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Coincidence Much? Chael Sonnen Returning to Middleweight After “Fight Night” Bout With Shogun Rua

We are shocked, Potato Nation. SHOCKED WE TELLS YOU.

For reasons that are not yet understandable despite being clearly explained to us, P4P G.O.A.T., multi-division UFC champion, possessor of the arms and the charms, the hefty lefty, the flyin hawaiian, the Juggernaut, bitch, Chael Phinneus Sonnen Esq., recently announced that he will be returning to the middleweight division after he defeats Mauricio “Shogun” Rua at Fight Night: Sonnen vs. Shogun on August 17th.

It’s a goddamn travesty is what it is. As we all know, Sonnen was last “defeated” by light heavyweight “champion” Jon Jones via technical knock out (emphasis on “technical”) at UFC 159 in a fight that he would have undoubtedly won had referee Keith Peterson not been in Jones’ pocket and prematurely stopped the fight. So discouraged by the evident corruption at 205, Sonnen broke the news of his middleweight return on UFC Tonight yesterday:

I’ve moved to Southern California and am training at Reign with Mark Munoz. My new contract, which is a five-fight deal, was finalized today.

I’ll return to middleweight after beating Shogun. There are two guys I want to get matched up with: Vitor Belfort, because he’s awesome and he’s on an incredible roll. And Wanderlei Silva, who I’ve heard is going back to middleweight. The landscape has completely changed. I’ve got a new contract and I’m returning to the weight class.

“To those of you who think I am only doing this because Anderson Silva has finally been dethroned,” Sonnen continued whilst one-arming a 90 pound dumbbell and smoking a corncob pipe, “I will remind you that I am still up 5 rounds to 2 on that chickenshit.”

In even more shocking news, Chael Sonnen apparently respects (most) Brazilians now *vomits*. First he declared that “Rua seems like a really great guy” and now he’s calling Vitor Belfort “awesome.” Marriage has truly revealed some cracks in his grizzly exterior, but REGARDLESS, who would you prefer to see “The American Gangster” take on after he finishes putting a spanking on Rua?

-J. Jones

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manub43- July 26, 2013 at 2:13 am
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BaghdadBob- July 25, 2013 at 6:09 am
Sonnen vs. The Unemployment Line
mDino- July 25, 2013 at 12:19 am
Lol, funny article Danga
The12ozCurls- July 24, 2013 at 1:14 pm
Who you ask?

The winner of Weidman vs Silva, of course - jeeeez.