner, Boris Cumsteen, were the only two at Putin's coming out party not surprised to find Aleksander moonlighting as a Chip-N-Dale. JC: Busted! Aleks: Oh, Shtool!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:41
Putin: What you say, the Russian mafia versus me and Van Damme? *The rest of the crowd started hysterically laughing upon hearing this.*
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:50
We will defeat Georgia, American kickboxer on our side!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 05:07
What? John McCain picked Sarah who as his Vice President???
Tue, 10/21/08 - 05:27
Forrest Griffin "I'm Gay"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 05:37
Aleks joke about tong po-ing putins daughter isn't recieved so well by the Putins.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:17
"You like? Ya?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:29
Aleks has the daunting task of being a judge on the new hit Russian TV show "Creepiest Pedophile Face"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:49
Would you like to touge my penish?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 07:19
Did Van Damme rape you yet? No? Well, I will.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 09:45
Vladimir Putin secretly snuck out of his party conference unknowing that he would be seated next to the flamboyant Van Damme. D’oh. --- Aleksander’s overdose on painkillers has affected his judgement after calling out Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. At least Van Damme saw the funny side. --- Putin: You’re a cunt Van Damme: ROFLCOPTERZ!!!!!!!!1111
Tue, 10/21/08 - 10:06
Putin: [to Aleks] What do you and Van Damme have in common? Aleks: *shrug* Putin: You’re both shit at acting! --- Putin: Knock, knock Aleks: Who’s there? Putin: Vladimir! Aleks: Vladimir who? Putin: Vlad-im-ir to see you. JCVD: Hahahaha
Tue, 10/21/08 - 10:06
Putin: [to Aleks] What do you and Van Damme have in common? Aleks: *shrug* Putin: You’re both shit at acting! --- Putin: Knock, knock Aleks: Who’s there? Putin: Vladimir! Aleks: Vladimir who? Putin: Vlad-im-ir to see you. JCVD: Hahahaha
Tue, 10/21/08 - 10:32
After hearing rumors regarding Aleks' health problems, Putin nervously covered his genitals in a desperate attempt to stay healthy. Van Damme, just as scared but nowhere near as smart, covered his nipples.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 10:37
Aleks: You fix my Visa papers yet, Vladi? Vladimir: Aleks, tsk-tsk, you and I both know there is nothing wrong with your Visa papers. Van Damme: lol
Tue, 10/21/08 - 11:47
I was told once "To understand your opponent, you must think like your opponent”, so do I look black now??? Does anybody have a sock I can stuff down here? Wait, I don't think this is what they meant?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:06
Wanna taste my He-B??
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:08
So your a president and the funny guy is a movie star... My brother is an emperor!!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:09
Let me see the rest of that tattoo above your pee pee...now...
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:17
Hey Jean wanna Kumite?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:36
Van Damme: "...was worth every penny..."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:38
Emelianenko: "You can look, but you cannot touch!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:38
"Priceless"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:41
Emelianenko: "Why you laugh?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:41
Putin: "Yo Alek - If you don't win this fight you freakin bum, I'm gonna get Johnny here to break ya legs"!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:46
"Afterparty at the Kremlin"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:48
Putin: "Alek, I warned you of the side effects of taking steroids!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:50
Van Damme: "I gave you the HIV's!!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:57
*Jean thinking to himself* "if he was a woman, i could totally whup dat azz!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:57
I'll you something to Smile about Putin. And Van Damme, quit laughing....you're career called...it was wondering what the hell happened.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 12:59
"It's not cold in here, just really small."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:02
"In Russia, bad movies watch you"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:12
putin: motha russia is hep friendly, just dont wear any affliction t shirts vd: nice shorts, got condems?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:14
KJB Putin and Belgium Jean-Claude Van Damme not impressed by Aleks swastika tattoo. Angry at the lost spotlight the attention whore on the left shows how she can fit all five fingers in her mouth.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:34
Putin: Hey Aleks! Aleksander: Jagshemash Vladamir! Putin: If I wanted to see some shoddy B-rated, over-hyped martial arts I’d have rented out one of Van Damme’s movies! JCVD: Hahaha... wait.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:47
"Yeah, I agree. I am totally pulling for Oxana too. Russian Idol rocks!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:48
KGB vs. HEP-C
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:50
Putin- "Pffft I can take ya pussy!!!! Aleks- "Oh ya tuff guy, lets get it on!! Jean Claude " Get it on?? Can I get in on that action?? Ohhh ya meant fight action, Never mind Im out....coming out!!! "
Tue, 10/21/08 - 01:51
putin: Aleks just eye-fucked the shit out of me van damme: Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:30
EliteXC 's next mainevent... Aleks vs. Putin vs. Jean Claude... wait a minute....
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:30
EliteXC 's next main event... Aleks vs. Putin vs. Jean Claude... wait a minute....
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:47
Van Damme: mmmmmmm.......i love to hit that!.............Aleks: i hope this fag's not eyeballin me.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:48
Aleks and Putin, the real players at M-1, consider the possibility of Jean Claude to be Fedor's next freak show opponent....Jean Claude doesn't know about this...hence he is smiling
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:53
The Hepatitis B made Aleks fantasize again: to have russian political control, to be a B-list movie star and to have an audience who would pay to watch him in his underwear
Tue, 10/21/08 - 02:55
JCVD - "You may have won the fight Aleks, but have you ever done the splits across two chairs, or across two counter tops, or across ANY TWO ITEMS IN THE WORLD?" Aleks - "Uh..." Putin - "I do Judo"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:03
Aleks ponders what is worse having hepatitis or Being JCVD....
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:05
JCVD: Hadouken! Aleks: Shut mouth, lady man, or I stuff it with mojo. ::grabs balls:: Putin: Aleks, calm down. Jean-Claude is a guest of mine. ::pistol whips JCVD:: Aleks: I think you serious for minute. HAH! Putin: Vodka? Aleks: Yes, yes. You buy vodka, me prostitutes. Putin: Pay them this time. The blood stains you got on my shoes last time never came out.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:05
Hey Jean-Claude do you have the machine from Time Cop maybe all three of us could go back in time to when we had careers.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:06
Hey Putin, JCVD where do we go to collect our unemployment checks.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:07
Luckily Russia is no longer communist or all 3 of these guys would still have jobs.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:07
Aleks-"Keep laughing Van Damme, Vlad's got Tong Po on speed dial."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:14
"It is 250 Rubles to see it, 500 to touch it and 2500 for half and half."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:20
Aleks wants to be the next terminator, we already know he can rap in Russian, how about English? Don’t call me a robot, cuz I’m not I’m a cybernetic organism Living tissue over an alloy endoskeleton Try and test that, I’ll crush your bones into gelatin These days there’s just too many haters Guess what fools? I’m a fucking terminator You wanna act up? You got something to say? Trust me, it doesn’t work that way Work, work It doesn’t work, work It doesn’t work that way Work, work It doesn’t work, work It doesn’t work that way Don’t ask questions, I’m not a good guesser Cuz my CPU is a neural-net processor In other words, a learning computer Laugh at that and I’ll learn to shoot ya Oh wait, I already know how to shoot with deadly aim All I need is one shot and I’ll blow out your brain You wanna talk shit? You got games to play? Trust me, it doesn’t work that way Work, work It doesn’t work, work It doesn’t work that way Work, work It doesn’t work, work It doesn’t work that way PS - If you don't get the "It doesn't work that way" and the "Trust me" parts, you must have never watched the movie stoned. Those, to me, are Arnold's funniest lines besides "Chill out, dickwad." I know that Aleks would be speaking and not Arnold, but hopefully his accent is just as hilarious. If not, damn the whole system!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:21
Aleks- "Van Damme and Tong Po walk into a toy store..." Putin- "Heard it!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:32
Aleks- "OMG my favorite movie superstar and former president, im so pleased to meet you" Putin- "The pleasure is all mine" *gets a bonner*
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:33
Aleksander's agreed that he would seek help after this latest sleeping walking episode
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:35
All the kids ran away with their pens once Aleksander woke up
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:37
"Guys have you seen my gumshield"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:40
Emma was not impressed with her sweet 16 birthday gift from her father
Tue, 10/21/08 - 03:49
Aleks ask: "Have you ever been to penisland before?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:07
"Vladimir, I thought you said you had to wash your hair tonight?"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:13
Double Impact 2. The Transfer of Hepatitis.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:14
Putin: Hey Alexs, "Hows taste Jean Claude's pee-pee-pee?" Haaaaa haaaaa. Alex: Seriously bro, I have Hep-B from that time you made him T-bag me when I passed out at your birthday party. Putin: God, you are such a pussy. Alex: Dude, I can't fight in states. Putin: Whatevs. JCVD: Alex, hey uh do you still have that "hook-up"? I need some "Barry White"...you know some "Boogar Sugar". Alex: Sure just try not to dry hump my furniture when you get high this time. I don't want my Lay-Z-Boy to get Hepatitis too.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:33
"Jean, it was consensual and I swear I don't have hepatitis... Fucking blogs!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:41
"Nyet, Nyet, Prime Minister Putin... Oh Jesus... I said "Nice suit, NO Homo", NO Homo your eminence, NO Homo AT ALL, like 0% Homo man... um, Homo Nyet? Shit. Fuck. Um, um, ... well you see it started with Heep Hop artists in the US of A, when they said something that sounded gay ... um, er, oh my god..."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:43
Aleks: So who ordered the lap dance?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 04:55
"The onlookers all had a good laugh as Emilianenko finishes off his 'play time' with refugees at the Georgian detention camp."
Tue, 10/21/08 - 05:02
I lost my phone number can I have yours?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 05:06
Zee pee pee! You like?!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 05:47
Mr. Putin meets one of the world's toughest men.......... and Aleksander Emelianenko.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:02
aleks: wanna fuck?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:05
aleks: so, it is you he has the heart of a lion?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:05
aleks: so, it is you who has the heart of a lion?
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:07
No, really, this bodyguard thing is just for show...really, I'm not gonna fight you.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:08
Aleks: "would you like to see it comrad putin, i know jean does!!!!!"
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:09
jcvd: you know, i too, used to participate in this sport of blood.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 06:37
Dude, this party sucks! It's a sausage fest, there's only like one girl!!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 08:26
Putin: "You think that's funny Aleks, good luck with your Visa." Aleks: "JCVD you never introduced me to your dad." speeking of JCVD http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/jcvd/
Tue, 10/21/08 - 08:29
When 50 people laugh at your joke it's great, until you realize the one guy not laughing is Vladimir Putin.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 08:53
1. MMA's one true love... Dudes
Tue, 10/21/08 - 08:54
The moment when speedos became more badass then Jean Claude Van Damme.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 09:05
When the C-list meets the D-list
Tue, 10/21/08 - 09:07
A picture says a thousand words...or in this case the word 'homoerotism' a thousand times.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 09:08
A picture says a thousand words...or in this case.... the word 'homoerotism' a thousand times.
Tue, 10/21/08 - 10:03
If Aleks has hepatitis B the Jean-Claude has hepatitis C minus and Fedor has hepatitis A+
Tue, 10/21/08 - 10:29
Who's pants are tighter? Putin: Mine obviously Van Dammit!
Tue, 10/21/08 - 11:48
Putin's staredown was about as effective as Aleksander's immune system and Jean Claude's outfit
Tue, 10/21/08 - 11:55
Putin’s staredown was about as effective as Aleksander’s immune system and Jean Claude’s acting chops*
Wed, 10/22/08 - 12:23
It was at that moment that Aleksander realized just who had been on the other end of that glory hole!
Wed, 10/22/08 - 12:27
Aleks: "You think I'm messed up -- you should see the bear I drount in its own blood.
Wed, 10/22/08 - 12:37
Aleks: "This is my penis...wanna fight about it?"
Wed, 10/22/08 - 12:42
Aleks: Thanks for lending me that Tattoo gun Jean... Putin: You lent him a Tattoo gun? Jean: haha yeah the one i branded my hookers with.
Wed, 10/22/08 - 01:02
Putin: "You would love my country Jean. All our fighters dress like this."
Wed, 10/22/08 - 02:28
"Do you laugh when i say....BIGGUS....DICKUS??"
Wed, 10/22/08 - 05:22
Great fight Aleks, but did you see the dancing bear?
Wed, 10/22/08 - 05:30
Aleksander Emelianenko tries his hand at open-mic night at the Kremlin. "So what's up with our horrible government, amiright?!"
Wed, 10/22/08 - 05:35
Staring contest, ready......GO!
Wed, 10/22/08 - 10:29
Putin - "Is that your co-star from Bloodsport who lost his bandana?" Van Damme - "No, he's fighting in EliteXC." Question: What's with the roided out Tom Cruise lookalike next to Van Damme?
Wed, 10/22/08 - 11:40
Aleks: Hey Vlad I didn't know you had a daughter. VP: I don't, that's my son AE: Ohhhhhh Me Likey. Van Damme: LOLOL...FAG AE: You're wearing that shirt and calling ME a fag.....wanna to get some dinner my treat? Oh and that stuff about Hep B, total bullshit. VD: UmmmmHmmm.
Wed, 10/22/08 - 03:22
Shown here: The absolute epitome of "Marry, Fuck, Kill".
Wed, 10/22/08 - 05:13
You are what?!? Our president?!? And he´s supposed to be an action star? If that shit is true then I guess I have a hepatitis B!!!
Wed, 10/22/08 - 06:22
Who let the girl in?
Wed, 10/22/08 - 07:21
Aleks : "Why can't I fight Putin? I'm easily better than Jean Claude..." Putin: (Really....noone...I'm gonna be the one that has to say this...?) Alright.. GENITAL WARTS!!
Wed, 10/22/08 - 10:42
Aleks in Marilyn Monroe voice: "Happy Birthday...Mr. President...Happy Birthday to you!"
Thu, 10/23/08 - 12:19
Hey Jean! How taste my pee pee!
Thu, 10/23/08 - 12:40
"No no no Aleks, eveyone is laughing WITH you."
Thu, 10/23/08 - 02:31
Can the "Muscles from Brussels" protect Putin from the “Meat of St. Pete?”
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:11
"I can smile because I ruined my life with shitty films...not shitty tattoos"
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:15
"YESSSS, I got the idea for the my next movie. The former head of the KGB teams up with a former MMA superstar, to make the formerly unimpressed chick fall in love with me."
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:16
My next movie? I don't want to get into details, but yes its gonna suck
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:27
Hey guys check it out! I hid MrFeexit's MMA book in my shorts!
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:28
"Give me your seat Putin, or my brother will take it for me"
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:32
"Jokes on you!!! your all greased up and now you don't have to fight the chick"
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:35
"No guys, I'm serious... I think I can take her"
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:10
...and at that moment Aleks NEW that they were laughing at him...but why?
Thu, 10/23/08 - 01:35
Aleks: " Hey Jean Claude, you want to see my Dim Mak?" It's funny because it's true....Hepatitis C from his Pee pee
Thu, 10/23/08 - 01:37
correction: Hepatitis fucking B
Thu, 10/23/08 - 01:38
Putin, which one is your date?
Thu, 10/23/08 - 02:04
Putin: DId you hear that JC? He said "I must break you"!
Thu, 10/23/08 - 02:58
Jean-Claude and Putin debate how high they should bid to win a date with Aleksander Emelianenko.
Thu, 10/23/08 - 03:00
Jean-Claude and Putin debate how high they should bid to win a night of romance with Aleksander Emelianenko.
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:49
Putin: "JCVD, meet your replacement...002 - Aleksander 'Polonium-210' Emelianenko"
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:51
Testing positive for Polonium keeps Aleks out of Affliction...and brings Jean Claude Van Damme IN!!!!!!
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:53
Who let Van Damm in the door? Who's the security, the Oakland Raiders defensive line?
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:55
Who's next to show up, Tommy Morrison?
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:56
Ten years ago this picture would have been filled with celebrities
Thu, 10/23/08 - 04:57
3men + 1 moderately attractive girl = The next horrible Jean Claude Van Damme movie
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