“If I don’t get to meet Leah Remini, this honkie gets it!!!”

When the asylum loses it’s tranquilizers…

Watcha gotta do for some fried chicken round here.

“Ladies and Gentlemen the tag team champions of the wooooooorrrlld”

Now you will taste my pee pee pee

rampage, ” i thought you said you was gonna pay us”
couture,”huurrrmmmphhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”

dude in the back,”i wonder if rampage will sign my truck?”

jackson’s after party ufc 86

“Watch for the supplex!”

Uhh Rampage? Randy? I told you reading the Kama Sutra with a mirror wouldn’t work!

“Look what I can DO!!”

Good Ol’ Fashioned Tea-Bagging Fun!!!

(Photo courtesy of The Open Closet Night Club – San Francisco, CA)

Good Ol’ Fashioned Tea-Bagging Fun!!!

(Photo taken from San Francisco, CA at local bar The Open Closet)

Rampage, being the gentleman he is, never lets his friends drive home drunk after a night out at Chili’s.

In hindsight, Kevin realized that he should have read the script more closely before agreeing to star in the remake of “The Accused.”

The girls never came!….THEY NEVER CAME!!!!!!

Damn that Jackson he was to supposed to stop fasting poor guy only wanted his autograph

Rampage secounds away from throwing an innnocent pregnant man down the stairs to show the proper way to deleiver a miscariage.

disgruntled postal worker on a Rampage? Total cliche.

@ Kevin James: sorry bro, just saw an overweight delivery guy with a dumb look on his face

White meat comin’ thru!

Rampage starts his community service as a postal carrier carrier.

Y’all thought my rasslin stopped with the powerbomb huh?

SO…Rampage, Randy Couture and Kevin James walk into a Chili’s…

“I’m tired of being your Wing Man, Randy. I always get stuck with the fat one!”

Ariel Helwani looks on in the background, “mmm… I’d go on a rampage thru LA to tap that ass out!”

Rampage – “The bad news is you had a miscarriage. Good news is I found a replacement baby!”
Randy – “Stay back Child Services! He won’t get lost in your system any longer!”

Alternate Lines -
Rampge – “Jesus wants us to joyride a monster truck… sponsored by Toyo Tires.”
Kevin James – “Holy crap! Randy just rocked Joe Rogan!”

Standing in the back, Rampage’s lawyer realized his defense case just got alot harder after Jackson couldn’t decide on soup or salad without hitting the closest thing that looked pregnant.

Another typical night in LA’s favorite construction themed gay bar, “The Manhole”.

Rampage: “If we’re going to make this human crucifix thing work, stop squirming your fat ass!”
Kevin James: “What’s Randy doing?”
Rampge: He’s re-enacting the eleventh plague- droppin’ elbows on suckas!”

I like taste of this man’s Pee-Pee-Pee!!

Randy, must we do this every time you get drunk? I’m supposed to be the crazy one.

Poor Rampage, it’s OK dude; we all get bored during king of queens.

Rampage was known for his agression in the cage. Now he uses it to pick up men in gay bars.

there’s no monkeys in canada!

I’m gonna make you squeal like a pig you pork skin fag!

I’m gonna make you squeal like a pig you pork skin mudda fukka!

Nevermind Rampage, whats up with the creepy guy behind him?

After a week of fasting, Rampage’s guest appearence on King of Queens did not go as planned…

Hancock II:The Return of the Scorpion King

“Alright Randy, you keep destroying their nervous system and I’ll bring them to their homes, lay their incapacitated bodies on the couch and turn on Spike to bump up the ratings for Dana”

Rampage goes bizerko when the house jukebox doesn’t have Katey Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl.”

Looks like Rampage just found out Clay Aiken fathered a child.

the best parrrt of wa-king uuuup…is two girls and onnne cuuuup.

the fact that i sang that fuker should neutralize the fact that it doesn’t even remotely apply.

Lost contact to blame for Rampage’s restaurant hit and run?

Rampage: “100, 101,102,103, pfeww! your up Randy, i just beat my squating record!”

Randy:” 1 sec, im still working these kinks out on this guy”

no rematch with forrest. “rampage go smash now!”

In an energy-drink induced rage, Randy Couture then bumps into Rampage, causing him to mis-carry his illegitimate son. Said Rampage after the incident, “If it could happen to God, it could happen to anyone…”

okay…. you can have the booth

“I´m not a crook”

From the beginning of time, righteous men have bravely imbed christianity to the heads (and other bodyparts) of infidels.

in the end chuck could only watch in horror as rampage took yet another trophy from him

What happens when Rampage escapes the “watchful” eye of Dana White.

dubz wins imho

those gloves look shit

“Macho Man” Randy Couture and “Rampage” Monsoon find that they make an effective tag team, winning their first match by simultaneously hitting their opponents with their respective finishing moves: the flying elbow and the airplane spin.

Randy Couture convinces a down-on-his luck “Rampage” Jackson to try acting in straight-to-DVD productions, and filming begins on “Lethal Weapon 5: This Time It’s Different Because the White Guy’s the Old One and the Black Guy’s the Crazy One.”

After legal problems ended his UFC career, Rampage was forced to take the job of disposing of the people whom Randy killed for asking, “Don’t you think that you’re too old to fight Fedor?”

A new employee of Chotchkie’s, Rampage completely misunderstood the restaurant’s flair policy.

During the most trying periods of your life, when you only saw one set of footprints in the sand, I was carrying you. And Randy was crippling your friend.

As God, Rampage’s first order of business was to cast Adam from the Garden of Eden.

Randy was thinking Chili’s. Rampage was thinking he created the universe in seven days.

“I bet you my next fight don’t go to no decision. I bet my whole purse, and this big dude on it!”

In other news: Court was rocked today when Rampage Jackson’s attorney submits exhibit “A” as Jackson walks in carrying the miscarried baby he exclaims, “No wonder you had a miscarriage, you should have given birth 38 years ago!”

“look what I found in the garbage….a perfectly good white man. Are we just throwing these things away?”

Another workout “and one and two and three annnd ffloor!…”

They later explained to a disappointed Rampage, that he was just fat, and in fact, not pregnant.

“I just spent the last six weeks dragging around this fatass now you tell me Jason Lambert is dropping to 185…thanks Juanito…you’re fired.”

did anyone notice the look on the “young” Cro Cop’s Face??? Looks like he was the one fasting…. That shit is just fucking priceless!!!!

Nigroooo Tosssss! , later that day it was revealed that the pregnent transexual Rampage threw had a miscarriage. Oops.

After losing his UFC contract, Quinton Jackson became a male model, here he is with Black Steel

Kimbo got the CMA’s and I still gotta do promo for Spike?!?

Affliction: Day of Reckoning/ Main Event – Rampage v. The Natural v. Big Kuntry

This is what your baby was going to look like Lady, so really I did you a favor.

See I told you I’m not crazy! Would a crazy person wear such a kick ass green hat?!?

Just a perfectly sane guy getting in a perfectly sane bar brawl.

rampage: can you make me some fajitas out of THIS>?

I hate having to do Kevin’s stunt work…..I am the one who fell off that ladder in Chuck and Larry, I was the one who had to Kiss Will Smith in Hitch, and now here I am in this photo, I was the one who had to be twirled around and prison raped by Rampage and Couture, cause they don’t want to mess up Kevin’s cute face, Then Kevin says in interveiws that he does all his own stunts…yeah right budy!!!!

The psych ward’s rendition of The Outsiders. Catch it before Randy tries to renegotiate his contract.

this is what really happens when you try and “dine with a perfectly sane rampage jackson.”

“The power of Christ compels you to carry me home”

This is going to be worse than that night in Jail.

“The King of Delirium”

This is me btw. I submitted a few so on the off-chance I get one selected I put my email in this time. I forgot to all previous times…duh…

cecil peoples scores the bout: 52-42 rampage

if tim sylvia can dance to the “phantom of the opera,” then get $800k from affliction, i should get a cool million for this twirl.

“Hurry up and take the picture, this guy is getting a chubby!”

“Who ordered the white guy?”

Ladies and Gentlemen after 5 rounds and 25 minutes of great Chili’s action, we go to the judges scorecards for a decision.

Adalaide Byrd scores the contest: 48-46

Nelson Hamilton has it: 48-46

And, Roy Silbert has it: 49-46

Declaring the winner by unanimous decision, aaaaaaand Neeeewwww Chili’s Undisputed World Light Heavy Weight Champion: Forrest “the delivery guy” Griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimus!!!!

Before I give you the patented Rampage-Slam, are you sure you’re not that pregnant guy from Oprah?

Here, Quinton demonstrates “The Ultimate Balltap”, which is all the rage amongst over sized high school bullies. The shit eating grin is crucial technique.

“I’m sooo fly”

Even when he was younger… in cheesy, staged for tv bar fights… Chuck Liddell sat back in the corner and waited for a counter punch.

That isn’t me in that photo you bunch of retards….Just wanted to point that out…..

The Casting call for “Superbad 2… Grown up and Crazy” didn’t go quite like they had planned….

“Bitches.”

***Edit*** moonlighting

Randy and Rampage moonighting as chiropractors at the local Chilis.

CMON KJ…Let me walk you though the pearly gates…..YOU KNOW I’M GOD…..RIGHT?

Black Man’s Burden

“We’ve been carryin’ your asses for fo-hundred years.”

After a failed career as a taxi driver Rampage decided to cut out the middleman. He became a taxi.

“Good lord your strong! Hey, Does Randy Couture have a lower back tatoo? What does “Sugarfree’s Bitch” mean?”

“Hey Randy, I told you I was like Jesus….this fat guy will be my cross to bear”

Sadly, after recent events, Rampage Jackson was forced to “create” a position with IPS

rampage: you got your bitch?

randy: im working on it….only rapist right?

what would’ve happened if they didn’t threaten rampage with guns after his hit and run first.

this is how bob sapp and randy couture got sent to prison with big stan.

Rampage: “It’s Chili’s To-Go!”

Popped Collars are the number one threat to America. Remember friends don’t let friends pop collars.

Rampage and Couture’s cleaning services!
We clean till it sparkles bitches!!

Rampage training to become a pro wrestler with his new finishing maneuver, the death valley driver.

If he keeps losing contacts maybe Rampage should look into Laser eye surgery.

In this deleted scene from The Scorpion King 2, we see Sargon and his eunuch battling the leaders of the Chilean empire.

Randy: “I’ll have an order of Helpless UPS Delivery Guy. Well done, please.”

Rampage: “Same thing but make mine rare. And I’ll take that to-go.”

His first day in prison, Rampage wastes no time selecting his bitch.

Randy wants Fedor, Rampage wants a rematch….The other guys just wished they didn’t take their anger out on them.

Randy Couture couldn’t keep from laughing when Rampage said “I’ll take the fat friend.”

“Jeepers creepers Batman. It’s not The Joker, it’s StrongBad!”

How much do you wanna bet I can eat this whole PIG?!!!

The UFC Day Spa wasn’t exactly all Gary Valentine had hoped it would be.

“Pictured: A scene from the new hit comedy ‘I now pronounce you ‘Page and Larry.’

Rampage (as himself), smooth-talking ladies man, in order to qualify for auto insurance after his recent scandal, decides to circumvent his insurance denial by entering into a civil union with Larry (played by Kevin James).

With special guest appearance by Randy Couture helping Rampage to fight off would-be contenders for Larry’s love.”

NOTE: I’m aware that’s not Kevin James, but damn if that guy isn’t a dead ringer for him.

“Dancing with the Stars” has taken a wierd turn these days…

“Nothing about this is psychological. Seriously…”

Rampage “Too much energy drink make Rampage something something…”

Couture “Go Crazy???”

Rampage “Don’t mind if I dooooooooooo!”

Hey Randy, I like the white meat!

Hey your not kevin your his talentless brother gary. Only kevin gets to hang with Michael clark duncan you have got to go.

Instead of getting kicked in the @ss and called a f@ggot, this is what happens when Rampage catches you looking at “The Brain”

Somehow Crazy Rampage has mistaken the delivery guy for a cross

Rampage found the perfect hood ornament for his truck

Sure Rampage can lift this guy, but what about Jeff Sherwood?

What do you mean we are out of energy drinks!!!!!!!!!

Apparently the balding man in the back was the only one to notice that the pregnant man had just miscarried all over rampage’s back.

This was an episode of King of Queens

Rampage is doing his best Dino Bravo impersonation

Modern technology ever advancing, psychologists were actually able to capture a single, disturbing snapshot of Rampage’s thought process shortly BEFORE he was arrested in Orange County.

Rampages thoughts: This is what happens when Bob Sapp isn’t available for these terrible acting jobs.

After the split with trainer Juanito Ibarra. Quinton decided to take a new faster, more aggresive aproach at training. He called it body building

“Wow Rampage, thats a tight..” Rampage “yea I know”.

“and stop coming to every UFC event Kevin James ya don’t know me…(to Randy)…he’s startin to drive Rampage a lil crazy”

JC PENNY – Buy the first ugly janitors outfit at regular price, and get a travel janitor for FREE!

“Why mis-carriage, when you can direct-carriage?”

Gary Valentine….The other, other white meat…..

Rampage, are you sure this is the best way to check your prostate?

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back…

Its Couture and Rampage puting the beatdown on the ppl of kings of queens lol

“and God, why in my time of troubles were there only one set of footprints in the Chili’s”

I ain’t a chump, homey. I ain’t throwing this dude at no pregnant bitches, ya feel me?

Heyyy my bad about that whole fetus thing, this little guy here should make us even.

“Hold him down, Randy. I’m puttin’ this one in sideways!”

After his twelfth Awesome Blossom, Rampage has trouble distinguishing between his steel chain necklace and the waitstaff.

gah i messed that up…
“After failing to put in his contact lenses, Rampage decides to take his perceived son on a little ride”

“Hey Rampage! Listen, the new training equipment hasn’t come in yet, so for now, you can squat this guy over here and if you need anything, I’ll be over there doing preacher curls.”

man i want those gloves.

“After failing to put in his contact lenses, Rampage decides to take who his perceived son on a little ride”

It seems Rampage was in fact the last person to receive the memo of Xtreme Couture relocating

Rampage dumps Juanito for the new Chili’s training camp

Next time the parcel carriers were careful to deliver Extreme Couture’s HGH shipment on time.

Look what I can do! (Stewart from mad tv)

“Randy, don’t look now, but I think the guy behind us is that crazy fucker ‘T-Bag’ from Prison Break and he keeps staring at my ass!!!”

Jesus on the cross, carrying the weight of the world. And by jesus i mean a looney tune and weight I mean Kevin James’ fat ass.

Don’t you know I’m god, white boy!

After one to many redbulls rampage decided he was no longer a god but instead a taxi.

Hey Randy, hows my new scarf look? It’s made out of white people.

After hearing the terrible news about the miscarriage, Rampage began performing missionary work by trying to save all unborn babies. Unfortunately, he has as much trouble distinguishing male from female as he does big hand from little hand.

Also…

“I really miss him, he was like a son to me,” Juanito Ibarra remarked. “He used to carry me around like that. Those were some good times…..”

Bitches and hoes, bitches and hoes, gotta get me some bitches and hoes.

When will I get this monkey off my back??!!

Rampage goes totally psychotic and starts quoting from “Footsteps in the Sand”.

http://tinyurl.com/Footsteps-Sand

Man I am constipated, perhaps if I put a 300 pound man on my back it will help me take a dump…uuggghhhh…nope still nothing…hey crazy man in the background stop looking at my ass like its candy or your next

No Honkey, I am the King of Kings!!

But After a week at Irvine Psychiatric he realized the name of the show was actually King of Queens….

While Rampage carries her away Randy beats the waitstaff senseless for giving Kim Couture that fourth rack of Baby Back Ribs.

How sad. Rampage has gone from having his way with 80 pound Japanese girls to 200 pound comedians. Oh well, he doesn’t seem to mind.

Ace “Rampage” Ventura, “Is that your gun digging into my head?”

Rampage knew he was carrying dead weight his entire career, but this was getting ridiculous.

Fired?!? Because I can’t deliver on time?!? So what if I can’t read a watch, I’m on Rampage delusional time!

(I didn’t know how to make this one work, it didn’t come out right. I wouldn’t mind at all if somebody stole this idea and made it sound better.)

“Hey Randy, tenderize this honkey while I go get me more Red Bull!”

Rampage’s first meal after his 4 day fast…..

Man, why did I sign up for this crap!

It ain’t an unborn baby, but it’ll do

I thought if the F-5 can work for Brock Lesnar, maybe WWE can help me out

A physical representation of the weight of all Rampage’s problems being lifted off of his shoulders.

20 minutes later, the man that Rampage body-slammed tragically lost his food-baby.

(By the way, I’m not “posting comments too quickly” you fuckers!)

Quinton stops to ask Randy how many fights he has left on his contract after this next one.

and I thought the cross was heavy

Rampage says…”THIS is what brown can do for you!”

Randy, you crazy son of a bitch.

NOT PICTURED: Dana White, insisting to everybody that this is perfectly normal behavior and that Rampage is NOT crazy.

And YOU must be the Monopoly guy! Thanks for the free parking.

“I never believed in God. Then one day I was watching ‘King of Queens’ and he just walked onto the television screen, put one of the characters in the Torture Rack, and shattered the fourth wall by making direct eye contact with me.”

After putting back a few red bulls, Rampage decided the next logical step in his life was to go on a murderous no pun intended as a post officer.

Q: Can God make a man so fat that he can’t pick him up?
A: Obviously not.

Even after losing your belt everyone at Chili’s is gonna know you still have some fight left in you!

Filling in for Bob Sapp, special guest Rampage Jackson getting in on the fun during Randy Couture’s 2nd Annual ‘Rape The Rapists’ Charity Event

“Hey ‘Page? I think my balls are touching the back of your head and my Hand is on your ass. Does this make us friends?

“HOLY, look at those cauliflour ears!…..mmmmmm Cauliflour..”

“Hey ‘Page? I think my balls are touching the back you your head and my Hand is on your ass. Does this make us friends?

Rampage’s planned parenthood…getting creative with your abortion.

Rampage’s new workout headed by his new trainer(Chuck Liddel’s Lil’ Brother) in the background. (fatmiddle-agedwhiteguy not sold in stores.)

Couture & Jackson Chiropracting

We all have our cross to bear.

Rampage’s delirium has degenerated into attacking C-list, overweight comedians.

Umm, so the pose is real similar and all, but still, I don’t think that was quite how Jesus did it…

Larry The Cable Guy when he gets angry

Rampage uses a local pub patron to illustrate exactly how big Forrest Griffin’s ears are.

Ever the ladies man, Rampage pauses mid-beating to mug for the camera.

Rampage’s new job: Delivering janitors to Randy Couture to be beaten.

“The day after Rampage vs. Griffin 2″

…as part of the plea-bargain, Rampage was sentenced to 50 hours of community service, which he has opted to serve taking out white trash in local establishments.

and they kept screaming “he’s fat not pregnant”

This is what happens when you don’t put Rampage’s dressing on the side.

Chili’s Buffalo Chicken Kickers: So good they’ll cause “delirium”!