(He could be anyone. Your next-door neighboor. Your son’s wrestling coach. But behind that friendly smile lies the heart of a madman.)

As reported by MMAFighting, UFC middleweight contender Chael Sonnen has successfully completed his six-month suspension from the California State Athletic Commission. Sonnen was originally facing a one-year penalty for abnormally high testosterone levels following his UFC 117 loss to Anderson Silva, but got his suspension reduced to six months when he showed up to the appeals hearing with a tragic tale of hypogonadism and miscommunication. Sonnen has also paid the $2,500 fine that went along with the suspension.

But he’s not completely in the clear yet. CSAC executive officer George Dodd told MMAFighting.com that Sonnen will have to make an appearance before the commission at some point in order to regain his license. And as we learned from Josh Barnett — who showed up to his last hearing without a lawyer and left dumbfounded and license-less when the board demanded that he show “rehabilitation” for his last positive steroid test — that step is not just a mere formality. Plus, Sonnen currently has his contract frozen by the UFC due to his money-laundering charges, so it’s not clear when he’ll actually return. (For the record, Sonnen’s sentencing is scheduled for 11:30 am PT on March 28th, and he’s likely to receive two years’ probation on the recommendation of the U.S. government.)

And in Sonnen’s latest bit of Bisping-bashing…

In a new interview/rant in FightersOnly, Sonnen demanded that Michael Bisping apologize to him for his poor behavior at UFC 127. Yep. Here’s his twisted explanation:

“I did see Michael Bisping’s fight, and I was very disappointed in his behaviour. Spitting on Jorge Riviera’s cornermen brought disgrace to himself, to the sport, and to all fighters, me included. That’s why, first and foremost, Michael Bisping owes ME an apology,” Sonnen said.

“As someone with much more experience than him, at a much higher level of competition, I am his superior and his behavior warrants an apology to me. Now you might say that’s a bit of abstract reasoning… but there’s another reason he better apologize to me first, and it has to do with his own self-interest.

“I happen to know, from one of my very highly-placed sources at the UFC, that Michael Bisping’s ‘goodwill account’ is seriously overdrawn with the company. He’s on very thin ice wearing really sharp skates, if you know what I mean. So, there are only TWO possible outcomes for him: He can fight ME, or he can get released.

“He needs to fight me to keep his job. But…and this is a big but…I don’t HAVE to fight Michael Bisping to keep MY job. If I decide not to fight him, they’ll set me up with some other contender I can ridicule, then pound into fine powder. But Bisping’s got me, or he’s GONE. I hold the “whip hand” in this deal; so if he wants to feed his family without going on the ‘dole’, he better apologize.

“Once he agrees to do that, I’ll decide what form his apology should take. I may want a singing apology. I may want him to choreograph and perform a little “apology dance”. I may make him kiss my ring like I’m the Pope, or kneel before me like I’m the King and he’s being knighted. I’m not sure what I’ll decide on…but he does owe me an apology.”

Man, if silly videos turn Bisping into a blood-crazed psycho, steam is probably shooting out of the Count’s ears by now. But we have to admit, Sonnen is a smart dude. Build enough hype for a fight that doesn’t even exist yet, and they’ll have to let you back in the club…