Features

('I don't want to freak you out or anything, Brett. But having you here in my arms, it just feels right, doesn't it?' Photo courtesy of SI.com)

After a brief layoff for scheduled maintenance to its supercomputer, the Potato Index is back to sort through the winners and losers of Saturday night's Strikeforce event on CBS with its arbitrary numerical rankings system.  Huzzah!

Fedor Emelianenko +86
It’s hard to get a big boost in the Index when you’re a 5-1 favorite going into the fight, but he delivered with another right hand murderball, and even gave the casual fans a little blood for their trouble.  But were the ratings good enough to get CBS’s attention?

Brett Rogers +4
So he didn’t shock the world.  Honestly, who expected him to?  He still landed some good shots and took a couple as well, but the biggest positive for him is how he performed on the mat.  He’s still got some improvements to make, but he showed that he's not all hype and a trendy haircut.

(Brett Rogers is going to miss this world, and everything in it.)

With Strikeforce on CBS -- which we'll be liveblogging, naturally -- just a day away, we put the meager power of our two brains together to see if we can't figure out a thing or two about what's going to happen when Fedor Emelianenko and Brett Rogers get their scrap on in Chicago, and what it will all mean once it's over.

What would Brett Rogers have to do to convince you that he's the best heayweight in the world?  Is simply winning enough?

BF: No, sad as it is to admit, beating the world’s best heavyweight would not be enough.  If Rogers were to throw one big right hand that knocked Emelianenko out cold and left his entourage of bearded priests and shady hangers-on with their mouths agape, by the time he made it to the post-fight press conference people would already be whispering the dreaded f-word – fluke.  My gut tells me Rogers wouldn’t really give a damn.  He’d take his check and his undefeated record and publicly declare that both us and our rankings can all kiss his ass, and I wouldn’t blame him one bit. 

The temptation to keep fighting until you're nothing more than a broken-down shell of your former self can be an overpowering one. Somehow, these men managed to resist it...

BAS RUTTEN

(Rutten vs. Kevin Randleman, UFC 20, 5/7/99)

Though he’s better-known these days as the barely coherent host of Inside MMA and part-time children’s fitness coach, Bas Rutten’s legendary run as a professional fighter ended in 22 consecutive fights without a loss. After knocking off such MMA pioneers as Frank Shamrock (twice), Maurice Smith (twice), and Guy Mezger during his five-year stint in Pancrase, Rutten joined the UFC where he won their vacant heavyweight title in his second Octagon appearance (a split decision over Kevin Randleman at UFC 20). But while preparing for his next fight, Rutten suffered serious injuries to his knee and biceps, and was forced to retire from the sport.

Bas landed on his feet, though – his ongoing commentary gig for PRIDE as well as acting roles kept him busy until he decided he was healthy enough for one last dance around the cage, seven years later. Originally booked to fight Kimo Leopoldo at WFA: King of the Streets in July 2006, Rutten instead faced Ruben “Warpath” Villareal when Leopoldo pissed hot for Stanozolol two days before the fight. The beating was so lopsided that it eventually became featured in a CagePotato Video Tribute. With that last challenge conquered, El Guapo rode off into the sunset for good, an undefeated UFC champion who hadn’t tasted defeat in over 11 years. Party on, indeed.

GENKI SUDO

(Sudo vs. Damacio Page, Premium 2006 Dynamite!!, 12/31/06)

Genki Sudo’s brilliance didn’t end with his unforgettable ring entrances; he was also one of the most skilled submission specialists to ever heel-hook a fat guy. The Neo-Samurai was innovative even when it came to retirement: At the height of his popularity, following a first-round triangle-choke victory over Damacio Page at Premium 2006 Dynamite!!, Sudo announced to the shocked Tokyo Dome crowd that his days as a fighter were over. At that point, he'd won eight of his last nine matches — including victories over Mike Brown, Royler Gracie, and Hiroyuki Takaya — making him one of the only MMA fighters to ever retire in his prime. Sudo now spends his time as a wrestling coach, author, and J-pop star. You know, normal retiree stuff.

(A quick game of rock, scissors, paper to determine who has to sit next to Jerry Millen. Photo courtesy of MixFight.ru.)

If there’s anything the old Gambling Addiction Enabler loves more than placing irresponsible bets on sporting events, it’s placing irresponsible bets on sporting events that are broadcast on network TV.  It has an odd way of making you feel less like a degenerate and more like a regular citizen with a crippling addiction.  It's like going from drinking malt liquor behind T.J. Maxx to drinking it in a nice, drafty flophouse.  You end up sleeping on broken glass either way, but there's something that feels so much classier about indoor broken glass, you know?

The best betting odds on the internet come to us courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Fedor Emelianenko (-495) vs. Brett Rogers (+497)
Jake Shields (-266) vs. “Mayhem” Miller (+236)
Gegard Mousasi (-460) vs. Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou (+393)
Antonio Silva (+156) vs. Fabricio Werdum (-165)

The breakdown…

(What can we say, Dan?  The girl is obviously a die-hard Anacondas fan.)

It's time again for us to raid our forums and single out the most and least ridiculous among you for mockery and education.  Buckle up.  If you've got a question of your own, and dear God we hope you do, please go here and jot it down.  Extra points for making it semi-coherent.

Do you think it’s a huge mistake for the UFC to let Dan Henderson just go like they have? – Ballentine

Short answer: yes.  Long answer: probably, but it depends how much money he really wanted and how much money they really thought he could get elsewhere.

The upsides with Henderson are: 1) he’s a hard-ass who doesn’t bitch and complain a lot, and does more or less whatever you need him to, 2) fans know who he is and generally like him, 3) and he’s the only guy in the UFC so far to convincingly win a round against Anderson Silva.  At a time when the UFC is struggling to find both credible challengers for Silva and main event-caliber draws, Hendo is a guy who can offer both.  Hard to understand why you wouldn’t want to keep him around.