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Insanity

Meanwhile, in Boxing: A Mexican Politician With Pec Implants Fought the Most Bogus Fight Ever


(Word has it that upon seeing this image, Brock Lesnar’s sword tattoo grew 3 inches.)

While admittedly not being experts in the field of boxing, we here at CagePotato still think we’ve seen enough action inside the squared circle to spot a sham — Big Knockout Boxing or Mickey Rourke, for instance — and my God, if this isn’t the be-all end-all of boxing shams.

Meet Jorge Kahwagi, the amorphous creature pictured above who is an actual human being and not, as we originally thought, a prop from the face melting scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark. According to Fightland, Kahwagi is some kind of Mexican politician/showbiz personality/boxer who, 10 years after compiling an auspicious 11-0 record, decided to step back in the ring last weekend at 47 years of age and prove he still had it. “It” in this case being a set of fake tits, shoulders, biceps, and a face surgically-constructed purely out of bologna.

The resulting contest was nothing short of tragic.

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GIF of the Year Candidate: One FC Flyweight Ze Wu’s Transcendent, Flying Cartwheel Groin Stomp

I don’t know how this gif has flown under the radar in the month since One FC 28 went down, but my God, you guys, it is glorious.

Around the midway point of a flyweight contest between the 2-1 Ze Wu and then-undefeated prospect Jianbing Yang, Wu attempted…something. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but I do know that it was equal parts Chad Mendes somersault guard pass and the Eric Prindle-Thiago Santos groin strike saga personified in one move. Possibly while under the influence of a mind-altering drug, Zu lept into the air, cartwheeled over Yang’s outstretched legs, and landed a direct strike to his nards. Then proceeded to walk away and shrug as if he didn’t understand what the big deal was.

Never before have we ever seen an illegal blow so simultaneously devastating and… beautiful — I dare say that it will redefine our understanding of the groin strike altogether. We tried to reach out to nutshot aficionado Joe Rogan for comment, who could only offer this expression before retreating back into his home.

After the jump: An alternate angle of the strike and a video of it happening in real-time.

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GIF of the Day: Soccer Mom Gets Faceplant KO’d Twice In Hysterically Brutal Fashion [UPDATED]

If you thought Sensei Segal’s recent demonstration was a masterful display of martial arts ineptitude, just wait until you see this.

Posted on r/mma earlier this morning, the GIF you are about to gaze upon with your eyeballs is not only the clear frontrunner for “MMA GIF of the Year” at this year’s Potato Awards, but should sweep the “Steve Nelmark Memorial ‘Is (s)he Dead?’ Award”, “MMA Fail of the Year”, and “Most Embarrassing Knockout of the Year” categories as well. Come to think of it, it will probably take home the “Greatest Unsanctioned Fight of the Year” prize too, because there is no way on God’s green earth that the fight captured in this gif was sanctioned by any athletic commission ever. It is truly one of the most laughable, horrific, captivating, and heartbreakingly sad 5-second animated images you will ever see, and I say that with absolutely zero hyperbole.

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BREAKING: Albuquerque PD Issue Felony Warrant for Jon Jones’ Arrest


(via Getty)

Holy crap, you guys. The Jon Jones hit-and-run saga has just taken a turn from bad to much, much worse.

Jones, who is (or should we say, was) scheduled to defend his title against Anthony Johnson at UFC 187 in May, was involved in a three car accident in Albuquerque on Saturday morning before fleeing the scene. Marijuana, paraphernalia, and “paperwork belonging to a Jonathan Jones, which had MMA information on it from the state of Nevada” were all found in his rental car, and witnesses on the scene (including an off-duty cop) identified the light heavyweight champion as the man fleeing the scene.

The only person listed as injured in the accident was a 25-year-old pregnant woman who was taken to the hospital for what were at first considered minor injuries after she told police that she “was going to pass out.” Recently, however, it was revealed that the woman’s injuries were a bit more serious than originally reported, and as a result, Albuquerque police are now seeking to bring Jones in on felony charges.

Details after the jump.

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Jon Jones Being Sought By Albuquerque Police for Role In Alleged Hit and Run [UPDATED]


(Have you learned nothing from this hilarious photoshop, Jon?!!)

To loosely quote Dave Chappelle, “Man, Jon Jones is f*ckin up.”

Rumors started circulating last night that the light heavyweight champion had been involved in yet another automobile mishap — this time, a hit and run accident in which a 20 year-old pregnant woman was hospitalized — in his resident Albuquerque. After initially denying that Jones was the man being sought after for the hit-and-run, Albuquerque police later released a statement that reads:

“The Albuquerque Police Department is actively seeking UFC Fighter Jon Jones for questioning in regards to his possible involvement in a hit-and-run accident, near the intersection of Juan Tabo and Southern, in Southeast Albuquerque early this morning, April 26, 2015.”

While Jones has apparently not been seen or heard from since the time of the alleged incident, the UFC has since released a statement in response, which you can check out after the jump.

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VIDEO: Conor McGregor Steals Jose Aldo’s Belch at UFC Dublin Press Conference, Chaos Erupts

“You’re looking at the king! You’re not the king of Dublin, you’re nothing!!”

It’s going to be a real shame when this circus act has to end (with Conor McGregor‘s decapitation).

After the jump: A full replay of the UFC World Tour Dublin press conference, complete with yet another fiercely intense staredown.

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Six Things More Likely to Occur Than Ronda Rousey Losing To Bethe Correia


(Props: Fox Sports)

By CP Reader Ramsey O’Shea

If the circulating reports have any truth to them, it looks like Ronda Rousey will make her next title defense against Bethe Correia in the main event of UFC 190 on August 1st. According to my local gambling expert, Vegas oddsmakers should list Rousey as something around a kajillion-to-one favorite over her Brazilian opponent out of the gate, a betting line which will only continue to swing in Rousey’s favor as fight night approaches.

This is not what you’d call a gambler’s paradise, folks, so much so that I asked the top statistician I know to punch up some numbers and find me a handful things more likely to occur than a Bethe Correia win at UFC 190. Here’s what he came up with…

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Anderson Silva, Nick Diaz Fail UFC 183 Drug Tests for Drostanolone, Marijuana

Wow.

There’s really no way to beat around the bush here, so let’s get right to it. Last night, it was revealed that Anderson Silva tested positive for two types of anabolic steroids in an out-of-competition drug test given on January 9th. His UFC 183 opponent, Nick Diaz, also tested positive for marijuana metabolites (AGAIN), albeit in in his UFC 183 post-fight drug test.

Son. of. a. bitch.

Details after the jump.

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CagePotato PSA: So About That Last “CagePotato PSA”…

Free Cage Potato dog
(It’s more “Save” than “Free” now, but the message is still relevant.)

By Jared Jones

Good morning, Nation.

If you’ve visited CagePotato within the past few days, you’ve likely read my inspiring and totally original war speech which triumphantly declared that we will not be be going quietly into the night, nor will we be vanishing without a fight, and so on and so forth. You were likely moved to tears by this heartrending and undeniably epic rally cry, and most certainly hugged your loved ones a little tighter before tucking them into bed, reminding them to never, ever take anything in life for granted.

And while I wasn’t technically wrong in declaring that CP’s flame will forever burn, it turns out that my soaring call to arms might have been a bit, presumptuous…

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Ten Unrelated Thoughts About Running a Mid-Level MMA Blog — A Goodbye Letter From BG


(Author’s note: Please listen to this song while reading the column below. When it ends, listen to it again.)

By Ben Goldstein

1. I was 26, I had just gotten fired for the first time, and I was scared about making rent in New York without a job. A guy I sort of knew hired me to launch a blog about MMA for a media company based in Los Angeles. It was more money that I was making as a low-level editor for a low-level men’s magazine, and I could do it from home. Seemed like a better plan than unemployment.

2. My God, that was over seven years ago. George W. Bush was president. MMA was “the world’s fastest growing sport.” Everything seemed possible.

3. Running CagePotato was the greatest job I ever had because I could write what I wanted without being edited or censored. Developing a roster of like-minded outlaw-writers was a blast (see list of thank-yous, below), and the job helped me discover talents I didn’t even know I possessed. Plus, working from home meant I never had to use an office bathroom stall next to a co-worker after lunch. Some of you don’t understand what a luxury that is.

4. Running CagePotato was the hardest job I ever had because it was the first time I had genuine responsibility in my professional life. I was judged for my site’s performance, and people depended on me showing up every day. Sometimes, I got yelled at.

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