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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

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Rousey vs. Mayweather: The MMA vs. Boxing Debate Finally Hits Rock-Bottom


(Joe Rogan talks Rousey vs. Mayweather on ESPN’s SportsNation, because it’s not like there was an actual event worth discussing or anything.)

By Jared Jones

I must be confused.

You see, when I awoke yesterday morning, I was under the impression that MMA was still a sport with plenty of goings-on worth talking about, not a platform so desolate of intriguing discussion that its only current purpose in this world was to push energy drinks and stir up farcical “Who would win?” scenarios like a goddamn episode of Deadliest Warrior. “There are *two* UFC events alone going down this week,” I said to myself, “Not to mention an *actual* TUF premiere, a Bellator event, and who knows what else. Surely there is plenty of real-life, newsworthy information to be had today.”

So you can imagine my surprise when I awoke to find “Joe Rogan says Ronda Rousey would beat Floyd Mayweather Jr.” as the headline dominating many an MMA site and even some that aren’t. And even worse, nearly all of these articles were flooded with the hundreds of comments from people who actually found it necessary to offer their insight into this absolutely imbecilic piece of non-news. (Rousey vs. a cheetah in sweatpants: Who’s the better dancer?”)

“Every fight starts standing, and we all know Floyd’s not afraid to hit women,” joked a commenter who vehemently expressed his outrage over the idea of allowing Fallon Fox to continue fighting just months earlier. “Floyd’s speed would be no match for Ronda’s armbar,” said another who had chastised his favorite MMA publication for daring to waste his time with a breakdown of the Undertaker’s signature move days prior.

I bit my tongue at first, because I don’t exactly have a foot to stand on when it comes to publishing news items that are ever-so-tangentially related to MMA. But the tipping point occurred during last night’s TUF Nations Finale broadcast, when during yet another time-killing session in the FOX studios, Karyn Bryant posed the same question to Daniel Cormier and Anthony Pettis.

“This is ridiculous,” said Pettis before declaring that Floyd would easily win. Unfortunately, it appeared that the idea of a woman beating a man in a fight was what Pettis found ridiculous, not the question itself as I had hoped.

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Either Jon Jones’s Phone Was Stolen, Or He Went Full Homophobe on Instagram Last Night


(Props: BloodyElbow)

UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones caused quite a stir on social media last night when he apparently fired a barrage of homophobic slurs at a Swedish kid named Daniel Javid. After Javid dared to question Bones’s recent statement that he has more heart than Alexander Gustafsson, Jones — or somebody operating his account — went through Javid’s photos and left comments such as “Fag shit,” Fag boys,” and “Homosexuality is a sin.” Jones then posted a selfie as if nothing out-of-the-ordinary had happened.

The official explanation from Jones’s manager Malki Kawa is that his phone was stolen, and someone else was posting those comments without his knowledge. (Don’t worry, Jones already got a new phone.) Whether or not you believe that excuse probably reflects how you feel about Jon Jones in the first place. Do you believe that Jones is openly homophobic and lacks the self-control to keep his opinions to himself? Anecdotes like this certainly don’t help his case. Or, do you believe Kawa’s story, because it would be insane for a UFC superstar to go off like this in public? I’m inclined to lean towards the latter, but who knows?

We’ll update you if and when the UFC releases a statement about this incident.

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This Is the Greatest MMA Screen-Cap of 2014, So Far [UPDATED]


(Props: Reddit_MMA)

Remember how we mentioned yesterday that BJJ champion Gabrielle Garcia made a guest-appearance on TUF Brazil 3, sometime before her bust for the testosterone-boosting drug Clomiphene? Well, this is what that moment looked like.

The combination of Gabi’s Tom Hardy-esque physique combined with that hilarious-in-retrospect caption makes this my favorite MMA-related screen-cap of the year, hands down. A new Potato Awards category will have to be created just for this image. I mean got damn, that lady big.

If you think you have a better MMA screen-cap from 2014, please shoot us a link in the comments section.

Update: Crooklyn passes along another Wandy/Gabi screen-cap from TUF Brazil 3, with an even greater caption…

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The World’s Worst Karate Demo (No, Really)


(via Bullshido.net)

This week’s Martial Arts Fail isn’t deriding a dubious technique or making light of a strange weapon. No, this week we’re providing a demonstration of how bad mainstream martial arts is.

Watch the above video. That’s what middle class America thinks martial arts is–awkwardly flailing your limbs while concentrating your ki and shouting like you’re in labor. We must warn you though, this video is bad. You might get chest pain from laughing. Or you might get chest pain from depression at what’s become of martial arts instruction in the United States.

We don’t know the school, or the style (Taekwondon’t? You get it? OK it was lame, sorry). All we know is that it’s awful.

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Human Cockfighting Alert: A Fighter Was Allowed to Continue After Collapsing In His Corner [UPDATED]


(Screencap via Deadpsin)

We’re sure you’ve heard all about it by now, but this issue warrants covering by every MMA media outlet around.

At yesterday’s RFA 14, flyweight fighter Junior Maranhao blacked out in his corner between the fourth and fifth rounds.

Did his corner stop the fight?

No.

Did the doctor stop the fight?

No.

Did the referee stop the fight?

No.

The man fell unconscious on the floor (he was out cold) and the fight was allowed to continue. Here’s a GIF (via Zombie Prophet):

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Non-MMA Video of the Day: Massive Fist Fight Breaks Out at Ukraine Parliament


(“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the war room!”)

I won’t pretend to be an expert on the Ukraine situation, and I cite that I just referred to an ever-developing international crisis and seemingly inevitable civil war as “The Ukraine situation” as proof of that. I do know, however, that it is never a good sign when you country’s average Parliamentary session for peace ends in the same fashion as a Polish Team-MMA Fight. But that’s just what happened in Kiev, Ukraine earlier today, as communist and nationalist parties clashed over accusations that the latter had resorted to extremist tactics in their seizing of several buildings in Eastern Ukraine earlier this week.

It all started when communist Petro Symonenko (the man at the rostrum) took aim at the nationals, stating, “You are today doing everything to intimidate people. You arrest people, start fighting people who have a different point of view.” It was a harsh accusation to say the least, so clearly, the best move the nationalist Svoboda deputies could make to shed this notion would be to violently pull Symonenko away from the podium and kick and punch him repeatedly. And that’s what they did.

As if the situation wasn’t ironic enough already, you should probably know that the man hurling accusations of extremist tactics at the nationalists (Symonenko) just so happens to be a member of the very same party who supported ousted President Viktor Yanukovich after more than 100 protesters were shot dead by police snipers in Kiev less than two months ago.

So yeah, this Jerry Springer-esque madness just went down at the Ukraine Parliament, and it isn’t even the first time it’s happened. To that point: I’m not saying I’d respect Obama more if I knew he was packing a solid right hook, but yes I would respect him more.

-J. Jones

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Why “Going Out on Your Shield” Is the Most Toxic Part of MMA Culture


(Photo via WSOF)

By Matt Saccaro

Rousimar Palhares and Yushin Okami were the stars at last night’s World Series of Fighting 9. Both fighters crushed their respective cans, and got write-ups on MMA sites across the web because their “UFC veteran” status makes them more page view friendly.

While fans and pundits are lost in circular debates about Palhares’ leg lock ethics, the sport is missing out on something more serious that happened at WSOF 9: Marlon Moraes vs. Josh Rettinghouse.

This fight was a horrifically one-sided mismatch. Rettinghouse couldn’t compete with Moraes in any area of MMA. As the bout dragged on, Moraes’ leg kicks started to take their toll. Rettinghouse was reduced to hobbling and then Nick Serra-level buttscooting. Rettinghouse had little to no chance of victory by the time the “championship rounds” started. The media knew it. The referee knew it. Rettinghouse’s corner likely knew it as well. The fight went the full five rounds, but it was over long before the judges submitted scorecards. It shouldn’t have made it that far. It should’ve been stopped.

Unfortunately for Rettinghouse’s legs, such behavior is an anathema to MMA culture. MMA, the ultimate dude-bro sport, values a glamorized Spartan ethos that never considers the results of its “come back with your shield—or on it,” mantra. Fans, fighters, coaches, and everyone in between agree almost unanimously that getting knocked out is better than quitting on your stool between rounds, and that (s)napping is better than tapping. It’s better to let a fighter “go out on their shield” than stop a fight too early, robbing the winner of undisputed victory and the loser of honor in defeat.

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And Now He’s Fired: Will Chope Fired from UFC After Shady Past Surfaces


(Photo via Getty)

UFC Fight Night 38 is only hours away but it’s already causing quite a stir in the headlines. The reason? Will Chope was fired from the UFC this morning after an article from Bleacher Report exposed the fighter’s sordid past.

Chope was discharged from the Air Force in 2009 due to repeated instances of domestic abuse. The final straw was assaulting his wife in that same year, and threatening her with a knife. Here are some of the details from the official Air Force Court of Appeals documents:

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Defeating Boxers is THIS Easy

It’s Saturday! Do you know what that means? A day off from the drudgery of office life in middle class America? A lackluster UFC card with a $60 price tag? Unfit for television jobber matches on UFC fight pass? None of these. Saturday means CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail of the Week!

Last time, we had a bona fide ninja (or as bona fide as a ninja can be) teach us one of Ninjitsu’s most esoteric guard passes. This week, however, we’re revisiting an old friend—Master Wong, of “don’t poke him in the eye or he’ll kill your whole family” fame.

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Diego Sanchez Blames UFC 171 Loss to Myles Jury on Raw Quail Egg


(Sanchez grimaces as the raw meat works its intestinal magic. / Photo via Getty)

You read the headline right. Diego Sanchez took to twitter earlier today to explain why he lost to Miles Jury at UFC 171. It wasn’t due to age, strategy, or simply fighting from a previous era. No, the culprit was steak tartare with a side of raw quail egg:

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