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(You are a great champion and you hit like a girl. I want to retire and I want a rematch. / Photo via MMAWeekly)

Before the judges’ decision for UFC 158′s main event between Georges St. Pierre and Nick Diaz was even announced, Diaz walked over to the man he’d been taunting for years and raised the champion’s hand. It was a far cry from the head games Diaz had been playing with Georges – calling him a coward, accusing him of using steroids, taking swings at him after a round bell, etc. – and St. Pierre returned the gesture of respect in his post-fight comments in the ring to interviewer Joe Rogan.

It did not take long, however, for Diaz to once more insult St. Pierre, at the post event press conference. “He hits like a woman,” a battered Diaz told the assembled media.

“He has his full on range to separate and punch me, but he hits like a girl because he’s too scared to let go to get a real punch in…Five rounds woke me up, I’m ready to fight.”

We’re not sure how Diaz’ buddy Ronda Rousey would feel about him using the female tag as an insult, but she’d probably advise the challenger to make sure he’s ready at the opening bell next time, instead of after twenty five minutes in.

That is, anyway, if Diaz ever even fights again. The veteran re-stated his interest in retiring from the sport he’s competed in professionally since adolescence. “I’m trying to retire,” Diaz said. “I’m trying to get out of this gig, but I would love a rematch. I think I could beat you. I really do, I think I could beat him. I think I could stop the take downs for the first two rounds and get to fight my whole fight and I think I could beat you.”

UFC President Dana White was succinct in shutting down any notion of an immediate title shot for Diaz. “He wouldn’t get a rematch off that fight,” White said. “Johny Hendricks deserves the next shot.”

White also had some advice for Diaz after another strange admission from the California resident. Nick Diaz told the media that he has never paid taxes in his life and that he expects to go to prison for it.

“I’ve never paid taxes in my life,” Diaz revealed.

“I’m probably going to go to jail. And no one wants to hear that kind of talk and what’s going on with me. I might as well just be a kid. I’ve had fight after fight after fight after fight, and you don’t know what that does to somebody who didn’t graduate high school.”

“Holy sh_t. That’s sad,” White said of Diaz’ admission. “You wanna talk about sad? That’s sad. Somebody better handle that with this check and make sure that kid doesn’t end up with nothing.”

Diaz’ manager Cesar Gracie should add getting his client to pay his taxes to the long list of things he should be doing as a part of his job, along with getting him to show up to contractually obligated events.

Oh yeah, Diaz said he slept until 8pm the day of the event and criticized his coaching and teammates as absent and negligent.

Craziness. Anyway, check out video of the full press conference after the jump to get your share of Diaz excuses, Diaz praising St. Pierre, Diaz insulting St. Pierre, and much more.

Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic has finally achieved something he never had up this point in his legendary fight career and has become a world champion. Cro Cop defeated Ismael Londt yesterday in the finals of the 2013 K-1 Grand Prix, held in Zagreb, Croatia.

Prior to the finals, Cro Cop also decisioned Pavel Zhuravlev and Jarrell Miller – a win with some controversy because many observers felt Miller deserved to get the nod from the judges. There was not controversy in the finals, however, as Cro Cop scored a knockdown via left high kick (!) in the second round.

The thirty eight year-old kick boxer, former special forces member and member of Croatia’s Parliament, first fought in K-1 seventeen years ago. He got close but never managed to become champion of the organization’s vaunted Grand Prix before last night. Cro Cop moved on to fight in MMA in Pride and once more got close, twice, to becoming a world champion but on two occasions lost in world title fights – once to Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira in an interim title bout and once to Fedor Emelianenko.

After the UFC purchased Pride, Cro Cop would go on to fight ten times in the American organization, compiling a 4-6 record and leaving after three straight losses. He has since fought and won once more in MMA competition, this past New Year’s Eve against Shinichi Suzukawa in Japan.

Cro Cop decided to make another run in kickboxing and last night’s home-town win vindicates his decision. Watch his full finals bout in the above video and then highlights of some of our favorite Cro Cop moments after the jump.

(One day left to wait, folks. Just one day. Photo courtesy of MMAMania.)

The UFC 158 weigh-ins have just finished wrapping up from the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And since we’ve…you know, recently been inspired to cut through the bullshit for once in our lives, we’ll skip the bullshit introduction or whatever and get right to the bullshitty video and pampered, bullshit results, which await you after the jump. WHERE YOU AT, GEORGES?!

(Props: OOFights.com)

Whew, does anyone else need a break from all this Nick Diaz/GSP/UFC 158 hype for a moment? I mean, I could listen to those two hurl insults at each other in broken English all day, but every now and again, I just want to see someone get knocked the fudge out, you know?

Thankfully, a video has recently been released of the battle between 3-0 KO artist Scott Noble and the debuting Francis Grant, which went down on December 1st of last year at OO Fights XXII in Virginia. And when I say “battle,” I mean a lone flying head kick that had Grant singing the Sleepsong just five seconds into the fight.

Look at it this way, Francis; your professional debut could have gone worse, I guess. You could have died.

-J. Jones

(In order to ensure that Diaz made all of his scheduled video interviews, the UFC told him that he was in a triathlon that started at his home and ended at the studio.)

We told you to watch it, but you never listen to us. Fine. We’ll bail you out again.

Last night, Countdown to UFC 158 premiered on Fuel TV. And although approximately less than 4% of MMA fans actually get Fuel TV according to our studies, CagePotato readers can now watch the special any time they want, you entitled sons of bitches. There’s a very good chance that the couple years of intrigue, drama, and trash talk between UFC champion Georges St. Pierre and challenger Nick Diaz will end up having been much more competitive than the actual main event that takes place Saturday, but still, the trash talk and drama is pretty dang good so we’re enjoying it to the last drop.

Countdown to UFC 158 has much, much more of all that good stuff for you; Diaz alternately screaming and quietly mumbling, GSP doing back flips, GSP restraining his anger behind a forced calm face, gritted teeth, and adorable French Canadian accent, etc.

For those needing to catch up, Blair Butler (Yeah, we know, but she’s a funny chick who is cute and who writes a pretty dope MMA-themed comic book, so she’s cool with us) and Cesar Gracie aka. Nick Diaz’s hook up re-hash the last year and a half or so of Nicky boy calling out Georges, then blowing those opportunities once he was given them. Doctor BJ Penn even stops by to diagnose Diaz with Social Anxiety Disorder, so join us after the jump for all the hilarity.

(Major props to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Typically, a Monday morning at the CagePotato offices starts with cake. Lots of cake. There’s a staff meeting after that, again, typically held in the context of an underground cockfight or at the very least a back alley dice game. The rest of the day is as you’d expect: team-building medicine ball dodgeball at 11, lunch at Matsuhisa at 1, a full two-hour break to “research” WMMA videos at 3, and finally, Mr. Pibbs and a staff-voted episode of The Wire at 5. The writing usually happens after dodgeball.

But alas, not everyone’s Mondays can be as exhilarating or PCP-laced as ours. That’s where this video of a 14-second double knockout from last Saturday’s Galaxy Fight Night IV comes into play. Because, as you watch Aaron Britt and Brandon Alexander trade right hands and simultaneously topple over like a pair of felled oaks, you will experience nearly one-eighteenth of the life-affirming invigoration that fills the average CagePotato employee on a daily basis. It’s not something most people get to experience in the span of their measly, infinitesimal lives, let alone on a Monday morning at work. So enjoy this, you guys.

After the jump: Nick Diaz, hitting a speed bag, for 23 straight minutes. It is the lethargic, insomnia-inducing yin to this video’s captivating yang, and it will break you.

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Some things you want to leave on their own and appreciate. Mike Tyson sharing wisdom with Ronda Rousey, face-to-face, is one of those things.

No news was made in the above video, but its pretty freaking dope to hear Iron Mike impart some experience-gained wisdom to Rowdy Ronda. Also, there’s some symmetry here since Ronda might have the most snarling fight-night mug since Mike Tyson. Let’s hope no prison time or face tattoos are in Rousey’s future.

- Elias Cepeda

(Bellator 92 highlights courtesy of Bellator.com) 

Although Mark Hunt’s comeback run in the UFC has been nothing short of inspirational, there’s been a similarly grizzled veteran quietly putting together an improbable run for a title in the Bellator realm of the world (I believed it’s pronounced “The Midwest”) as well. We’re talking, of course, about former WEC light heavyweight champion Doug Marshall, who all but fell off the face of the earth after being knocked out by then undefeated killing machine Brian Stann at WEC 33. Since then, however, Marshall has put together a respectable 9-3 record, including a pair of devastating performances in his first two Bellator appearances. Not bad for a guy we last saw getting crushed by Zelg Galesic in the Super Fight League.

On the heels of an upset victory over season 6 finalist Andreas Spang in the season 8 quarterfinals last month, Marshall squared off against the undefeated Russian Sultan Aliev last night. As we know, these are prime days to be a Russian competing in Bellator, hence why Aliev was a 3-to-1 favorite heading into the affair. The good news? Marshall took another huge step forward in what has been an unlikely championship run, defeating Aliev by way of split decision. The even better news? Despite being napped on for the majority of the first and third rounds, Marshall was handed the victory for actually bringing the fight to his opponent without needing a warning from Herb Dean to do so. It was a decision that you wouldn’t likely see swing in Marshall’s favor 9 times out of 10, but for once, takedowns + top control – any actual offense did not equal a winning combination in MMA. We were just as shocked as you were.

Full results for Bellator 92 and a couple gif highlights are after the jump. 

(Props: fcfightlog via Deadspin)

During yesterday’s NHL game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Ottawa Senators, Toronto left-winger Frazer McLaren and Ottawa forward David Dziurzynski dropped their gloves just 26 seconds into the first period, and after a few seconds of Fyre/Takayama’ing, McLaren shut the Senators rookie completely off with a right hand. Dziurzynski fell directly onto his face following the knockout blow, reportedly suffering a concussion. Dziurzynski didn’t return to the game, and required eight stitches to close a cut on his chin. Toronto went on to win the game 5-4. As McLaren explained afterwards:

“I hope he’s OK,” McLaren told the Canadian Press, adding that he had asked Dziurzynski to fight because the Maple Leafs started out flat in their last game. “I was just trying to get us going early. I asked him (to fight) and he actually said no, so I thought we weren’t going to go and then he ended up dropping his stuff there when the puck dropped. He’s a big guy and he actually gave me a few good ones early there.”

Hockey. The child porn of ice sports.

(Video courtesy of Hulu.) 

Last week, Team Jones was able to chalk up victory #2 after an injured Josh Samman blistered Swede Tor Troeng. With control finally back in their corner, Jon Jones decided to place his #1 pick, boxer Clint Hester, against Team Sonnen’s most decorated grappler in former police officer Jimmy Quinlan. It was a matchup that completely baffled Chael Sonnen, but will Jones’ unorthodox strategy pay off this time? Check out last night’s episode in full above and join us below for all the highlights.

- To kick things off this week, the house is treated to an ever-so-rare night on the town at a local Hooters establishment. Hooters: Our wings might taste like dirty bath water, but hey, tits! Fives are highed. Waitresses are groped. Gilbert Smith repeatedly finds ways to take his clothing off. And by the end of the night, Uriah Hall somehow manages to alienate himself from everyone even further. Collin Hart states his distaste for Hall’s attitude and hope he gets the chance to smash him.

- Hall admits that he hasn’t been sleeping well lately because his desire to nearly decapitate another housemate is eating away at him. You sure you still want a piece of this guy, Collin? Anyway, Sonnen’s assistant coach, Scott McQuary, tries to offer some zen-like wisdom to calm Uriah down. “A non-quiet mind is like a tractor,” he says, “You just can’t stop it.” Not sure which model of John Deere Scott’s used to plowing the fields with, but I’m pretty sure that the worst thing a tractor can do is give you gonorrhea.