The UFC venture into Roswell was a smashing success.

If there is one more ET or goonies reference, I’m gonna punch myself in the eye until it swells up real big…. like … oh… wait… my bad, too late

Doctors have successfully grown a vagina on the side of a mans face!

Dammit. Meant this IS what your right eye will look like. Shit. That was my best one too…

This what your right eye will look like if Nate Diaz punches it…..209 times.

Yo Marcus! Did Nate Diaz just skull-fuck you? Cuz that right eye looks pregnant.

Marcus Davis is half Chinese. Just the right half though.

Y’know, this proves that Marcus Davis is also soft headed with no equilibium, huh Tito?

!

You’ll need some Proactive to clear up that face!

The fight Doctor pictured left, finally found Davis’ mouthpiece after it went missing in the 3rd round.

“Do you really think it looks as bad as Lindsay Lohan’s career?”

“He guys, is this a pimple or a boil?”

Amazed the first inflicted only soft tissue damage instead of death, goateed NastyMan let go his second Mind-Bullet.

Eye of the Tiger

Holy…

Contraband, I believe their new numbers is 1-209-420-DIAZ

Ain’t shit free in stockton homie.

You’s a Diaz Bitch now. A scarred Homie.

Get down. She’s gonna blow!

Marcus calls Hollywood to see if there’s interest in a Men In Black sequel.

And the winner of the Sloth look-a-like contest goes to —>

Guy on the left: “Oh…my…god. Where did you get that hat?”

GREETINGS FROM TROMAVILLE!

What we really need is a goonies, et, mask, or total recall reference….

Contraband yours was funny

Once again, the “Irish Hand Grenade” proving, if you keep acting like a cock smoker, your face is gonna get pregnant.

Why is creepy bald guy looking so longingly at Marcus Davis’ eye vagina?

“Don’t be scared hematoma.”

“Diaz was clearly influenced by Picasso’s cubist period.” I always knew that taking that art history was going to be useful for something.

HEY YOU GUYS!

Marcus Davis begins his new career as a Heidi Montag impersonator.

Looks like Marcus understands how important it is to Nate that his brother is always around so he’s cloning himself a brother. Growing it on the side of his face may seem extreme, but it is cost effective.

“Careful guys, I think its scared. Homie”

“Dammit, I lost to Nate Diaz”

“I’m not an animal….I’m a human being!”

“I shouldn’t have kept trying to land that side check kick.”

Oh WOW Cauliflower EYE!

The Stockton Makeover!
Get yours today!

Just call 1-800-420-DIAZ

What did you just say!? Hey, I ain’t no hematoma man. I dig the ladies.

Look into my eyes and hear what I’m not saying, for my
eyes speak louder than my voice ever will. . .

Diaz: “where did ya get that”?

Davis: ” where did I get what?”

Nick Diaz: “That ugly fuckin Face!”

Make sure to photograph my good side!!!

Rocky… Roooaad! Heh heh!

E.T phone home!

Looks like the Star Wars Cantina Band has a new member…

Marcus Davis Phone Home.

Open your mind, Quaid. Start the reactor. Free Mars!

“how’s this better than getting shooped like faggot?”

Maybe I should have read through the other comments first, unoriginal bastard!

E.T. Phone home, Elliot.

Marcus’s eyes are soooo puffy, if you squeezed the sides of his face together he would have eye cleavage.

E.T. phone home

Marcus’s eye is soooo big, he wears size 22DD glasses.

The closest thing to a naked breast that bald guy has ever seen.

Marcus’s eye is soooo big, he has to wear a jock strap for an eye patch.

Last name is Davis…spelled with one “I”.

That hematoma is so big you could catch it with a brazilian lock.

I have always wanted a “vag-eyebrow!”

Marcus: “Yeah…I got caught with a lucky punch.”

Marcus Davis said that this photo is proof that the Diaz Brothers punches really dont hurt or do that much damage, they are more annoying than anything! (wink, wink)

Much like the ears of Randy Couture, one can also experience the dreaded cauliflower eyebrow from getting hit in the brow too much. This photo shows the beginning stages.

That night, Joseph Merrick went to bed, and laid his head on a pillow for the first time — and the last.

***

“Don’t be scarred, homey”

***

It’s worth pointing out that Diaz tried to treat this injury by applying pressure. To the carotid arteries.

***

Davis is two months early with his hammerhead costume.

Guy to Marcus: “Dude, have you seen your eye?”
Marcus: “What the fuck do you think? You dance in front of guys in wheelchairs too?…asshole”

“After hearing Jake Shields was about to fight, Marcus proceeded to punch his eyes shut so he didn’t have to watch that god-forsaken bore-fest”

There were peanuts in that chocolate bar?!? You motherfucker- you know I can’t eat fucking peanuts!

“You like the look? I got some eye make-up tips off Snooki. I know, it’s hot”

***********************************************************

“After the fight Nate D. started practicing his archery but Marcus spotted the arrow flying at him and began to apply his patented eye-arrow catch technique”

“Where we’re going, you won’t need eyes to see.”

Phil Baroni is one handsome man!

“Congratulations Mr. Davis, it’s a boy!”

“Elllliiiiooottt……Elllllllllliiiiiiiiioooooooootttttt….phone home…”

***If any of you biotches beat me to the ET joke than fah-q because I have no intention of reading all of these.***

*****Unless I get incredibly bored…*****

Is this a dead fetus on the side of my head?? Do I have conjoined twin myslexia? Where is Nurse Gollum?!?!

I know you guys watch southpark…

I know that stare… that bearded guy is about to swipe his hat. Best keep an eye out of that, Marcus…

Or

Hey, watch this guys, I gotta wicked impersonation of King Harold.

never let nate sit on your face that how you get pink eye

” I knew trying to put in my own Terminator robot eye wouldn’t make me any tougher.”

White Guy ” EYE need a stick. NOW! ”

(now look at the picture again and tell me you didn’t laugh!?)

“Ever since that little misunderstanding, Marcus and his urologist don’t see eye to eye.”

Shortly before, the man to the left began to have an acid flashback from two hits of acid he had dropped at a 1985 KISS concert. As Marcus Davis approached He looked on with horror while trying to differentiate between reality and “fuuuuuuuu……”

“These things are good: ice cream and cake, a ride on a harley, seeing monkeys in the trees, the rain on my tongue, and the sun shining on my face. These things are a drag: dust in my hair, holes in my shoes, no money in my pocket, and the sun shining on my face. ”

Marcus “Rocky Dennis” Davis

Hey Marcus, there’s a bunch of Canadian doctors that would like to speak with you.

Cut me Mick…

The crazy thing is that the right side of his face (his left) is the messed up one. It turns out Marcus Davis is one of the mole people. Whodathunkit?

As we have heard almost all announcers say, punches from Nick and Nate Diaz do not, in fact, hurt you, but they’re more annoying/irritating than anything, obviously.

What every James Toney fan wanted to see happen to Randy.

This is what happens when Kurt from the fan expo punches you.

This just in from http://www.cecilpeoples.com:

Swollen eyes are like leg kicks, they don’t win fights. They just look really bad afterwards. Marcus’s face swelling like it did in no way affected his ability to get his head out of the guillotine he was in at the time.

You ever fuck a mutant?

Mark: Listen to me, Marcus. Those assholes in Stockton have fucked up your mind. You’re having paranoid delusions.
Marcus: You call this a delusion?

Quaid, open your mind.

Dana: Look at that shit!
Joe: What the hell’s this?
Goldie: The People love Marcus. They think he’s fuckin’ George Washington.
Dana: Kill the bastard!

*Wanderlie Silva Makes the cover for Plastic Surgery Gone Bad

Partially reliving his old Beantown bar brawling days, Marcus Davis realized that the shrapnel from an actual “Irish car bomb” does a lot more damage than the synonymous shooter served at any Irish pub in South Boston.

Just in at MMAflunkie.com, Marcus Davis is going to start a rap career.

You know I’m Irish but i don’t bleed green.
Choked out with a swollen eye, its just mean.
Why did you take so long, Where was Herb Dean?
Yves Lavign F#*%s up every Guillotine.

A ton of left straights hit my right eye of coarse.
Cagepotato.com is the number one source.
I might get canned but I’ll see you in Strikeforce!

dam nate diaz and chris brown prolly train together….

The “Irish Hand Grenade” sporting a new pair of Irish sunglasses.

this is what happens when your not scared homie

Who said we could bring ugly sticks?

Not even the CagePotato punching machine looked this bad!

It’s hard to win a mean mugging competition with an eye like that.

“Don’t get smart with me doc. You know I’ll snap your neck like a f**king pencil and make it look like an accident.”

“Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face”

“how the hell does james toney come out of a fight looking better than me????”

“well, maybe you should have been a little more scared…….. homie.”

Marcus can’t help but the think that “The lrish Gatekeeper” just doesn’t have quite the same ring.

“that’s the last time i try the arnold workout before a fight…. i look like i starred in total recall…”

blah blah E.T blah Quasimodo blah blah Guy from the Goonies blah.

“Quaid…Quaid… Start the reactor Free Mars…”

“Yeah Marcus the Botox makes it swell for a few days and then you’ll look young again”

It was later found out that Nate Diaz rubbed peanut oil on his gloves after finding out about Marcus Davis’ nut allergy

“Still makes me look tougher than Pat Barry’s shorts”

“OK USA!”

Does it look better with the hat on or off?

Marcus’ mom – “Leave it alone! I told you to quit touching it or it will get infected!”

Time for the hokey pokey! You put your right hematoma in, you put your right hematoma out, you put your right hematoma in and you shake it all about.

“Quaid…Quaid…start the reactor…free Mars…”

Time for the hokey pokey! You put your right hematoma in, you put your right hematoma out, you put your right hematoma in and you shake it all about.

“Sloth love Chunk!!!”

“You know you had a bad night when being choked unconscious and staying out cold for over a minute isn’t the worst part of the night and looking in a mirror is, DAMN!”

This is what you get for staring directly into Cyborgs crotch.

Meanwhile back in Houlton Maine, Marcus Davis’s plastic surgeon facepalm’s…..all that good work,…. lost…..sigh!

“Holy shit- that guy has a vagina on his face!”

When asked to do an impression of John Howard at UFC on Versus, Marcus Davis wow’d the UFC 118 crowd with his mimickry.

“Ok, you can be scared now, Homie”

Marcus Davis: 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Alien, All badass

After the beatdown suffered Saturday night, Marcus never even saw the giant arrow coming at him.

“Man, I bet Diaz wouldnt have hit me in the same spot so many times if this damn arrow wasnt pointing at me”

Are you sure there’s not a mark? My shoulder doesn’t hurt very much, but my face does. Right here. Not here or here so much….but right here….

After Nate Diaz promised he would never do it again, and this time he swore he really meant it, Marcus stuck to the story that he “tripped while baking cookies”.

why is gollum winking

E.T. phone home.

or

The elephant man.

Davis’ night had already been going poorly, but when the alien finally poked through his flesh and began talking shit, security took it as a direct threat and engaged with steel-eyed intensity.

Not so much here or here…but right here.

Damnit why did i wake up so late? i’m not even gonna look to see what other people wrote so if i repeat something i apologize

- “no, no..I’m fine. I’m just showing these guys my John Howard costume. You like it?”
- “I have no clue what happened officer. The guy just asked me something about apples then he beat the shit out of me.”
- HOLY SHIT! DO YOU SEE THAT?! That guy can shoot arrows out of his eyeballs!
-”why the hell does everyone keep asking me if I want to phone home?”
- “wait, so NATE Diaz did this to you? I’d leave that part out of the story if I were you.”
-Is the arrow really necessary for this one?

…and finally a very long caption:
- Cecil Peoples:”I just don’t see it.”
Earth: “How the hell can you NOT see it?”
Cecil Peoples:”Who’s it on again? That guy on the left or that lady in the hat? Point to it for me”
Earth: “What Lady?! There’s a big fucking arrow pointed right at it!”
Cecil Peoples: “Arrow? what arrow?”

” I thought with Irish hand grenades you pulled the grenade and threw the pin”

Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy Yoouuuuuuuuu Guuuyyyyyyyyyyysssss!

Love you, Chunk.

This is what happens when you say “I’m a Yankees fan” in Boston.

” Why was I not made of stone — like thee?”

or for the slightly less sophisticated:

“Who knew Esmeralda was from the 209…”

“Now the night of the fight, you might feel a slight sting. That’s just pride, fucking with you.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s my facial swelling fucking with me, actually–”

“Fuck pride.”

“Look, if i draw a large arrow pointing to my face, will you at least acknowledge that i may be injured?”

“Pride hurts.”

Yeah, Marcellus, i know. But my eye kinda feels a little off, too.”

“Pride never helps.”

“Dammit, Marcellus, people are comparing me to the retart from the Goonies, that kid from the Mask movie, and the Elephant Man.”

“Yeah, Marcus, you’re pretty fucking far from okay. Looks like someone went to work on you with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.”

“You think this is enough Pulp Fiction references for ReX?”

“Probably not. He never knows when to quit.”

“Why not Kill Bill, or Foxy Brown? Or fucking Reservoir Dogs?”

“Yeah, that was a good one. Maybe you could lose an ear in the next fight?”

“Fuck you, Marcellus. Really liked you in Baby Boy, by the way.”

NO!!! I do not know One Eyed Willy and I have never even heard of this Chester Copperpot person.

“So, did he win?”

“Dude, seriously quit winking at me or I will bust your face……Oh wait”

The “Jake Shields Fight Marathon” had to be cancelled 10 minutes in after viewers began hitting themselves in the face to alleviate the pain.

the only thing the townsfolk would later agree on was that Quasimodo was never seen in the 209 again.

“KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

Pictured above: Marcus “The Irish Face Grenade” Davis.

“Now there’s a mug you don’t want to chug, OHH YEAHHH!”

“Do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.”
“Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.”
“My shoulder doesn’t hurt very much, but my face does.”
“Right here. Not here or here so much. Right here.”
“Nope. Ship shape!”

FAKE AND GAY

“Somebody call the Amberlamps”

Marcus Davis out indefinitely. Will not be getting laid for 2 – 4 months.

Choi Hong Man’s first official loss in the UFC.

Your newest Stockton Heybuddy poster boy: Marcus Davis!

The man on the left looks on with horror as a zombie shuffles past him saying “209…209…” over and over.

The long lost child of the Elephant Man is finally caught on camera at UFC 118.

I was sitting right there behind punching bag face.

In a Dora the Explorer voice “Can you find the hematoma?….Great”

@Ballzdeep: I wanted to go with “Heeeeeeeeeeeey yoooooooooooooooou guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys” but you stold my Sloth thunder

Do not taunt Jabbing Floating Arrow©.

You too can look like Marcus Davis with your very own Jabbing Floating Arrow©!

Does this hat make my eye look big?

Admiral Ackbar- IT’S A TRAP! ………..YOU’LL NEVER REPEL FIREPOWER OF THAT MAGNITUDE!!!!

While Marcus Davis’ eye looked bad, it was the incredibly crappy hat that the creepy bald guys could not take his eyes off.

What if the top captions DON’T get the Bisping movie? Seems like the better reward.

ok good, I was afraid i might be crosing a line

This picture was taking during the entrance.

“The doc said I’d look 10 years younger”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… And I’m Asian!

“Davis couldn’t hide his Asian heritage anymore”

What is that thing doc? My testicle. Can’t be, it’s way too big.

After her most recent face-lift, Joan Rivers experienced some bruising and tenderness but came out looking like an entirely new man.

Even the arrow wants to put his mug on Davis.

making the transition in nicknames from “the Irish hand grenade” to a more appropriate “rocky dennis” did not seem so difficult now

“Just watched beatdown on a new 3d tv….”

Terrible… but it’s all i got monday mornin.

“Big fan, Mr. C.K.”

I have to provide for my family, thats why im joining the circus as “The massive eyed man!”

“Shopped”

After an unsuccessful UFC debut, Sloth announced he was retiring from MMA to pursue his music career. He has a scheduled rap-battle with James “Lights Out” Toney this coming weekend.

“Marcus Davis Phone Home”

@ The Post Fight Interview You Couldn’t Tell Whether It Was Marcus Talking Or James Toney.

Caption: Finally, the photo evidence for all of the Roswell conspiracy theorists.

UFC 118 was a jam packed celebrity-filled event, here we see SLOTH from “the goonies”.

GRENAAAADE!!!!

Marcus Davis doing his best “The Hills Have Eyes” impression.

A Real-life Mr. CagePotatoHead…

And after e.t. lost the fight Elliot was nowhere to be found

After laying low for many years following his successful film debut, ET was not as successful in his MMA debut.

I brought back my old pro boxing coach so I could get my face punched so bad that the unarmed combat instructor was amazed at the beating

“Remember; she beats you because she cares.”

“I think I’m allergic to getting punched in the face repeatedly.”

“The Mosquitos are horrible out here”

BABBYY RUTHH!!!!