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Couture vs. Machida: Awesome or Not Awesome?

("Alright, one more. Then I seriously have to take off, you guys." PicProps: Las Vegas Sun)

Assuming you posses the ability to express normal human emotions – meaning everyone reading this except psychopaths, certain brain injury patients and Nicholas Cage – you should’ve felt a bit torn this weekend when rumors started to trickle out that Randy Couture has “verbally agreed” to fight Lyoto Machida, possibly at UFC 129 in Toronto.

First reaction: Pretty cool fight, right? The consummate game-planner versus the man who, despite recent back-to-back losses, remains the light heavyweight division’s most intriguing puzzle. It sort of makes sense for both guys too, I mean, as much as paying a 47-year-old man money to get punched in the head can ever make sense. For Machida, it would be a nice win for a guy who sorely needs to prove he still belongs among the 205-pound elite. For Couture, well, he said he wanted interesting challenges and opponents don’t get much more interesting than Machida.

Second reaction: Hold up. Should we really be excited about this? Like, aren’t we just enabling the old man now? And at what point do we all become complicit in Randy Couture’s demise?

Let’s just bright-side it for a second here and say Couture has a chance to beat “The Dragon” because, well, he does. Machida hasn’t looked great in recent appearances. He was at first underwhelming, then totally overwhelmed in consecutive showings against “Shogun” Rua and absolutely laid an egg against "Rampage" Jackson at UFC 123. It’s not totally out of the realm of possibility that Couture could grind this baby out with some cage-clinching, copious thigh-kneeing and a couple timely takedowns. But, fuck man, what then?

A win over Machida would give Couture four consecutive UFC victories. His last loss at light heavy would still be a KO by Chuck Liddell in 2006. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the UFC would take that all that information, weave it into one of its notoriously revisionist promotional campaigns and try to book Couture into a big money fight with somebody like Rampage or Jon Jones or – maybe the ultimate shoot-the-moon deal – a final title shot against Shogun Rua. God knows, that can’t end well.

If Couture is unable walk away from the sport right now, when he’s got two impending movie roles lined-up, just tried to retire on his Twitter a few weeks ago and we’ve all sort of looked at each other and shrugged, agreeing this makes for a nice time for him to depart with some class, what’s he going to do when he becomes a relevant contender at 205 again? You think the UFC isn’t creaming its jeans right now just thinking about the PPV dollars it could make by pimping “Couture’s last amazing run at a UFC title”? It’d be like the perfect storm of greed, hubris and temptation.

And that, kids, is the real problem with Randy Couture fighting Lyoto Machida. The real problem is that this probably isn’t just a way for him to neatly tuck a final fighting appearance in between movie roles and a couple of months before he turns 48. The problem is – unless he gets terrifyingly knocked out by Machida, which none of us wants to see in the first place – this fight just leads to another fight and another fight until somewhere, sometime Couture really does get terrifyingly knocked out on PPV at some terrifyingly advanced age.

Until he’s ready (or allowed) to fully, totally, officially retire for good there’s always going to be somebody like Machida floating around. Somebody to raise his graying eyebrows and make him think, “I got one more in me.” We all know where that leads. It leads to Matt Hughes getting KOed by BJ Penn in 21 seconds. It leads to Matt Serra getting pounded into a Frankenstein by Chris Lytle. Nobody wants to see that happen to Couture, but it will, unless he walks away soon.

Hence, us feeling torn. We’re fans after all and we want to watch Randy Couture fight cool fights. But at some point we all have to take a long look in the mirror – unless you’re Nicholas Cage, in which case looking in a mirror is probably far too horrifying – and realize the sooner we let the old man go, the better we’ll all feel about ourselves. Again, unless you made “Ghostrider” and “The Wicker Man,” in which case there is no hope for you in this world or the next.

Cagepotato Comments

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ZiggysDick- January 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.

Couture will win the first two rounds against Machida via take downs and clinchwork. In the third round, Machida will throw his patented knee-to-the-liver strike that worked so well against Ortiz, only it will land flush on "The Natural's" Expendibles, bursting both testicles on impact and ending Handy's career. In an attempt to avenge his father's testicles, Ryan Couture will gain weight improperly to face The Dragon (a la Penn), and will lose.
KarmaAteMyCat- January 3, 2011 at 8:04 pm
WHOA! When did the collective evil of the Potato Nation grow souls.
ghostboner- January 3, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Darkhorse wins!!! Vampire's Kiss was the most hilarious movie of all time. Just his dialogue with the shrink was enough for the top spot.

Just in case y'alls didn't know, do not view this link wiff food in yo mouff.

Vovchanchyn Check- January 3, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I've had just about enough of your nicolas cage bashing.

sure, it's evident that since 2006 he openly said "Fuck it" career-wise, but before then he was somebody. he was a star.
DangadaDang- January 3, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I like to imagine that Nick Cage sits around his house just spitting out the titles of movies he's been in rather than giving his agent straight answers.

"Nick, ok, we got a movie where your a samurai fighting against evil unicorns from the planet Meldar. You in?"

"Face Off!!"
stopdrinkingpee- January 3, 2011 at 5:13 pm
If Couture's ear falls off against Machida, I am going to be seriously upset.
Borlaug- January 3, 2011 at 3:13 pm
...Fuck it. If Randy thinks he can make another run at the belt let him, because he can fuckin' do it. This is all the same shit people were saying when he fought Tim for the HW belt and look how that turned out.
RwilsonR- January 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm
What, no love for Guarding Tess?
DARKHORSE06- January 3, 2011 at 2:33 pm
You guys are all wrong: Nick Cage's best movie was Vampire Kiss. He eats a fucking huge, live, cockroach.

Randy needs to retire and not fight anymore. Besides, the world demands some more of that fine fine acting of his on the silver screen.
fatbellyfrank- January 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm
@ Kidclam, RWR, waxedpants, Videodrome, definitely raising Arizona, fucken awesome flick, that badass biker dude is one of the coolest characters in all of movieland, Mickey Rourke dreams of being that cool on screen
fatbellyfrank- January 3, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Not awesome, not sure Randy needs the bucks and he definitely has nothing to prove in the cage, preserve the legend Captain America, I was very happy that for his swan song he handed Mumbles his ass and ego on a plate, to me he was representing MMA, please ride off into the sunset in one peice Randy
twoleftfeet- January 3, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I thought he was awesome in bad lieutenant
Videodrome_NOW- January 3, 2011 at 1:31 pm
You guys are talking about the hokey Cage bullshit. I'm talking about the films he actually contributes to. See these films in this order and you turn into Nick Cage.

Wild at Heart
Leaving Las Vegas

Eat Bullet. Or wear most abominable hairpieces known to man.
RSparrow- January 3, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Someone please text Randy and ask him what the fuck he wants to do with his career.

Waxedpants- January 3, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Raising Arizona definitely his best movie ---- I loved the rock but I have to put it under the same category as con air and face off and national treasure --- enjoyable as comedies.
RwilsonR- January 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm
The best Nicholas Cage movie is The Rock. Mainly because it features him as the out-of-place dork who is tossed into an action situation, and not as a believable action star. Although, it still would have been a better movie without him. If his uncle wasn't a legend for directing The Godfather (and others), it is pretty obvious that Nick would never have been able to get work in the business.

@ stopthehate - yeah, that Hamill movie has been in production for awhile. I'm surprised it hasn't been released already. Maybe it was. I remember how there was a bunch of controversy from the deaf activist community because Hamill chose a "hearing" actor to portray him, and not a deaf actor. So instead of being inspired by his story, the deaf community (or a vocal portion of it) turned on him. Either way, IIRC the movie stops with his college wrestling career, and does not go into MMA. Too bad, because Hamill does have an interesting story for those not yet converted to MMA.
Kid Clam Curtains- January 3, 2011 at 12:59 pm
The best nick cage movie is Raising Arizona bro
Videodrome_NOW- January 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm
And the best Nick Cage movie is David Lynch's Wild at Heart. And it's only because of one reason....Willem Defoe, who by chicanery, makes Nick seem like not such a big pile of shit. I'll prove how retarded Nick Cage is.

"This summer, when the world erupts into a big flaming pile of maggot shit, Nicholas Cage is mankind's last hope. Nick Cage plays Nicholas Cage in Nick Cage, Foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
Videodrome_NOW- January 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I mean, Dolph Lundgren had to purposefully act shittier than he normally does, just so the "Natural" wouldn't stick out so fuckin bad.
Smitty- January 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I'd give Randy a chance to win against 43 people at one time.
stopthehate- January 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Speaking of fighter biopics, i saw on the latest episode of inside mma(Bazzie award special) that a movie based on the life of Matt Hamill is being made. Hamill was born deaf and has overcome many obstacles to become a relevant UFC light heavyweight. If this is true, this could easily transend sports movie fans and make the jump into being a mainstream hit because of his inspiring story.
Videodrome_NOW- January 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm
If Machida wants to get back into contention he needs a bigger fight. Maybe he needs a warm-up, though. I don't hate this fight, but I, for one would rather see Randy fighting than view the total mockery he calls acting. It would be better for him to go out in dramatic fashion, than to fade away doing Tapout movies.
Winterblack- January 3, 2011 at 12:32 pm
AWESOME. Couture is old but hes not getting KO'd every fight. Hes there to scrap, hes tough as nails, im sure hell give Machida all he can handle. Potential KO of the night material for Lyoto. At least Handy continues to fight tough guys (James Toney doesnt count, that was Randy making a statement). Hope to see this fight go down.
cscmemorabilia- January 3, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Not awesome. I really don't see the need for this fight, other than to see two "big name" fighters fight.
ghostboner- January 3, 2011 at 11:50 am
Previously I would have said No, not awesome, because I didn't think Randy had earned a shot against Machida. But now that Machida is on a 2 fight skid, sure why not. Randy had the chance to walk away after puking James Toney, if he decides that he still wants a piece I say go for it. It's not like it's Mark Coleman trying for another title run or something.