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“Court McGee Overdosed on Heroin Once” Reports Every MMA Outlet With Nothing New to Say

Court McGee UFC photos morgue
(Woah, that dead body is, like, a metaphor. *brain asplodes*)

Did you guys know that Court McGee overdosed on heroin once? Because Court McGee totally overdosed on heroin once.

Those of you who just started following MMA last month should know that Court McGee, the TUF 11 winner and six fight UFC veteran fighting on tonight’s ‘Condit vs. Kampmann’ main card, used to do heroin. Like, a lot of it. And for some reason, whenever he’s scheduled to fight, we, the mighty MMA media, feel obligated to remind you of this fact.

I shit you not, every. single. time. McGee fights, some dude holding a clipboard and wearing a headpiece knocks on each of our doors and tells us to run the McGee-heroin story again. We don’t know who he is, but he looks like he doesn’t have time for our backsass, so we put our heads down and run with a story that has been regurgitated verbatim since at least 2010. McGee’s wife was recently quoted as saying that her husband, “Understands how miserable these people are that are stuck in this cycle of addiction.” We know the feeling; it’s like we’ve been stuck in a time loop for three years now.

Just so you know, McGee hasn’t hadn’t a drop of alcohol since 2006, or four years before we first began running with this story. He hasn’t applied rubbing alcohol to a cut, he hasn’t pumped his own gas, he hasn’t even had a scoop of his beloved Rum Raisin. The man is more sober than you could ever dream of being.

He has a couple of kids now, though, kids who will soon wonder whether their father was ever really a professional fighter like he claims or a motivational speaker. Based on the content of 90% of the articles they find via a simple Google search, they will assume the latter.

To summarize: Court McGee used to do a lot of heroin, but isn’t doing nearly as much any anymore. He also fights fellow TUF winner Robert Whittaker on the FOX Sports 1 main card tonight. Oh, you didn’t know he was a professional fighter? Well he is, and not only that, he’s a professional fighter who once overdosed on heroin!

Oh God…the loop is starting again…QUICK, SOMEONE POWER DOWN THE SOURCE CODE!!

-J. Jones

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