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UFC 109 Participants Make Super Bowl Predictions…Sort Of

You may not know this if you are not an American, or if you are a shut-in who reads nothing but MMA news and advice columns on the internet, but the Super Bowl is this Sunday.  It’s the one weekend where even non-football fans pretend to be interested in the game so they can gain access to a bunch of high-calorie snacks that they did not prepare.  Statistically, it’s also a great weekend to get a DUI, be involved in a domestic violence situation, or throw up.  Bonus points if you hit the trifecta.

But if you’re looking for expert predictions on Sunday’s game, don’t ask a bunch of MMA fighters.  Many of them can’t be bothered with pro sports that don’t involve sanctioned face-punching, and others are Brazilian or British or some other damn thing, which means they are barely even aware of the existence of the NFL.  Still, watching Demian Maia do his best to understand the situation is charming in a way.  Watching Frank Trigg pretend that he’s co-hosting the pre-game show definitely is not.  

Instead of trying to figure out who will win, you should probably focus your energy on deciding what to do this Sunday while your UFC 109 hangover is wearing off.  To that end, our friends at Holy Taco have devised a helpful flowchart for you to consult.  And if you need help getting pumped for some serious binge eating, the boys at Greg Jackson’s gym have got you covered after the jump.


Mark Coleman Has Been Going Through Some Times, Brother

Things to love about Steve Cofield‘s interview with Mark Coleman, in no particular order:

– The way Coleman describes a car accident in which he skidded through the intersection and went up on "the medium."

– That he says he’s been living in the Palace Station of late and dreads leaving because of all the stuff he has to pack up, making him the first person in history to put off a move from the Palace Station to the Manadalay Bay.

– That when Coleman finishes telling his story about running out of gas on the 215 freeway and Cofield asks if he’s ever had something similar happen before he responds, "Well, hell yeah."


Videos: Joe Rogan’s Locker Room Stalker, Aoki and Hirota Got Beef + More

(Props: letsfindjesus via Fightlinker)

As much as it seems that Joe Rogan has the world’s most kickass life, there are drawbacks to the kind of fame that comes from UFC color-commentary, stand-up comedy tours, and unconventional game shows. For instance, you sometimes have to deal with your genitals being stared at by sweaty, overweight teenagers, who are so brazen about their locker-room lust that even the presence of a video-camera doesn’t scare them away. Though let’s be honest, if Joe wasn’t a member of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu, that creepy kid would probably be staring at some other guy’s dork, famous or not. But there is a ray of hope: According to a mole we have planted in the gym, Fatty Hogwatcher was recently banished from 10th Planet due to his meat-gazing and many other bizarre offenses. So rest easy, Mr. Rogan — unless this kid decides to move his stalking directly to your house, in which case you’re in for a world of hurt.

After the jump: Genghis Con’s look back at the rivalry between Shinya Aoki and Mizuto Hirota, which ended with Hirota suffering a broken arm and a middle finger in his face. Plus, GSP and Nate Marquardt throw down in the wrestling room at the University of Northern Colorado.


King Mo Lawal Not Ruling Out the Use of Elephants in His Next Pre-Fight Entrance

It’s not often that anyone in the MMA media gets to do a video interview that resembles a WWE promo, but this is probably the closest Ariel Helwani is ever going to get to feeling like Mean Gene Okerlund while on the job. Especially once Paul Daley comes on the scene, all Helwani is missing is a tuxedo and a sweet mustache, as well as perhaps a charmingly befuddled expression. Say what you will about “King Mo” Lawal and his chances against Gegard Mousasi, but the man is an entertainer. Anybody who spends that much time and energy thinking about and studying entrances is okay by us.

The only thing we could really do without is his fixation on his own “haters.” Maybe it’s his weak attempt to paint himself as a pro wrestling-style heel, but talking about how many people hate you is a little like going on a first date and talking about how many psycho exes you have. It doesn’t take long before that becomes an annoying personality trait, and one that doesn’t really achieve the desired end. 

If you really want to be a villain, do it the old-fashioned way.  Try talking some smack about the local sports teams in every city you visit, maybe disrespect a national icon or two.  Or, if you’re short on time, just manhandle Helwani during the interview, calling him a pencil-necked geek and threatening to show his wife what a real man looks like.  Trust me, Ariel has watched enough pro wrestling in his life to know exactly how to play along.


Power Ranger Wins MMA Debut Despite Complete Lack of Spandex Unitard

(Fight starts at the 2:37 mark. Everything before that is really, really annoying.)

Former Power Ranger Jason David Frank made his MMA debut in Houston, Texas this weekend, where he faced Jonathan Mack in the main event of the Lonestar Beatdown.  Mack seemed to be getting the upper hand early on and even wobbled Frank with a good left hook.  Where he went it wrong, it seems, is in taking the fight to the mat after doing so well on the feet.  It didn’t take long for Frank to lock up an omaplata and wrench it until the ref had to literally shove him off his opponent.  Not terribly sportsmanlike behavior from the guy who’s responsible for the Jesus Didn’t Tap clothing line, but hey, there’s a reason the company isn’t called Jesus Stopped Immediately After You Tapped.

After the jump, Frank breaks down his own performance in a post-fight video interview.  If, like us, you were hoping that everything he says would be as badly dubbed as the Power Ranger TV shows, get ready to be disappointed.


At Least Wes Sims Is Entertaining Outside of the Cage

(Skip to the 0:21 mark to see Ariel Helwani having a near-death experience at the hands of Wes Sims.)

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Wes Sims would claim his loss to Bobby Lashley at last night’s Strikeforce event was the result of an incompetent referee and an unscrupulous opponent. I guess I also shouldn’t be surprised that he showed up to fight looking like he might be five months pregnant, or that he claims to think that the fight was stopped too early. But the fact that he could say, with a straight face, that Lashley didn’t do anything but take him down and lay on him, that seems absurd even for Sims. As anyone who actually watched the fight knows, it was Lashley doing most of the work on the mat while Sims was, in Mauro Ranallo’s words, “holding on for dear life but not defending himself intelligently.”

If you go back and watch the video, just after the two-minute mark you can clearly hear the referee warning Lashley about the thumb to the throat several times, so maybe Sims has a legitimate gripe there. Did it change the outcome of the fight? Based on the fact that Sims’ game plan seemed to consist of a test of strength followed by a lot of pained facial expressions, I’m going to go ahead and say no.

Check out Lashley’s bemused response to all this nonsense after the jump.


‘Strikeforce: Miami’ Fight Videos — Diaz vs. Zaromskis, Lawler vs. Manhoef, Lashley vs. Sims

(Nick Diaz vs. Marius Zaromskis)

From last night’s Strikeforce: Miami show. More after the jump…


Lesnar Camp Releases Propaganda Footage Suggesting That Great Leader Is in Fine Health

(Props: LesnarMMA)

Like those helpful little video clips you sometimes see on Al-Jazeera or North Korean state television, Brock Lesnar‘s YouTube channel just put out some footage of a somewhat-healthy-looking Lesnar getting back into the swing of training, with the added claim that the formerly ailing UFC heavyweight champ is "ready to give Frank Mir another mauling, or to knock out Shane Carwin." Obviously he’s still in recovery mode — his punches and knees are thrown at a fraction of full strength, and this may be the first time we’ve seen him look fatigued in the gym — but at least he’s out of bed and heading in the right direction. Look closely at the 0:34 mark, and you’ll notice Chris Tuchscherer telling one of his campmates about this chick who just broke up with him over text message, that heartless bitch.


Videohype: Lawler vs. Manhoef by Genghis Con, Chael Sonnen Is Supposed to Lose + More

(Props: GenghisConMMA via BloodyElbow)

Of Robbie Lawler‘s 18 wins, 15 have come via KO/TKO; of Melvin Manhoef‘s 24 wins, 23 have come via KO/TKO. We may not agree with Lawler’s strategy going into tomorrow night’s fight, but sometimes you just have to say "fuck it, this is going to be a slugfest, and it’s going to be awesome." Genghis Con‘s preview compilation for the middleweight battle captures that spirit perfectly. Lawler vs. Manhoef is going to end with somebody staring at the ceiling, the owner of a brand-new concussion. The only questions are: Who will it be, and how long will it last?

After the jump: Wes Sims makes it very clear why he’s such an enormous underdog against Bobby Lashley, and Chael Sonnen takes a break from his homophobic Republican heel routine to speak candidly about his upcoming UFC 109 matchup with Nate Marquardt, which will very likely produce the UFC’s next middleweight title challenger.


James Toney Has Officially Gone From Annoying Pest to Hilarious Mess

(Props: MMA Scraps)

If the internet age has taught us anything, it’s that by the time you start posting videos of yourself pleading for someone to give you something, you have passed a point of no return.  For whatever reason, people stop taking your requests seriously once they see you shouting into a cheap video camera while your boys mill around impatiently behind you.  Bonus points if you pause your video rant to say hello to a "beautiful girl" off camera who may or may not actually exist, and may or may not actually be beautiful. 

This is James Toney‘s second "UFC call out" video, and by far the more entertaining of the two.  The fact that he’s pumping these out now probably means that negotiations have stalled after Dana White made an offer that Toney described as "a joke."  So now he’s resorted to semi-coherent DIY video productions to get his big money fight in the UFC.  Yeah, that’s probably been the missing piece of the puzzle all along.

If I could ask the internet to grant me one wish, it would be for someone to break into Brock Lesnar‘s home, tie him to a chair, force him to watch this video, and record his reaction for us all to see.  I realize that’s a tall order, but maybe we could get Big Stacks there to do it.  If he’s James Toney’s bodyguard, I’m guessing he’s done a lot crazier stuff for a lot less reward.