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Insanity - Page 9

Last-Second Christmas Present Ideas: War Machine Launched a Clothing Line, Y’all.


(MICROSOFT PAINT IS ALPHA MALE SHIT! Photo courtesy of Alpha-Male-Shit.myshopify.com. Of course we aren’t joking.)

Do you have some last-second Christmas gifts to buy for the MMA fans in your life? Do said fans often find themselves looking at MMA t-shirts and thinking “Yeah, this assortment of glitter, botched Hanzi and skulls is fantastic, but I need something a little more ridiculous.” Do you have no problems with dropping twenty-five bucks on a shirt that was blatantly designed in Microsoft Paint, and probably in under twenty seconds?

Then do I have some excellent news for you: War Machine has launched a clothing line – subtly called “Alpha Male Shit” – and it is exactly what you’re assuming it is.

Alpha Male Shit solves the dilemma that apparently alpha males face all the time: How does one demonstrate how badass he (or she!) is while doing everyday things like grocery shopping, visiting the zoo or mowing the lawn? The answer, obviously, is to wear a shirt proclaiming that you do Alpha Male Shit; this way, even the alpha male getting his teeth cleaned can remind his dentist that he’s usually more awesome than this. If you think I’m joking, then take a look at what appears to be the brand’s signature design (I base this squarely off the fact that there are four variations – including a female version! – of it in the shop right now):

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‘TUF: China’ Cast Includes 0-0 Yoga Instructor Who Doesn’t Know How to Fight


(The soon-to-be-forgotten and/or fired TUF China cast. Photo via the Global Times.)

That The Ultimate Fighter: China features the powerhouse *coaching* duo of Tiequan Zhang (currently riding a 3-fight losing streak with his sole UFC win coming over Jason Reinhardt) and Hailin Ao (retired) should say more about the talent level of its contestants than we ever could, but you guys have got to read this.

The premiere episode of TUF: China transpired last Saturday. While most of us here in the states failed to take notice of this, f4wonline‘s Mark Harris recently published a recap of the episode and offered some insight. You should check out the entire summary here, but the following paragraphs truly emphasize how fucked this season is going to be (emphasis mine):

The fighters on this season are a mixed bag of promising talent and hapless newbies…The quirkiest character this season is Li Jin Ying (0-0, welterweight), who admitted to having no MMA experience before sparring in front of the cameras. His appearance on the show is so bizarre I have to wonder if he’s only on to illustrate to viewers the level of training and experience that’s needed to succeed in MMA.

Li is a spiritualist yoga instructor “eager to be Asia’s biggest MMA star”. Yes, a yoga instructor. He has a photogenic face, the kind of face UFC would probably want to put on advertisements in China, but he apparently has no MMA experience and describes himself as shy.

I never dreamed that there would come a day when TUF and American Idol adopted the same criteria for selecting contestants. I was wrong.

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[VIDEO] Vitor Belfort Is a ‘Values Enforcer’ in This Super Creepy Church-Promo


Vitor Belfort: The Values Enforcer from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

As we all know, UFC moneyweight Vitor Belfort is down with Jesus. We’re cool with that. Whatever gets you through the night and helps you be kind to people during the day, is our motto (oh, you didn’t know that about Cagepotato?). Plus, it’s fun to laugh at Michael Bisping getting Bible-thumped by Belfort after mocking the Brazilian’s faith.

That said, a new promotional video for a North Carolina mega-church that features Vitor Belfort is pretty damn creepy. In the video, the church abducts parishioners who are not paying enough attention during church services, blindfolds them, sticks them in a van (cultish enough for you, yet?) only to drop them off in the center of a cage with the Phenom himself.

Belfort is dubbed a “values enforcer,” which is the type of term we all should be a little wary of, even in jest, especially coming out of the deep South. In any case, Vitor treats us all to some amazing acting and those spiritually deficient church-goers are scared straight and are presumably returned to their church more obedient than ever before.

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On This Day in MMA History: War Machine Ruins a Porn Star’s Birthday Party


(Photo via emmreport.com, obviously.)

On This Day in MMA History” pays tribute to some of the more bizarre and infamous news stories of MMA’s past. The fiasco described below took place on November 28th, 2009, exactly four years ago today; the following post was published two days later. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

*********

So did you guys do anything crazy this weekend? Like, maybe beat the shit out of half the guest-list at a porn star’s birthday party? No? Well, you’ll never believe this, but that’s exactly what MMA tabloid hero War Machine did on Saturday night. Multiple reports are coming in, so we’ll try to piece this together from what we have…

— On Saturday night, Machine heads out to a b-day party for adult film actress Brooke Haven, held at a porn studio in Van Nuys. He appears to be in good spirits, though he was reportedly pissed off that his agent, Derek Hay (aka “Ben English”), wasn’t getting him enough work.

— Things quickly turn south when War allegedly punches his girlfriend, Alanah Rae, then drags her outside. This part of the story is hazy because although Terez Owens reports that Rae personally confirmed with him that War Machine decked her, she later went on Twitter to deny it. Still, there seems to be no difference in opinion over what happened next…

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Quote of the Day: Georges St. Pierre Will Never Fight Again Unless Freddie Roach Is in His Corner


(Hey, it could be worse. / Photo via Sherdog)

We’re not sure if you’ve heard about this yet but UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre hung onto his belt this past Saturday at UFC 167 with a controversial split decision win over Johny Hendricks and then kinda, sorta announced a retirement, of sorts. The story hasn’t got much attention so first off, we wanted to make sure you knew about that.

In any case, UFC president Dana White is intent on bringing GSP back to fight Hendricks again and, according to a new report from Yahoo! Sports’ Kevin Iole, who is in Macau to cover the Manny Pacquiao/Brandon Rios boxing match this week, “Rush” told “PacMan” trainer Freddie Roach that he’ll never fight again if he doesn’t have him in his corner.

Roach said he has yet to speak to St-Pierre on the telephone, but said the champion texted him.

“He said, ‘I’m not going to fight again unless you are in my corner,’” Roach said. Asked to clarify if that meant on fight night, as well, Roach said, “Absolutely.” To this point, Roach has never been in a UFC fighter’s corner on the night of a fight.

Roach, always eager to promote himself, also said that he “pretty much came up with the game plan” for St. Pierre against Hendricks. So…good job?

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Lucky/Brave S.O.B. Subdues Armed Robber at Gas Station Via Triangle Choke [VIDEO]

Philadelphia News, Weather and Sports from WTXF FOX 29

Props to R/MMA for passing along the wildest bit of gas station footage since Maiquel Falcao slapped that girl and got KO’d with a 2×4. Early Saturday morning in Norwood, PA, a 20-year-old local kid named CJ Gostynski decided to throw on a mask and rob a gas station at gunpoint. Unfortunately, he ran into a tough/brave/crazy son-of-a-bitch named John McGowan, who had just lost his car and was in no mood for the bullshit.

When Gostynski demands money, McGowan tells him “You’re fuckin’ with the wrong guy,” and proceeds to walk up on the would-be robber, who is pointing a gun directly at his face. [Ed. note: This is the point where I would be fishing my wallet out of my urine soaked slacks.] McGowan tackles Gostynski — “right into the racka potata chips,” says the regionally-accented news anchor — and locks him down with a triangle choke. McGowan then proceeds to beat Gostynski with his own gun (!) and holds him in place until the cops arrive. Renzo would be proud. The Gracie Brothers are masturbating furiously.

During the fracas, the gun went off twice, and McGowan’s shoe was grazed with a bullet. Gostynski, who has no criminal history, is facing 33 charges including robbery and assault. As MyFoxPhilly reports, an AR-15 rifle with 60 rounds of ammunition was found in Gostynski’s truck, but honestly, everything’s an AR-15 these days. Anyway, kudos to John McGowan, whose balls are way, way bigger than ours.

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MMA in the Wild, Pt. 5: No Arms, No Legs…No Problem


(Props: TheFightingSkill)

“9-1-1! Call 9-1-1! Stop your fucking smiling! This asshole steals from me! You think it’s a joke? 9-1-1! I’m trying to stop a thief! Let’s go, goof! You wanna rob from me? Let’s go!”

And with that battle cry, one of the saddest but weirdly inspiring street fight videos we’ve ever seen is set into motion. First, we see an armless, legless man yell out in anger from a wheelchair on a sidewalk, accusing another man of stealing from him. The camera pans and we see a guy in a hat squared up with a blonde person in the middle of a street, as cars honk past them.

When the yellow-haired fighter — who seems to be sided with the man in the wheelchair — gets taken down, our limbless hero hops off his wheelchair and bounces towards the grounded pair. The speed at which he closes the distance is terrifying. Once he has joined the pile of bodies, he uses all the powers at his disposal to fight the accused thief until onlookers separate them. “You’re kidding me,” the cameraman says.

Like most street fights, this looks to be a sad situation and truthfully, we have no idea who is in the right and wrong here. However, we like to imagine that the man in the wheelchair was indeed taken advantage of due to his reduced condition, a friend tried to defend him, and when that friend’s fortunes took a bad turn in the fight, wheelchair-man didn’t let his own lack of appendages stop him from throwing down in the middle of a busy street.

Kind of like a real-life, noble Black Knight. “NONE SHALL PASS!”

-Elias Cepeda

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Johny Hendricks Suffers Second Degree Burns While Shooting UFC Commercial [GROSS, STUPID]


(Worst lighting mishap since Jackson vs. Pepsi? / Photo via Ted Ehrhardt/MMAFighting)

Hey, you want to hear something really, really stupid? UFC welterweight contender Johny Hendricks suffered second-degree burns on his back and shoulder last month in Los Angeles while filming a commercial for his UFC 167 title fight against Georges St. Pierre. (Yes, the same pyro-tastic promo that made Danga’s brains liquify in his head.) As MMAFighting reports:

Johny Hendricks suffered a second-degree burn on his back because the lights used to film the spot were placed too close to him, his manager Ted Ehrhardt confirmed with MMAFighting.com.

Ehrhardt said Hendricks tried to resume his training two days later, however, the burn was bothering him too much so he went to a doctor who prescribed an ointment to help heal it. Ehrhardt said Hendricks, who wasn’t available to speak about the incident, missed one-to-two days of training, and the injury healed in a week.

“Johny never gets pissed off about anything,” Ehrhardt said. “He was just mad that it was messing up his training, that’s all.”

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And Here’s the Video of Mayhem Miller Calling Uriah Hall ‘Bitch N*gga’ Over and Over Again


(Props: YouTube.com/MMAInterviews)

You’ve probably heard by now that former MMA fighter/current crazy person Jason Miller got into an altercation with Uriah Hall at a BAMMA USA event in California on Friday night, which involved a punch being thrown and repeated incantations of the phrase “bitch nigga.” When the reports first came out, we had no idea what might have led to beef between the two middleweights, or even if the story was 100% accurate. But now Spencer Lazara of MMAInterviews has just released some footage on YouTube proving that yes, this all happened — and he also adds some backstory to the fracas:

The scene begins with Jason “Mayhem” Miller being aggressive to a woman who is apparently his ex girlfriend who he has allegedly assaulted in the recent past. This was told to me by a source close to Miller who added that he is currently out on bail in fact for allegedly assaulting her. She was visibly emotional and upset and he continued to yell at her as her friend shielded her from Miller. Uriah Hall poked his head in the situation and instantly Miller turned his aggression to him. He began with continuous rants of, “N**** please.” Then the video starts and you see the rest.

Indeed, we do. A tense face-off between Miller and Hall leads to Miller sticking his middle fingers in Uriah’s face and shouting “Bitch nigga! Fuck you bitch nigga!” In response, Hall fires a straight right that Miller mostly dodges, and a swarm of security guards and onlookers move in to separate them. Hall is immediately escorted from the building.

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Jason Miller and Uriah Hall Reportedly Get Into Brawl After ‘Mayhem’ Launches Racial Slur


(“Some of my best friends are black” defense in 5…4…3…” / Photo via ProElite)

This fucking guy. Jason “Mayhem” Miller has had some problems lately. More accurately, the people he’s allegedly terrorized lately have had some problems. Notably, there are the multiple charges and arrests related to domestic abuse for which Miller is currently out on bond for.

Now, according to Gracie Magazine’s Erik Fontanez, Miller can add racist taunts and casino brawling to his resume. According to the reporter, UFC middleweight Uriah Hall and retired basket-case Miller were both in Commerce, California on Friday night for a BAMMA USA fight card.

After the event, Fontanez tweeted that he saw and heard Miller hurl a racial epithet at Hall. Hall then reportedly went after Miller physically and a fight ensued before being broken up by security of the casino they were in at the time. Below are some of Fontanez’s tweets from late Friday night.

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