Misc.

(I may not know how to buy a house, but if you give me fifteen minutes I WILL make a four percolator bong out of this.) 

Man, the UFC marketing department intern in charge of Lorenzo Fertitta’s Twitter account must be working overtime these past few days. Aside from announcing the Mir/Velasquez, Griffin/Ortiz, and Overeem/JDS fights last night, “Lorenzo” recently held a Twitter Q & A session to set the record straight on this whole Nick Diaz/Puff the Magic Dragon thing. And even if Diaz is planning to retire, his contract with the UFC will remain. You know, just in case he gets the sudden desire to fight B.J. Penn, Karo Parisyan, or Joe Riggs again in some small promotion somewhere.

When asked about Diaz’s Zuffa future, Fertitta was quick to respond, “[I] really like the kid [he] just needs to get it together. I’m a sap for real fighters.” We know, Lorenzo.

We don’t want you to argue about whether or not marijuana should be considered a banned substance, or illegal for that matter, because we already have. Needless to say, if anyone out there actually thinks weed enhances anything but zombie mode on Call of Duty and the enjoyment of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, then they are clearly unfamiliar with the term “enhance.” What we are interested in is what kind of punishment you think Diaz should receive for violating a rule, as silly as it may be. Three months? Six months? A year? Well, barring a successful appeal, which, come on, it’s looking like it will be a year or more before we see Diaz in the octagon, if at all.

Perhaps even more hilarious than the predicament Diaz has put himself in was how the MMA community responded to his failed drug test. Check out some of the best tweets, compiled by MMAFighting.com, after the jump.

Remember when we posted that photo of Frankie Edgar getting his BMW M5 “towed” away by repo men? Well, it turns out that the mastermind behind the prank, TUF 14′s Akira Corassani, even went as far as to hire actors hooked up with some Mission Impossible-esque camera glasses to capture the whole thing on video. The man is like the Swedish Ashton Kutcher. But although he’s come a long way from shaving castmates hair in their sleep, he will never match the whip-it gag Kelso managed to pull on Demi Moore a couple weeks ago. That was like the Thomas Crown Affair of modern day pranks.

(Ronda Rousey Continues Her Crusade to Become the Female Chael P. Sonnen — Video courtesy of MMA Fighting)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

-  Miesha Tate: ‘Ronda Rousey Sounds Like An Idiot Half the Time’ (5th Round)

- UFC on FOX 4 set for Staples Center in Los Angeles, Calif., on Aug. 4 (MMA Mania)

-  Tapout/UFC Announce New Sponsorship Partnership (MMA Payout)

-  UFC 143 Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda With Scottie Epstein (MiddleEasy)

-  Valentijn Overeem on Lesnar, JDS and Alistair (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- UFC Announces Twitter Bonus Winners for Q4 (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- Sanchez Says He’d Be Willing to Fight Teammate Condit  (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Death of a Fight Club  (MMA Convert)

- Dr. PaulBowman on “Theorizing Bruce Lee” (The Fight Nerd)

-  UFC Message: Please Forget the outcome of Condit/Diaz I (Fight Opinion)

-  Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson’s Post-UFC 143 Blog (FightLine)

(How can you say no to that face?) 

Aside from its placement atop nearly every MMA fan’s “Favorite Fights” list, Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin‘s war at the first TUF Finale is widely considered to be the fight responsible for popularizing MMA into the near mainstream sport it is today. Well, believe it or not, that fight almost didn’t happen on account of Bonnar’s uncontrollable desire for bottom shelf alcohol, specifically, Mad Dog. Although Bonnar has told this story with a slightly different spin before, Dana White recently discussed the craziness that was the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, and how Bonnar almost got himself kicked off the show:

The first season of the ‘Ultimate Fighter’ was the longest season we’ve ever done. It was something like 8 weeks and those guys were losing their (expletive) minds. I almost kicked (Stephan) Bonnar off the show. 

Bonnar turned the shower on, climbed out the window and went to find a liquor store. Remember we took all the liquor out after that big fight? These idiots…we had been driving these guys around for six or seven weeks and the house is in the middle of nowhere. There was no liquor store near there. The guy was walking around for an hour and thirty minutes. So much crazy (expletive) happened that first season. Imagine if I had kicked off him off the show for going to a liquor store? Forrest (Griffin) and Stephan would have never happened. 

No Dana, we would not like to imagine a world in which Griffin/Bonnar never existed. We’d rather imagine one in which Motley Crue serenades our lovemaking sessions with Adriana Lima, thank you very much.

We haven’t seen or heard much from Brock Lesnar since his first round UFC 141 TKO loss to Alistair Overeem and subsequent retirement from MMA. Most of us assumed he was likely off on another possibly illegal hunting trip, or perhaps was spending day and night just getting on top of that smoking hot wife of his. In either case, the former UFC Heavyweight Champ recently popped up in Minneapolis to present Minnesota Gopher freshman wrestler Logan Storley with the 2011 Junior Hodge Trophy. Storley, who recently helped the Gophers clinch half of the Big Ten Dual Meet conference championship (along with Penn State), attended the same high school as Lesnar, who, as we all know, was a NCAA Division I Champion himself. After compiling an incredible 262-3 record, Storley was voted the nation’s best prep high school wrestler by the Amateur Athletic Union and WIN Magazine. Now start training those hands, son.

Join us after the jump for a plethora of videos from around the MMA blogosphere, including a nasty Thai Boxing KO, Thiago Alves‘ first (and incredibly brief) UFC on FX video blog, and more…

(Apparently after this loss, Max Holloway decided to change his nickname from “Lil’ Evil” to “Blessed,” likely because taking Jens Pulver’s nickname REALLY lets opponents know where your weakness lies.) 

Aside from bitterly dividing fans on what exactly constitutes a fight, UFC 143 left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Should Carlos Condit consider a nickname change?* Will Dustin Poirier get the next shot at Jose Aldo?** Is Nick Diaz really calling it quits?*** Though only time will truly calm our concerns, we’re going to make some bold predictions for Saturday’s winners and losers nonetheless, because that’s how we do things ’round here. Check out our matchmaking picks below, and let us know what you think in the comments section.

Nick Diaz: Perhaps the most impressive thing about Nick Diaz is that, despite his intellectual shortcomings, he maintains an ability to instill fear into whomever he fights. His cardio, striking attack, and Jiu Jitsu are second to none and just plain SCARY, but it is the man’s confidence, his willingness to relentlessly pursue and trade with anyone, that breaks even the strongest of competitors. Going into a fight with Diaz, you know you aren’t going to submit him, and you know it’s damn near impossible to knock the SOB out, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?

(The shirt says it all.) 

Roy Nelson’s UFC 143 scrap with Fabricio Werdum was truly an exercise in futility for “Big Country,” because it more or less showcased what we already knew about him (the man can take a beating like no other), while at the same time reinforcing the idea that Nelson has damn near refused to evolve as a MMA fighter. Yes, he has recently shown a commitment to slimming down and yes, not many of us expected him to try and submit Werdum on Saturday, but if Roy doesn’t start switching up his striking routine (aka looking for anything but a big overhand right), he can expect several more axe wounds like the one above in his future.

We love you Roy, but it might be time to depart from The Country Club for a while, because you can only change the tee box and hole locations for so long until you just get sick of playing the same course over and over again.

Speaking of axe wounds, join us after the jump for a brief look back at some of MMA’s nastiest cuts…

After rattling off four straight wins under the Strikeforce banner, including a title earning UD over Tim Kennedy at Strikeforce: Houston, Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza was gaining a lot of praise throughout the MMA blogosphere; some sites even went as far as to claim that he was one of the last challengers out there with a chance of beating Anderson Silva. Many of us thought this hype was a bit inflated, and following his rather uninspiring (not to mention title losing) effort against current champ Luke Rockhold, it seemed that  ”Jacare” was all but completely written off, destined to be the number two fighter in a promotion that was quickly running out of potential, not to mention challenging, match-ups.

Well, it looks like Souza will not be given an easy fight to begin his climb back to the top, as he has been booked to take on tough undefeated prospect Derek Brunson on the main card of the upcoming Strikeforce: Tate vs. Rousey event, which goes down March 3rd from the Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Brunson, who has compiled 3 straight in Strikeforce, is a well rounded fighter out of Team Jackson who has notched 4 TKO victories alongside 3 submissions in his 9 fight career, most recently scoring a unanimous decision over Nate James at Strikeforce Challengers 20.

In other fight booking news…

(Be careful, Josh! If you eat all of those sour grapes too fast, you might choke!) 

It’s been a while since we’ve heard Josh Koscheck make an offhand remark that has in turn reminded us of his decreasing necessity amongst the welterweight division. Most of us assumed his recent quiescence was possibly linked to an inability to digest the five course serving of humble pie that Georges St. Pierre stuffed down his throat (and eye socket) back at UFC 124, and it appears we were correct. In a recent interview with Ariel Helwani, Koscheck discussed everything from his upcoming UFC 143 fight with Mike Pierce to his dislike for the media and his thoughts on GSP’s recent injuries. And wouldn’t you know it, Koscheck doesn’t want the man who beat him twice to ever come back. Here’s what he had to say:

I’m interested in the outcome of the Diaz vs. Condit fight on Saturday night. Should be a good fight. Hopefully Georges is out for more than 10 months and they can make that Interim titleholder fight twice. Hopefully he never comes back. ACL surgeries can take a lot out of you. They say you truly don’t recover after those. I’ve had friends who have had those and they say they’re not the same so hopefully it equals out the playing field and we can get another crack at Georges. 

Let’s get this straight, you don’t want St. Pierre to return, so you can fight for a future shot against him? To quote Ignignokt, “your logic is flawless.”

(You see? People were doing this WAY before MMA was ever popular.)

*facepalm*

Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently a former MMA fighter named Harold Finger III (seriously) viciously assaulted a woman before setting himself on fire, nearly taking a six year old child with him in the process. This bizarre story comes to us courtesy of KTUU.com out of Anchorage, Alaska, whose “report” is so shockingly inept that we feel the need to post it verbatim:

A former mixed martial arts fighter set himself on fire on Tuesday night and faces assault charges for striking a woman, according to Anchorage Police.

Police said 28-year-old Harold Finger III lit himself on fire during a disturbance around 8:33 p.m. Tuesday. Officers found him badly burned at an apartment on the 200 block of N. Klevin Street.

According to witnesses, APD said Finger became angry while speaking on the phone with an acquaintance after getting out of jail for one week.

Police allege Finger then punched and kicked a 34-year-old woman in the face and head while wearing leather gloves with hard plastic knuckles. The victim and two other women living at the apartment took refuge in a bedroom with one of the women holding her 6-year-old son.

Finger said he was not going back to jail and took a can of Prestone starting fluid and doused the door frame and his upper body and then grabbed the child. The women were able to free the boy before Finger used a lighter to ignite himself, bursting into flames. One of the women extinguished the flames with a jacket.

Finger was taken to a local hospital for severe burns on his upper torso, face, and head. He faces charges of assault in the first and second degree and reckless endangerment with a no-bail warrant.

Anchorage Police said Finger will be served when he is physically able to be taken into custody.