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Insanity - Page 6

Aw, Hell No: Grappler Submits and Vomits After Being Farted on at NAGA Tournament [VIDEO!]


(Props: Mike mons via Filmdrunk)

Having never competed in no-gi grappling in my life, I can’t speak to the legalities of busting farts while an opponent is working in your guard. It seems like it should be illegal. And yet, a competitor at NAGA Vegas Grappling Championship actually scored a submission victory via horrible gas on Saturday. It must have been some truly repugnant stuff, too, because as you can see at the 0:07-0:10 mark, the loser taps out and then vomits all over the mat.

“He farted in my face,” the dude in the black rashguard tells the ref. “You farted in my face, man,” he tells his opponent. Then, he dutifully begins cleaning up his own barf with a paper towel.

We usually don’t like making sweeping statements like this so early in the year, but “Grappler Submits to Fart, Then Vomits” is a guaranteed Potato Award winner, maybe in multiple categories. You’ve just witnessed history, folks.

Related — Horrible Video of the Day: Projectile-Vomiting MMA Fighter

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: How A Ninja Passes the Guard

This week’s Martial Arts Fail was going to re-visit Master Wong—the man who warned us that eye pokes would result in our families being murdered. But midway through the week we received a tip from CagePotato contributor Adam Ackerman. When we watched the video he sent us, we knew it had to be this week’s Martial Arts Fail.

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Why Can’t War Machine Just Get a Motherf*ckin Slurpee? [VIDEO]


(Warning: Language is waaaaaay NSFWProps: YouTube.com/AlphaMaleShit)

Along with his recently launched Alpha Male Shit clothing line, War Machine‘s media empire now includes a YouTube channel where he rants in his car about strangers who he would have beaten up if he wasn’t on probation. War’s latest video blog is above, and it officially places him in the pantheon of batshit car-rant Hall of Famers like Dan Quinn and Nick Diaz.

Here’s the basic premise: WM goes to a 7-11 to satisfy a Slurpee craving, and the clerk on duty immediately asks him to lower his hoodie, since that’s become a rule in places that are often robbed. Not a huge fan of rules in general, War Machine refuses, and literally uses the phrase “I thought this was America.” Another 7-11 worker threatens to call the cops, so War Machine dumps his Slurpee on the floor in protest — you know, like a child would — then leaves. Re-telling the story fills War Machine with the kind of barely contained rage that Werner Herzog should be narrating over.

War Machine gets himself scarily amped up to obtain a Slurpee at a different 7-11 location. He leaves his phone in the car, still recording (“I don’t want evidence in case I freak out”), and then disappears for an agonizingly long two minutes. Anything could be happening in those two minutes. When he returns with his Slurpee, it’s a relief for everyone. The guy who sold War Machine that Slurpee didn’t know how close he came.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: How to Stomp Out a Wrestler

Remember those idiots who taught us BJJ’s five fatal weaknesses (spaz punches and bright red pants being chief among them)?

Well, they’re back. This time, the same “school”—Combatant Extreme Self Defense—is taking on wrestling.

And it’s legit…or at least legit in the sense that the guys who peddle this crap actually believe it works. It doesn’t though. There are more things wrong with this takedown “defense” than are wrong with Vitor Belfort‘s sudden removal from his UFC 173 title bout against Chris Weidman. Let’s just say this: Count yourself lucky if you wind up in a street fight with a “wrestler” who opts to grab your rear leg on a single leg takedown, let alone make thousands of other mistakes.

Stay tuned for next week’s traditional martial art’s fail, where another favorite from the past will be telling us how to defeat boxing with deadly street smarts.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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A Brief History of the Insane Sh*t Nick Diaz Has Said in Interviews [w/Reaction Gifs]

It’s a testament to Nick Diaz the fighter that Nick Diaz the person can continue to make headlines with his ridiculous statements despite retiring from the sport almost a year ago. Or maybe it’s a testament to the nadir of journalism present in today’s MMA landscape, but in any case, Stockton’s finest is once again attempting to use his retirement as a bargaining chip, telling Fox Sports in a recent interview that he would consider returning to MMA, but only for an immediate title shot:

I don’t care, I’m talking about a title fight matchup. Bottom line, I’m the only draw here. Bottom line. We had like the third biggest [pay-per-view]. That wasn’t just because of Georges St-Pierre. And these guys aren’t doing that. People want to pay to see me fight, they want to see someone get knocked out or someone get tapped out, or they want to see me get my ass whooped like they’ve been waiting to see but they still don’t get to see.

I’ve been fighting for 11 years. I already did all those [contender] fights. I don’t have to take a warmup fight. Why would I take a warmup fight? To help somebody out? To bring them to my level? I’ve already been through all that and you still didn’t see me take an ass whipping.

While Dana White has publicly squashed this notion already, MMA fans and pundits alike have already taken to hyping the “inevitable” return of Diaz to the UFC. Because like the man himself said, he is a draw. That doesn’t change the fact, however, that Diaz’s understanding of how one achieves a title shot is absolute nonsense.

Come to think of it, the statement above is just the latest in what has been a career filled with borderline insane ramblings on Diaz’s part. Join us after the jump to see what we mean…

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Defeat Bullies by Slapping Their Balls (We’re Not Kidding)


(If you wear socks like the male instructor, you will ALWAYS be bullied)

Ever been bullied?

If so, how did you stop your grade-school foes? Did you beat them up with a hat? Stymie them with thousands of spaz punches? Use the force?

What about slapping them in the nuts? What, you’ve never done that!? According to this week’s martial arts fail, that’s one of the key techniques in the fight against bullying.

Seriously, you need to watch this video. Here’s just a short highlight reel of what it includes:

-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
-The defense for the all-too-powerful “you’ve got something on your shirt” maneuver.
-”Stun techniques and dirty tricks.”
-Pulling someones hair and then doing absolutely nothing to follow it up.
-Groin-slapping.
-Throwing candy in someone’s face as a self-defense move (I wish I was making this part up).

Please watch the video, it’ll be worth it. We promise. This is the exact kind of horrific, “self-defense” advice that Ben Goldstein and I sought to destroy when we were storming dojos back in the 90s, testing our SAFTA. But as we got up there in years, we decided to purge martial chicanery with articles on a middling MMA website rather than with our fists.

Enjoy!

Thanks to CagePotato reader James Hays for sending us this video. If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The Hat Is Mightier Than the Sword

Our friends at Break.com made a great discovery that we’re happy to present as our Martial Arts Fail of the Week: A guy named James Keating who peddles hat-based self defense techniques.

The hat in question, or rather a “SAP CAP” is special. Keating himself wrote all about it:

The term SAP refers to a flexible, weighted impact device. A common sock (stocking) filled with sand is a crude form of sap. The weighted leather – flexible saps are used by some police units even today. The SAP CAP reflects this idea, but in a form less recognizable as an item of defense. And in today’s world this aspect is a real plus!

The basic idea behind using the sap cap is very simple. Reach up with one hand, grab the bill of the cap and the swing it off your head toward your intended target. Any number of angles, lines and moves can be incorporated. You’ve basically got a flexible club in your mitts, use it as such. 

To put it in less suburban ninja terms, it’s basically a baseball cap filled with BBs. Cool.

The guy also sells videos of how to fight with a tomahawk. In addition to this, he’s a fan of compliant wrist lock drills that magically render the opponent unable to hit you with his other arm, as well as other crap that would only work in The Matrix.

You can check out his YouTube channel here. It’s filled with 21-foot-rule guy type nonsense.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com

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Don’t Worry, You Guys, Steven Seagal Says That The Sochi Olympics Will Be Fine [VIDEO]

I think something in my brain broke, you guys.

You see, where I’d typically be filled with blood-boiling rage and simultaneous “Holier than thou” frustration with all the things wrong in the world while watching something like the above video of Steven Seagal pretending to be a security expert on the Sochi Olympics (previously: inventor of the front kickschool shooting task force specialistactormusician, etc.) I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I hated every word that Seagal said, and I really, truly wanted to hate him for saying them, but I’m just too…bewildered, I guess. Apathetic even. Seagal’s self-servicing arrogance has reached a level so unbelievably high that it almost transcends him as an individual. The portrait he has painted of himself and his standing in our society as a source of wisdom is so out of touch with reality that it borders on an Always Sunny episode. How can you make a joke about a joke, you know? You’re not going to “reach” Seagal, because if you looked behind his firing range goggles you’d probably see something like this. He’s just a vessel, a skin suit in which the entity of madness has been contained for the good of the many, until he dies and passes it on to the next generation.

You can’t get mad at Steven Seagal. It would be like screaming at a rain cloud.

The real question is: Which of these facts is makes you the saddest?
a) STEVEN SEAGAL has a better relationship with Vladimir Putin than our President
b) STEVEN SEAGAL is asked to give foreign policy advice to the President in the above video (and does), or
c) There are people out there who might actually find comfort in the words of STEVEN SEAGAL, the same guy who once threatened to “cut off the head and piss down the throat” of that chicken-shit pussy asshole Richie?

THIS GUY’S NOTHING WITHOUT THAT BADGE AND GUN.

-J. Jones

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Photo of the Day: Kaitlin Young Proves That Horrific Training Injuries Aren’t Just for the Boys


(“Photo: Kaitlin Young’s gash is a sight to behold” – actual fake headline from Jesse Holland.)

In the long history of horrific cuts suffered by MMA fighters during training, this axe wound posted by Invicta FC bantamweight Kaitlin Young might just top them all. Passed along by MiddleEasy earlier today, the above photo prompted Young to quickly dispel rumors that the injury was the result of actually being attacked with a demonically-possessed axe, stating on her Twitter, “shot under my buddy’s jab, and he kicked at the same time. Knee vs forehead.”

Sounds too convenient, if you ask me. All I’m saying is that we still leave open the possibility that a Stephen King story come to life is responsible for this.

Seriously though, that has got to be one of the worst goddamn cuts I’ve ever seen, MMA or otherwise. I give it 5 out of 5 Eastmans. I’m pretty sure I can see Kaitlin’s thoughts. I’m going to go throw up.

-J. Jones

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Torre Alert: Well-Known Jiu-Jitsu Fraud David Lang Uncovered Running McDojo in Upstate New York


(“Nah dude, check out his *original* Tapout shirt. No way this guy’s a phony.”)

Well, this is coincidental.

If you haven’t read my interview with Fighting in Plain Sight director Edward Doty yet, what the hell, brah? Also, I’d recommend that you check it out, if only to learn a little more about the fascinating story of Rafiel Torre, the former MMA reporter/”fighter” turned convicted murderer. You see, back in the early aughts, Rafiel liked to pass himself off as a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt and former Navy SEAL who retired with an unblemished fight record of 17-0. It wasn’t until he unretired in 2001 and put on a work at King of the Cage 7 that his history of deception began to reveal itself. Rafiel Torre wasn’t a Black Belt, he wasn’t a former Navy SEAL, hell, Rafiel Torre wasn’t even his real name (although I suppose it wouldn’t have been as easy to sell himself as a native Brazilian with a name like Ralph Bartel).

In any case, I threw the article together last night, and what pops up on the front page of the reddit MMA page this morning? Only a story about a notorious Jiu-Jitsu fraud and phony war hero being uncovered running a BJJ McDojo in Cortland, New York (a mere hour’s drive from my hometown). His name is David Lang, and his similarities to Torre don’t end at the false military and martial arts credentials. No, like Torre, Lang also claimed/claims to have been born in Brazil and moved to the US at a young age. Lang even fabricated a Brazilian cousin *named* Rafael in an attempt to add credence to his claims, for Christ’s sake.

But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves. Let us first begin to understand how Lang was exposed as a fraud in the first place (via the Police Gazette, who uncovered his most recent scam):

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