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Insanity

GIF of the Day: Takuya Eizumi’s Epic Victory Trollface


(Props: r/MMA)

There are only two appropriate reactions to winning an MMA fight. You can either find the nearest camera and do the throat-slitting gesture. Or, you can point at a random member of the crowd, lean to the side, and…sorry, I have no idea what the hell this is.

Here we have Japanese flyweight Takuya Eizumi giving us nightmares after outpointing Yusei Shimokawa at Pancrase 259 last month. The MMA troll-face game is heating up, folks. Fabricio Werdum needs to step his game up if he hopes to stay competitive.

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Quote of the Day: Wanderlei Silva Honest-to-God Thinks He’ll Be Fighting in Two Months


(“350 bucks?! These supplements were only 315 last week, you snake in the grass!”)

In news that is gonna blow your mind right through the back of your skull, Wanderlei Silva is once again talking absolute nonsense about the future of his MMA career.

If you’ve forgotten or simply don’t care anymore, Silva is still awaiting his official punishment from the Nevada State Athletic Commission for skipping out on his random drug test prior to UFC 175, which he claimed he didn’t do, then claimed he did do but only because he was on diuretics. While Dana White assured us that he would be “buried” for his insolence, Silva recently popped out of the hole he’s been presumably living in for the past month to ensure us that everything is hunky-dory (via Tatame/Bleacher Report):

Life is great. I’m training well. I did a test on my own in Brazil, on June 6, to see if the corticoid and the diuretic were already out of my body. I also tested my testosterone levels. At my age, the level is 180, and I’m at 160. I’m totally clean and cleared to fight as soon as possible. I’m just waiting for the UFC to tell me a date and local. In two months, I will be ready to fight.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d have a lot more faith in Wandy’s words had they been shouted at me in a basement while bro-rock blared in the background.

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Oh Great, Another MMA Fighter Snapped His Leg in Half Yesterday


(Props: Esporte Interativo via MMAFighting)

Sunday night at Favela Kombat 10 in Sao Goncalo, Brazil, a fighter named Marcos “Rino” Souza fractured his right tibia when his opponent Cristian Goetz checked his leg kick. (The announcer immediately shouts Opa!, as if his flaming cheese had just arrived.)

To quote our own Bear Siragusa, it’s not a repeat of Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman, it’s like some weird reenactment. I mean, here we have a dark-skinned Brazilian in yellow compression shorts — who was clearly trying to swagger-jack Andy in the first place — throwing a leg kick at his Caucasian counterpart, and paying the price with a floppy limb.

Sure, Silva broke his left leg, not his right one, but the visual is similar enough to make you do a double-take. All this video lacks is Goetz’s cornerman saying “Good, fuck’im.”

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The Trailer For the Next Great MMA Movie, Brutal, Features WWE-Style Clotheslines, Eye-Gouging, and Exposed Bones


(FAAAAAAAALCON PUNNNNNNNNNCH!!)

Let’s face it, there will probably never be a truly great “MMA” movie. Quote unquote “movie-going audiences” (and therefore, the studios that fund these films) don’t give two shits about accurately representing the sport, nor do they care to explore any aspect of MMA other than the fighting itself. To these people, MMA is a spectacle in need of exploiting: take your Karate Kid premise, switch out Ralph Macchio for a couple greased up Abercrombie models, and throw in as many Superman punches as humanly possible. Cut. Print. Never Back Down

Whether its because the filmmakers involved in these movies simply lack any understanding of what mixed martial arts actually is, or because the sport has a tendency to attract the type of dude-bro, mouth-breathing clods that helped make Transformers 4 a success, MMA in film is all but destined to a life of insultingly misrepresentative, focus-grouped tripe like Here Comes the Boom and Hector Echavarria straight-to-DVDs starring actual mixed martial artists. I honestly don’t know which is worse. 

And then, there’s Brutal, an upcoming MMA movie that appears to be equal parts Shutter Island and a wet fart (Sharter Island?). If the trailer you’re about to witness is any indication, Brutal should set MMA back 15 years at the minimum.

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Uh, Guys, You Might Want to Check Out What TUF 19 Finalist Corey Anderson’s Nickname Is

Ron “H20″ Waterman. Justin “Nsane1″ McCully. Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz. Just a few examples of why MMA fighters should never, ever be allowed to give themselves a nickname. And now, the latest and perhaps most tragic entry into the Bad Fighter Nickname Hall of Fame: TUF 19 finalist Corey “Beastin 25/8″ Anderson.

I………………………..I just…………

Beastin 25/8. Beastin 25/8. I’ve said it aloud at least a dozen times already, placing emphasis on a different beat of the phrase each time, and I still haven’t cracked the code. Of all the combinations of all the words and numbers possible, he came up with fucking bee sting 25/8.

How have we allowed this to happen? I mean as, like, a collective species of likeminded individuals. I feel cold and ashamed and confused and cold and also ashamed.

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Aleksander Emelianenko Simply Cannot Stop Being Arrested For Horrifying Sh*t


(“Please, Mr. Bones, tell me more about this ‘persecution complex’ you speak of.”)

For a former monk or a guy who at least spent a decent amount of time around them, Aleksander Emelianenko seems to have almost no understanding of concepts like self-control, humility, or respect for his fellow man (I hear he bakes a mean pumpernickel, though). In the past year, Emelianenko non-Fedor has gone full off the deep end, assaulting an elderly man on his birthday in a Moscow cafe, terrorizing a plane full of unwitting passengers, and winding up on Russia’s “Most Wanted” list for a bizarre combination of passport theft and housekeeper abuse.

And now, he’s went and committed perhaps the most despicable act of them all: Sexual Assault. Although details remain up in the air at the moment, MMABoxing.ru is reporting that the former PRIDE star is currently in custody and facing a possible prison sentence of four-to-six years, with the charges against him including everything from theft to sexual assault. Said the unidentified victim’s lawyer:

First, the court should extend Emelianenko’s arrest, which ends June 30. And we will defend our position that he is a threat to society. Most likely, Emelianenko will get imprisonment from four-to-six years. We will insist on that.

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The 15 Worst Pro Wrestling Gimmick Costumes


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia

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BREAKING: Jason Thacker, Bobby Southworth to Be Inducted Into UFC Hall of Fame (Not Really) (But Maybe?)


(And just like that, a robot-voiced MMA fighter from the future star was born.)

Without coming off too anti-UFC (LOL!), I think we can all agree that the promotion’s Hall of Fame is about as meaningless as their rankings system, right? Aside from picking and choosing its inductees based around whoever Dana White isn’t fueding with at the moment, it’s page on UFC.com hasn’t been updated in years, so much so that recent additions Tito Ortiz, Stephan Bonnar, and Forrest Griffin are not even featured on it. Although to be fair, Ortiz probably never will.

Regardless, Dana White has been teasing his media cronies that the UFC Fan Expo at this year’s Fourth of July International Fight Week — you know, the one featuring musical guests Papa Roach, POD, and Lit (double LOL!) — will serve as the induction ceremony for the UFC Hall of Fame’s next member, as it has in years past. The big difference being that this year could serve as the induction for not just one man, but the entire cast of The Ultimate Fighter season 1 (via Fox Sports):

I think that’s a must. I think that entire season should be inducted. Without a doubt that group of people are all game changers. I’ve thought about the whole cast should be (in the hall of fame). Even the Canadian Jason Thacker — without the group of people that we had and the way the synergy worked and the way things went down, that season really launched everything.

Man, Frank Shamrock must have snapped an entire box of pencils in half when he heard this news.

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Just Another Reason Why PRIDE Was More Entertaining Than the UFC…


(Props: hkkaneWM2012 via r/MMA)

NOTE: Okay, the video won’t let us embed it to start at the 35:00 mark, so you’ll just have to go there yourself.

What you see above is the complete video of PRIDE Shockwave 2005, an event that featured Fedor Emelianenko, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Mark Hunt, Kazushi Sakuraba, Takanori Gomi — should we keep going? alright, then — Minowaman, Ricardo Arona, Aleksander Emelianenko, Hayato Sakurai, Giant Silva, James Thompson, Zuluzinho, Murilo Bustamante, Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett and a main event between two Olympic judokas (Hidehiko Yoshida and Naoya Ogawa) that reportedly earned both men $2 million.

It might have been the most talent-rich MMA card in the history of the sport, and if you have seven hours to watch the whole thing, go for it. But we’ve cued it up to one moment in particular: A six minute tap-dancing presentation that leads directly into PRIDE’s traditional taiko drums and fighter introductions. That’s right, I said tap-dancing. And the crowd loved it!

The spectacle of PRIDE couldn’t possibly be sustained. (I wonder what the total fighter payroll was that night, including Yoshida and Ogawa’s $4 million?) But it’s nice to remember that for one moment in time, in one part of the world, MMA looked like this. PRIDE was wild, unpredictable, a feast for the senses, and willing to try anything to please its fans.

Or as one reddit commenter put it: “Yeah. I mean, the UFC has some videos, lights, and music which are cool and all but Pride choreographed entire fight cards.” LOL…

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The 11 Greatest Ultimate Surrender Videos That We Can Get Away With Showing You


(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)

In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!

Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…

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