Royce: Mean face, like this.
Chandella: Hahaha, it looks like my cumshot face!

Despite all her efforts, Chandella simply can’t teach Royce how to do “the cabbage patch”.

This photo was snapped moments before Royce Gracie stood firm that he was only asking about the price of a shoe shining because she offered, not because she was black, infact he noted that she could even be a Chinaman for all Royce cared, even as he made his way to the front of the bus she relented, and finally Royce had no choice but to defend himself, proving that this 67 year old will indeed slap the shit out of you… someone call the Amber Lands

Dream 14
Jits vs. Tits

Royce tried to pronounce her name for 18 hours and 49 minutes this eventually led to fisticuffs. Chanderella eventually won after her Kimbo-plex led to back control where she eventually earned a TKO/ref stoppage.

I will put you in a sub-mishone. Then pick you up, Dust you off and send you to my bedroom.

So, like, you used to be a dude right?

Apparently Royce wasn’t lying. You put the Devil on the other side, and he will come to fight.

Royce- “We’re still doing no time limits right??”

Remember when I promised to kill you last? I lied.

Royce thinks to himself: “Damn… I’ll never doubt Joe Rogan again… even Chandala thinks it’s cool to do the fist-up pose.”

It was only after seeing Chandala’s horse-toothed smile that Royce knew for sure… she is indeed Alistair’s sister.

“Listen, Chandala, if you call me Mexican again I’ll give you another black eye”.

“Dammit Chandala, I am not Mexican… I am Brazilian”.

“I have heard all bout you Omarosa…” Royce Gracie

As Royce stared into the eyes of his fiercest opponent yet, he decided to give the fanboys what they want. This was the time to put the “naked” in rear naked choke.

Royce attempts to reclaim the family’s dignity against the last person to whip Rolles Gracie’s ass.

Is Royce Gracie gonna have to choke a bitch..??

After watching Rolles debut in the UFC, we all feel like we can beat a Gracie.

Because sometimes you have to hit a bitch with a closed fist.

The similarities are astounding: both have a mean mug pose and both have been mounted and fisted by Matt Hughes.

Q: What do Chandella and Art Jimmerson have in common?
A: Neither want anything to do with being mounted by Royce Gracie.

As much fun as it looks on paper, the MMA legend’s game is too one dimensional for one more run in the Octagon. Besides, we all know her opponent will fail the drug test.

Chandella cant wrestle, but you should see her box

2010 special olympics

“Master BJJ black belt vs. black BJ master”

God damn you.

Like a midget @ a urinal; Royce is always on his toes when he eats chicken wings around a black girl.

Chandella: Royce, I didn’t know you knew how to box?
Royce: I don’t, but I did stay @ a Holiday Inn Express last night.

The philly that won the Kentucky Derby pictured with her jockey.

Royce confronts Oprah backstage after she gave his book a bad review.

“someone had to many cosmos”

“once you go black, you never go back”

And the Gracie Mystique takes yet another blow

Royce Gracie listens attentively as Chandella Powell demonstrates her Double-Testicle-Crank submission.

Royce- “I have killed for so much less….and I will damn well do it again.”

Royce mean mugs it for his fight with Chandella and the Addams Family’s Thing.

Geeva me da swatch or I Kimo you hair!

At the end of his career, Royce Gracie knew he wanted to go down as one of the greatest pound for pound fighters of all time. After being offered several of the worlds top talent, he finally settled on 125lb Chandella Powell stating, “Hey, if it works for Fedor…”.

“Ha ha ha look, Roy thinks hes tough.”

“Ahhh.. Back for revenge? That wig is not going to fool ME, Pat Smith!”

Royce felt he was dominating the fight but quickly became unnerved when Chandella began laughing. “What’s so funny bitch?”, Royce asked. Chandella confidently replied, “I know something you don’t know, I am not left handed.”

What do you mean, go back to the hotel for a good fisting? I can do that right here!

Royce- “I will use steriods to make the 135 lb limit”. Octagon girl- “It shrinks your penis though” Royce- “Thats not what Sakuraba said”.

Royce suddenly knits his eyebrows and cocks his head and says, “I didn’t quite hear you, Matt Hughes is going to what?” Chandra thinks it was funny enough the first time, and repeats it with her slow smile now blossoming into a toothy grin. “Pulverize him, just like he did you.” Royce’s face is stone as he whispers “Take it back…” He sets his jaw and advances slowly raising his fists. Unsure if he is playing along, she starts to shrink and giggle uncontrollably, exclaiming a cute, “No!”
Then shit got real.

And then Royce finally got the joke, and he was not amused…

“Stand back Dana, Logan has turned into some hideous zombie-like creature! I will kill It for you, Master…”

UFC main event contingency photo, courtesy of matchmaking mastermind Joe Silva.

While Royce’s talent had declined as he aged, he could still muster quite the mean mug.

Sure, the roids were doing a great job bulking him up. Unfortunately, the horse hormone also made him deranged enough to come looking for one last big fight in the octagon…

“Royce wants his hair back”

“one of them is wearing a thong”

Bitch look into my eyes, does it look like im fucking around?!

One potato, two potato, three potato, whore!!!

See what I did there??? The hands represent potatos like when we were kids and I changed “four” to “whore” because, well you know

The odds opened at Gracie +150.

Actually, I vote for Downrite, Fried Taco, BryanF, and Vlad.

“I haven’t seen two people more uncomfortable standing up since Tito and Jenna tried to start the wave at a quadriplegic rugby game.”

bitteralex: Says:
“Master BJJ black belt vs. black BJ master”

You win, dude. I don’t even need to read the rest.

Stop it Chandra, Im not even playing, NO MORE JOKES. Rolles was horrible but he’s still family!

Chandella: No really u can hit me, i take shots to the face all day long…

Everyone thought Royce was joking when he said he would stomp the next loud black woman at the movie theatre…

Royce would soon learn that pimpin aint easy…

Royce: ill take the picture but every one will know its bull shit
Chandella : um what?
Royce : well first every one knows I dont really know how to use my fists
Chandella : um what?
Royce: well I was the best grappler in the world till every one learned my ju-jit-su way Chandella: UH HUh?
Royce: so any ways Ill do it so you can take a pic with the great Royce Gracy!!!!
Chandella: what ? wait a min I thought you where that silva guy

Tampax was there!

Chandella, Emmanuel “Manny” Yarbrough, Chad “Akebono” Rowan, Telia Tuli, Josh Haynes, Eric “Butterbean” Esch, Wagner, Darill Schoonover, Zak Jensen, Roy “Big Country” Nelson…What do all of these men have in common you ask …..boobs

Royce still isnt ready to talk about Rolles’ UFC debut…

Royce encounters a woman outside of the kitchen; doesn’t take it well

Royce: “Give me your tears gypsy”

“You talkin smack to CAPS LOCK HAL? Oh no you didn’t.”

Chandella misunderstood when Royce said he could tap her in under a minute. She was then ready to throwdown because she had never given it up in less then 5, except to Dana but that was for a job…

Kimbo just never looked the same after he shaved the beard…

Royce Gracie vs. Rorseface Blacksie

Don’t fuck with this cabbie

Always a pioneer, Royce Gracie prepares for his first intergender MMA bout! Will it end horribly? Most likely. For Royce. ;_;

Royce:” One big ass mistake America. I want to triangle this powerful woman and float my junk in her face.”
First Lady:” Let’s move bitch. This is not 1993.”

The Ultimate Fighter: Season 13
Team Gracie vs. Team Fugly

Brazilian divorce!

“Flirting Brazillian Style”

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu versus Brazilian Hoo-ha

rock, paper, scissors!

Gracie “I have beaten Dan Svern’s mustache, i can beat your landing strip!!”

“Child support? That aint my kid!”

Easy Royce, you know what to do…as soon as she comes in range fake a front kick, do that weird frankenstein takedown and tap this bitch out. Sigh…goddamn I hate these K-1 shows.

Art Jimmerson goes drag, Royce isn’t fooled.

After all these years of laying on the beach, sniffing paint and smoking meth, Kimo is coming out of retirement

And just like that Royce was back in the Octagon. The year is 1994 and he’s just defeated Dan Severn. He was later found that night locking in an omaplata on a 7-11 clerk.

They called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse.

Royce and Chandella pose awkwardly on purpose so that morons can try to get a free copy of a terrible Hector Echavarria film.

Royce is staring into her soul

Royce, I told you “once you go black, you never go back”. That was a one time deal with you and me. Stay back………I’m warnin you.

Ah, Sakuraba, my old enemy! No matter how many times I kill you, you refuse to stay dead.

Royce: Bitch, gimme a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries.. for? FREE!!!

Does she think I’m joking? Just keep smiling, bitch!

Royce, dude, it’s just a joke. Chandella doesn’t really have your nose.

Can anyone blame Royce for wanting to beat the hell out of Omarosa?

Dana White (off-camera): “I said do you wanna be a fuckin’ ring girl?!?”

“What do you Mean your gonna Download The DVD off Piratebay, bitch?”

“…and that’s how Royce became a ring girl, and how Chandella replaced Natasha before her…”

The cover to the movie is funnier than this pic. Although if they had rashad doing his stanky leg….

Damn you vile woman, I said no foreplay

Go ahead, tickle me again you she devil.

Did you just call me a Zambo?

I’m Kimbo’s next opponet god damnit!

Royce doesn’t ask for dates. He just stares them down until they submit.

“No really, you scare me. Why do you laugh and keep insisting we pull em out to see whose is bigger?”

What will Royce do to claim victory when there are no balls to punch?

Little known fact: Royce is not only a Hall of Famer, but also serves as the official UFC oral surgeon

“If you ask me to come over and watch your copy of Unrivaled on DVD one more time bitch…”

New Years Eve 2011, Tokyo

New Years Eve 2011

Royce’s new choreographer takes him through the steps of the “Gracie Soul Train”

During an awkward lull in their conversation, Royce and Chandella hope the “fake mirror” gag will throw off the suspicion of anyone who is watching that their first date is not going well.

What do you tell a bitch with a black face?

Nothing! You already told her about 50 times.

Royce’s meth lab was not one to be disturbed. “Get awf muh property!” he yelled as he readied to strike the ravenous junkie.

Paper rock scissors.

My rock beats your camel toe.

The winner of this match is next in line for a shot at Andy Kaufman’s World Inter-Gender Championship belt!

In Royce mind “I thought i killed you like Kimo, now you are both back from the dead”

“Oh man her hands look dangerous, I better front kick and go for a takedown ASAP!”

The trouble started just after the late Ms. Powell farted on Royce’s dinner; who would’ve thought a little juvenile prank would lead to what would follow ? . . . not Ms. Powell, that’s who.

” I don’t know what to do with my hands!”

EPIC BALD MAN vs Michelle Obama

“You want me to stick theese ….in my what?” to which Chandella retorted: “No silly, there all for”

It was a ballant mistake but her comment about the Hughes boys taking turns pounding Royce behind the barn was going to get her hair pulled out.

Royce Gracie visualizing his victory via rear naked poke..

Once Royce flipped the switch, an odd silence came over onlookers… the look in his eyes, meant only one possible ending.

Taking a page from Andy Kaufman, Royce Gracie does what he has to do to get the Gracie Family back in the win column.

Royce and Chandella try in vain to make CagePotato’s Amazing Fighter-Fist Poses gallery.

Wow, her hoof-fist is even creepier than Logan’s crooked pinky…nice substitute, UFC.

During the fight Royces patience paid off when Chandella finally made a mistake after eluding him in the dark room for so long, she smiled.

Royce said, “If you want to be an Octagon Girl, you need to get past me”. And the rest is history.

stareing directly into a grim future, and seeing the horrifying effects taking anabolic steroids can have, (transforming a once above average looking female into a horse faced tranni) royce decided to give up the drugs for good, but would never again be able to sleep with more then one eye closed, for fear of the chupacabra’s return

Dont move Royce! Her vision is based on movement.

Royce hopes after this victory he will get a shot at fighting the White Power Ranger.

Things were going well that night…..until Royce noticed his shadow smile at him. Then all hell broke loose.

Too close for the teep kick, I’m switching to guns!

Royce knows he has to be careful, for although he is a master of BJJ Chandella’s BJ skills are far above that of his.

Call Johnny Cochran, there’s a hate-crime going down!

In this picture chandella is showing royce how to make the shape of a fist…something he has never attempted before.

Neo and Morpheus square off in Hector Echavarria’s low-budget remake of The Matrix.

we find out ten minutes later that after the staredown royce tested positive for steroids

Proof that white folks aren’t the only ones who get skiddish when blacks start putting up their fists.

She should never have claimed to be better off her back.

Royce never was one for civil rights. He’s so old, when he started doing this, Black people still had to sit at the back of the bus & were only allowed to ‘ring girl’ for regional promotions and under card fights. Man, how times have changed…

Chandella is laughing because she can see what we can’t from this angle. And that is the knot on his head that Matt Hughes gave him from their classic get-out-you-don’t-belong-in-here-anymore lb catchweight battle.

Ironically, Hughes is now on the same path

8 Patron shots later, Royce hoped his “GET IN THE CAB before I drop you” bluff would work and Chandella would hand over the keys… Once she laughed, he realized she had seen his fights

“Bitch…you think I’m playing.”

8 Patron shots later, Royce hoped his “GET IN THE CAB before I drop you” bluff would work… Once she laughed, he realized she had seen his fights

I dare you to say something bad about rolles again!

I dare you to say something bad about rolles again!1

Chandella thought “wanna box? It’ll be just like last night – I’ll end up on top and it won’t last long” was playful 2nd date banter. Royce did not.

After witnessing Wanderlei’s post-surgery “prettiness” first hand, Gracie challenges him to a fight hoping to lock in a rear naked choke.

In an effort to avenge his loss to Matt Hughes, Royce Gracie takes on Republican Condoleezza Rice at UFC 117 in Washington DC.

After witnessing Wanderlei’s post-suregery “prettiness” first hand, Gracie challenges him to a fight hoping to lock in a rear naked choke.

After three months of “training” with Camp Overeem, Ariel Helwani finally felt confident enough to exact revenge on Chandella Powell. He WOULD get his lunch money back.

Whether an MMA bout or a ring girl audition, Royce was guranteed another win in the UFC.

Royce is trying to intimidate her by putn’ his fists up, but Chandella laughs it off. Because she knows (as we all do) that there’s NO way that he’s goin to get the better of her in the stand up game.

Once Royce goes black, don’t give him your back.

As this staredown shows, even Royce’s opponents don’t take his fights seriously anymore.

I’m not laughing at you…but I have seen your stand up.

judging by most CP readers’ comments, they’d rather fuck the one on the left.

or

great picture guys, now half of CP is going to be talking about how gross Chandella’s knuckles are.

or

i thought signing James Toney was a cheap marketing ploy, but this takes the cake

or

Royce agreed to the fight under certain conditions, specifically no judges, unlimited 15 minute rounds, Gi’s allowed, and Chandella has to be naked. ok, so the last one was mine.

or

Sadly, Royce still won’t have a striking advantage.

The lap band and weave doesn’t fool me Zuluzinho.

It was at that moment Royce realized…he probably shouldn’t be doing this anymore.

Royce: Get in the trunk!!
Chandella: Hahaha, you’re funny…
Royce: Seriously, get the f*ck in the trunk!

Well Mr. Jimmerson, looks like we meet again.

No, Royce… like this. If you tuck your thumb in, you will break it.

The Obama administration decided to put their best BJ(J)-practitioner, Michelle Obama against Rolles Gracie with the ownership of USA at stake in order to save the country’s growing budget deficit. Knowing how terrible his gastank is and how his Frankenstein-esque striking pales in Michelle’s ability to run in circles, the gamble would be a sure thing!

Unfortunately they had mistaken Royce for Rolles and Michelle ended up with a broken pelvis after the world’s first Gogo-Pelvis-bar.

Welcome to United States of Graceland, formerly known as United States of America.

dismissing criticism of the UFC’s first male vs female bout, Dana White pointed out that Frank Mir has been fighting men in the UFC for years.

Two seconds before Chandella realized that Royce didn’t get her sarcasm on the importance of BJJ.

Dis my street corner! I build it!

Mr. Gracie smile for the camera. I am smiling !!! UNFORGIVABLE !!!

Little did Chandella know, a Gracie never backs down from a lopsided, freakshow of a fight.

Unfortunately Royce was not messing around.
For he is, like some of our dogs, a racist.

In this photo, a slightly intoxicated Gracie believes he has been set up for a rematch with Art Jimmerson

Royce just got all sour once he seen the watch Dana gives ring girls pisses all over the watch Dana gave him to comeback and get embarrassed by Hughes

Only moments after this photo was taken, Royce was heard to compliment Chandella on her cunningness in hiding her balls on her hand.

This happens every time a fighter sees his paycheck compared to a ring girls paycheck.

Ever since Chandella saw Royce naked. She can’t stop laughing.

She said he tapped against Yoshida…

Above: Royce Gracie is sharpening his striking skills with his new stand-up coach Chandella Powell as he prepares for his fight with a bikini and a numbered piece of cardboard.

Chandella: Quick, look! Here’s my Sakuraba impression!
Royce: Grr.

As the battle continued Royce became unerved by Chandella’s grin and said “what’s so funny bitch?” Chandella confidently replied, “I know something you don’t know, I am not left handed.”

Is Royce Gracie gonna have to choke a bitch?

From the loss to Hughes to getting popped for steroids after the Sakuraba fight to mean-mugging an unranked Octagon girl. This stream of disappointments has only one logical conclusion: Gracie-Shamrock 3.

how like you my polo shirt

Now, the basic stance in self defence.. holy shit your knuckles!

“You said I could drive your Rolls Royce!”
“Like Helio, I did.”
“I’m not Orion!”
“Hughes to say you’re not?”
“Well, Ralph about we ask Roger?”

(Ugh. Do these even count as puns? Horrible attempt, I’m sorry

Royce: “Male pattern baldness is no joke bitch. Say it again, I fucking dare you.”

Having never seen an urban leprechaun before Royce was notably started, but played along with the primitve creature having seen Gremlins just a few days prior.

Ring girl competitions are getting ridiculously difficult.

Gracie: In my homeland, what im going to do is not a crime.
Powell: I dont want to fight.
Gracie: Put your hands down then.
Powell: Tell that camera guy to point that thing somewhere else.

Royce is going to stand with Chandella.

Chandella is amused.

I’ll just reuse my winning caption from Watch Kalib Run:

Royce’s stand-up is shit, but Condi Rice doesn’t even have her hands up properly. Advantage: Royce.

Royce: I’m uglier!!

Whateverhernameis: No I’m uglier!!

And that is how the most epic battle in UFC history began. I see this upsetting the Griffin vs Bonar as biggest battle in the history

And just after the bell to begin the first round, Royce quickly ended the fight with a quick right hook to the titty and a swift uppercut to the ovaries.

“Wheres your little glove now, Art Jimmerson? Oh…My bad.”

What followed was one of the worst beatings the East Coast has ever seen. I mean really, how do you gogoplata a horse?

ROGAN- Gracie just doesn’t look comfortable on his feet with powell, hes really going to have to get this to the ground before….

GOLDBERG- AND ITS ALL OVER! CHANDELLA POWELL DEFEATS ROYCE GRACIE BY KNOCKOUT AT ONE MINUTE INTO THE FIRST ROUND.

My name is Royce Gracie, prepare to die.

I know, it’s lame. First thing that came to mind.

Chandella is only laughing because Royce has that poll up his nose. Royce is not amused.

Freeze, or I’ll chop your head off — Axecop

Royce Gracie and Wanderlei Silva at the press conference announcing their catchweight bout.

on a side note chandella has the freakiest left fist ever, fuck getting a knuckle shuffle from that bitch

The winner is…….. bitteralex

“Master BJJ black belt vs. black BJ master”

Wonder Twins powers activate! Form of nandrolone! Shape of a ring girl!

Logan hires BJJ legend to screw up her successor’s limbs, as her face was already fucked up enough.

Royce Gracie reflects on the fact that only 98 of his problems aren’t related to bitches at this moment in time

“We should switch back our watches now.”
“Never!”

In order to defeat Majin Buu, Royce and Chandella attempt to execute the fusion technique: “FUUUUUSSIOON-HA!”

Chandella hadn’t realized she crossed the line when she joked about how wrestling is a better foundation for MMA than BJJ.

First Kimbo, then James Toney. I think Dana is taking this whole freak show thing a bit to far now.

After a quick KO victory in her boxing match, the australian kangaroo now faces her toughest challenge, a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu master.

Michelle Obama prepares for her latest fist bump attempt.

anyone else notice the Rocky 3 freeze frame ending in that video?

Ever since Carano vs Cyborg, men vs “women” fights have seen a spike in popularity

Royce Gracie, This always happens I was just thinking Arbys now im stuck staring down some black women for chicken strips and a roast beef

After years of steroid abuse its hard to tell which one is a Gracie.

“What have to done with Natasha? You bitch. Huh? Where is she you bitch?”
(for some reason, I picture Royce saying bitch a lot)

Chandella laughed when Royce Gracie told her to make him a sandwich. He will now give Chandella two reasons to get him that sandwich.

“Bitch you see that house in the background….I build it”

In his old age and after taking too many punches Royce has become so senile he thinks Matt Hughes is a short black woman.

“I feel funny… I have two fists… FOUR fists! You have four eyes… Is this..is this gonna be forever?”
“No Royce, LOLz”

Back off me bitch I only roll with men!!!

Royce Gracie challenging Jim Brown’s domestic violence record against the latter’s daughter.

dees ees my street i beeeld it!

I wonder if he gets the same look in his eye when he teaches the rape choke in class?

“It wasn’t funny the first time you said it…say ‘steroid’ again, I dare you.”

“Look Honald McDonald… Get the fuck away from me.”

LOL

When did they start filming a live action version of Avatar?

This pissing contest over whose forehead was bigger could not be resolved by words, so Royce vs Horseface has been set as the UFN 22 main event.

Further proof that the UFC ring girl selection process is going downhill.

White’s rules state – “you must kill one to become one”

Woman: “Don’t make me Hughes that ass.”

Frank Shamrock on the keyes to victory:
“If Royce wants to win this one he needs to avoid her range and get this to the ground. I htink Royce takes this one by central incisor lock”

you must be Art Jimmerson’s daughter

Later, folks would look back at that one moment – the moment before the devastating right straight — and say that they sensed something was bothering Royce. It was only later that they all realized just how big of a Natasha Wicks fan he really was.

Related: Rachelle Leah to Return as Guest Octagon Girl at UFC 111

Do you know who I am? This is my Octagon! I said this is my Octagon! Your defense is primitive, I will have you…..

“For the last time, the ‘R’ is pronounced like an ‘H’!”

Really Royce? Don’t make me Matt Hughes you!

Chandella: Hehehehe
Royce: THIS IS FUCKING WAR, CUNT.

Only once in the history of the Gracie family had anyone been able to pull off an arm bar on a horse. This would turn out to be Royce’s greatest test.

You steppin to me? Royce Gracie gotta choke a bitch?!?!!

The much anticipated Royce Gracie / Chandella Powell fight has been canceled. Apparently Chandella tested positive for a “low grade beaver tranquilizer”. Rumer has it Gracie will now face the upstart Jenna Jameson in a “first pussy to bleed” match.

Royce finally meets someone whose stand-up prowess is equal to his own

My GOD Arianny, why did you shave your hair?!?!

Royce always new the day would come when Ron van Clief’s great great grandaughter would come to exact his revenge.

Joe Silva thought it would be wise to throw the Legend a can for his first fight out of retirement.

Dana White: Alright alright you two, save it for the octagon.

Good lord. This is the best the UFC could do? She must’ve f***ed Dana’s brains out!

Interestingly enough, Chandella outweighed the Legend by 3 pounds at the weigh-ins.

Royce and Chandella at the stare-down.

Look bitch, I’ve told you once, don’t make my fists tell you again.

Keep smiling Tina, Ike gonna fix that attitude.

See Royce, you’ve been fighting your whole career and your hands are still smoother than mine! How doooo you do it?!

Master BJJ black belt vs. black BJ master

Ooo… that was a little mean even for me…

Royce is about to be the first victim of the badonkadonk choke

I will fight you for the honor of Logan