Hey, Shorty. That babe is “SMOKIN”.

“Alright…no signs of herpes!”

“I sure hope she doesn’t have a dick…like the last one!”

Chuck to Vern Troyer…

“Who im I going to fight next? I don’t care, I’m worried about who I am going to fuck next, and I think i know who!!”

Chuck to lady in red…

“They used to call my dick the ‘Ice Pick’ when I was a kid, now it is know as
The Iceman’s ‘South Pole’.”

“Wipe that smile off your face, Vern Troyer, she’s lookin’ at me! Chuck

Chuck to midget, ” How does she smell from down there, Vern Troyer? Good? Great,Lets fuck bitch!”

“Hey man, I’m leaving here with the lady in red, she smoked that whole cigarette in one fuckin’ drag!!” Chuck

Chuck to lady in red,

“You have a mohawk too? Hell yeah! Lets blow this joint so I can see that pretty little Mohican!”

“Sorry lady, I thought that was the belt Rampage took from me!”

Chuck: “Hey dude, see that chick in the red dress?”
Other guy: “Yeah man”
Chuck: “Yeah, good… ever heard of a pig roast?”

Chuck to bald dude: (Laughing and slurring)She actually thinks I was paying attention to her. You think that’s funny, you should see me in an early morning interview after a night of binge drinking and prescription medication.

Chuck asks the midget over to his house for a party, much to the disappointment of the woman in red who thought he was coming over to talk to her.

chuck asks his new midget (small person) friend if there are two people makingout on his back.

Clearly she didn’t get called back the day after!!!

This Britney Spears look-alike wants my icicle!

Shake and Bake!

HERE IS THE WINNER!!!!!!

Chuck to Guy Sitting Down: Hey…I think that is Oscar De La Hoya in the wig and red dress. You know how he likes role playing.

Chuck to Guy Sitting Down: Dude…I think that girl gave me herpes by just looking at me!

Chuck: BEER GOGGLES….BEER GOGGLES….WHERE THE HELL ARE MY BEER GOGGLES!!!

Chuck liddell warns fellow bar patrons thats Tim Sylvia is in that bathroom shoving a zucchini up his backside well wearing nothing but the Heavy-Weight Belt.

“Yeah, my buddy Tim is outside, hes down for a gang bang, but be warned his championship belt is gonna bruise you.”

“I bet you’ve never smoked a Mohican?”

I said keep your nose out of her business!

Chuck to the man seated:
I agree; the economy is in the toliet. Dana just sold me to a Chinese conglomerate!

OR

Chuck to the man seated:
I haven’t the foggiest, to what those characters represent. I was partying hard in Beijing and met a chick. Next thing I know, I wake up in a tub of ice. One kidney gone and some “fresh ink”.

OR

Chuck to the man seated:
My philosophy of fighting. Crisis = danger + opportunity.

OR

Brunette talking to blonde:
Isn’t that from that old Calgon soap commercial?

Brunette and blonde, blurt out at same time:
ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET!!

(for those who have never seen the Calgon commercial, it is on youtube.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojm1Xzwlc9Q

f paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Me

kammmmmmmmmmmmon leemmmeee have a goooooo

“Come back to mine we’ll do some cough medicine, then I ‘ll show what I can REALLY do with this thumb of mine!”

Don’t worry lil’ man, some day you will grow up to be as big as Chuck”

Let’s go see if we can make this little kitty purr.

Can you turn that music……up?

“What do you mean, Tag Team?”

Listen, I don’t care if you are Joe Rogan’s Mini-Me, you’re throwing salt on my game….

Are you ready!? Chuck, are you ready! Let’s get it on! Who let Big John in here?

“do you know if the two guys behind me leaning there heads on each other want a little ice in there cock-tails?”

only the iceman could put out the fire in her cooch

Nice mohawk…creep

“Yeah, I call this finger the Ice Pick”

You see my shave job…When do get to I see yours?

“Oh you mean THIS tattoo? It says ‘white power’ in Chinese!”

Chuck: (to bald dude) You put four face in lap on more time and im throwin your ass out!

Hey Chuck, you’ll be fighting for your life when I get your head between my thighs!

“Then I said ‘careful my thumb might be a little cold’, then POW! Right in the pooper! —- Oh hey babe.”

“Laugh at my hair again..”

you know what has two thumbs and likes that booty…….THIS GUY

This thumb is for your front bum sweet cheeks!

Well actually…YES .. If you dont get the fuck out I will kick your ass.

“Hey man check it out, look how far i can bend my thumb back.”

Very niiiice: Chuck Liddell reaps further benefits from being a pro fighter by having people still feel obligated to laugh at his lame Borat impressions

Joe Rogan: “I was just gnoshing this bird Chuck”

Chuck: “Get the fuck outside!”

“And it was in this photo, at this exact moment, when Bruce and I made eye contact, that I knew it was love.”

-excerpt from Chuck Liddells second novel,
Ice Melts Too: My Loving Life

You want me to step outside with you? No problem mohawk man. This guys obviously doesn’t know I train with Billy Blanks!

“I will this cigarette was his icicle”

“Get off yer knees Bubb. The “Icepick” is reserved for high quality skanks ONLY!

Hey baby, how would you like Chuck to motorboat you with his mohawk?

“oohhh yeee 1 slut down 4 to go!”

Chuck: Man…uhhh i tellya wut..man..there’s eh um. yeah dude…for real. i was like….yeah..uh..er..you know whut i’m sayin.

“Hey Dude, she said the same thing wanderei told me.” “I want to fuck Chuck!”
“I bet she is better in bed, too!” Chuck

Hey Turd, i’m pretty sure that is Tiki Ghosn. i’d kick him out of my booth too!

“I’m tellin’ ya dude, we got back there and she pulled out a cock bigger than mine!”

Chuck is the giving the midget a thumbs up because he has never seen a midget score with such a hot chick.

“Bitch,(hiccup) the only thing you should be smoking is my pole. ….yeah, that’s right… I’m the Iceman you bald fuck(hiccup)……Hackleman’s driving, right?”

“Aaaaay! call me the Fonz.”

Hey Buddy…..This thumb is gonna give that chick the scorpion later tonight, so why dont you get the hell out of here before you scare her off

“Hey Tiki, what are you doing in my booth? take a hike, Get the fuck outta here!”

thought bubble for Chuck: That hot chick has her own midget. I want a midget too!

What has one thumb and wants to replace your cigarette with his dick?………

“Glad you think it is funny. Either way she is coming with me.”

“i’ll bet you my left thumb those boobs are fake”

“I am the iceman, enough said……I dont really have to talk after that.”

“Believe it or not i cut my own hair”

“That’s a dude? Get up and let me take a look.”

“…all i did for this book is got Chuck Norris quotes off this internet and put my name in it.”

“cigarettes are bad for you…you should suck on my thumb”

Ultimate Fighter Chuck Liddell attempts to recruit a camera operator for a “3 Girls, 1 Chuck” internet video.

Woman in Red: Uumm. I would go 5 rounds with you.
Chuck: I am usually done in a minute or two… Yeah!

“…and thats when i stuck my thumb in Randy’s eye”

wanna play thumb wars?

“I’ll bet you me left thumb those boobs are fake”

Would you mind putting out the cigarette, maam? This is a no smoking area.

Chuck gives a thumbs up to the girl that shot me down

Iceman: So I said to her let me check your oil babe?
Head: What did she say?
Iceman: Nothing I’m the Iceman B*tch

Chuck felt sorry for that 135 pounder that lives with him so hes bringing another midget to keep him company.

What came first, the tattoos or the haircut?

“Hey, Babe – What has two thumbs and likes B.J..s?………This guy!”

pull my finger!

I would love to hit those, but I am afraid they would blow up like an air-bag, and scar my face!

Hey Serra go hit on someone your own size!

“Hey Baby, Did you read my book? …… Me Neither”

“Holy Crap Dude! you mean that chick i just banged in the bathroom is Wanderlei Silva’s Sister!?!?!”

Iceman Brakes The Ice By Braking a Midgit.

Nice shoes! Wanna Fuck?
Nice Midget! Wanna Fuck?
Nice Tits! wanna Fuck?

that dude kinda looks like matt serra but taller lol

“So uh what do you two say about coming back to my place and putting some icing on the Iceman”?

Hey, I already took two beatings in a row why not make it three..

“People say that i don’t train hard anymore, but they have no idea how hard you have to work to get laid with this haircut”

(thought balloon for Chuck) If she smokes she pokes!

“Bad haircut and head tattoo’s aside… I drive a Ferrari”

Hey man, i think i’m gonna nail that chick tonight, after all, its just rampage tomorrow…………

After getting in on with that chick; The Iceman will now be known as The Liceman, oh wait, they’re called crabs when you have them down there!

“Nikki — my Range Rover, 15 minutes. Andre — the bathroom, now.”

“What do you think, disembodied head that only I can see — should I take this chick home or not?”

Chuck hits an all-time low by offering out a 3ft midget.