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Insanity - Page 6

Uh, Guys, You Might Want to Check Out What TUF 19 Finalist Corey Anderson’s Nickname Is

Ron “H20″ Waterman. Justin “Nsane1″ McCully. Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz. Just a few examples of why MMA fighters should never, ever be allowed to give themselves a nickname. And now, the latest and perhaps most tragic entry into the Bad Fighter Nickname Hall of Fame: TUF 19 finalist Corey “Beastin 25/8″ Anderson.

I………………………..I just…………

Beastin 25/8. Beastin 25/8. I’ve said it aloud at least a dozen times already, placing emphasis on a different beat of the phrase each time, and I still haven’t cracked the code. Of all the combinations of all the words and numbers possible, he came up with fucking bee sting 25/8.

How have we allowed this to happen? I mean as, like, a collective species of likeminded individuals. I feel cold and ashamed and confused and cold and also ashamed.


Aleksander Emelianenko Simply Cannot Stop Being Arrested For Horrifying Sh*t

(“Please, Mr. Bones, tell me more about this ‘persecution complex’ you speak of.”)

For a former monk or a guy who at least spent a decent amount of time around them, Aleksander Emelianenko seems to have almost no understanding of concepts like self-control, humility, or respect for his fellow man (I hear he bakes a mean pumpernickel, though). In the past year, Emelianenko non-Fedor has gone full off the deep end, assaulting an elderly man on his birthday in a Moscow cafe, terrorizing a plane full of unwitting passengers, and winding up on Russia’s “Most Wanted” list for a bizarre combination of passport theft and housekeeper abuse.

And now, he’s went and committed perhaps the most despicable act of them all: Sexual Assault. Although details remain up in the air at the moment, is reporting that the former PRIDE star is currently in custody and facing a possible prison sentence of four-to-six years, with the charges against him including everything from theft to sexual assault. Said the unidentified victim’s lawyer:

First, the court should extend Emelianenko’s arrest, which ends June 30. And we will defend our position that he is a threat to society. Most likely, Emelianenko will get imprisonment from four-to-six years. We will insist on that.


The 15 Worst Pro Wrestling Gimmick Costumes

(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia


BREAKING: Jason Thacker, Bobby Southworth to Be Inducted Into UFC Hall of Fame (Not Really) (But Maybe?)

(And just like that, a robot-voiced MMA fighter from the future star was born.)

Without coming off too anti-UFC (LOL!), I think we can all agree that the promotion’s Hall of Fame is about as meaningless as their rankings system, right? Aside from picking and choosing its inductees based around whoever Dana White isn’t fueding with at the moment, it’s page on hasn’t been updated in years, so much so that recent additions Tito Ortiz, Stephan Bonnar, and Forrest Griffin are not even featured on it. Although to be fair, Ortiz probably never will.

Regardless, Dana White has been teasing his media cronies that the UFC Fan Expo at this year’s Fourth of July International Fight Week — you know, the one featuring musical guests Papa Roach, POD, and Lit (double LOL!) — will serve as the induction ceremony for the UFC Hall of Fame’s next member, as it has in years past. The big difference being that this year could serve as the induction for not just one man, but the entire cast of The Ultimate Fighter season 1 (via Fox Sports):

I think that’s a must. I think that entire season should be inducted. Without a doubt that group of people are all game changers. I’ve thought about the whole cast should be (in the hall of fame). Even the Canadian Jason Thacker — without the group of people that we had and the way the synergy worked and the way things went down, that season really launched everything.

Man, Frank Shamrock must have snapped an entire box of pencils in half when he heard this news.


Just Another Reason Why PRIDE Was More Entertaining Than the UFC…

(Props: hkkaneWM2012 via r/MMA)

NOTE: Okay, the video won’t let us embed it to start at the 35:00 mark, so you’ll just have to go there yourself.

What you see above is the complete video of PRIDE Shockwave 2005, an event that featured Fedor Emelianenko, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Mark Hunt, Kazushi Sakuraba, Takanori Gomi — should we keep going? alright, then — Minowaman, Ricardo Arona, Aleksander Emelianenko, Hayato Sakurai, Giant Silva, James Thompson, Zuluzinho, Murilo Bustamante, Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett and a main event between two Olympic judokas (Hidehiko Yoshida and Naoya Ogawa) that reportedly earned both men $2 million.

It might have been the most talent-rich MMA card in the history of the sport, and if you have seven hours to watch the whole thing, go for it. But we’ve cued it up to one moment in particular: A six minute tap-dancing presentation that leads directly into PRIDE’s traditional taiko drums and fighter introductions. That’s right, I said tap-dancing. And the crowd loved it!

The spectacle of PRIDE couldn’t possibly be sustained. (I wonder what the total fighter payroll was that night, including Yoshida and Ogawa’s $4 million?) But it’s nice to remember that for one moment in time, in one part of the world, MMA looked like this. PRIDE was wild, unpredictable, a feast for the senses, and willing to try anything to please its fans.

Or as one reddit commenter put it: “Yeah. I mean, the UFC has some videos, lights, and music which are cool and all but Pride choreographed entire fight cards.” LOL…


The 11 Greatest Ultimate Surrender Videos That We Can Get Away With Showing You

(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)

In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!

Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…


Dude Wipes: The Definitive CagePotato Review

(Unboxing the care package Dude Wipes sent CagePotato. Thanks, Dude Products!)

By Matt Saccaro

The MMA world peered at Tyron Woodley‘s ass and saw “DUDE WIPES” emblazoned across his most private chasm. In that moment, an MMA meme was born.

Dude Wipes, in some ways, are the ultimate expression of the ridiculous Dude-Bro culture ingrained in MMA–or that marketers think is ingrained in MMA. Whether through derision, revulsion, or legitimate curiosity, Dude Wipes became one of the top trends on Twitter during the fights. While some were happy to simply laugh at Dude Wipes and write them off as some kind of oddity, CagePotato wanted to know more. Myself and everyone else on the CagePotato editorial staff will never let it be said we won’t go to any heights (or depths) to the get stories that matter most to MMA. Dude Wipes, we believed, was one of those stories.

Thus, I went out to Walgreens and Target the morning after UFC 174, but found no Dude Wipes. Dejected, I resorted to making a post about them citing several Amazon reviews. But fate tossed me a life preserver in the shape of a Dude Wipe. Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes, found out about my dilemma and hooked me up. I was excited to get my hands (and butt cheeks) on some Dude Wipes. Check them out:

I also got two wristbands that say “Fresh ass dude” and “#DudeWipes” on them; they’re shown in the video.

So how did they measure up to my expectations? Find out after the jump.


Wild Rumor of the Day, Pt. 2: Nick Diaz’s Father Is the Unabomber

Subject: Nick Diaz‘s father is… Ted Kaczynski
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014 3:12 AM
From: [redacted]

“That’s right. The fucking unabomber. Ted would have been in California exactly 1 year and a month before nick was born (blowing up some poor fucker at university of cal/berkeley. And while I know it’s a stretch based off that little information. Check out this picture of a young Theodore “Ted” Kaczynski. (I know.. mind blowing) This would also explain Nick’s anxiety when it comes to social interactions and hatred for authority. It’s in his genes. He is programmed from the womb this way…..You’re welcome!

War out,


Come on Chris, that’s absurd. Diaz may have grown up without a biological father, but there’s no way th-HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK IDENTICAL.


“Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” Is The Weirdest/Greatest Fanboy Video of All Time

(I’m just sayin’, Whatever this is > Those “Step Into Our World” posters.)

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about MMA fan art over the years, it’s that more often than not, it takes a turn for the captivating, the hilariously awful, or the just plain creepy. Though no two pieces of MMA art are the same, at the root of them all is usually a highly disturbed, manically-depressed individual crying out for help and/or a pack of UFC trading cards.

Today’s entry, however, is something of an entirely new breed. It’s what some would call “avant-garde”; combining equal parts Transformers cartoon and Tim and Eric sketch with some of the most proficient Microsoft Paint skills ever put on display. It’s goddamn glorious to be completely frank. Tweeted out by Eddie Bravo yesterday, “Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” is one of the most brilliantly-retarded things you or I will ever see, so do yourself a favor and check it out after the jump.


Let’s Talk About Dude Wipes for a Minute (or Several Minutes)

(“Official sponsor of Tyron Woodley at UFC 174 (logo on the ass, of course)” / Photo via

If you missed UFC 174 last night, count yourself lucky. It was a terrible card that saw fans literally flocking out of the arena in droves before the main event–a fight where flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson defended his belt against Ali Bagautinov–even ended.

But there was one saving grace: Dude Wipes.

No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:

Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor's note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls. 

If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.

Dude Products even created some promotional material:

Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).

So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.

Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews…