Insanity - Page 9

If a botched call is generally known as a “Mazzagati,” then this referee just earned the Pornstache Lifetime Achievement Award for this epic flub. Passed along to us by none other than KarmaAteMyCat, the above video depicts what may be the worst referee blunder in the history of MMA. Sound impossible? Prepare to have your puny minds blown.

The event was Warrior Nation XFA III. The day was April 20th. In a preliminary 135 lb contest, Justin Kristie made his amateur debut against fellow rookie David Baxter. You can watch most of the first round if you’d like, but we recommend that you skip to the 4:13 mark, where, with ten seconds remaining, Kristie locks in a tight triangle. Baxter either throws some open palm strikes, or in our opinion, appears to tap with five seconds remaining. The ref doesn’t react, a pattern that will become disturbingly apparent in the very near future, so Kristie promptly chokes Baxter the fuck out as the bell sounds.

This is where things take a turn into the truly bizarre.

(Who said “Huuuge bitch!” behind my back?! Who said it?!) 

As anyone who has married friends will tell you, no matter how funny it is to let said friend complain about how terrible/annoying/insufferable their wife is, you are never to make fun of said wife unless given a direct order to do so. Apparently something of this nature went down between Kevin Randleman and Matt Riddle recently, as Randleman recently unleashed nothing short of a deluge of threats aimed at Riddle over Twitter, citing alleged comments Riddle had made to his wife as his reasoning for wanting to “rip a piece off” the TUF 7 alum.

Just check out the anger in the tweets that await you after the jump. A line has clearly been crossed.

Anderson Silva, shown modeling for Rolling Stone while showing us his war face.

It’s no secret that the UFC middleweight division is a bit of a mess right now. With Michael Bisping set to fight Brian Stann, Alan Belcher squaring off against Vitor Belfort, Cung Le fighting Rich Franklin and Chris Weidman and Tim Boetsch sitting on the sidelines, it’s no wonder we’re possibly looking at a middleweight tournament to sort this mess out. In theory, the tournament would give Middleweight Champion Anderson Silva plenty of time to go to barbecues and fight Light-Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones while the division sorts itself out. In reality, that will never happen.

With the middleweight division being such a gigantic question mark, it may make sense to just ask someone in Anderson Silva’s camp who they’d like to see him fight next. There’s just one small problem: Anderson Silva’s camp are, how should I say this, pricks. Case in point, here’s what Silva’s manager Jorge Guimaraes said about the possibility of Anderson fighting Chris Weidman, Tim Boetsch and Alan Belcher, who have all recently called out “The Spider” (via Tatame):

*Someone* who runs the Los Angeles Kings’ Twitter account is jealous that our Guida vs. Danzig was better than theirs.

Judging from a quick glance at our Twitter followers, I’m guessing at least thirty percent of our readers are either Canadian or Eastern European. I’m guessing at least twenty percent of our American readers are hipsters who “ironically” “like” things that most of their peers don’t care about. I’m also guessing at least ten percent of the remaining American readers are from Pennsylvania, New York, New England, Minnesota or Detroit. Basically, if my assumptions are accurate, I’m guessing we have a lot of hockey fans here.

Those of you who follow hockey may already know that whoever runs the Los Angeles Kings Twitter account doesn’t exactly shy away from a good ole fashioned Twitter beef. That account is ready to deliver a knockout punch to anyone who takes a jab at their players, fans or the awful ratings that the Los Angeles Kings brought in on their way to their first Stanley Cup in team history. Oh, and apparently anyone who invites their players to an event for free publicity, because that’s clearly an insult to the organization somehow.

With the UFC heading to the Kings’ stomping grounds, the Staples Center, for August 4th’s UFC on FOX 4, the company offered the Stanley Cup champions an invitation to the event. Much like Lebron James at UFC 148, the invitation is a good way to build momentum for the Kings – not to mention the NHL as a whole – leading up to the 2012-2013 season. For whatever reason, however, the Kings decided to respond to this by tweeting “Sorry, the Cup is only for those who play a real sport.”

(Forget Mandy Moore, but Kim Kardashian? Now there’s a role model we can all support!) 

Ugh.

In what is undoubtedly a new low for the hypocritical, sciolistic dingbats behind the anti-UFC machine known as The Culinary Union, a video was recently released attacking the UFC’s sweetheart, Mandy Moore, as a result of her long time ties with the promotion. Beautiful, innocent, harmless Mandy Moore. Using the same blissfully ignorant and fact-less approach as fellow propaganda pushers The April and Wayne Show, The Union’s newest video is little more than a two minute smear campaign aimed at the UFC, using footage of everything from Dana White’s rant against Loretta Hunt to Rampage Jackson’s near impregnating of a certain CP reporter as “evidence” that Ms. Moore (and any other UFC proponent, for that matter) is unfit to be a role model for our children. IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE, YOU GUYS.

Video after the jump. Caution: It may cause unexpected, rage-induced nosebleeds. 

(Click for even larger, grosser version. Props: @anthonynjoku)

What you’re looking at is Anthony Njokuani‘s hand, which he broke during his decision loss against Rafael Dos Anjos at UFC on FUEL: Munoz vs. Weidman earlier this month. Good lord. It looks like a piece of driftwood that washed up on a particularly filthy beach. It looks like one of the sandworms from Tremors. It looks like a new Carvel employee’s botched attempt at making Fudgie the Whale. It looks like a bloated zombie hybrid of Anthony Johnson and Pac-Man. Get well soon, Anthony.

(Shit happens when Brett Rogers is your sponsor.) 

It seems that we’ve had to deal with the issue of child abuse more and more over the past few weeks here at CagePotato. You may recall the woman in St. Louis who videotaped her infant daughter’s decaweight debut and provided such insightful ringside commentary as “Ball up some fists!” as one instance of this. But today, Potato Nation, we’ve come across the classiest child abuse video of them all. We’re talking a top of the line, Armani-suited business moguls shrouded in darkness and purchasing sex slaves that were kidnapped at the airport level of class on display here. This is the Rolls-Royce of child abuse videos, if you will. In fact, the level of class in this child abuse video is so high, that it might not be considered child abuse at all.

It’s disorienting, we know, because typically, when treated to a video of a 6 year old and a 7 year old throwing down in a cage, your first reaction would probably be that of outrage. Toss in the fact that it took place in Armenia, at a bar surrounded by drunken patrons huffing cigars and cheering them on, your anger would likely jump up a few notches. But then you take a look at the awesome production value (yes, those are *actual* flames in the beginning), the adorable weigh-ins/staredown, and the scaled down ring, and you almost forget that you’re about to watch two kids beat the piss out of each other for entertainment. Or that a promotion exists out there that will allow this to happen.

So goes the story of ArmFC, an upstart and soon to be shut down promotion that recently forayed into the art of child fighting. And although the promotion insists that we are actually watching a “demonstration of the fight” on the Youtube page in which they posted this video, the fact that the first four words of the video’s description are “death 6 years fighter” leads us to believe that those running this promotion have a tenuous grasp on the English language in general. So by “demonstration”, they likely mean “we didn’t allow them to dip their gloves in candle wax and broken glass beforehand this time.”

Video after the jump. 

(On the count of three, I want everyone who is not pulling a fast one to raise their hand.) 

If there are two things that we would be willing to bet the house on in light of recent events, it’s that half of the scheduled fights for the next few months will be cancelled due to injury, and the few participants who remain standing after the smoke clears will only be doing so as a result of testosterone replacement therapy. So goes the story for TUF 1 winner and former light heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin, the most recent UFC behemoth  fighter who both filed for and was successful in receiving a therapeutic use exemption for TRT over the past couple months.

Griffin joins the ranks of such puny weaklings as Frank Mir and Chael Sonnen that will never be able to produce testosterone naturally again, leading us to wonder how that will effect his chances of survival once the whole apocalypse thing he has been talking about actually hits. Tip #147: TRT is for girly men; always go au naturale.

(YOU JUST HAD TO ORDER THE COLONEL’S TRIPLE SUPER EXTRA CRISPY RECIPE, DIDN’T YOU, JUSTIN?!) 

You can call this lazy journalism if you want (and I’d sorta agree with you), but I am going to repost the story that TUF 10 veteran Justin Wren recently posted on the Underground verbatim, because there is simply nothing that could describe the apparent spontaneous combustion then rejuvenation of the roof of his mouth more than the photos themselves do. Despite everything I know about medical science, which I learned on that one episode of Scrubs I caught a few years back, Wren appears to have contracted, then recovered from, one of the worst cases of necrotizing faciitis I have ever seen. To put it in the words of a cliched film critic, when looking at this series of images, “I laughed. Then I cried. Then I applauded. Then I vomited. Then I passed out in said vomit. Then I stood up an cheered before vomiting once more.”

Anyways, the story begins like this:

Two days ago I was helping lead at a youth camp of 750 youth kids… I was talking and then a girl yelled… “Justin! Your teeth are bleeding!” I walked outside and spit a mouthful of blood… I went to the bathroom and spit out 3 or 4 full mouthfuls of blood… I filled up 4 full 16 ounce cups of blood within an hour or so… I was told by the 4 person med team it looked like the roof of my mouth was caving in or falling off! I had some sort of strange deep infection in my palette…

The full story, complete with pictures, is after the jump. Fair warning: These pictures are f*cking disgusting.

(Video: YouTube.com/UFC)

More so than any of the punches ‘The American Gangster’ landed on the champion during their first encounter, it’s been his incessant jabs since that evening that have caused the most damage. It may have taken a couple of years of unrelenting taunts, but Chael Sonnen has finally gotten under Anderson Silva’s skin. Never underestimate the heart of a pretend champion.

Two weeks ago we saw Anderson’s cool demeanor begin to fade with promises of extreme violence against Sonnen. Things escalated on Tuesday with the champion violating Sonnen’s personal space, a press conference faux pas if ever there was one. Last night, however, the uncannily smooth Brazilian officially lost his cool, popping Sonnen with a shoulder to the face as the two squared off at the weigh-ins. I’m not sure if Brazil has area codes, but if so it’s safe to say which one Silva’s repping.

If you aren’t pumped for this fight, you’re dead inside. Actually, if you read this site, you’re probably already dead inside. So…just enjoy the fight, alright?

Full weigh-in results after the jump.