Features - Page 5

Four months after the first submission victory of his UFC career, crowd-pleasing welterweight slugger Thiago Alves returns to action against Martin Kampmann in the main event of UFC on FX 2 at the Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia. [Ed. note: North Americans can catch the show on Friday night starting at 9 p.m. ET, while those poor Australian bastards have to drag their asses out of bed on Saturday morning to see it. LOL @ you sheep-fuckers!] Will Alves add another win to a resume that already includes big names like Josh Koscheck, Matt Hughes, Karo Parisyan, and Chris Lytle? Check out these GIFs of the Pitbull in action and start getting hyped up…

(If you’re controlling the Japanese fighter against Rampage, just hit down, down, up, X, down to poison his food.)

By Jason Moles

Two weeks ago, fans around the world were delighted to partake in the Ultimate Fighting Championship’s latest attempt to broaden its revenue streams with the release of UFC Undisputed 3. It didn’t take long before word began to spread about just how incredible the game is. But despite all of the improvements and advantages that Undisputed 3 has over the game’s first two installments — such as an improved submission system, a less cluttered career mode, and the inclusion of two additional weight classes and a PRIDE mode — the game just isn’t quite “as real as it gets.” At least not yet. Here are five things that UFC and THQ need to add the next go-’round if they want to put a little truth in their advertising and gain some more street cred among UFC die-hards.

Hat Thieves: If you’ve been watching the sport for any amount of time you will have noticed that fighters love to promote their sponsors with every opportunity they get, from donning their gear to slapping a sticker on everything they wear. Some even go as far tattooing a logo on their calf. One of the easiest ways to rep a company that gives you a paycheck for the exposure is to throw a ball cap on your head on the way to the Octagon…and hope that you still have it on when you hit the Harley Davidson prep point.

Hat snatchers are the lowest of the low, depending on whom you ask, and yet they add a comically endearing bit of chaos to the broadcast. C’mon, admit it. You chuckle every time a hat vanishes into the crowd. Therefore when my created fighter, The Bulldog, makes his way to the cage, I want to see someone snatch his hat. Then, and only then, will I know I’ve made it.

(The toothpick, the facial stubble, the long hair — I think it’s obvious what look Bendo is going for here.)

UFC 144‘s lightweight title headliner between Frankie Edgar and Ben Henderson smells like an instant classic — the kind of bell-to-bell, all-over-the-cage firefight that has made both men into stars. So who’s going home with the belt on Saturday night? Check out some of our favorite animated GIFs featuring both fighters, and let us know what you think…

(You DID NOT just call me Chris from ‘N Sync!) 

Although Stipe Miocic‘s quick knockout of previously undefeated heavyweight Philip De Fries may have netted him the $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus, our pick for sweetest KO went to Jonathan Brookins, who proved that not every Brazilian has the femur mangling leglock ability of Rousimar Palhares when he ground-and-pounded Vagner Rocha into oblivion inside the first two minutes of their preliminary card match-up. Not many of us knew what to make of Brookins after he dropped a UD to Eric Koch back in September of 2011. The fight proved that Brookins’ wrestling could in fact be thwarted, and that his striking had not made the leaps and bounds it needed to in order to balance things out. Last night’s fight was made to be a test of both.

Well, if anyone is still doubting the power in Brookins’ hands, they should probably shut right the hell up. Brookins did what Donald Cerrone, or any of Rocha’s previous opponents for that matter, couldn’t, and shut off his light switch with a series of increasingly punishing strikes before the ref managed to step in. To be honest, it was kind of scary to see that someone as docile and plain daffy as Brookins had the capacity for such brutality. And just as Brookins resembles the missing evolutionary link between man and ape, he was able to evolve in his own right, to connect one of the missing links in his game, and should be applauded for it. Not only did his knockout save a Facebook card that was luke warm at best to begin with, it made up for the fact that the Loeffler/Roberts match was cancelled after Loeffler rolled his ankle in the pre-fight warm up. Talk about shit luck.

(The power of YES!! compels you! Check out some of the meme-worthy photoshops over at The UG.) 

Over the past week or so, the sports world has come down with a serious case of LINsanity, a disease that mimics the effects of Yellow Fever and is brought about by way of bereavement. Though it was the general consensus that this mind altering sickness originated with the uncanny rise of New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin, last night’s inaugural UFC on FUEL event opened our collective eyes to the virus’ true host: Diego fucking Sanchez.

Yes, it seems that ever since Diego suffered his first professional losses, which came in back-to-back fashion at the hands of Josh Koscheck and Jon Fitch at UFC 69 and 76, the man has become consumed by a mixture of evangelical optimism and bipolar rage to the point of parody. As he made his way to the octagon for his main event clash with top contender Jake Ellenberger last night, it quickly became apparent that it was Sanchez who was in need of an exorcism, which made the Gregorian monk feel of his entrance appear all the more ironic.

(A preview of Gustafsson’s placement on the list? There’s only one way to find out.) 

A great man once said that geology was the study of pressure and time. That man’s name was Red, and although he was simply using the phrase as a metaphor for prison life, he could’ve just as easily been talking about hype. Because hype, not unlike geology, has the ability to form diamonds from coal, and just as easily crush the greatest boulders into dust.

As MMA fans, we know the hype game more than any; if we’re not prematurely declaring it “The_____Era,” then we’re likely discrediting legends of the sport, even going as far to say that their wins never held any validity in the first place. Sounds insane, doesn’t it? Well, welcome to the world of cyberhype, the deadliest, fastest spreading strand of hype there is. And as with Kei$ha and CSI spin-offs, there is little we can do to stop this disease, so instead we’ll just try and act like we were into it before it got popular.

Here are five of the hottest prospects in the UFC, ranked in order of how long we knew about them before you did.

5. Stephen Thompson

Last three fights: (W) Dan Stittgen via KO, (W) Patrick Mandio via UD, (W)  William Kuhn via UD

There isn’t much we can say about Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson that his kickboxing and MMA records don’t. The man has strung together 63 consecutive wins in mixed competition, most recently starching Daniel Stittgen ^ at UFC 143. The hype surrounding Thompson has been overlooked by some, and will be put to the test when he takes on TUF 7 vet Matt Brown at UFC 145.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve taken a look at several unique knockouts in the world of mixed martial arts, and as Nick Diaz will tell you, now that we’re hooked, there’s no turning back. So today, we pay tribute to yet another aspect of the fight game, specifically, one that only happens on the rarest of occasions, like Halley’s Comet or Bob Sapp showing up to win. We’re talking, of course, about the moment in combat sports when a fighter delivers a shot with such force that it is able to dislodge the airtight mouthpiece from the opponent’s…mouth. It’s embarrassing, often causes a stop in the action, and doesn’t always end in a knockout, but it’s also hilarious, and that’s what we’re all about anyway. So with that in mind, here are some of the finest instances of the flying mouthpiece in MMA.

Forrest Griffin vs. Tito Ortiz – UFC 106

Rob McCullough vs. Olaf Alfonso – WEC 19

Thank God for Arianny Celeste. The woman’s tireless devotion to strip down and be photographed in every fashion possible is commendable to say the least, and her recent shoot with Randall Slavin for Complex Magazine shows us a yet another side of the long time UFC ring girl, specifically, the Nightmare Before Christmas/S&M side. It’s safe to say that we REALLY enjoy this facet of her personality, and hope to see more of it in the near future. Check out the gallery above (Props to Don Fonzarelli for the find), the video below, and be sure to follow Ms. Celeste on Twitter.

(Apparently after this loss, Max Holloway decided to change his nickname from “Lil’ Evil” to “Blessed,” likely because taking Jens Pulver’s nickname REALLY lets opponents know where your weakness lies.) 

Aside from bitterly dividing fans on what exactly constitutes a fight, UFC 143 left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Should Carlos Condit consider a nickname change?* Will Dustin Poirier get the next shot at Jose Aldo?** Is Nick Diaz really calling it quits?*** Though only time will truly calm our concerns, we’re going to make some bold predictions for Saturday’s winners and losers nonetheless, because that’s how we do things ’round here. Check out our matchmaking picks below, and let us know what you think in the comments section.

Nick Diaz: Perhaps the most impressive thing about Nick Diaz is that, despite his intellectual shortcomings, he maintains an ability to instill fear into whomever he fights. His cardio, striking attack, and Jiu Jitsu are second to none and just plain SCARY, but it is the man’s confidence, his willingness to relentlessly pursue and trade with anyone, that breaks even the strongest of competitors. Going into a fight with Diaz, you know you aren’t going to submit him, and you know it’s damn near impossible to knock the SOB out, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13″ Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium.  Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?