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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Insanity - Page 9

Awful Video of the Day: The McDojo 5th-Degree Black Belt Test


(What you’re about to see…is real. Props: THEWMAAChannel via Reddit/MMA)

You may have already read the depressing accounts of “McDojo”-type martial arts schools written by our own Brian J. D’Souza and Seth Falvo, but here’s some visual proof that the culture of bullshit, bastardized karate/kung fu/whatever is alive and kicking (no pun intended), and still being swallowed up by gullible cult-members.

The above video shows a 5th-degree black belt test held by the World Martial Arts Association, based in Brooklyn, New York. Forget the fact that all these guys move like hyperactive yellow belts, and would all be smashed by anybody with four months of actual striking or grappling training — they’re grandmasters, every last one. Be sure to watch to the end to see a woefully out-of-sync kata demonstration, in which grown-ass men all try desperately to be the first one to finish. IT’S NOT A RACE, TIMMY.

After the jump, “headmaster” Michael T. Dealy freestyles against three attackers. You have never seen so many kicks blocked with forearms in your entire life. Lots more here.

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Absurd Betting Line of the Day: King Mo is a 15-1 Favorite Against Seth Petruzelli, Who Will Probably Beat Him


(Be honest: How many of you were even aware that this fight was happening? / Image via Facebook.com/King.Mo.FH)

Props to @MMAdamMartin for giving us the heads up that Muhammad “King Mo” Lawal is currently as high as a -1545 betting favorite in his scheduled match against Seth Petruzelli this Wednesday at Bellator 96. Keep in mind that Lawal was a 10-1 favorite in his last match against Emanuel Newton, which ended with Mo getting knocked out with a spinning backfist in the first round.

Let that sink in for a moment. Still with us? Good. So, after losing that match, Lawal has somehow become an even more immense favorite against a guy who is BEST KNOWN FOR A DRAMATIC UPSET, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

At this point, you can get Seth Petruzelli for +725 at SportBet and 5Dimes, meaning that a $100 bet on the Silverback would return $725 in profit if he wins. Meanwhile, a $1,545 wager on Lawal would return $100 in profit if he wins, which has to be the dumbest investment in the history of world currency.

If you want to bet on Petruzelli, do it now before the oddsmakers sober up.

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MMA Moron Week Continues: Roy Nelson Gets Racial, Says Daniel Cormier Pulled an “Uncle Tom Move”


(Is Cormier an “Uncle Tom”? Absolutely not. But you can’t deny his talents as a mandingo fighter./ Image via ExiledOnline.com)

By George Shunick

Jesus Christ, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since a notable MMA figure said something unbelievably stupid. Yet here we are again. This time the culprit is Roy Nelson, who called fellow UFC heavyweight Daniel Cormier an “Uncle Tom” during an interview with Ariel Helwani. As BloodyElbow summarizes:

Ariel brought up Daniel Cormier’s recent statements that he wants to kick Nelson’s ass in part “for Dana White.” Nelson went a bizarre direction with his response, stating “Having a lot of black friends. They would say that would be more of an Uncle Tom move.”

Pushed to expand on what made it an “Uncle Tom move,” Nelson laughed and said “That’s what my friends were saying. And I was just like ‘wow!’ Hey it is what it is. You gotta do what you can do for the boss.”

Wow, indeed. While I’m not one to try to rank the degrees of horribleness between different ways of denigrating an entire people…yeah, this is probably the worst thing that’s been uttered this week by pretty much any public figure in American sports. And Nelson — who is managed by Mike Kogan‘s RealTalk Entertainment, by the way — has no lack of competition.

If you’re unaware of what the phrase “Uncle Tom” means and what the implications of its use are, go ahead and brush up on that. Of course, this isn’t the first instance of “Uncle Tom” being used in pugilistic trash talk — Muhammad Ali famously taunted Joe Frazier with the epithet during their rivalry. Afterwards, Frazier would take pride in his contributions to Ali’s physical and mental decline. So despite the fact that Ali had “a lot of black friends” himself, even he couldn’t get away with it.

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Mike Kogan Uses Same Gay Slur Nate Diaz Was Just Suspended For, Is a Complete Fucking Idiot


(The “fag shoes” in question, via @MikeKogan)

By George Shunick

As Jared reminded us today while discussing Josh Thompson’s unfortunate comments regarding gay marriage, the MMA world had managed to go a solid 20 days without a significant figure saying something extraordinarily stupid on social media. The last particular incident involved Nate Diaz’s use of the term “fag,” and was made even more memorable by Mike Kogan’s moronic defense of Diaz’s “Northern California” vernacular. Kogan — Diaz’s manager — drew upon his years of public relations experience and his vast knowledge of etymology…and cited Urban Dictionary as evidence that Diaz’s use of “fag” didn’t constitute a homophobic slur.

Needless to say, people didn’t really buy that.

However, let’s give Kogan the benefit of the doubt here. Let’s say he really doesn’t believe that “fag” is a derogatory slur for homosexuals or a bigoted criticism of something perceived as homosexual behavior. It would mean Kogan has an extraordinarily poor grasp of context, history and sociopolitical reality — which incidentally, is entirely plausible in the case of Nate Diaz — but not to a far greater extent than many other Americans. It’s not justifiable, but perhaps it’s a plausible explanation for his ignorance.

Or at least it might have been, until he tweeted this.

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WTF?! of the Day: Bigfoot Silva Attempting Cut to LHW to Fight “Mentally Sick” Thiago Silva


(“God, I could so go for an eclair right now-NO! FIGHT IT, BIGFOOT! PUNCH THE HUNGER AWAY.”) 

We know, we know, not a goddamn word in that title makes sense.

Let’s run a hypothetical scenario by you: You’re a 6’4”, 285-pound, acromegalic UFC fighter. Your head is the size of a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie & BBQ and your fists were the models upon which Hulk Hands were molded. Being that you’re Brazilian, you also have an eternal blood feud with another UFC-employed fighter/camp that can be traced back to ancient blood drawings on the Pico da Neblina.

So your enemy of all enemies finally gets back from his most recent suspension and picks up an impressive win inside the octagon. You could use a nice win yourself, being that you were just knocked out by your division’s champion for the second time (in a year) in your last fight. However, the 70 pound weight advantage you hold over your foe all but rules that option out. Do you a) Needle the shit out of the guy until he agrees to fight you at a catchweight or b) Try and settle things on the streets — no gloves, no rules, ala Rocky V.

Well, if you’re Antonio Silva, the answer is c) attempt a suicidal weight cut to get to that sonofabitch, who in this case is light heavyweight Thiago Silva (via FightersOnly):

I personally will attend the doctors to see if I am able to lose weight without spoiling my health. If can do it, I will drop weight to make this fight for sure. All I want to do is just fight him because words won’t make him change.

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[VIDEO] Freakshow Fights of The Day – KSW 23 Edition


(Looks like he is training hard for…oh god that was awful. I’ll show myself out now. -SF)

Alright, so we’re being dicks in calling these fights “freakshows,” yes. Only one of them included a former World’s Strongest Man champion swinging his ham hocks around wildly, after all – the other had a legit top Polish prospect against a very good kick boxer – and both of them included guys with the guts to glove up and man-up.

Still, there’s something wonderfully faux-epic/Euro-trashy about KSW shows and Maruiusz Pudzianowski both so we’re going with “freak show.” Not that you shouldn’t watch the videos after the jump – you totally should.

UFC veteran and certified internet troll nut bag Sean McCorkle appears to wilt under Pudzi’s initial strong-man onslaught before getting on top and finishing with a Kimura shoulder lock.

For a few moments in the bout between Mamed Khalidov and Melvin Manoef, the two tried kicking the crap out of each other. Then, Mamed thought better of exchanging with the K-1 veteran and promptly guillotine choked Melly-Mel.

Check out both vids after the jump. Don’t pretend you have something better to do.

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Ranking the 10 11 Most Insane Tweets From War Machine’s Latest Hate-Fueled Twitter Tirade


(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.) 

It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.

In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.

10. A WAR MMA Main Event in the Making

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CagePotato Ban: Anything to Do With the Bickering Between Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz


(Nope. Nothing to see here. Everyone just move along. Photo via Iamflashdance.) 

If following loosely MMA-related minor celebrities on Twitter is your thing, there’s a chance that you have already seen Jenna Jameson‘s latest tirade against Tito Ortiz last night. That’s right, the couple known for their crazy, attention-seeking behavior decided to air their dirty laundry on Twitter, and it was just as outrageous and pathetic as you’d expect it to be.

There’s no way I’m covering every tweet from this disaster, so here’s the short version: Jenna accused Tito of taking her children, cheating his drug tests with the UFC and almost killing her in February. As “proof” that Tito Ortiz is a raging drug addict, Jenna tweeted a picture of a drawer that she claimed belonged to Ortiz — which contained a few syringes and a bottle of Ibuprofen — and a picture of the Diet Cokes in her fridge with some prescription bottles above them. Tito responded to MMAJunkie.com by essentially saying “think of the goddamn children” before blaming her for all those losses at the end of his career.

Of course I’m not joking about that last statement. Tito Ortiz said that Jenna Jameson’s erratic behavior distracted him before the fights he lost at the end of his career; presumably because even he has finally realized how pathetic of an excuse “I totally had a cracked skull, you guys” is.

This may be more of a precautionary measure than anything else — who knows if Jenna Jameson will actually come forward with a story about Tito Ortiz almost killing her — but it’s right about now that I think we need to revisit a defunct CagePotato Ban from the days when Ortiz was a free agent claiming to be “very close” to signing with a new promotion every other day:

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Absurd Quote of the Day: Rashad Evans Is Aiming for 50 Takedowns Against Dan Henderson at UFC 161


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

I know what I want to do to get the results that I want to get: Trust in myself and get it done. Takedown, ground and pound, roll up our sleeves and get dirty and go to work. I’m gonna try to get 50 takedowns this fight. 50…Let’s not confuse this whole situation. I’m not going to go in there and stand in front of him and try to bang it out and hope to God I don’t get hit with that big right hand. I’m going to be smart. He’s gonna want to knock me out. It’s not gonna happen. He’s not knocking me out.” — Rashad Evans

Let’s put this into context for those of you who weren’t paying attention last weekend. At UFC 160, Khabib Nurmagomedov set a UFC record for takedowns — in a three- or five-round fight — when he dragged Abel Trujillo to the mat 21 times. Evans plans to more than double that mark when he faces Dan Henderson in the three-round main event of UFC 161.

This would be like A-Rod guaranteeing 150 home-runs this season. The difference is, home-runs are exciting. Evans’s vow to shoot, shoot, and keep shooting rather than mess around with a slugfest may be wise from a strategic standpoint, but it suggests the kind of gameplan that might not be so much fun to see in action.

Our prediction: Rashad tries for 50 takedowns, converts about three or four of them, and spends at least two-thirds of the fight struggling with Hendo against the fence. Apologies in advance, Winnipeg.

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So We’re Serious About this War MMA Thing, Huh? Main Event of War MMA 1 Confirmed


(Screen capture of the War MMA website, NickDiazPromotions.com.)

If you assumed that War MMA would never get past the planning stages, then do I have a surprise for you: It looks like Nick Diaz got that temporary promoter’s license, because War MMA 1 is officially set for June 22 from the Stockton Arena and the main card appears set for the inaugural event.

Hell, tickets even went on sale, with ringside (yes, as in a ring not a cage) seats still available as of writing this!

Unsurprisingly, the main event will feature a Team Cesar Gracie fighter – UFC veteran Daniel Roberts (14-4, 3-4 UFC) – fighting against the most formidable local opponent the promotion can find. Via NickDiazPromotions.com:

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