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Classic Fight: Vitor Belfort Encounters a Whale in Tights at UFC 12 and Somehow Lives to Tell the Tale


(Stupid Things MMA Fans Used to Believe #26: THIS will be a competitive match up.)

Although he’s getting more press for his TRT usage than he is for his actual octagon performances nowadays, there was a time when Vitor Belfort was just a fresh-faced Brazilian assassin who was quite literally trimming the fat from the UFC’s heavyweight division. That time was 1997, and there was perhaps no greater a display of Vitor’s ability to crush hopelessly outmatched and overweight opponents than his UFC 12 thrashing of Scott Ferrozzo. Thankfully, UFC.com has made the fight temporarily available to the public, presumably so we can gain some perspective on what a true squash match looks like and be happy with the fights we’re given.

As hilarious as it is depressing, join us after the jump as we take a look back at just what constituted a UFC tournament final. You will laugh, you will cry, you will declare that you’re getting too old for this shit.


(Props: MMA Fighting via UFC.com. Scroll to the right to enable fullscreen.)

Honestly, there is just so much fail going on in the video that we momentarily thought it was another JERRY RIPS! masterpiece. A few highlights…

0:06 - Best. Tale of the Tape. Ever. 
0:15 - It’s moments like these that just demand Mike Goldberg. “Belfort is 118 pounds lighter and 13 years younger, but the rest is VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL.”
0:20 – Psssh, has this joker on the mic even attempted to start a fight with an MMA fighter in an elevator?
0:52 - When they called Ferrozzo a “pit fighter,” do you think they were referring to the fact that his training regimen likely consisted of starting a fight at the annual family barbeque?
1:52 - “It don’t matter. You know, Roy Jones Jr. ain’t gonna knock out Mike Tyson.” Yep, that’s Tank Abbott comparing Ferrozzo to Mike Tyson. I promise this is not a Scanners gif.
2:02 - “It’s done, it’s over with.” – Tank Abbott, currently reconsidering the Jones Jr./Tyson comparison he just made.
2:15 - A Vitor Belfort fight ending with a series of illegal punches to the back of his opponent’s head? Surely you must be joking.
2:55 - “What’d this guy do, win the Olympics?” – Tank Abbott, clearly the authority on appropriate celebrations.
3:36 - “I don’t think that you can compare either one to a boxer.” – Tank Abbott
4:51 - “Brazilian motherfuckers.” – We’re just going to assume Tank Abbott.

-J. Jones

Comments

  1. Pen Fifteen Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 11:23


    "That's a HUGE BITCH!"
  2. Fried Taco Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 11:41


    "A plethora of punches!"
  3. The12ozCurls Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 11:51


    Ferrozzo has an epic DICK-DO. It's where his belly hangs out waaaay further than his "dick do"
  4. The12ozCurls Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 12:14


    4:38 mark Joe calls Vitor - "VICTOR" Well done hippie.
  5. amsterdamage Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 01:45


    @THe12oz. Vitor used to also be known as Victor Gracie. He was 'adopted' by Carlson Gracie. Fought at least once as that name.
  6. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 02:03


    OOOOOooohhhhhh Gaaawwwd who wrote this video? It's so horrible I want to put paper cuts all over my balls and then dredge them in a bowl full of salted lemon juice. Because that would be more pleasurable than reading this... video synopsis.
  7. danomite Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 02:12


    Who would've known that this poor Brazilian kid with Traps that go from his shoulders to his ears and a neck like a telephone pole would have to suffer through another 13 years of undiagnosed hypogonadism. What a shame.
  8. RoezCity Says:

    Fri, 05/17/13 - 03:44


    Vitor get's his back.... Looks left, looks right....(thought bubble - what the hell am I gonna do???... F' it) Starts pounding...
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