After I wrote that last post, I decided to search the web for some of those old Xyience commercials with the Iceman and Ace. I always liked the one where Rich Franklin is telling his science class about how awesome Xyience is, and the hot chick in the class is like “Mr. Franklin, do you use Xyience?” while eye-fucking the shit out of him, and he’s like “Every day,” and the implication is that if you use Xyience, you basically get to bang your students every day.

So I’m searching, and I come across the video below. From what I gather, Xyience held a video contest to find their next spokesmodel, and a handful of girls submitted sample commercials. I’m guessing that this girl didn’t win:

The problem with trying to be sexy is that if you miss the mark, you miss it so hard that you usually land on “hilarious.” I think the main problem here is that gogo-bar dance moves don’t really translate when you break ‘em out in the middle of the day behind a decrepit supermarket in Hoboken. Also, it Just Doesn’t End. We get it — you can rub your ass and hair against a filthy wall. If this is what Xyience does to people, I’m sticking with Red Bull and methamphetamines.