Videos - Page 9

(“Gettin’ clean before we get dirty, I see? Alright then, baby, that’s…[*vomits*]“)

Katy Perry‘s latest video for “Part of Me” tells the story of a young woman who decides to enlist in the Marines after seeing her boyfriend canoodling with a co-worker. (Bear with us, this gets better.) So, she chops her hair off, embarks on an epic training montage, and when she gets a letter from her old beau, she burns it like the worthless trash it is. In the end, she is in a world of shit, yes, but she is alive, and she is not afraid.

God only knows why Ranger Up and actual-member-of-the-United-States-Armed-Forces Tim Kennedy decided to do a scene-by-scene parody of the video. Kennedy seems to be mocking the idea that joining the military is a logical response to having a bad day, but we think Tim just needed an excuse to put on a cheap wig and dance around with his friends. The point is, this happened, it really exists, and you can watch it below.

(We don’t even know where to start.)

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If thi video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.

Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you after the jump, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.

Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.

(Props: youtube.com/fueltv)

Chael Sonnen is back with more surreal statements in his latest Chael’s Corner segment for Fuel’s UFC Tonight. Here a sampling of Sonnen’s sincere and deep thoughts:

“Fighters have recently seen it as their quasi-job to continually put out misinformation.”

Recently? Naw that’s nothing new, Chael. Fighters have never had a problem, say, screaming in pain and tapping out to a submission, and then claiming that they did not. Heck, some guys have even gone on pr campaigns questioning the professionalism of refs who save fighters who ask for fights to be stopped. Maybe it doesn’t count as misinformation if the obvious truth is caught on live national television.

“[Some fighters] just refuse to answer a question, head on.”

True. Like, for example, answering questions with non-sequitor quotes ripped off from western movies and pro wrestling promos.

“There’s a tremendous difference between what fighters say vs. what fighters mean.”

(Props: 2000dwrecked, via IronForgesIron and MiddleEasy)

Look, we appreciate this guy’s passion. And sure, we’ve seen worse MMA-fan tattoos. I’m just saying, think of how this ink-piece might appear to the vast majority of humanity who isn’t aware of Nick Diaz’s legendary gogoplata victory over Takanori Gomi at PRIDE 33. To them, it just looks like one dude in shorts blowing another dude on his back, and it’s right there on your chest, forever. Wouldn’t a cool t-shirt have been a wiser choice? At least that way you can take it off when you discover someone else to idolize in five years.

Have I just grown too cynical? Is this Nick Diaz tattoo not the most regrettable thing you’ve seen all week?

(A rose for every bridge you have burned, Mr. White.) 

It looks like soccer players and fans alike have joined the growing legion of people that loathe, or at least don’t take kindly to Dana White’s opinion. For those keeping track, the list includes women, homosexuals, Fedor Emelianenko fans, hardcore PRIDE and WEC fans, SpikeTV, the Internet, and the state of Oklahoma, among others. It’s like they say: to make an omelet, you have to break enough eggs to make that same omelet five times over.

Before we get to the challenge issued by former MLS Defender of the Year Jimmy Conrad, let’s do a little backtracking. It all started when White, in his infinite wisdom, stated at the Calgary press conference that the sport of soccer was basically a talentless bunch of nonsense that anyone with basic motor skills could perform. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then declared that he had beaten David Beckham in a game of horse soccer and that Pele was a fraud before farting into the microphone and storming off. Surely this wouldn’t piss off any fans of the biggest sport on the mother effing planet, right?

WRONG.

After hearing these comments, Conrad emerged with the fire of a thousand suns in his eyes and challenged DW to put his foot somewhere else than his mouth for once. The following ultimatum was made while Conrad masked a rage that would turn a lump of coal into a blood diamond between his buttcheeks:

Why would a tough guy like you feel so threatened by soccer that you needed to go off on it unprovoked? Is it maybe because you know the one thing any three-year-old can do is fight? Hell, mine spent a whole year fighting me. But that shouldn’t threaten you. I’m pretty you could hype a fight between two three-year-olds and make it the biggest thing since the “Thrilla in Manilla.” But you wouldn’t do that, would you? Because you know that three-year-olds don’t understand the techniques, or tactics, or subtleties of your sport. Well, same goes for ours…. Here’s what I’m going to do. Because I like you, I’m going to give you the opportunity to join me and a few friends for a game of soccer. Since you believe playing soccer requires no talent, I’m sure you’ll be the star. Unless you’re scared.

Check out a video of the challenge after the jump.

(Try as they might, Coleman’s corner simply was not equipped to stop the swelling around his eye between rounds)

None of us who watched it could ever forget when former UFC and Pride champion Mark Coleman embraced his sobbing daughters in the ring after losing to Fedor Emelianenko in 2006 and reassured them that “daddy was alright.” Turns out, neither have his daughters. But, according to one of them, it wasn’t nearly the terrifying experience that we all assumed it to be.

“It was so fun out there…I don’t regret it at all,” Coleman’s daughter said during an interview for an HDNet Fights segment on her dad, which you can check out after the jump.

Coleman was also interviewed, and teared up when talking about the moment and the criticism that he received for it. The idea that he had in some way traumatized his daughters by bringing them to the fight — then introducing them to the man who beat him up — is still hard for Coleman to swallow. “Being a dad was the most important thing to me in the world,” he said.

(Props: twistereddie)

- Singing an R. Kelly love-jam in a thick Portuguese accent while your crush is getting out of the shower? EHHHHH!

- Bragging about your movie/pilot Return of the Death-Knuckle, then humbly following it up with “but you don’t wanna get bored with how much money I’m gonna make, that stuffs, how much fame gonna have for me and for the ladies in my life”? NOOOOOOOOO!

- Desperately offering to give her your “code for MySpace’ee” as she walks away, then beating your head against a wall? Fail upon fail.

Keep your head up, Laranja. There’s other fish in the sea…

(BROCK CARES NOT FOR JORTS.)

Brock Lesnar‘s rumored return to professional wrestling became terrifyingly real last night on WWE Raw. After a long-winded, jeer-drawing monologue from John Cena — who had just lost a match to The Rock in Wrestlemania 28′s main event the night before — Lesnar interrupted the proceedings by stalking into the arena. Pants were shat.

It was as if Lesnar’s previous four years fighting in the UFC, which included two years as the promotion’s heavyweight champion, was all a dream. The WWE fans in attendance at Miami’s American Airlines Arena welcomed Brock like he’d never left, and the Next Big Thing clearly hadn’t lost an ounce of his old swagger. Lesnar entered the ring, and without a whole lot of preamble, picked up Cena, spun him to the mat with his trademark F-5, then soccer-kicked Cena’s stupid little hat.

The video is after the jump. Discuss.

(“Don’t you ever dismiss Katy Perry as an empty vessel for pop drivel again! ‘Teenage Dream’ is this generation’s ‘Sounds of Silence’!”)

TMZ is usually just good for catching Quinton “Rampage” Jackson monster truck racing police, Chuck Liddell drunk off his ass, or Dan Henderson corralling comely young ladies into cars. But recently their camera-creeps ran into the very well-behaved and incredibly friendly UFC heavyweight champ, Junior Dos Santos. As you’ll see, Dos Santos is becoming the new Wanderlei Silva — nightmare-inducing inside the ring but completely disarming and approachable outside of it.

Somehow, the amicable Dos Santos was able to turn the asinine pestering questions from the TMZ crew into an adorable video of him signing pop songs, and putting the sport of MMA in a favorable light. Check out the video after the jump of Dos Santos “singing” Adele and professing his love for Katy Perry.

(On next week’s episode: The machete-and-claws deathmatch between Rony Jason and Hugo Wolverine.)

My complete ignorance of the Portugeuse language kept me from fully appreciating yesterday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil, but I do know that teams were selected, UFC featherweight champ Jose Aldo stopped by to hang out with Team Wanderlei, and the first featherweight quarterfinal went down between Wagner “Galeto” Campos and Godofredo “Pepey” de Oliveira. Team breakdowns are below, and the full episode video (including result spoiler) is after the jump, courtesy of TUFBrazil…

Team Wanderlei: [FEATHERWEIGHTS] Rony “Jason” Mariano Bezerra, John “Macapa” Teixeira, Wagner “Galeto” Campos, Marcos Vinicius “Vina” Borges Pancini, [MIDDLEWEIGHTS] Leonardo “Macarrao” Mafra Teixeira, Delson “Pe de Chumbo” Heleno, Francisco “Massaranduba” Drinaldo, Renee Forte

Team Vitor: [FEATHERWEIGHTS] Hugo “Wolverine” Viana, Anistavio “Gasparzinho” Medeiros, Godofredo “Pepey” de Oliveira, Rodrigo Damm, [MIDDLEWEIGHTS] Cezar “Mutante” Ferreira, Daniel Sarafian, Sergio “Serginho” Moraes, Thiago “Bodao” Rela