“Chicks are for Fags”

YOU FUCKIN LAME BASTARDS ALWAYS PICK THE WORST CAPTIONS TO WIN. MELTY CHEESE FACE LOOKIN ASSHOLES DESERVE A KICK IN THE RETARDS. EAT YOUR OWN DICKS OFF FAGS!

DEFINITELY not stockton approved.

You see Houston, if you dodge the paparazzi like you dodge punches in a fight, then we’re fucked.

Nice cleavage; the side boobs, not the boobs on the side.

Not everyone can be winners and losers all the time But anyone CAN wear Lugz.

Not everyone can be winners and losers all the time But anyone CAN wear Lugz.

Here to promote an up-coming fight UFC 97: Winners and Losers-Opposites Attract, are Lyoto Machida and Houston Alexander….

The fighters seemed dis-interested, as there was a designer jeans sale across the street.

i wonder how many times they had to wake alexander up during this interview.

The Ultimate Fighter 10 Team overrated vs team chicks with dicks

p.s. Ted Nutmeg should win this contest his comment was amazing

The ladies directing the fighters’ attention to the diagram showing how Houston’s hair ended up on Machida’s eyebrows.

Machida and Alexander look away from each other after they realize that there in the same lugz add

“Ok, next question….what the fuck are you looking at?”

Seconds after being told they had to sort through the comments of the latest cage potato caption contest.

Houston: I’m going to tap that ass!

Lyoto: No, you will just tap.

2 girls, 6 boobs.

Machida: Sorry Houston. Dana White says you’re not allowed in the VIP section anymore. You can take my car. I’m sure I’ll catch a ride.

Do you boys have to wear your cups everywhere you go?

Stay tuned. An all new episode of Wife Swap is next.

“Lyoto and Houston on the red carpet for their new movie Rush Hour 4.”

cmon lemme win i wanna spank it to some boobies

Machida narrowly evades a question while Houston deals with a knock out. Seems about right.

These girls prefer to spit the questions while Houston and Machida should swallow their pride.

Machida to Houston, ‘I just realized that I’m not a lover either!’

Despite having great stand up, when facing opponents like these girls ground and pound is definitely the best game plan.

Mama told us not to stare..

Resistance: the first step to abstinence.

Wondering why they aren’t looking at the ladies?…

WTF you looking at?

Machida: I’m going to nail that ass!
Alexander: Not again, I’m still sore from the last time.

To finally settle their ongoing feud with each other and see who’s the funniest comedian, Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia decide to attend the UFC Halloween party by dressing up as black guys who dress up as white, er, black and latina chicks. Of course, they weren’t able to leave their surgically attached microphones behind. Upon entering the party, they’re approched by UFC fighters Lyoto Machida and Houston Alexander who decided to go dressed up as themselves. Here’s what went on:

Joe Rogan to Machida: “Hey Lyoto, what do you get when u cross a Brazilian with Houston Alexander’s tattoo’s?”

Machida (after having the question translated by Ed Soares): “Half of the people who live in my neighborhood?”

Joe Rogan: “THIAGO SILVA!”

Machida (mumbles something in Japanese as he turns with disgust)

Houston Alexander to Carlos Mencia: “Hey baby, wanna go at it a few rounds in the octagon with me? But I’ll warn you, once you go black you’re gonna need a wheelchair!”

Carlos Mencia:
“A few rounds? My mother, heck, your mother can last longer than you in the octagon. And that last comment? It’s more like, once you go inside any octagon, YOU are gonna need a wheelchair. Hahahaahah!!!! Dee dee dee!”

Houston Alexander mumbles, “but, but Nebraska, is in the…..” , and turns with shame just as someone dressed up as Dana White snaps a picture worth a thousand words!

Seconds after this picture was taken both women left with mazagatti to get mustache rides.

LM-He’s teaching me what not to do against Thiago

To finally settle their ongoing feud with each other and see who’s the funniest comedian, Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia decide to attend the UFC Halloween party by dressing up as black guys who dress up as white, er, black and latina chicks. Of course, they weren’t able to leave their surgically attached microphones behind. Upon entering the party, they’re approched by UFC fighters Lyoto Machida and Houston Alexander who decided to go dressed up as themselves. Here’s what went on:

Joe Rogan to Machida: “Hey Lyoto, what do you get when u cross a Brazilian with Houston Alexander’s tattoo’s?”

Machida (after having the question translated by Ed Soares): “Half of the people who live in my neighborhood?”

Joe Rogan: “THIAGO SILVA!”

Machida (mumbles something in Japanese as he turns with disgust)

Houston Alexander to Carlos Mencia: “Hey baby, wanna go at it a few rounds in the octagon with me? But I’ll warn you, once you go black you’re gonna need a wheelchair!”

Carlos Mencia:
“A few rounds? My mother, heck, your mother can last longer than you in the octagon. And that last comment? It’s more like, once you go inside any octagon, YOU are gonna need a wheelchair. Hahahaahah!!!! Dee dee dee!”

Houston Alexander mumbles, “but, but Nebraska, is in the…..” , and turns with shame just as someone dressed up as Dana White snaps a picture worth a thousand words!

“Don’t stare directly into the cleavage, Houston. That’s what happened to Tito Ortiz”

lyoto eludes the interviewer, while Houston lays the “groundwork” for the interview.

Pesonal hygene and grooming are only girls I want to touch me. These bitches suck. Can’t touch this!

I are the 1337 h4x0r of teh UFC. All your strikes are belong to mid air.

Goldberg: “You know that Machida speaka da Japonesa”

Rogan: “No…no he doesnt, you fucking moron.” *blows line*

Goldberg:”Look for Alexander to utilize his stand up ability by taking this fight to the ground…take a bookchapter outta Brock Lesnar’s page…reach advantage”

Lyoto Machida and Houston Alexander on the set of Fox’s newest reality show “Celebrities We Trick With Transvestites”

Coincidentally, both reporters had asked the fighters to imitate Bruce Buffer’s 180-twist ring introduction.

Coincidentally, both reporters had asked the fighters to imitate Michael Buffer’s 180-twist ring introduction.

Joe Rogan describes the DMT hallucination that will end up tattooed on his right arm.

Although reduced to interviewing Z-list fighters at the “Lugz Teen Choice Awards,” Joan and Melissa Rivers were happy to be doing carpet interviews after finding an amazing plastic surgeon.

“All right, take ‘em off. It’s time to do the Condom Depot photos now.”

Days later, Lugz announced that they were starting their own MMA promotion, and Dana White made all UFC fighters walk barefoot.

Rich Franklin had hoped to see bigger celebrities at the world premier of “Cyborg Soldier.”

After choosing the “Knees” category, the “Jeopardy” contestant answered the “Video Daily Double” correctly: “Who dropped Tito with a knee, makes a living on their knees, and hits with illegal knees?”

We’re here with Lyoto Machida and Houston Alexander stars of season 2 of The Iron Ring. Only on BET.

The girl on the left looks like Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell. The “girl” on the right looks like a man.

Fuck me, I don’t like gay captions at the best of times, but Machida is definitely setting himself up to be ridiculed.

Could Machida look any more gay without having a cock in his mouth?

Brand new Timberlands, jeans with an effeminite wash fade and a good 1-2″s too short in the leg, turning away from a lovely looking female model and a seducing look that wouldn’t look out of place on Gay Times and is screaming, “come here big boy!”.

Houston: Keep focussed at the camera mang.
Lyoto [muttering]: The cameraman is hot.

*Houston thinking ‘If he gets me in the mount I’m going on a 4 and 0 losing streak’*

“Andy’s public defender has advised up against commenting on the case.”

Andy Dick’s body guards when asked about the pending case

Although Machida seemed quite elusive during the interview, nothing depressed the ladies more than to find out just how bad Alexander really is when hes mounted

Four of the toughest ladies in womens MMA today.

If you’re still trying to figure just what the hell Anderson Silva was doing during his fight with Patrick Cote, you’re not the only one.

Lyoto – “I’m gonna take this bitch back to my room and break her”
Alexander – “Heh heh, sure you are Lyoto”

Lyoto Machida: The only fighter too “elusive” to knock out Houston Alexander.

Lyoto Machida: The only man too “elusive” to knock out Houston Alexander.

The makings of perhaps the worst interview ever: Lyoto tended to avoid nearly all of the questions and Alexander got knocked out before anything was able to be established.

Hello Lyoto do you have any comments?
Machida- I want to fight wifa da bes. Gina Carano looks bigger than Houston.
Hello Houston- Hello Gina. Again. I am an employee of the UFC. Again I have 17 kids. Again Nebraska’ in the building.

Caught daydreaming about receiving triangle chokes

Microphone fighters-
Houston says “left hook”
Machida says “I’m elusive and I bobbed my head”
Houston says ” jab”
Machida says” elusive again you missed”
Houston says” Nebraska is in the building”
Machida says” while you were saying that I took you down and punched you in the forehead 17 times I win by ref stoppage”
Houston says” what I’m fine I swear”

Distracted by a sound behind them during the post fight interviews for UFC 117, both Machida and Alexander turn and are amazed to see that Kalib Starnes is *still* running from Nate Quarry

Chicks- “Alright! We are standing here with the most elusive and least elusive men in the UFC.” Guys, tell us why your styles differ so greatly, and how come it is so hard for one of you to win over fans, and the other to… win.”

While Houston comes across yet another “knockout”, Machida and the chic in the red skirt realize they have something in common. They have both beaten Rich Franklin.

After someone off camera hollered “Here comes Brock Lesnar!!” They both turned to see what a real fighter looks like. Plus he probably was flexing his sword/cock chest tat at them.

I just wanna read the articles.

Ok Huerta and Gurgel the jig is up, we know what you’re hiding under those skirts.

H: ooooohh!! cute cameraman!!

M: I know but don’t tell Dana( he’s going to be fucking pissed!!!!)

H: I know I know!

For the last time Ladies!!!!! We are not Kimbo Slice and Cung Le!!!!

Hey!! that guy tearing tickets over there looks alot like Tito Ortiz!?!?

This is like a real life version of the tortoise vs. the hare..

Only one of the four pictured wouldn’t get stopped by Gina Carano within a round, and even then it’d go to a decision.

I’m 15, I’m sorry but i need this more than any of you.

I will probably feel just like a boy having his first beer. I’ll cherish it at first, then have my fun with it, then I’ll be mildly disappointed.

Chick 1: I can never get to quit backing away from me.

Chick 2: Really Houston does great unless I get on top of him then its all over.

its sees both men are investing on new coaches for their ground game. lets hope their future opponents don’t get poked by more than accidental fingers.

Fuck the contest i just wanna know why tha fuck this pic was taken?

The recession effects all aspects of life, Free Lugz For Hugz is the new campaign

Houston: “Lyoto, you know what I’d do to Rachelle if I got her on her back?”
Lyoto: “LOL”

Bitches!!!

Both fighters look to their corners uncertainly when confronted with this never before seen “female” opponent.

Lugz…when your always dreaming to be in somebody else shoes!

For the Holiday season, Lugz is revealing 2 new lines of shoes. The “Decisions” and The “NoChins”. Available December 1st.

In his spare time Lyoto Machida likes to roll with 3 equally skilled wrestlers at once

both lyoto and houston look to anderson silva to see if he’ll “help them up”

Machida: Damn! Dana told me this shoot was for running shoes….

“Tonight on ET, we get an inside look on the alleged home-boy hookup scandal of two up and coming, well one actually, UFC fighters…..”

{Heads bobbing in rhythm} “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.”

Ive heard it said, “She can’t wrestle, but you oughtta see her box!”. Well thanks alot Leah.

Lyoto: “Hey Houston, are you Crockett and I’m Tubbs or is it the other way around?”

or

“Hey is that Kimbo with a will fight for food sign?”

High School Musical 4: The Alumni

There all wondering how houston alexander didnt pass out while getting all those tattoo’s

forgot my e-mail.

(Not pictured: a hysterically laughing Joe Silva)

LUGGS ad- LUGGS are so HOT the ladies will love you! LUGGS shoes are so cool you might get beat up for’em but LUGGS boots will make people think twice… *chicks not included, boots and shoes may cause drowsiness… in different forms (*in fine print at the bottom)

- UFC fighters still no match for female “death eyes”.

- Sorry boys, the ring girl line starts back there!

- Is this the line to become a ring girl?

- Houston and Machida’s have the best “coaches”. EVER.

Lugz shoes. So good you’ll feel like you’ve actually earned your payday
or
with Lugz no matter how boring you may be the ladies will love you

Finally, an opponent who can’t knock Houston Alexander out in under a minute.

“FAGS” Ya you two, the in the ass assassin and the puff the never blow his load dragon. You guys suck!
LM:Wait till the tittle fight i will bore you with 5 rounds of new dance moves.
AH: Hey Lyoto can i get some of those dance steps, because i suck.

Reporter 1: Mr. Machida, do you finish or do you go to decisions when you have sex?

Reporter 2: Mr. Alexander, is it true you have so little ground game that even your girlfriend can pass your guard when you have sex?

Reporter 1: Mr. Machida, do you finish or do you go to decisions when you have sex?

Reporter 2: Mr. Alexander, is it true you have so little ground game that even your girlfriend can pass your guard when you have sex?

After much hate mail and careful deliberation, Dana White has decided to replace the Machida/Alexander fight with these two chicks. UFC fans around the world rejoice.

Girl to Houston : ill get on top and ride you all night long.

Lyoto Interupts : That will only last seconds, havent you seen his fights.

The reporters thought they had a chance with the champs…a chance maybe.. champs not quite.

Desperate to appear more popular, Lyoto Machita and Houston Alexander stage a photo op at the wax museum.

After secretly releasing Lyoto Machida and Alexander Houston from the UFC, Dana White is now offering fight contracts to Mark Dacasco and Damon Wayans to fill in as their replacements as seen in this picture.

BREAKING NEWS: Houston Alexander charged with two counts of rape! It would have only been one count however, had it not taken Lyoto Machida 10 minutes to jump in and stop it.

Tag team Machida, Alexander’s got no “ground” game.

Both men stopped and looked at they could have sworn hearing Quinton Jackson’s Howl “awoooo,that’s my promo boys”

or

Overrated shoes for overrated people.

Both boys stopped in the middle of their interviews as they saw a guy opening the new Rachelle Leah Playboy Cover Magazine.

Machida to Houston, “You go for the KO, I’ll go for the decision”

Machida and Alexander gives Dana White the evil eye as he walks through the crowd. Waiting to continue on their interview

Sorry girls, this wont going anywhere. Machida’s girl is reserved for Anderson Silva, and we know Houston has no ground game.

Houston had to explain to Lyoto “Lugz…you buy them when you can’t afford Timberlands.” at the same time reporter one explained to reporter two,”Machida and Houston…you get them When you can’t get Wanderlei Silva.”

“I’d hit the two in the middle. Too many people have already hit the dude on the right, and it’s rumored nigh impossible to hit the dude on the left.

Houston Alexander to lady: “what?! im not Common!”

Lyoto is just looking to make sure that silva doesnt challenge for the title

After much thought Machida and Alexander have decided to persue their life long dream of modeling in hopes of getting a fan base.

Conehead and Unibrow kick ass and get the babes. Watch their adventures on the new CW!

It doesn’t matter what you thought!

IT’S A BIRD….IT’S A PLANE….NO! IT’S
RUN MAN AND HIS SIDEKICK KTFO MAN!

lyoto- “yeah tito, i see you.”

houston-”fuckin shit it’s irvin…”

SOMEONE QUICK! GIVE ME MY CAMERA!
THIS IS A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME…….

YOU NEVER SEE MR. MACHIDA NOT RUNNING AND MR. ALEXANDER ON HIS FEET AT THE SAME TIME!

LOL! BITCHES.
P.S. I REALLY WANT THAT MAGAZINE!

Get ready for the return of the Backstreet Boys!

Bring it home in these Lugz Sporty casual features smooth leather upper with rounded toe, clean lines, minimal stitching,Great for everything except for kicking ass.

or

Both Machida and Alexander are looking back to see if Nick and Nate Diaz approve…cause they are really hood.

“Who’s Gay?”

Machida has never been interested in anything, ever.

Just looking at these girls has given me more action that a Machida fight. And yes, it did last longer than 8 seconds. Sorry Houston

Remembering how his boss asked for pictures of all the best pussy at the event, the photographer knew he’d hit the jackpot with this four-in-one frame.

“Hey, when do we get to try on the Kimbo shoes?”

Hey, bitches! Look here! No! Not you two, the OTHER bitches.

I hate these stupid Spike TV award shows. Ooh! is that Carrot Top.

Either way this will be a snooze fest.

“Rolling around with dudes on mats all the time is having serious reprocussions on Machida and Houston’s decision making” – Dana White

Obviously there is a naked chick holding the camera for this photo shoot!!! How else do you explain Houston and Machida looking this way!!

Rachelle Leah looking.hoo….wait wrong picture… Rachelle Leah looking hoootttt…wait…wrong picture…

Houston: Oh shit its Wayne Brady! run!

“You Gonna Get Raped”

Photographer to Rachelle Leah: You don’t have to look like such a skank you know.
Rachelle Leah’s vagina: LAY OFF I’M STARVING!!!

Houston to Machida: That chick thaking the picture is hotter than these two fucking skanks. Lets go double team her.

That Bitch next to Houston has some Giagantic nasty feet. OMG. Man Hands to boot…

There’s boobs right in their faces, yet they’re staring off into the distance..

Should’ve seen that comin’..

“Hey Machida, is that James Thompson’s ear that just walked through the door?”

“two skanks that can’t get enough of the UFC forehead club–in other news, Lindland feels cheated”

For the first time ever, the man with the shortest fights in the UFC and the man with the longest fights in the UFC meet..

Machida : Hey Houston look there casting for TUF 9 better hurry up and get in line.

“I’m teaching my cat to swim!” I shout, uncontrollably, breaking the intimate mood of the interview and attracting the angry attention of Big Wheels and Egghead. I am pretty sure I can outrun Egghead, but I am not so sure about Big Wheels. Still, after the “Kaleb Starnes MMA workout”, I am ready to try. Slowly, so slowly, I unbutton my pants and turn around. There will be a full moon tonight. Oh yes, yes there will.

portsky Says:

October 28th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Houston Alexander was embarrassed when he hired Lyoto as his bodyguard, but getting Lyoto to re-enact the samurai sword scene from The Bodyguard every night with him made it all worth it.

HILLARIOUS!!!!!

Introducing the new GLAAD poster! Get them while they are hot!

Oh, Shit! Here Comes Chuck, he’s gonna be pissed!

Dana White found an unlikely marketing pair in Machida and Alexander by co-branding Vaseline and smelling salts. “If one doesn’t work, the other will.”

It makes since this is a Lugz footwear ad, because Lyoto runs so much he must really go through shoes and so often we see the logo on the soles of Houston’s feet less than 2 minutes into the fight. We salute you, Lugz PR guy.

a lil boy says to his after seeing this ad…”Mommy, i wanna grow up to be an elusively boring fighter with a chin of glass…can i get a pair of Lugz for Xmas?”

Houston: damn i wish i was as well rounded as lyoto……..Lyoto: who’s this black dude standing next to me?

well this isn’t going to win any caption contest, but what the fuck is up with the over the shoulder looks? oh hey camera man, didn’t hear you come in. and to everyone with the ‘elusive’ and ‘glass jaw’ comments, real original

Caption: “This photo is fucking stupid.”

Not Pictured: A future in the UFC.

chick1: “houston, your fights are wishy washy, u either KO or get KTFO”
chick2: “and lyoto, your fights are as exciting as staying home, washing my hair”

Anybody else think this caption contest is getting out of hand?

“I think we’re gonna need a bigger blog…”

Lyoto and Houston cannot bear to look at bigger knockouts than they will ever get in the Octagon.

“after going 3-0,Houston Alexander is now training with the ninja Lyoto Machida to work on making his interviews more…elusive!”

When you have true talent…you don’t need tattoos, steroids, or cleavage.

lyoto: is that alan phunt?!
houston: who the hell is alan phunt?!

Houston and Lyoto asking the camera man if wants to go halves on a rape charge!!

We all know why Alexander is playing had to get. He ain’t got no skills on the ground son!! Whats a girl supposed to do with that?

“Tune in to find out what happens on the next episode of “Desperate Housewives: Brazil.”

Huston is looking forward to after the interview, so he can work on his ground game.

“Tito better be careful parking the car!”

Unlike Lyoto, who shows off and poses regularly for the camera, Houston’s trainers have barred him from eye contact with women. They feel it will only drive him away from his male training partners – and further weaken an already non-existent ground game.

lugz, for those days when you just feel like mailing one in

In unison:”I have genital herpes”

Machida: “Pssst….Houston-use your peripherals, are these chicks checking us out? Maybe we should do a ‘Miami Vice’ pose; that usually works…”

What do you get when you add 1 dull fighter and 1 glass chin?
Who cares! Those chicks are HOT!!

HA ” Whats up !!!! all my fan bitches… So I’m here doing this photo shoot with this olympic sprinter Machida and these lovely reporters”

LM “LUGS melhores sapatos que eu já executado em”
Translation = “LUGS best shoes I have ever run away in”

It was at that moment when Machida realized that aside from the fame, women and money, Rashad Evans still beat him for a title shot.

Here we have a very rare photo, Machida seems to have ditched the track shoes and Houston is . . . conscious.

No one was more excited to hear about Lyoto Machida’s new line of Lugz running shoes than Houston Alexander. He’s willing to try anything to get away from submissions.

Houston Alexander was embarrassed when he hired Lyoto as his bodyguard, but getting Lyoto to re-enact the samurai sword scene from The Bodyguard every night with him made it all worth it.

‘Refer to Newotnek’s post’

Newotnek-”All these stupid comments for a free 8 dollar magazine that most of the posters are not old enough to buy…”

Lyoto and Housten-”WHAT BITCH?”
Newotnek-”*sound of pissing his pants like a homo*”

Its the a-u-t-o-g-r-a-p-h we want you mook. get a life.

Lugz “The only shoe Houston Alexander trusts to keep the fight standing”

newotnek – the magazine is signed by her which means she touched it at some point. So if I also get to touch it, it means her and I had physical contact, which is the key component of sexual intercouse. Essentially, it means that we banged.

Lugz “The only shoe Machida trusts to avoid the action”

Houston Alexander recounting the horrific tale of his first round triangle choke loss to Conan “The Flying Dutchman” O’ Brian.

“…I kept yelling for help but alll i saw were a pair of workboots sprinting into the dark. I was swinging fists but I soon realized that this guy was clearly out of my league. I though about my family, how i might never see them again, how would they make it on their own?”

Oh yeah and then i was raped.

Lyoto-”HEY, Look at that herd of pygmies. THERES SO MANY!”
Housten-”Hey Kids!”

“she isn’t ready to see the dragon. Are you?”

all these stupid comments for a free 8 dollar magazine that most of the posters are not old enough to buy…

Judging by the look on her face, Machida knew he had her frustrated with his patented eye defense and was confident that he was but moments away from a full mount. Just steps away, Alexander had realized that he now was being shut down outside of the octagon too.

Not pictured: Pride

This wasn’t what the girls were expecting when they asked for “elusive” and “knockout” on eHarmony.

Every 15 year old in America just logged on to CagePotato.com in an attempt to get a free playboy. Thanks for shaping the minds of our children, one dirty magazine at a time.

It didnt take long for the studio to realize Rush Hour 4 wouldnt be as big of a hit as they had planned.

Every 15 year old in America just logged on to CagePotato.com in an attempt to get a free playboy. Thanks for shaping the minds of our children, on dirty magazine at a time.

I really want that magazine. CMON BEN I SUCK YOU D!CK!

Photographer: “Ok, Lyoto, Houston, eyes here. Now pretened the UFC has offered you a title shot and you Houston are fighting another BJJ blackbelt.” *SNAP

Machida is elusive, but at least he is good on the ground and knows what to do when someone is on top.

Machida: Sorry no obla englace
Alexander: Sorry no obla MMA

During a recent interview between two of the UFC’s light heavy weights both fighters ponder how a fight between them would go down.
Machida: looking to the spot in the octagon he’s gonna back peddle and run to.
Alexander: looking to the spot where he will get knocked the fuck out at!

After eluding the photographers for 15 minutes Machida finally steps in front of the cameras.

Houston Alexander and Lyoto Machida were spotted on the orange carpet during the premiere of their new buddy cop movie “Big Dragon in Little Nebraska”

Reporters: “So Enrique, please tell me about your upcoming single with 50.”
“Hey bitch, My name is Lyoto, and his name is Houston”
Reporters: “Ohh…..well do you know where we can find them?”

the cast of high school the musical just got a little tougher

They’re hoping this Lugz contract lasts longer than their UFC ones.

Reporter: “Mr. Alexander – is that ‘Sex Panther’ cologne you’re wearing? You smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.”

Alexander: “Nah, that’s just my career you’re smellin’. By the way, you think you could get Bruce Lee over there to sign my breastases?”

Houston:

Yo. Can someone come give my boy over here a translator?

“We wear Lugz because they are just like sooo fashionable, the ladies love them!”

UFC promised me a title shot not a titty shot.

why is Enrique Iglesias, and Seal hanging out with women?

“On this weeks episode of Polar Opposites…”

Lyoto please look up at the instant replay and talk us through how much Houston’s ground game sucks

Looks like the movie poster for Broke Back Mounting:

“One doesn’t know how to do it on the ground, the other hasn’t been able to finish in years. But together, they could show each other what it means to be true fighters in a world that doesn’t accept fuck-off boxers & ‘Karate Kid’ knock offs.”

I’m the man, and everybody knows it.

Machida: “We are sexy bitches.”
Alexander: “Grrr, baby-very Grrr!”

Houston: “what do you mean, you people?”

The Hott Bitches Say: These 2 have sex like they fight, they run away or go to sleep.

Lyoto and Houston check out the only thing more fascinating than the reporters, Tito’s 5 year old kids walking out of the womb.

Both men attempt to conceal their boners as Rachelle Leah exits her limo.

lyoto: is that alan phunt?!
houston: whoe the hell is alan phunt?!

Lyoto and Houston couldn’t help but notice Dana yelling in the background “Do you want to be a fucking model?”

Machida – are you gellin
Alexander – I’m gellin like a felon
Machida – my god you have a wierd melon
Alexander – ya well at least my tats are compellin
Machida – Hey… either you girls know why our fights aren’t sellin

Ok, strike a pose…now, Vogue!

I had a better chance when the comment section didn’t work, now i’m competing with 400 comments. Do you guys really read all of these?

Doesn’t Lyoto always play hard get and Houston get it hard

Lugz announces their new “Passive/Aggressive” line to mixed results.

What about our wives?……..Houston we have a problem.

Dawg…I’m telling you…once I shaved my unibrow I couldn’t keep the ladies off of me! Aren’t you Brazilians supposed to be into waxing?

houston and lyoto are looking down at the stands, desperately trying to figure out what is about to happen with aleksander, putin, and van damme.

And now, introducing the 5th Wheel… Tim Sylvia!

BOOBIES

Shocking news!!! Houston Alexander caught somewhere other than a submission.

Machida, who lacks excitement in any fight, and Alexander, who could recently found out you have to learn to fight on your back in the UFC, are going to follow Tito Ortiz try the reality TV route to try and build up a fan base again. Look….they even have porn stars just like Tito.

UFC 95: Machida VS Rihanna Alexander VS Kardashian

when Rachelle Leah walks into the room every man takes notices.

Machida will try anything to employ his “hit and run” tactics.

just as a naked and sweaty aleksander emelianenko entered the room, lyoto and houston had no choice but to look his way.

Female Reporter: Is it true that you are being sued by Rachelle Leah for sexual
harassment?
Lyoto: Rachelle Leah….. Houston, is that the one we videotaped taking a
dump?

The search for Chuck’s replacement as UFC rockstar produced mixed results.

There comes a time when every UFC fighter must ask, “is my sponser going to be banned from the Octogon before I get paid?”

Machida’s and Alexander’s attention was finally caught when Forest Griffin walked in naked.

As Rachelle Leah approaches, both men can’t help but to fantasize about their turn at All Access.

looking to the crowd for advice, lyoto and houston couldn’t answer why their nicknames are dragon and assasin.

looking to the crowd for advice, lyoto and houston couldn’t answer why their nicknames are dragon and assasin.

Machida couldn’t find a counter to Alexander’s punch(line).

Wow! Rachelle Leah looks hotter in person.

“Hey Lyoto, betcha can’t knock me out in 8 seconds”

“If you listen closely, you can hear Tamdan McCrory crying”

“If this Carlos Mencia outfit doesn’t get me laid, nothing will!”

“Houston Alexander distracts the fat friend.”

Reporter 1: Shodokan karate huh? More like Shodo-cant. Elusive, you say? More like eloserive.

Reporter 2: KO’d in 8 seconds. What is that, like during the bell? That’s like, ‘and here we… and it is alllll over! Pathetic.

For the first time in career, Machida pressed the action.

for the first time in his life, lyoto wasn’t intimidated by a knockout.

Machida: I last all 15 minutes baby.
Alexander: I’m a one-minute man.

The two ladies later discovered that Houston really was uncomfortable being on his back, and that Machida was nicknamed “Dragon” because of his scaly penis.

This photo was taken just moments after someone yelled, “Hey douchebag!”

lyoto and houston froze in a trance-like state whenever they heard the eagles “desperado”

Just think, all four of these people will be screwed by Thiago Silva by the end of next year.

LM to the Reporter “i hope we can trade clothes afterwards”

HA “Nebraska is in the building. Where did ya buy that draperies?”

“What do you want to do tonight Lyoto?” “You’ll have to speak up Houston, It’s hard to hear you while trying to keep my distance.”

So how is it that two men brought into the game because of their hands are getting this attention from those shoes they are wearing.

after watching ufc 90, houston was desperate to learn the fighting style lyoto taught anderson.

this DP movie could be good if Machida and Houston get the ok from Big John Mcathy “To get it on”

after watching ufc 90, and determined to make it out of the first round, houston was desperate to learn the fighting style lyoto taught anderson.

The 2 newest contestants to try out for paris hiltons new bff!

Hey Lyoto, why do we roll around with guys all day again?

or….If those microphones could talk…

Both men didn’t know how to respond when they found out that Dana sent them to the Tranny Awards Red Carpet.

“We wear Lugs… and so should you.”

*The simultaneous echo of Lugs hitting trash cans reverberates throughout the world*

Because Timberlands are for finishers.

Seconds after this picture was taken, Houston was submitted by the microphone while Machida eluded the vag coming at him.

“Yeah it is funny you ask that, but I tried to avoid all contact with him during the fight for that reason, I didn’t Know what kind of diseases he might of gotten from Jenna, So I am clean, trust me I am clean.”

After the collapse of Elite XC, both fighters were shocked to see that they were added to the UFC’s new division of women fighters.

“Hi, nice to meet you my name is Houston Alexander” – Houston

“….Nice to meet you to, uh..ok…..my name is Rio Di Jeneiro Machida” – Lyoto

They wanted to see Houston face Llyoto, but he got bumped back after the two knockouts.

the sexual tension was so thick that, lyoto and houston couldn’t even look at each other in the eyes.

Houston really wishes he paid attention when his trainer went over the rear naked choke.

LM: how do i dance away from this one

HA: try hittin me on this side lets see if i can stay up

Feeling like he was out of the spotlight, Junie Browning decided to interrupt Lyoto’s and Houston’s interview by throwing a black belt at their feet and spitting on it.

Later that night Houston’s interviewer was seen leaving his hotel room with a rejected look on her face, when asked what had happened, She said things were going good, but once I got on top of him he had no idea what to do….

Machida’s girl was also seen that night, and when asked how things went with him, she said that we went to her room, after exactly 15 minutes he jumps up and leaves the room, leaving her unfinished…

A photo taken of a practice interview where both fighters were trying to learn to pronounce lugz. Houston was never able to complete the interview because when his tongue brushes his teeth in the letter “L” of lugz, he just falls down. Must be narcoleptic or something.

both fighters look to dana afraid to answer the questions and suffer freezeout

A photo taken of a practice interview where both fighters were trying to learn to pronounce lugz. Houston was never able to complete the interview because when his tongue brushes his teel in the letter “L” of lugz, he just falls down. Must be narcoleptic or something.

for the first time ever, standing right in front of a knockout, houston alexander didn’t fall down.

The two worst wingmen on earth, keeping the Spider’s spot warm.

Lugz new slogan “Tough enough for even the weakest chins”

Lugz Commercial Crew: “Guys – can you please throw on some pants – your shaved legs are out doing our reporters legs”

it was at this moment when machida realized that, not only was alexander not a real fighter, he wasn’t even from houston.

Houston Alexander: “Look at all those fools out there who payed 45.00 to watch the last Silva fight…”

‘Hit and Run’ – Both guilty.

Yeah I am a single father of 6, I live in Nebraska and I made 20,000 thousand dollars from fighting this year….So how about you, Do you come here often?

“Alexander and Machida spot Clay Aiken at their Lugz Coming Out Party”

Both fighters just realized that the women are actually Seth Petruzelli and a buddy dressed up for Halloween.

For Ultimate situations, turn to the Ultimate footwea… haha all jokes aside guys, people wear Lugz? Seriously?

Machida and Alexander wouldn’t know a knockout standing right infront of them!

The “elusive” female orgasm vs The slack jawed corn-holer.

new for fall; levi’s all denim 505s.

on sale at kohl’s now.

so gentlemen, when are you going to be working for Affliction???

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking Houston?” “I think so Lyoto, but where are we going to find that Frank Trigg pictorial at this time of night?”

We pimpin’…elusively.

Sorry Ladies, Thiago Silva just walked in.. We’ll be in the car.

Lyoto: “Baby, I never finish”
Houston: “Careful where you swing that mike, you could hurt someone.” Houston later wakes up and says that he was fine and it was premature.

Lyoto: “Baby, I never finish”
Houston: “Careful where you swing that fuckin mike, you could hurt someone.” Houston later wakes up and says that he was fine and it was premature.

Lyoto Machida could only be more out of place in a UFC KO compilation. Houston on the other hand is very comfortable in either situation.

The news media gathered for the announcement of Dana Whites new reality show TUF (Two Underskilled Fighters).

Machida to reporter: Remember when I triangled that guy?
Houstoun to Machida: That wasn’t me.
Machida: All you overrated black guys look the same to me.

The rapper Common and Enrique Iglesias talk about their new single “Get Hit and Run”

Photographers note:
Notice the smile..er..smirk on Alexander’s face, wonder what he’s thinking about such a pretty girl??

In stark contrast to Alexander is Machida, who looks rather annoyed. Guess he’d rather dance around with men for 3 rounds.

Both fighters SHOCKED to be “standing” so close to anyone, for their own reasons of course.

Machida def. Hot Reporter 1 via unanimous decision
Hot Reporter 2 def. Alexander via submission in the 1st round.

Lyoto MAchida: That’s right. I’m a samurai biatches.
Houston Alexander: Wait until she gets a whiff of that one.

I’d have to turn to hide my boner too!

EWWWW COOTIES!!!!

“Hi guys, we’re reporters from Over Rated magazine…We’re doing an article on guys who would be dead or on welfare if they weren’t fighters…can we get an interview?

HA: I’m going to knock it out in 30secs.
LM: I’m going to dance around for 15mins, I’m not even going to try to hit it. Maybe tap it.

This is the exact moment when Lyoto realized that his management sold him out.

-How you doin?

-Oh Snap, this is going to be on cagepotato.com?

Reporter: “So tell us about your upcoming album. Wait, what… you’re not 50 cent? Nevermind then”
Houston: “Bitch please spare some change, my career is about to end and I’ve got kids to feed, bitch.”

Somewhere, Anderson and Thiago Silva are laughing in the midst of a Timberland shoot.

Ultimate Fucking Championship

Yelled from Lyoto’s corner man: MOVE IN!!! IN!!!!
Yelled from Houstons corner man: WATCH OUT FOR THE MIC!!!

The two men knew that beneath the thin veil of heterosexuality, their true love would have to remain hidden forever.

I look at those shoes, as long as its not Houston Alexander’s stomach winking

LM-MF-AO @ In The Clinch

STOP ENTERING!!!!!!!!! Hands down, “In The Clinch” has won this one!!!

-after houston lost consciousness during the photo shoot, some deliberation by Mario Yamasaki led to the man with the camera flash being awarded a KO.

- Houston: “maybe these shoes will give me the friction i need to stop me from ‘falling’ down in every match”

-one cant commit to anything, and one is finished in 55 seconds. i have trouble with both.

-after an exhausted search, dana white found two women who are still impressed with erectinle dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

-if the damn crowd shuts up, i would be able to hear my corner give me hints on picking her up.

“GROUND BREAKING UFC ANNOUNCMENT!!
Lyoto Machida and Houston Alexander guest star on the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model”

The Transvestite Realization Face

Machida using his elusive Karate skills to run from the ladies; meanwhile, Alexander still doesn’t have the ground game to roll with the ladies.

Dana White screams at his marketing department, “Fucking finish photoshoping those posers’ fucking faces onto the picture.”

What could possibly be so great to divert two fighters attention away from those two women? Maybe Kimbo was sellling girl scout cookies!

KJ Noons’ management has confirmed that he is willing to fight either of the two in the middle.

Reporter 1: What do think about these nice new clothes?
Houston Alexander: When I wake up from my next fight these clothes will be out of style.

Reporter 2: What do think about these nice new clothes?
Machida: No comment

Lyoto glanced over to ask his dads permission while Hueston worried if he lay on his back with this chick he would get knocked out!

“Can we bang these girls or is this another one of Dana White’s character tests?”

Only 25 % of this picture belongs in the UFC.

In a bittersweet moment, Lyoto realized that standing next the chick in the red skirt is the closest he’ll ever come to scoring a knockout in the UFC.

Fuck this caption shit. I want a free issue of playboy!

After three grueling days and countless different models, the photographer was finally able to keep Alexander’s knees from buckling, and Machida from back pedaling out of the shot.

One is affraid to make the first move while the other is unable to work from his back, together they will work out their fears of women in this falls true underdog story “The Unmarketables”

Machida better not be afraid of moving foward, and houston may even be willing to take it to the ground…..

- In this artistic photo titled “Finishing Quickly” one member of the foursome seems like they really don’t belong.

- Only one person in this photo cannot claim to be involved in “quick finishes”.

- Can you guess which girl likes it when it’s long and drawn out, and which girl likes it fast and rough?

- I’m assuming there’s some sort of midget gang bang off screen, because it would take a lot of effort for me to avoid looking at cleavage like that.

- Due to boring fights and horrible losses, both Lyoto and Houston evaluate their partners for the next upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars.

Machida doesn’t like to engage in a fight, let alone a conversation

These chicks are hot, too bad we’re gay.

as they both look irritated that the crowd is too loud for them to hear their trainers call out the remaining time in the interview.

Chick 1 “My man is a technician in bed.”
Chick 2 “Sounds great!”
Chick 1 “It is actually quite boring”
Chick 2 “My man is a knock out artist.”
Chick 1 “That sounds good.”
Chick 2 “He only lasts a minute, if that.”

You have to be elusive with the chicks.

Seconds after this picture was taken, the reporter accidentally knocked out Houston Alexander by brushing the microphone against his chin.

Seconds after this picture was taken, the reporter accidentally knocked out Houston Alexander after brushing the microphone against his chin.