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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Chael Sonnen vs. Forrest Griffin: Head-to-Head


(Just bide your time, Chael, he’s gonna walk right into that kneebar any second now.) 

The current betting line on Forrest Griffin vs. Chael Sonnen is downright insane.

Say what you want about how Griffin has looked in the octagon as of late (Seriously, do it. Here are a few adjective suggestions: sluggish, apathetic, hairy, manic-depressive), but even we couldn’t have seen this coming. When it was announced a few days ago that Sonnen would making his return to 205 lbs at UFC 155 against FoGriff after being tarred and feathered coming up short in his rematch with Anderson Silva, we expected that he would open as a small favorite with the former Light Heavyweight champ, if not even. Despite Griffin’s aforementioned lack of firepower lately, especially considering he was riding the TRT train for his last bout, Forrest is pretty massive for a light heavyweight, and you know, already beat Sonnen once before. There is also the fact that Sonnen’s last fight in the UFC at light heavyweight ended in submission (you know which one), and that Griffin managed to catch him with that exact same submission in their first, etc…

In either case, we were dead wrong.

Currently, BestFightOdds has Sonnen listed at an even -300 over Griffin, which must be based entirely on their respective performances against Anderson Silva, with Sonnen lasting roughly six and a half rounds and Griffin lasting roughly three and a half minutes. But those were a long three and a half minutes, you guys, like watching the puppy you got for Christmas fall through the ice in your Grandma’s pond and drown in slow motion…on that very same Christmas.

Needless to say, if this blatant disrespect doesn’t light a fire under Griffin’s ass, nothing will. We feel like we’ve typed that a lot lately.

Is that line as bad as we’re making it out to be? Join us after the jump for a good old fashioned head-to-head breakdown to see if our outrage is justified.

AGE
Griffin: 33 (but a nearing retirement 33)
Sonnen: 35
Advantage: Somehow Sonnen

SIZE 
Griffin: 6’3″, 77 inch reach, walks around at 240 lbs
Sonnen: 6’1″, 74 inch reach, walked around at 205lbs 24 hours before fights at middleweight
Advantage: Griffin by an entire Wendy’s menu

LAST TWO FIGHTS RESULTED IN
Griffin: 1st round KO loss to Mauricio Rua, razor-thin SD win over Tito Ortiz
Sonnen: Razor-thin UD win over Michael Bisping, 2nd round TKO loss to Anderson Silva
Advantage: Sonnen, we guess

REMATCH RECORD
Griffin: 3-1
Sonnen: 3-3
Advantage: Griffin

FINISHING RATIO
Griffin: 52.6% (10 finishes in 19 victories)
Sonnen: 40.7% (11 finishes in 27 victories)
Advantage: Griffin
Disadvantage: The fans

SALARY
Griffin: $125,000 to show
Sonnen: $50,000 to show
Advantage: Griffin

CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Griffin: Won inaugural season of The Ultimate Fighter in arguably the greatest MMA fight of all time. Defeated Quinton Jackson when he was still relevant to become UFC Light Heavyweight Champion. Four time “Fight of the Night” winner and two time “Submission of the Night Winner”.

Sonnen: NCAA Division 1 All American. Defeated Paulo Filho at the exact moment he became irrelevant to unofficially win WEC Light Heavyweight Championship. Two time “Fight of the Night” winner. Headlined the highest live gate for a UFC event in the promotion’s history.

Advantage: Griffin, via accomplishments in the form of a belt

BOOK TITLES
Griffin: Be Ready When The Shit Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse and Got Fight?: 50 Zen Principles of Hand-to-Face Combat
Sonnen: The Voice of Reason: A VIP Pass to Enlightenment
Advantage: Sonnen via arrogance

WHO WORE TRT BETTER AT UFC 148
Griffin: Looked sloppy and spent by the third round, then decided to storm out of the cage shortly thereafter despite the fact that he had won
Sonnen: Managed to dominate Silva in the first round, then committed the biggest mental error of his career in the second
Advantage: Sonnen

ARREST RECORD
Griffin: None to our knowledge
Sonnen: Pled guilty to money laundering (don’t you dare call it mortgage fraud!!) and received two years probation and a $10,000 fine.
Advantage: Griffin

TWITTER PERSONA
Griffin: Rape advocate
Sonnen: Master Troller
Advantage: Sonnen

PREDICTION: Based on these completely valid, scientifically proven points, Griffin will keep Sonnen at a distance with his jab and defend just enough take downs to eek out a Split Decision victory.

Agree or disagree?

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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ringjoker80- August 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm
how exactly will chael talk this one up disrespecting the irish he will get his ass beat before he reaches the octagon dont offend the irish sonnen. actually i hope these two GATEKEEPERS KNOCK EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST ROUND AND BE CARRIED OUT ON STRETCHERS HONESTLY THEY BOTH SUCK
linzhanfe- August 19, 2012 at 5:28 am
http://www.luckygrip.com
Mr_Misanthropy- August 18, 2012 at 2:32 pm
bring back the edit button
Mr_Misanthropy- August 18, 2012 at 2:31 pm
@ The Naked Spoon

You so make an interesting point there, sir. Most of my posts about shrunken testes are purely in an effort to entertain myself (and, on rare occasions, others) and have no bearing on rality. I really have no means of verifying claims of drug use, small penises, enlarged clitori, or any other wild accusations that I and others make, nor do I care. I in fact encourage drug use as a creative means for enhancing sporting violence.

You make a good point that Mr. Silva and others seem to be too comfortable where they are at. They don't want to fight anybody in their divisions yet they want to complain about a lack of relevant challengers. They don't want to vacate their belts and but they want to pick and choose who challenges them once or twice a year. I think it should be a company policy that you have to fight whoever is put in front of you or you don't get to keep the belt, it should be in people's contracts. Maybe give them a clause that if they beat a guy three times they never have to fight him again if they don't want to. Some of the best people are the ones that hover in title contention, too good to be gate keepers but not quite good enough to beat the champion. I think if you can challenge for the title and lose three times but you are still winning you don't necessarily get cut lose but you become the underboss, the toughest test for new title challengers. People in that situation might just have to wait until someone else unseats the champ.

I think the UFC knows that they have to keep the title picture moving. It keeps things from stagnating and it is an important aspect of putting together big cards that capture people's imaginations. Having the most popular fighters (or sometimes least popular) who hold the belt fight only once or twice a year is pretty lame.
Ragoutoutou- August 18, 2012 at 10:41 am
Forrest by TRTriangle choke.
smellypiratehooker- August 18, 2012 at 9:58 am
I think they're getting their odds from the A.Silva litmus test. A tried and proven method of determining where wannabe contenders fall in the fighting hierarchy.
Onan- August 18, 2012 at 8:19 am
Sonnen wants the Jones fight because he needs it. It's not about balls at all. He needs the title shot to remain relevant. Silva doesn't need to fight Jones. So why should he if he doesn't want to? To satisfy dudes like you who will find reason to discount him win or lose? Guys who question the heart or balls of someone who willingly locks himself in a cage to fight another skilled human being make me chuckle.
RearNakedSpoon- August 18, 2012 at 4:06 am
I think Sonnen would happily stay at 185 and make another run for the title but that's not how the UFC works so he has no choice but change divisions.

At least he is willing to move up and ultimately try to get a fight with Jon Bon Jonsi. Talk about TRT and unproductive testicles all you want but this move gives Chael bigger balls than Anderson will ever have.
Mr_Misanthropy- August 17, 2012 at 10:07 pm
@ Reek-cardio

Naw, playa, you can have dem nuts. Swang on. If I'm sniffin jock, it's at least going to be arguably female. I'd sniff Cristiane CJ's chones way before Sonnen's even though her clit is probably twice the size of his shrunken hypogonadic man giblet.

Fish tacos > Hotdog water
Get Off Me- August 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Makes me chuckle that people think Chael is relevent...as an mma fighter. Sure -300 on Sonnen being able to hold down an unmotivated Griffin is fair. When they moved Sonnen/Silva to LV I was glad that Chael would never be able to claim he was part of the highest live gate or highest attendance record for a UFC event. FACT Sonnen/Silva 2 has the highest live gate for a UFC event held in Nevada(6.5mil), partially thanks to inflatation when you compare UFC 66 in 2006(5.3mil), UFC 129 has the highest(yes because 55k fans) live gate in UFC history(12.1mil).....I read Chael is the "PPV King" on another artile from the link dump today as well...In the UFC 148 post fight presser, after Chael answered a question normally, Dana White said "I wish all your answers were like that" which shows you exactly how much value Dana puts in Chael's "trash talk". Chael will probably dry hump his way to a win like Jake Shields, but he won't be regarded as Jake Shields because he recites cool movie lines and offers recycled trash talk that so many people love. Anyone tune in for the Stann/Sonnen fight or the Sonnen/Bisping fight or any Chael fight prior to Anderson Silva...or any fight post Silva/Sonnen 2?? Time will be the judge of how much a draw Chael really is....a fighter who let's the talking do the talking.
FightZen- August 17, 2012 at 5:15 pm
It makes me chuckle that people think Rampage has been "relevant" Since coming to the UFC.
enrikk- August 17, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Not relevant in a competitive sense, but he'd know the difference between receiving a good leg kick and receiving a bad one (it's not like getting knocked out, where tolerance for taking head shots goes down over time)
enrikk- August 17, 2012 at 5:08 pm
I was going to clarify that Forrest will wait until *after he loses on the ground (Chael LNP) before running out of the octagon.. but then, maybe he won't. Never can tell with that guy anymore.
enrikk- August 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Let's keep in mind that one of Griffin's best weapons is his leg kicks. Rampage said that "[Griffin] had kicks that I ain't never SEEN before"... and we're NEVER going to see them again, either. Chael's going to take him down with or without leg kicks, and then Griffin is going to run out of the octagon and go all bath salts/Mayhem before disappearing into the night.

I always wanted to see Forrest on my Wheaties boxes, but it looks like he's going to end up on my milk cartons instead.
Mr_Misanthropy- August 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm
@ Ricardio Guanotardio

Nobody can sniff Sonnen's jock strap with your head buried three feet up his ass, there's no room left. The rest of your body hangs down between his legs like the extra testicle he is desperately in need of. Too bad you don't make any testosterone for him.
Ricardo Guitardo- August 17, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Well if you wanted to sniff his jock strap so badly all you had to do was ask. Dont sit around crying about other people hogging his jock strap not giving you a chance.....:(
Ricardo Guitardo- August 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm
You tards wouldn't even qualify to sniff Sonnen's jock strap. Andy Griffin looks like he gave up a few fights ago. Cheal will smash him badly....
algiersheadkick504- August 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm
whoever said allowing fighters to take steriods would make the sport more exciting is proven dead wrong with this fight as fact....anyway good fight ti make a beer run and/or piss break
Nealio- August 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Griffin is a joke and will be smashed by Chael, even if he is the smaller guy.
angry little feet- August 17, 2012 at 2:11 pm
The puppy analogy was dreadful. Just dreadful.
yeah yeah I know... I'm "such a girl". Get over it :)
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