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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Misc. - Page 7

Jumping the Gun Alert: Dana White Says Renan Barao Will Become “Pound-for-Pound Best” With Win Over Faber


(White, seen here wearing the pound-for-pound best t-shirt from the pound-for-pound best Rocky film of all time. Pound-for-pound.)

I know, I know, we already agreed to stop letting this man do our thinking for us, but check this out.

During the Fight Night 35 post-fight media scrum, the topic of discussion quickly shifted from the event itself and to the recently booked bantamweight title fight between Renan Barao and Urijah Faber. Specifically, Dana White was asked what would be next for both fighters should Barao come out victorious (again). White’s response:

If Barao goes out and stops Faber, he’s probably the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world.

Well that was fast.

Barao, who is currently ranked #6 pound-for-pound on the UFC’s much-maligned rankings system, will catapult himself past the likes of Chris Weidman, Jon Jones, and Cain Velasquez should he defeat a guy he’s already beaten before. In what will officially be considered his first title win at 135 lbs. That’s the takeaway here.

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28 Signs You’re Not a “REAL” MMA Fan


(“So, did you find a stream of that UFC fight we bought tickets to, or will we have to show up halfway through the main event to play on our phones during it?”)

by CagePotato.com staff

1.You use “UFC” and “MMA” interchangeably.

2. You don’t know how to score a fight under PRIDE rules.

3. You boo fights the second they hit the ground.

4. Your “MMA training” consists of curling in the squat rack, shadowboxing while watching MMA (despite having never hit pads in your entire goddamn life), and picking fights at Buffalo Wild Wings.

5. You don’t have the UFC Fight Pass, security issues aside.

6. You don’t have Legacy FC and Titan FC fight cards committed to memory.

7. Your pathetic DVD collection doesn’t even have any events from Rumble on the Rock.

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Squirting on Camera: The 10 Creepiest Lines Jesse Holland Has Ever Written About Brittney Palmer

If you’re not familiar with MMAMania’s Jesse Holland, well, he’s kind of like the Gene Shalit or Pete Hammond of MMA writing, in that he specializes in pun-ridden “articles” with upworthy headlines that are usually bereft of any intellectual or comedic value whatsoever. I realize the irony in saying this just a day after writing an article composed mainly of dog gifs, but there’s a fine line between intentional absurdity and plain corniness (or creepiness) and Mr. Holland has dragged his ass along that line under the false guise of “MMA reporting” for far too long.

You see, when Jesse isn’t cramming as much loathsome and nonsensical puns into an article as humanely possible — puns like “Jugs, not drugs” (while discussing Miesha Tate’s breasts) or “cuckoo for Cuoco’s puffs” (on the Henry Cavill/Gina Carano split) — he’s probably penning alliteration-heavy headlines using sickening, pornography-based puns to lure in the middle school troglodytes who actually find his material humorous. He’s the Peeping Tom version of Eric Holden, essentially, but with a semi-respectable publication to back his self-masturbatory musings.

In any case, one of Mr. Holland’s favorite subjects to cover is that of UFC ring girl Brittney Palmer (or should I say, Brittney Palm-Her), who you might have heard hosts a web series called “Hot & Slow,” which itself is an incredibly lame pun. After reading Jesse’s most recent gag-inducing headline, “Brittney Palmer squirting on camera during FOX ‘Slow & Hot’ painting webisode” we (I) decided that someone had to put an end to his click-baiting agenda or at least call him out on it. Because while CagePotato may be a website that is 50% ring girl galleries and and 50% MMA reporting (okay, 60-40), we at least grant our readers the common courtesy of occasional subtlety.

So join us after the jump as we take a look back at 10 of the creepiest lines Holland has written about Brittney Palmer in the hopes that he will end this MMA charade and just get a job with OMG! Insider already.

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The 23 Worst Things About Being an MMA Fan


(Photo via Getty)

By Matt Saccaro

1. Having to explain that the UFC is not the WWE.

2. Boxing vs. MMA discussions.

3. MMA “lifestyle” brands thinking you’re a goon who’ll only wear clothes if it has skulls, wings, or a tribal pattern on it.

4. Hearing casual fans talk about Kimbo Slice every time you decide to catch a PPV at a bar.

5. Hearing non-MMA fans talk about “this rolling around on the ground” every time you decide to catch a PPV at a bar.

6. The obscene cost of being an MMA fan (PPVs, Fight Pass, etc.).

7. Other MMA fans saying you’re not a TRUE fan because…[insert bullshit reason].

8. After the fight scene in a movie or TV show, everyone glares at you because they know you’re about to bash it for how unrealistic it was.

9. Debates about who was the GOAT.

10. People still going on about how awesome Pride was. Yeah, it was awesome, but it’s still dead and it ain’t coming back!

11. Dealing with other “fans” who “train UFC”

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Patricio Pitbull, Daniel Straus Rightfully Pissed About This Whole ‘Straus vs. Curran III’ Thing


(via Pitbull’s Twitter.)

Last night, I decided to jump on a grenade and inform you of everything that was wrong with Bellator’s decision to book a third fight between Daniel Straus and Pat Curran at Bellator 112. That I have somehow managed to avoid being dubbed a “jealous h8r” for my opinion up to this point is a miracle on par with Stefan Struve’s return to sparring, but I digress.

In any case, the main point I outlined in the case against Straus vs. Curran III was that there was a far more interesting (and logical) matchup to be had: Straus vs. Pitbull 2. You see, not only had Patricio “Pitbull” Freire won the season 9 featherweight tournament in November with a first round TKO of Justin Wilcox (the third TKO win in his past 4 fights), but he remains the only man to defeat newly-crowned champion Daniel Straus in Bellator. Throw in the fact that Straus was utterly dominant in his victory over Curran just two months ago and you’d have to be a short-sighted nincompoop to rebook Straus vs. Curran III, right?

Wrong. Bellator booked it, and now Patricio Pitbull is pissed right the fuck off. Which can only mean that he will be forced to fight for Bellator for the rest of his natural life, Amen.

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So Here’s Why Pat Curran vs. Daniel Straus III Doesn’t Make Sense…

Last night, Bjorn Rebney announced that Bellator 112 will feature the opening rounds of the welterweight tournament and be headlined by a trilogy-completing featherweight title fight between Daniel Straus and Pat Curran. If this fight booking comes as a surprise to you, well, it should. But allow Bjorn to clear up the confusion:

Daniel Straus and Pat Curran are two of the best featherweights on the planet and deserve every ounce and praise and recognition they receive.

Hard to argue with that. Now if we can just wrap things up without saying something ridiculous…

Our featherweight division continues to be the deepest and strongest featherweight division in MMA, and I’m very excited to have this title fight headline a huge night of fights on March 14 from The Horseshoe Hammond.

Well, at least he tried.

Let me see if I can follow Bjorn’s line of logic here: Straus just defeated Curran by clear-cut unanimous decision last November. Meanwhile, there are two, count ‘em, TWO, featherweight tournament winners waiting in the wings for a shot at Straus. One is Magomedrasul Khasbulaev, who has been unable to secure a fight license in America since winning the season 8 tournament (which, let’s be honest, Bellator probably has a hand in). The other is Patricio “Pitbull” Freire, who just won his second featherweight tournament at Bellator 108 and is the only man to defeat Straus under the Bellator banner.

Yet despite all this, Bellator is granting Curran an immediate rematch against a guy who dominated him just two months ago. And that somehow validates the depth of the Bellator featherweight roster? You gotta hand it to Bjorn, he is second to none in the fight game in his ability to keep a straight face while making immediately contradictory and insanely unaware statements.

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Anderson Silva Wants A Third Crack at Chris Weidman, Who Won By ‘Accident’ at UFC 168


(Now cast-free, the Spider will reportedly be walking without crutches by next month. / Photo via Instagram.com/UFC)

I’m not sure if this is good news or bad news, but Anderson Silva has no plans to retire following his sickening leg break at UFC 168, and the former middleweight champ is looking for a third fight against Chris Weidman as soon as he recovers. In fact, Silva is already trying to build heat for a re-rematch, crapping all over Weidman’s latest win in a new interview with Globo. As MMAFighting’s Guilherme Cruz translates:

“I believe that, if you pay attention to these technical details, you will see that (Weidman checking the kick) was instinct, not something that he trained to do,” Silva said. “No, I don’t think (Weidman should consider it a win). It was an accident. And I’m pretty sure I would have won the fight…

To land the perfect kick, I needed to distract him by punching him in the face so he wouldn’t pay attention to the kick. He was protecting the upper part of his body, and the raised leg instinctively. The kick was so strong he lost balance…I saw my mistake, and now I’m only worried about my comeback. If the UFC thinks I deserve another opportunity (against Weidman) or if I need to earn it. I just want to do what I do, it doesn’t matter if it’s for the title or not. I want to do what I do well.”

Yes, Anderson, he raised his leg instinctively — almost as if he’d been drilling the defensive technique for months and was doing it on muscle-memory alone. Since the fight, Weidman has repeatedly stated that checking leg-kicks was a specific part of his gameplan going into his second meeting with Silva, so to imply that the checked kick was in any way “accidental” is absurd, and kind of disrespectful. Plus, Silva is “pretty sure [he] would have won the fight” if his leg didn’t snap in half? Congrats, Andy — you have officially entered the loss-justification leaderboard, somewhere between “the Japanese poisoned my food” and “I had a cracked skull, bro.”

Anderson’s desire to return to action is even crazier when you consider how agonizing his recovery has been to this point:

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Friday Link Dump: Titan FC Signs Deal With CBS Sports, UFC Fight Pass vs. WWE Network, Legendary Album Covers + More


(Here’s Brittney Palmer staring at things in slo-mo as part of her new web series, “Slow & Hot.” Creative genius at its finest, folks.)

Evaluating WWE Network vs. UFC Fight Pass (MMAFighting)

Top 5 MMA Gyms of 2013 (BleacherReport)

Titan FC signs with CBS Sports Network (MMAPayout)

Royce Gracie Named to Sports Illustrated List of ’50 Greatest Athletes of All Time’ (MMAMania)

Fact Check: The Kickboxing Credentials of Tyrone Spong (BloodyElbow)

UFC Champ Demetrious Johnson: PPV Points Not All They’re Cracked Up to Be (MMAJunkie)

Molly Schuyler Eats Meat Like a Champ (EveryJoe)

Ranking The Many Eras Of Matthew McConaughey, From Worst To Best (UPROXX)

FIRM GRIP: THE 15 COOLEST BEER KOOZIES (HiConsumption)

15 Artists To Watch Out For In 2014 (Complex)

How Google Glass Will Revolutionize Fitness (Break)

Five Workouts to Lose Weight Without Cardio (MensFitness)

8 Album Covers Considered To Be Quite Legendary (The Escapist)

The Ultimate Winter Fails Compilation (WorldWideInterweb)

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Happy Ending Alert: Ken Shamrock Finds Gainful Employment as 50 Cent’s Bodyguard


(“Yep…just 349 more of these gigs and I’ll be completely debt-free.” Photo via @_betrayer)

UFC Hall of Famer Ken Shamrock hasn’t set foot inside of an MMA cage since November 2010, and since then his primary sources of income have been stiffing promoters and begging his fans to talk to him. In a way, it’s good to see the man making an honest living again.

Earlier this week, Shamrock was spotted at CES working as a bodyguard for rapper/headphone mogul 50 Cent. There was no Ken Shamrock autograph line. No Shamrock-branded iPhone case, thank God. Just an aging tough guy in a shiny suit, keeping his eyes open in case shit jumped off. After the above photo surfaced on twitter, Shammy tweeted to Fitty, “it’s been a pleasure working with you and your team, you are by far one of the classiest gents I have ever worked with. God bless.”

Given the rough characters that 50 tends to associate with, its understandable that he’d want to keep Shamrock nearby. After all, Ken’s the type of guy who will punch first, and figure out your gender later. So kudos to Shamrock for finding a steady paycheck long after washing out of MMA. Lord knows we can’t all open juice bars.

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By the Way, Matt “The Immortal” Brown Started a Podcast and It Is *Amazing*


(On an artistic scale, we give it 5 out of 5. On the Hessy Scale of Creepy Fan Obsession, we give it 1 out of 5. Just sayin’, it could’ve used some snow blossoms.)

MMA podcasts are a dime a dozen. MMAFighting has one. Sherdog has one. BloodyElbow pays a lunatic to drive around in a Ford Fiesta and rant about stuff, which is kind of the same thing. Hell, even we used to have one, until Dana White & Co. shut us down for being “too real” and “too in your face.” At least, that’s what we keep telling ourselves. But thankfully, the short list of MMA podcasts worth listening to (mainly, The Co-Main Event Podcast and The Joe Rogan Experience) is about to get a little longer, Nation.

A few days ago, UFC fighter, grizzled badass and 2014′s surefire welterweight championMatt Brown, announced (via the UG) that he was starting a podcast to keep himself busy while rehabbing his back. Appropriately dubbed the Legit Man Shit Podcast – not to be confused with Alpha Male Shit — and featuring Brown’s friends Jeremy Loper (radio host) and Travis “The Terror” Clark (pro fighter), the Legit Man Shit Podcast debuted on New Year’s Eve with special guest Dorian Price.

If you don’t know much about Brown and his cohorts, then prepare yourself for an hour of hilarious, borderline sexist musings such as,“If you can’t rip somebody’s face open with elbows, it is not Muay Thai” and “If I’ma pay 60 dollars for a pay-per-view to watch women fight, they should at least be topless.” Brown also shares some MMA tales from “before the sport got all pussied up” by things like “sanctions” and “rules”, so head over to the podcast’s SoundCloud page and check out episode one before Brown is inevitably stifled by his superiors like every forward-thinking philosophizer before him.

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