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Funny Shit

26 Aug 2008 01:11:40 PM

Bas Rutten Doesn’t Take Kindly to Mockery

I’ll assume that by now you’ve all watched and re-watched Bas Rutten’s infamous bar-fight self-defense video dozens and dozens of times. Well, a Canadian comedian/MTV Live host named Daryn Jones has also seen it, and he put together a series of parodies spoofing the sadism and matter-of-fact delivery that made the original so beloved. His first clip is above; you can watch parts 2-4 here.

So, whatever, good for a chuckle. Problem is, Bas Himself has seen the clips (!!!), and he’s none too pleased. His video response is below. Hope it was worth it, funny man — you’re now on Bas’s dangada-dangada list. But besides the obvious lesson of you don’t mess with El Guapo, we also learn a couple more things in the video: 1) Rutten likes to drink pond scum, straight up. 2) His Tony Montana impression is shockingly good for a Dutchman. Enjoy.

Unrelated hilarity after the jump.

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25 Aug 2008 10:11:46 AM

“Mayhem” Miller Gets Haircut, Ponders Race Relations

(Say what?!)

Oh, “Mayhem” Miller. You so crazy. You manage to turn what would normally be a boring blog post about a bad haircut into a saga of misadventure. We can only imagine what it must be like to be you on a full-time basis.

Miller’s recent blog entry diverges into a blend of social commentary and possible mental illness when he wanders into a barber shop and begins battling it out with the voices in his head:

“This place looks legit.” I thought, in the way that schizophrenics hear in stereo. “It has a rotating pole, a cruddy sign with the owners name on it, and smells like chemicals,” the voice in my head then paused to let me enter. Inside was a cute black chick about my age and an older black dude, kinda pudgy and wearing fubu or something else unfashionable. The chocolate bunny mustve had something better to do, so she left the moment I looked like I was staying.

“Its an older black dude, and you want a short haircut, perfect, they always know how to hook it up” my brain said but then retorted “that’s fucking racist dude, you’re judging his haircutting on his skin tone- ‘haircut profiling’ if you will.” The voice came back again, “yes, yes I am but I am just drawing from my experience, and how many good short haircuts have we got from older black dudes, as compared to the child molester/Nicholas Cage looking guy on melrose?” Touche’ voice 1, touche’.

“Have a seat. I can take ya now.” Pudgey Older Black Man says, “What can I do for you?” in a tone that was nice enough. “Trim it up man. I want to get it faded down to the skin, maybe keep some of the top.” (For future installments of the strip of doom.) I guess I shouldn’t have said the word “skin” because that is all he heard and before I could look up I had half a bowl-cut. “Aw damn, man.. I, aw..”

You know, I never thought about it before, but Nicolas Cage does look an awful lot like a child molester. Well put, “Mayhem.”

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15 Aug 2008 05:45:13 AM

“Oprah Winfrey? Wake the f*ck up, alright?”

(Props: “Captain Insano X” on the UG)

Though he was supposed to fight at Gladiator Challenge two days ago, Dan “Stevia Soldier” Quinn’s long-awaited match with Dave Huckaba has been pushed back to September 7th. No worries — that just means he has another month to hype the fight. Though he looks to be in solid physical shape in this video shot last week, Quinn’s narrative is as disjointed (and bizarrely compelling) as ever, as he suggests the use of jackets that only fighters can wear, laments the plight of the “sistas,” orders his fat-ass former teammate Cedric Figaro to get on Stevia immediately, briefly reveals a phobia about axle grease, and re-enacts the famous scene at Juanita’s as an action movie. Quinn’s actually been quite prolific with the video-making lately; he’s recorded four more clips since this one, and they can all be seen here.

Bonus: After the jump, Stevia-hater Dave Huckaba responds to Quinn’s recent videos, and manages to use the word “okay” as much as Dan does.

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11 Aug 2008 11:30:19 AM