Fighters

(I may not know how to buy a house, but if you give me fifteen minutes I WILL make a four percolator bong out of this.) 

Man, the UFC marketing department intern in charge of Lorenzo Fertitta’s Twitter account must be working overtime these past few days. Aside from announcing the Mir/Velasquez, Griffin/Ortiz, and Overeem/JDS fights last night, “Lorenzo” recently held a Twitter Q & A session to set the record straight on this whole Nick Diaz/Puff the Magic Dragon thing. And even if Diaz is planning to retire, his contract with the UFC will remain. You know, just in case he gets the sudden desire to fight B.J. Penn, Karo Parisyan, or Joe Riggs again in some small promotion somewhere.

When asked about Diaz’s Zuffa future, Fertitta was quick to respond, “[I] really like the kid [he] just needs to get it together. I’m a sap for real fighters.” We know, Lorenzo.

We don’t want you to argue about whether or not marijuana should be considered a banned substance, or illegal for that matter, because we already have. Needless to say, if anyone out there actually thinks weed enhances anything but zombie mode on Call of Duty and the enjoyment of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, then they are clearly unfamiliar with the term “enhance.” What we are interested in is what kind of punishment you think Diaz should receive for violating a rule, as silly as it may be. Three months? Six months? A year? Well, barring a successful appeal, which, come on, it’s looking like it will be a year or more before we see Diaz in the octagon, if at all.

Perhaps even more hilarious than the predicament Diaz has put himself in was how the MMA community responded to his failed drug test. Check out some of the best tweets, compiled by MMAFighting.com, after the jump.

(Didn’t Hobert Downey Junior tell you JDS? Never go full hetard.) 

Lorenzo Fertitta tweeted last night that the highly anticipated heavyweight clash between newly crowned UFC Heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and former Strikeforce and DREAM Heavyweight champ Alistair Overeem is in the works for UFC 146, which is scheduled to go down on May 26th at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

Dos Santos has spent the last few months recovering from a torn meniscus in his knee that he suffered in preparation for his eventual title earning win over Cain Velasquez at the inaugural UFC on Fox back in November.

Overeem, on the other hand, is coming off a first round TKO via Uberkick of Brock Lesnar at UFC 141. We’ve added a gif of the liver kick from hell below. Why, you ask? BECAUSE WE CAN.

Fun Fact: Both men have not lost a fight since 2007. Dos Santos has scored nine straight with six coming by way of TKO, and Overeem has notched eleven in a row, with only one of those making it out of the first round.

What do you think Potato Nation, will JDS be able to fend off the overwhelming machismo of Alistair, or will the heavyweight title change hands yet again? Also, Rhode Island, neither a road nor an island. DISCUSS.

-J. Jones.

You read that correctly. Russia…has water parks. Not only do they get to have Sambo, awesome sweaters, and The Dude’s favorite beverage, but now they have waterparks as well. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAND OF SNOW AND SORROW GOD DAMN IT.

We have no clue where this video came from, or what the true purpose of it is, but we’d be lying if we said that Piterland doesn’t look like the bees knees, and apparently former PRIDE Heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko and his daughter Masha agree. We are still waiting to hear who “The Last Emperor’s” next opponent will be, but rumors have ranged everywhere from Bobby Lashley in a MMA match to Brock Lesnar in a pro wrestling bout, so who the hell knows? What we do know is that the next man to fight Fedor might want to reconsider if he values his health whatsoever. Poor Ishii.

What’s that you say? You want to see a MMA fighter humiliate and dance around his opponent ala Silva/Leites/Maia/anyone before brutally kicking them in the face? Well we’ve got just the video awaiting your viewership after the jump.

Remember when we posted that photo of Frankie Edgar getting his BMW M5 “towed” away by repo men? Well, it turns out that the mastermind behind the prank, TUF 14′s Akira Corassani, even went as far as to hire actors hooked up with some Mission Impossible-esque camera glasses to capture the whole thing on video. The man is like the Swedish Ashton Kutcher. But although he’s come a long way from shaving castmates hair in their sleep, he will never match the whip-it gag Kelso managed to pull on Demi Moore a couple weeks ago. That was like the Thomas Crown Affair of modern day pranks.

(Are you there God? It’s me, Cowboy…)

A lot of fight booking action today, Potato Nation.

Before dropping a unanimous decision to Nate Diaz at UFC 141, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone had arguably the best 2011 of any fighter out there, scoring victories over Paul Kelly, Vagner Rocha, Charles Oliveira, and Dennis Siver, three of which came by way of stoppage. And although he ended the year on a loss, Cerrone will be looking to start off 2012 with a big win when he takes on 60 fight veteran Yves Edwards at UFC on FX 3, which goes down at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia on May 15th.

After suffering one of the most brutal knockout losses of 2011 at the hands of Sam Stout, Edwards has gone 1-1 in the UFC, picking up a second round TKO over Rafaello Oliveira at UFC Live 6 before being outpointed by TUF 13 winner Tony Ferguson at the TUF 14 Finale in December. Edwards will likely be a considerable underdog going into this one, so Yves, for the sake of the Thugjitsu nation, lay off the KC Masterpiece.

And in other UFC on FX news…

(I got you now you son of a…wait, where’d you go?) 

A great man once said that if you tweet it, they will come. Yes it seems that after days of tireless bitching reasonable pleas, we will in fact be treated to a Carlos Condit/Nick Diaz rematch in the near future. DW broke the news yesterday via his Twitter (go figure):

(How can you say no to that face?) 

Aside from its placement atop nearly every MMA fan’s “Favorite Fights” list, Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin‘s war at the first TUF Finale is widely considered to be the fight responsible for popularizing MMA into the near mainstream sport it is today. Well, believe it or not, that fight almost didn’t happen on account of Bonnar’s uncontrollable desire for bottom shelf alcohol, specifically, Mad Dog. Although Bonnar has told this story with a slightly different spin before, Dana White recently discussed the craziness that was the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, and how Bonnar almost got himself kicked off the show:

The first season of the ‘Ultimate Fighter’ was the longest season we’ve ever done. It was something like 8 weeks and those guys were losing their (expletive) minds. I almost kicked (Stephan) Bonnar off the show. 

Bonnar turned the shower on, climbed out the window and went to find a liquor store. Remember we took all the liquor out after that big fight? These idiots…we had been driving these guys around for six or seven weeks and the house is in the middle of nowhere. There was no liquor store near there. The guy was walking around for an hour and thirty minutes. So much crazy (expletive) happened that first season. Imagine if I had kicked off him off the show for going to a liquor store? Forrest (Griffin) and Stephan would have never happened. 

No Dana, we would not like to imagine a world in which Griffin/Bonnar never existed. We’d rather imagine one in which Motley Crue serenades our lovemaking sessions with Adriana Lima, thank you very much.

We haven’t seen or heard much from Brock Lesnar since his first round UFC 141 TKO loss to Alistair Overeem and subsequent retirement from MMA. Most of us assumed he was likely off on another possibly illegal hunting trip, or perhaps was spending day and night just getting on top of that smoking hot wife of his. In either case, the former UFC Heavyweight Champ recently popped up in Minneapolis to present Minnesota Gopher freshman wrestler Logan Storley with the 2011 Junior Hodge Trophy. Storley, who recently helped the Gophers clinch half of the Big Ten Dual Meet conference championship (along with Penn State), attended the same high school as Lesnar, who, as we all know, was a NCAA Division I Champion himself. After compiling an incredible 262-3 record, Storley was voted the nation’s best prep high school wrestler by the Amateur Athletic Union and WIN Magazine. Now start training those hands, son.

Join us after the jump for a plethora of videos from around the MMA blogosphere, including a nasty Thai Boxing KO, Thiago Alves‘ first (and incredibly brief) UFC on FX video blog, and more…

(Apparently after this loss, Max Holloway decided to change his nickname from “Lil’ Evil” to “Blessed,” likely because taking Jens Pulver’s nickname REALLY lets opponents know where your weakness lies.) 

Aside from bitterly dividing fans on what exactly constitutes a fight, UFC 143 left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Should Carlos Condit consider a nickname change?* Will Dustin Poirier get the next shot at Jose Aldo?** Is Nick Diaz really calling it quits?*** Though only time will truly calm our concerns, we’re going to make some bold predictions for Saturday’s winners and losers nonetheless, because that’s how we do things ’round here. Check out our matchmaking picks below, and let us know what you think in the comments section.

Nick Diaz: Perhaps the most impressive thing about Nick Diaz is that, despite his intellectual shortcomings, he maintains an ability to instill fear into whomever he fights. His cardio, striking attack, and Jiu Jitsu are second to none and just plain SCARY, but it is the man’s confidence, his willingness to relentlessly pursue and trade with anyone, that breaks even the strongest of competitors. Going into a fight with Diaz, you know you aren’t going to submit him, and you know it’s damn near impossible to knock the SOB out, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?

(The shirt says it all.) 

Roy Nelson’s UFC 143 scrap with Fabricio Werdum was truly an exercise in futility for “Big Country,” because it more or less showcased what we already knew about him (the man can take a beating like no other), while at the same time reinforcing the idea that Nelson has damn near refused to evolve as a MMA fighter. Yes, he has recently shown a commitment to slimming down and yes, not many of us expected him to try and submit Werdum on Saturday, but if Roy doesn’t start switching up his striking routine (aka looking for anything but a big overhand right), he can expect several more axe wounds like the one above in his future.

We love you Roy, but it might be time to depart from The Country Club for a while, because you can only change the tee box and hole locations for so long until you just get sick of playing the same course over and over again.

Speaking of axe wounds, join us after the jump for a brief look back at some of MMA’s nastiest cuts…