Insanity

Nathan “The12ozCurls” Smith

With recent events involving a UFC fighter and alcohol grabbing the spotlight, we at CP figured we’d lighten the mood a tad with this new Budweiser commercial. From a stare down between Anderson Silva and Steven Seagal to Lyoto Machida making a cameo as he flees the scene, this commercial has it all. When I say it has it all, I mean they also mixed in a midget little person as well as Bruce Buffer and Dan Miragliotta. Much to the surprise of Chael Sonnen (because, we assume, he was unaware that the country has such technological advances like television), it has been rumored that the commercial will only air in Brazil.

(Video: TMZ.com. Props to reader Jeff Willson–Salem Oregon–for the tip)

If you haven’t followed Dan Quinn‘s insanity over the years, you’ve been missing out. The man may very well be MMA’s most tortured mind, and that’s seriously saying something. Things started off simply enough with him issuing YouTube challenges to the UFC’s best, bragging about his hands and his accomplishments in college football. Then he, along with Diego Sanchez, discovered the healing power of Stevia, nature’s answer to Sweet’N Low

For years he’s been preaching the Stevia gospel, claiming it ‘melted a tumor’ out of Octagon girl Ali Sonoma, but recently things have taken a turn for the (more) bizarre. He’s posted conversations with a mysterious caller who loosely claims affiliation with both the UFC and some sort of global power/secret society, offering him hush money and power in exchange for his silence. Another recent YouTube video of a conversation with police regarding threats of violence toward a veterinarian has since been deleted.

Things get crazier after the jump…

(This tender moment is brought to you by the word: clownshoe.) 

As we mentioned earlier this week, Chael Sonnen is basically the living reincarnation of the legend of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He has the capability to come off as a reasonable individual, but more often than not, he chooses to drink that devilish potion, the proceeding surge of bravado almost always coming at the cost of his sanity. Where as Dr. Jekyll becomes a prostitute murdering madman upon drinking said potion, Sonnen reverts into a compulsive liar on such a ridiculous level — spouting claims of certain cycling legends and PED use — that he all but but erases the belief that he is one of the more intelligent figures in the sport today.

Take his recent interview with Jim Rome, in which he discussed his upcoming title fight with Anderson Silva, set for UFC 148 on July 7th. As he did while on “The Joe Rogan Experience,” Sonnen talked about the perceived danger of accepting the rematch in Brazil (as was the original plan) as well as his claims that Silva is a “fake Brazilian.” But you don’t start to smell the fish, so to speak, until his UFC 117 loss to Silva is brought up. After Rome gives the viewers a quick recap of the fight, Sonnen drops this beauty on us:

I am so happy you brought that up for the viewers who may not have seen this…what had happened was an absolute misunderstanding and misapplication of the rules by me. We’re in the fifth and final round, he locks on a submission, and I acknowledge that he has it tight by slapping my hand on his leg.

I tapped. So what I thought is you go to the cards. I win four rounds, he wins that round. Apparently, if you tap, it ends the entire contest, which I was not ever made privy to.

Jesus f’ing Christ. Words cannot even begin to describe the amount of facepalm that is necessary for that aneurysm-inducing bit of drivel. It is as if he is having a four-year old with a inoperable brain tumor scribble out his interview answers in crayon, knowing damn well that the child does not posses the ability to spell “inoperable” or “crayon.” Bill Clinton could not dream up a more ham-fisted response if you were to give him the third runner-up of Miss Plus America, an empty hotel room, and all the time in the world.

Join us after a jump for a play-by-play of the rest of the interview and a full video. 

Estima reacts to Diaz’s antics (Video: MMAFighting.com)

In a way, the World Jiu-Jitsu Expo got everything they asked for last night. When you contract Nick Diaz for a bout, you sign on for a fair amount of trials and tribulations; the Nick Diaz package extends well beyond his formidable fighting skills. The very behavior that spikes a promoter’s blood pressure draws media attention and fan speculation—added interest that may not exist were it not for the Stockton native’s puzzling behavior. It’s a trade off, a roll of the dice that you make in hopes that you get the best of both worlds–the amazing prize fighter and the polarizing figure. But there’s a problem with counting on a tortured soul unable to cope with the most mundane aspects of life: you can’t count on him.

If you haven’t gotten the sense that all did not go well for Nick Diaz’s BJJ superfight with Braulio Estima last night, let me spell it out for you: the bout didn’t happen.

The details, as far as anyone knows, are after the jump.

Battle Of The Ages – Watch More Funny Videos
(Props: Wargo205 via ProMMANow)

It doesn’t matter how fancy things get at the top of the sport — MMA’s regional scene is still a chaotic mess where literally anything can happen. Case in point: At Fire Extreme Fighting’s show at the Kankakee Fair Grounds in Illinois on Saturday night, a 53-year-old spectator named Tim was asked if he’d come in as a replacement for a fighter who had dropped out at the last minute. Being in fair shape for his age, and open to new experiences, Tim agreed, and found himself staring down a 21-year-old opponent just an hour later.

You can check out the video above. When the dust settles on this one-round slobberknocker, Tim has won by TKO and we find out that the enthusiastic camera-person is none other than Stephan Bonnar. “You’re my hero! That was awesome!” Bonnar tells Tim, who’s a little too winded to walk us through the replay.

As for the 21-year-old who was left unconscious in a planked position? Details on him are scarce, but it’s very likely he didn’t get laid that night.

(Props to IronForgesIron for the vid.) 

Yesterday, UK based promotion X-treme Combat held its sixth mixed combat event in Cumbria, North West England. Featuring amateur boxing, semi-pro boxing, and kickboxing matches, the evening was highlighted by a K1-style rules bout between FlexMMA product Lewis Bailey and Salfrod MMA’s Paul Calland. Held in an octagon that can only be described as “replica size” with two of the most eager ringside announcers in recent memory calling the action, the scrap featured several back and forth exchanges in its brief duration.

After whiffing a head kick around the 2:40 mark, Calland decides to turn a turd into gold by unleashing a wild spinning backfist as a follow up. A backfist so wild, in fact, that it wasn’t really a spinning backfist at all, but more of a sloppy, unintentional spinning elbow ala Jon Jones. In either case, it catches Bailey completely off guard, rendering him unconscious before he can even fall to the canvas like a rapidly deflating balloon. Now, our Pikey may be a little rusty, but we believe one of the announcers referred to the shot as “a poop,” which references the fact that Bailey likely shit himself after being hit with such a powerful blow.

And while we’re discussing all things KO-related, we’ve got to give some props to FUEL TV, who recently released full, crystal clear videos of the Lavar Johnson/Joey Beltran and Pat Barry/Christian Morecraft scraps from January’s UFC on FX: Guillard vs. Miller card to hype up Barry and Johnson’s upcoming clash at UFC on FOX 3. Both were exciting brawls to say the least, and both ended by way of violent KO, so check them out after the jump.

 I don’t know how you have a staredown with a French accent, but I’m pretty sure Romy Ruyssen (right) is doing it.

So let’s get this out of the way:  I live in Kansas.

No, I don’t know what the hell a jayhawk is.  I’m not actually from here.

Anyways, Invicta Fighting Championships is going down just a short drive away in Kansas City, so I was quick to accept when I was offered a chance to be a member of the fight media for the inaugural Invicta FC card.

There were a few hiccups at the weigh-ins:  for some reason, they did not set up a raised platform for me to set up upon. As a result my pictures and video were of decidedly low quality. (As a recompense, please enjoy a few pictures courtesy of Invicta’s own photographer, Esther Lin.)

DISCLAIMER: This feature is purely a satirical piece- you know, like the title explicitly states. Any references to real people and events are purely for comedic effect. Nothing you are about to read is actual news, and no quotes used in this article are authentic quotes. In short, don’t take anything you are about to read as a real news story.

Pictured: How drug abusing MMA fighters would look if they had some dignity.

The general public has been outraged over Chael Sonnen’s recent comments defending Alistair Overeem, and do not seem to be willing to forgive and forget any time soon. Sonnen defended Overeem on the basis that Overeem simply had an elevated testosterone-to-epitestosterone ratio, and did not test positive for an illegal substance. However, many still believe that Overeem’s elevated T:E ratio was caused by testosterone usage. If true (and it certainly looks true), it gives him an unfair advantage at his job, and therefore is completely unacceptable.

“This is an outrage!” cried Sean Franchetti, a journalist for the popular MMA news outlet Cage Crapato, while snorting his third Adderall of the week. “SorryaboutthatIhave…I have four feature articles due by tomorrow morning, and there’s no way I can do all that without snorting a few lines first.”

(Skip to the 3:25 mark for the fight. But for the love of God, turn down your speakers first.)

If every fight was contested in Brazil, we wouldn’t have to worry about an officiating blunder ever again…

(One of these days, Alice, RIGHT TO THE MOON!) 

Well this is interesting. According to BJPenn.com, former UFC welterweight contender Frank Trigg has recently been released from his HDNet contract, where he served as a commentator for such promotions as Dream and Legacy Fighting Championships. Now, we know you’re asking yourself, “How could the man behind such classic phrases as ‘OH, OH NO, OHHHH!!‘ and ‘Fedor is going to dispatch this man very quickly‘ possibly be let go as a commentator?!” At first, we would have agreed with you. Until we found out why he is being let go, that is. Mainly, the reasons appear that be beat, then cheated, on his soon to be ex-wife.

Yikes.

Here’s the alleged story:

Former UFC fighter, Frank Trigg has been relieved of his duties as a commentator for HDNet for alleged domestic violence and having an improper relationship with a co-worker.

Trigg allegedly choked his wife unconscious in front of their children back in October of 2011, and is now in the middle of a very messy divorce. 

As if that wasn’t enough, he was also found to be having an affair with a 23 year old assistant producer for HDNet. The company did not approve of the improper relationship he was having or the allegations of abuse, and in turn they have fired him from his job as a commentator.

You think that’s bad? Check out a disturbing photo of the bruises left on his wife’s throat after the 2011 incident below, first posted on TheDirty.com: