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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Don’t Use Eye Pokes Because the Guy Will Kill Your Family

Last time on CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail of the Week, we covered absurd and downright dangerous (for you, not the other guy) knife defense techniques.

This week, we’re highlighting an amazing character by the name of “Master Wong“—a Jeet Kune Do, Wing Chun, and Tai Chi expert.

To be fair, the techniques in the video aren’t the worst we’ve seen; they’re the standard sort of compliant, “street” self-defense training that’s peddled in poor martial arts schools across the country. What makes Master Wong’s stylings so notable are his incomprehensible accent (Tito Ortiz-level of poor English) and his insane assertions, such as “you can’t knee fucking shit” and his claims about how poking a man in the eye means he’ll kill your family.

This video is worth a watch, trust us. It’s bad martial arts combined with ridiculous engrish—a win-win! He’s got loads of others too. They’re not quite as good as the one above, but are still fun.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com

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Catch the ‘UFC on FOX 10: Henderson vs. Thomson’ Weigh-Ins LIVE Right Here Starting at 5 p.m. [UPDATED w/RESULTS]

All twenty-two fighters competing at tomorrow’s UFC on Fox 10: Here You Go, I Guess are set to hit the scales live from the Chicago Theater starting at 5 p.m. EST, so swing by CagePotato to check out the weigh-ins for a card that has been almost unanimously heralded by journalists like Chuck Mindenhall as “It is what it is.” Not since The Guilt Trip reviews have I seen such apathy, yet such disdain!

In the main event if the evening, Ben Henderson will fight for his right to party and not much else. Elsewhere, Gabriel Gonzaga will think he’s a better boxer than Stipe Miocic and break my heart again, not to mention my parlay, as a result. But it’s like my father said right before he was beaten to death by a bookie, “Go big or go-.” The bookie hit him with a crowbar before he could finish.

Live results for the UFC on FOX 10 weigh-ins are after the jump, and make sure to swing by CagePotato tomorrow starting at 8 p.m. to catch our liveblog of the event.

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[VIDEO] Don Frye is Back With More Machismo-Fueled Predictions for UFC 169

Don Frye told us that he’d be back after his UFC 168 installment of “Predator’s Predictions”, and since the only lie he ever told was that he’d call your mother the next day, “The Predator” has returned with UFC 169 in his crosshairs this time around.

What’s that, you say? There’s actually a different UFC event going down this weekend on Fox? THE PREDATOR HAS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR MIDDLING CABLE TV CARDS. And if you don’t like how he does business, he’s sure there’s a Designing Women marathon with your name on it playing somewhere, bud.

After opening up this edition of “Predator’s Predictions” by alienating his dissenters as pathetic girlie-men and thanking Seth Macfarlane for bringing back Brian on Family Guy, Frye launches right into his usual mix of whiskey-soaked predictions and occasionally misogynistic insights. A few highlights:

-On Dominick Cruz’s latest injury: “I didn’t know Cruz had a groin.”
-On Ali Bagautinov: “Ali…Boobanov. He’s like the Tazmanian Devil on crack.”
-On Ricardo Lamas: “I remember Lorenzo from the hit TV show Renegade 17 years ago.”
--On Ricardo Lamas, again: ”You say that your favorite technique is ‘whatever wins me the fight.’ In your fight against Jose Aldo, I might recommend a baseball bat or a gun.”
--On Renan Barao: “He looks like Veeter Belfort’s mini-me.”

If your voice doesn’t drop three octaves after watching this video, you’re either a eunuch or already dead.

-J. Jones 

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UFC Full Blast: One-Eyed Bisping Critiques Machida vs. Munoz, Josh Thompson Freaks Out Over Melendez vs. Sanchez [VIDEOS]


(Props: FOX Sports)

I kind of like these “Full Blast” videos that the UFC has been putting out lately. Usually when I’m watching UFC fights at home, I’m surrounded by my half-wit friends who say things like, “Why doesn’t that guy on the bottom just get up and kick the other dude in the head. Game over.” And I’m like, uggggggggh. So it’s cool to see what people with actual first-hand insight on the sport have to say.

Of course, not every fighter’s approach to a Full Blast segment is the same. As you can see above, heel-superstar Michael Bisping prefers the snarky approach, making sure to remind us how boring Mark Munoz is, and how he could whoop Munoz and Lyoto Machida at the same time. On the other hand, he gives legitimate respect to Machida for his perfectly executed head-kick knockout, and for the gentlemanly way that the Dragon stopped his follow-up punch in mid-flight. Also, Bisping and Conor McGregor are the Scut Farkus and Grover Dill of MMA. Please spread awareness.

After the jump, UFC on FOX 10 headliner Josh Thomson starts out doing color-commentary for the Gilbert Melendez vs. Diego Sanchez slugfest at UFC 166, then switches directly into enthusiastic fan mode. (Can you blame him? That fight was bananas.) Skip to the 2:43 mark to see Thomson absolutely losing his mind.

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So Bellator Almost Definitely Screwed Attila Vegh Back in November


(Video via MMAFighting.com)

Bellator’s tenth season hasn’t even started yet and the company is already in the headlines for the wrong reasons.

Remember the highly suspicious bait-and-switch Bellator pulled in November 2013? The one where their light heavyweight champ Attila Vegh conveniently got “injured,” allowing Bellator to book a much-anticipated rematch between Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal and Emanuel Newton (who really should’ve adopted the nickname “Kingslayer” after defeating Mo the first time) for an interim title?

If you recall, Vegh said he wasn’t actually injured. Bellator disputed this, and then Vegh shut his mouth (maybe Bjorn Rebney threatened his dog).

Fast forward to yesterday, when Ariel Helwani interviewed Vegh in what looks like a dingy auto repair shop. Vegh spoke about the “injury,” but not before some prodding by Helwani.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Stop a Knife Attack…WITH A TOWEL!


(They’re wearing camo so the technique must work.)

By Eric Linderman

Hey, everybody. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Frankly, I don’t care that you don’t care. But I’ve done this stuff for at least a decade, so I hope that adds some credibility to my destruction of bullshit martial arts techniques. I could go and list and all my belts and experiences, but really you don’t care. You just want to know this week’s Martial Arts Fail.

So what do you do in a knife attack? What is my defense? Do I stay out of range? Obviously not, because that would actually make sense. Do I get in really close? Yup, and not only do you get in really close but you also block and strip your attacker of his weapon.

I have seen a number of movies, YouTube videos and martial art seminar that come with a blistering array of stupid “katas” and series of moves to disarm a knife attack. As a result, it spawns all kind of stupidity.

Remember that movie Jason Bourne with Matt Damon? Yeah the one where he fights that foreign guy who has a knife and Matt Damon prevents being stabbed by stopping the knife wielder’s attacks with a towel? Yeah? Good. Sounds dumb when I spell it out don’t it?


Jump to the 1:10 mark to remind yourself.

In my time, I’ve had many good teachers and I’ve seen lots of crap. My problem with “cool moves” in action movies is that it spawns kids to go and find out what martial art style will teach them to fight “like that” or a martial art instructor who will teach them “crap” because it is what kids want to learn. So here, we go with stupidity demonstration number 1:

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[VIDEO] Gina Carano Returns to the Small Screen in February on Almost Human


(Thanks to CP reader Steven Wong for the tip/image.)

Good news, Taters! Former MMA starlet Gina Carano is making her triumphant return to the world of television and all we can say is Hnnnnnng

Carano, who is coming of a successful turn in Fast and Furious 6*, will guest star on the next episode of Almost Human, the future cop/Robocop buddy cop show on FOX. If the episode promo after the jump is to be believed, it looks like Carano will be playing an emotionless cyborg killing machine that has gone off the reservation…Haywire, you might even say. (*sad rimshot*)

Carano also has two projects currently in the works — In the Blood (a.k.a female Taken) and an untitled Adi Shankar project (a.k.a female Expendables). It’s always nice to see an old friend finding employment, but especially so when that friend is Gina Carano and that work involves corsets and fishnets.

The next episode of Almost Human airs February 3rd on FOX, so join us after the jump for a sneak peak.

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Jason ‘Mayhem’ Miller Re-Emerges in Mostly-Coherent Interview About Unretirement, Forgiveness, And the Uriah Hall Incident


(Props: MMAInterviews.tv)

As Jason “Mayhem” Miller puts it in the above video interview, “2013? Pretty unlucky number for me.” Indeed, the semi-retired MMA fighter and former media personality spent the past calendar year getting arrested, getting arrested, getting arrested, and dropping N-bombs during a public scuffle with Uriah Hall. Now, a humbled (but still pretty kooky) version of Mayhem is training full time with Rafael Cordeiro at Kings MMA, looking for a return to competition, and he has a few things to say about the controversies that have surrounded him recently. Some notable quotes…

On leaving MMA and coming back: “I took some time, I retired, I totally got away from it, and realized the love and the passion that I have for the sport is just undeniable. I realized I love it so much. And the way I am, I got real passionate and jumped right back in. I’ve been here training at Kings for about a year now, and I feel like a new fighter. I’m ready to get on out there. I’m entertaining some offers from some different leagues that are around the globe, and I’m just trying to find my home.”

On who he’d like to fight next [WARNING, MAYHEM AHEAD]: “I don’t know man, I would like to fight Stephen Hawking. I’d like to punch him out of his wheelchair, maybe get him in an armbar. He can’t defend. No one can defend. [*pauses, switches to Stephen Hawking robot-voice*] Ow. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Physics!

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Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Five Ways to DESTROY BJJ


(Video via CombatantDVD)

Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Are you really sure?

For this week’s Traditional Martial Arts Fail, we have the five definitive ways to defeat a BJJ guy. It’s as easy as using basic movements against a compliant partner. Imagine that!

Checking out their website, it seems like these guys are the “too deadly” sort who want to believe in their mysticism and bogus street cred. Their experiences range in arts like the esteemed Pekiti-Tirsia Kali system (it’s right up at the top of the martial arts pyramid with Kapu Kuialua, we assure you) and Krav Maga (because that style is so effective). One of “the masters” practices a style that is “concept based rather than technique-based.” You know, because it’s bad to base a martial art on having good technique.

Needless to say, if the dude in the video tried any of this compliant crap on a legit BJJ fighter or any other sort of grappler, he’d wind up with a broken arm. Just goes to show you that even though the UFC is a little more than 20 years old, there are still people who haven’t gotten the message about what works in a fight and what doesn’t!

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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Video: Ronda Rousey and Sara McMann Keep Things Friendly During First Staredown


(Meanwhile, this guy continued to boo Ronda from the parking lot. / Props: MMAFightingonSBN)

UFC women’s bantamweight champ Ronda Rousey and upcoming challenger Sara McMann had their first official staredown yesterday at a media event in Los Angeles, which luckily didn’t end in an awkward face-butt. (Although the pretend crane-kick that McMann flashed was kind of awkward in its own way.) It’s hard to imagine these two undefeated Olympic medalists developing an intense hatred for each other by the time they meet in the cage at UFC 170, which is a little over six weeks away. And that’s perfectly fine. We don’t need a “storyline” for every title fight, do we? Can’t this just be a simple squash match between two talented athletes who respect each other?

After the jump: Rousey gives her thoughts on her UFC 168 fight against Miesha Tate (and the resulting handshake controversy), the pressure of being the face of WMMA, her inability to pronounce “tournament,” and her love of Fedor Emalienenko. Plus, Sara McMann discusses how she got the opportunity to compete for the UFC title, preparing for Ronda, and motherhood.

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