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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: This Makes Point Fighting Look Like Frye-Takayama

Remember last week’s Martial Arts Fail–the one with the worst karate demo known to man?

This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.

The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website…

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[VIDEO] Marlon Wayans Fantasizes About Ronda Rousey on Conan, Continues to Be Unfunny


(Skip to the 2:50 mark to see what we’re talking about.)

Every time I hear that Marlon Wayans has another fart-joke-disguised-as-a-movie coming out, I have to remind myself that this is the man who wrote/starred in Don’t Be a Menace and Scary Movie or I’d probably walk into oncoming traffic. I mean, sure, Wayans has been relentlessly eroding our cultural understanding of things like “satire” and “parody” for over a decade now, but it’s hard to blame him when you realize how much money he is making to do so. Despite appearing to be a talentless hack like myself on the outside, Wayans is probably still a generally funny guy (unlike myself) on the inside, right?

Well, his recent appearance on Conan would seem to suggest otherwise. Apparently a big fan of our fair sport, Wayans recently appeared on Conan to promote his latest effort, Ghost Fart 2, and the topic eventually shifted to a tweet he had sent out about another Conan alum, women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey. “This is hot!! Girl on girl! #ufc @ufc @rondaroussey I just wanna smell her training gloves and feet wraps…” wrote Wayans during Rousey’s staredown with Sara McMann, which the UFC bizarrely chose to retweet because hey! A sort-of famous person acknowledged us!

In any case, Conan called out Wayans for his tweet, and Wayans proceeded to discuss his fantasy of having Rousey armbar his penis. It was the kind of joke you’d expect from the guy who honestly thought White Chicks was a funny enough premise to run with for 90 minutes, and I fully expect either Rousey or Dana White to respond negatively to it in the coming days.

I apologize for wasting your time.

-J. Jones 

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Khabib Nurmagomedov Confirms That He Was the Kid in That Russian Bear-Wrestling Video

From Combate via BloodyElbow:

Yes, I was. It was a secret video and I do not know how that got on the Internet.” Nurmagomedov told Combate.com via a translator. “That was long ago, I almost do not remember, I was a boy at the time.

Well, mystery solved. Nurmagomedov and his impressive 21-0 record will meet Rafael Dos Anjos on the UFC on FOX 11 prelims this Saturday.

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VIDEO: Highlights From Tim Kennedy’s Win Over Michael Bisping at the TUF Nations Finale


(Props: FOX Sports. As usual, feel free to mute the audio so you don’t have to listen to those dipshits.)

Tim Kennedy may have been bummed out that he didn’t get a finish against Michael Bisping last night at the TUF Nations Finale, but his unanimous decision victory officially launches him into the UFC’s middleweight title contender picture. Aside from a rather bizarre second round, where Kennedy was content to back up against the fence and get punched in the face, the American vet controlled Bisping with takedowns — securing full mount on several occasions — and even out-boxed Bisping as the fight wore on. The judges turned in scores of 49-46 x 2, and 50-45 from one judge who was either in the bathroom or asleep during round two.

You can watch highlights from the fight above, and check out full results from the event right here. Some other notes from the event…

- The Fight of the Night award went to the entertaining scrap between Dustin Poirier and Akira Corassani, which Poirier won via TKO early into round two. The two Performance of the Night bonuses went to Ryan Jimmo and KJ Noons, who both turned in savage first-round knockouts during the FOX Sports 1 Prelims. (Watch Jimmo’s here and Noons’s here.) All four fighters received $50,000.

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VIDEO: Wanderlei Silva and Chael Sonnen’s Hilarious and Awful TUF Brawl, In Its Entirety

The infamous “brawl” episode of TUF Brazil 3 finally aired yesterday, giving us a complete picture of what led up to Wanderlei Silva and Chael Sonnen tussling on the gym floor, and it’s honestly one of the funniest moments in TUF history. Silva instigates the situation by punching his palm and repeating the word “soon!” at Sonnen, like a schoolyard bully from a Disney movie. He spits at Sonnen’s feet, and I hate to make insulting comparisons here, but it’s the kind of thing that a llama or ape would do.

Chael remains as a cucumber, though: “How do you feel when you say crazy things like that to me, when I’ve been challenging you for years. You ever feel weird about that?”

At the 0:40 mark, I kid you not, Wanderlei says that Sonnen is going to have a daymare. Goodness, the English language offers so many possibilities for clever turns of phrase. But the best part is when Chael tries to grill Wandy on when exactly they’re going to fight. Of course, Wandy doesn’t have a clear answer for that. Then, Silva does some kind of slapping thing in front of Chael’s face, and the next time Silva closes distance on him, it’s on. Before you know it, Sonnen is on top of Silva, and Andre “Dida” Amade — who is an assistant coach on the show, not a competitor — is slugging Sonnen in the back of the head and ripping his jersey.

And that’s when this whole incident goes from comedy to tragedy. Sonnen called Dida’s behavior “straight-up illegal”, and he might have a point there. Just because you’re sucker-punched on a reality show doesn’t mean that normal assault rules don’t apply. Right? I have no idea, actually; I’ve never been on a Brazilian reality show. But I hear good things.

A few more important notes about this episode, via Wikipedia:

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Watch Tyrone Spong’s Leg Break Like Anderson Silva’s at GLORY 15 [GIF/Video]

To be honest, we’re not huge kickboxing fans here at CagePotato. In fact, we used to sacrifice kickboxers to high school wrestlers and BJJ blue belts in illegal challenge matches in the basement of CagePotato HQ until Johnny Law put a stop to it.

But we’re writing about this awful injury now because Tyrone Spong is still an MMA fighter (he’s 2-0 and fights for WSOF, in case you forgot) and this so closely mirrors Anderson Silva‘s (in)famous leg break that we had no choice but to post it (either that or it’s a slow news day, pick one).

On Saturday, Spong was fighting at GLORY 15 in Istanbul in a one night tournament. He bested Saulo Cavalari in the semifinals and faced Gokhan Saki in the finals. The leg break occurred only 97 seconds into the fight, when Saki checked one of Spong’s kicks. Here’s a GIF (via Zombie Prophet) in case you can’t watch the video:

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The World’s Worst Karate Demo (No, Really)


(via Bullshido.net)

This week’s Martial Arts Fail isn’t deriding a dubious technique or making light of a strange weapon. No, this week we’re providing a demonstration of how bad mainstream martial arts is.

Watch the above video. That’s what middle class America thinks martial arts is–awkwardly flailing your limbs while concentrating your ki and shouting like you’re in labor. We must warn you though, this video is bad. You might get chest pain from laughing. Or you might get chest pain from depression at what’s become of martial arts instruction in the United States.

We don’t know the school, or the style (Taekwondon’t? You get it? OK it was lame, sorry). All we know is that it’s awful.

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Roy Nelson Knocks Out Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at UFC Fight Night: Abu Dhabi [VIDEO]


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Ugly. That’s the best word to describe what just went down at UFC Fight Night 39: Nogueira vs. Nelson in Abu Dhabi, where Roy Nelson uncorked one of his famous haymakers and sent Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira to the mat in a stiff heap. You can check out the finishing blow above, or check out Zombie Prophet’s GIF for a different angle.

And so, Big Country snaps a two-fight losing streak, and claims his seventh knockout victory in the UFC. Meanwhile, Nogueira has lost four out of his last six fights, and public calls for his retirement will surely pop again. (We’d support that, by the way.)

Check out full results from UFC Fight Night Abu Dhabi after the jump. If you watched the event on Fight Pass, please share your thoughts in the comments section.

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VIDEO: Alexander Shlemenko Challenges Tito Ortiz to a Fight in Two Languages, Both of Them Emotionless [UPDATED]


(Complete lack of facial expressions? Unbuttoned shirt, to expose a gold medallion with possible religious significance? I’m going to take a wild guess and say this man is from…Russia? / Props: YouTube.com/alnado)

Bellator’s “Alvarez vs. Chandler III” pay-per-view card is just over a month away, but only three fights have been officially confirmed so far. And so, reigning middleweight champion Alexander Shlemenko has decided to do a little YouTube matchmaking to get a big fight on the card. Here’s what “Storm” had to say in a video statement released yesterday; I’ve done my best to transcribe it in its entirety…

Tito Ortiz, you say you want to fight May 17th on Bellator’s PPV. I will fight you. I will beat you. Tito, I respect you but I must beat you because I am champion. I know that Tito Ortiz, different weight class. I know that Tito Ortiz, light-heavyweight. This is not problem for me. I ready. I ready fight with light-heavyweight, no problem. Bjorn, make this fight for me because I am champion. I am ze best. I will make good fight. Fight of the night.

Prietziem. Seemnostomyabelotaprauwitzwapeerupayperview. Nitumtooneerihayagustipi Tito Ortiz. Tito Ortiz teeshasivisapeernika. Yagatostitevosapeerniko. Yasneshtomostupait foljoelenvisi. Yagatoldrasisniev foljoelenvisi. Yasneshtayamagul weegretinyugu. Bjorn, ebulyetur. Esyolsdebajolstinyaboi? Maaah. Payperviewsinos stowamyaprotiv. Tito Ortiz-eh. Yabolugotov, yabagozhareseevaboi.”

Ortiz has already accepted the challenge via Instragram and is already doing the kind of intense training that will lead to a back injury about three weeks from now. You heard it here first.

UPDATE: According to Sherdog, Shlemenko vs. Ortiz has been booked for the 5/17 PPV.

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Non-MMA Video of the Day: Massive Fist Fight Breaks Out at Ukraine Parliament


(“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the war room!”)

I won’t pretend to be an expert on the Ukraine situation, and I cite that I just referred to an ever-developing international crisis and seemingly inevitable civil war as “The Ukraine situation” as proof of that. I do know, however, that it is never a good sign when you country’s average Parliamentary session for peace ends in the same fashion as a Polish Team-MMA Fight. But that’s just what happened in Kiev, Ukraine earlier today, as communist and nationalist parties clashed over accusations that the latter had resorted to extremist tactics in their seizing of several buildings in Eastern Ukraine earlier this week.

It all started when communist Petro Symonenko (the man at the rostrum) took aim at the nationals, stating, “You are today doing everything to intimidate people. You arrest people, start fighting people who have a different point of view.” It was a harsh accusation to say the least, so clearly, the best move the nationalist Svoboda deputies could make to shed this notion would be to violently pull Symonenko away from the podium and kick and punch him repeatedly. And that’s what they did.

As if the situation wasn’t ironic enough already, you should probably know that the man hurling accusations of extremist tactics at the nationalists (Symonenko) just so happens to be a member of the very same party who supported ousted President Viktor Yanukovich after more than 100 protesters were shot dead by police snipers in Kiev less than two months ago.

So yeah, this Jerry Springer-esque madness just went down at the Ukraine Parliament, and it isn’t even the first time it’s happened. To that point: I’m not saying I’d respect Obama more if I knew he was packing a solid right hook, but yes I would respect him more.

-J. Jones

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