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Crazy Story of the Day: Rousimar Palhares Had His First Birthday Cake Ever Last Sunday


(What do you mean marrow is not a flavor?!!) 

We have all heard the legend of Rousimar Palhares. Born in a radioactive swamp deep in the Brazilian jungle, “Toquinho” was raised in captivity, locked in a dark, damp cellar that only received 15 minutes of sunlight a day. It was a cruel, traumatizing upbringing, but the townspeople agreed that it was the only way to maintain the utopia they had built. Living off bread crumbs and rage for the first 20 years of his life, Palhares vowed to seek revenge on those who had enslaved him. Unfortunately for the world, he could only see the ankles of his overlords through a crack beneath the bolted steel door that held him, so his curse did not have the luxury of extending to only those who entered Camp Crystal Lake, or she who read from the Necronomicon. If you were born with a pair of ankles, then Palhares is coming for you.

Thankfully, “Toquinho” celebrated his 32nd birthday last Sunday, so the appendages of mankind have been granted a reprieve for a couple more days. Why, you ask? Well as it turns out, this past Sunday went down as a particularly special birthday for the middleweight mangling machine, as it was the first one in which he was given a cake. Unfortunately, his friends and family decided to throw a surprise party for this glorious celebration. There were no survivors.

Scheduled to face Alan Belcher at UFC on Fox 3 in May, Palhares said the celebration was short lived, as he had to get back to training, but he was thankful all the same:

That was really a big surprise for me. I became a child again because this was the first time in my whole life I celebrated my birthday with a cake. Everybody knows my family always had a very humble life. I thank my BTT partners to have given me this happiness. I hope this is going to be a year of much work and that God can continue giving me the opportunities to represent Brazil and show my talent inside the Octagon.

And believe it or not, Palhares was so touched by the gesture that he decided to pay it forward, offering to sign a few of the t-shirts purchased at his website, www.toquinhomma.com.br. So head over there if you want the chance to win the autograph of a man with a scarier reputation than Bill Brasky.

-J. Jones

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KeithHackneyWindmillPalmStrike- March 1, 2012 at 7:19 am
That is one dangerously insane man right there
agentsmith- February 29, 2012 at 12:10 pm
I heard he blew out 32 knees in celebration.
MMA_Hole- February 29, 2012 at 11:11 am
That gif is the scariest thing I've ever seen.
dranokills- February 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm
I am glad to see that I am not the only person on here who looks at Rousimar and thinks, "damn this guy is huge, and really scary. When most people just talk shit for show, this dude talks no shit and still rips your fucking leg off. I don't think that if I was a professional fighter I would take a fight with him.
Happy birthday Rousimar.................please don't kill me!
bitteralex- February 28, 2012 at 5:32 pm
gotta give credit where credits due... that was a sweet intro
xrefused- February 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I find it kind of hard to believe that he was never like oh submission of the night I'm having some fuckin cake this year. I'd probably buy no less then 500 cakes if i got a win bonus. But that's why palhares looks like that and I'm on the cusp of having titties. I should eat a fucking carrot.
danomite- February 28, 2012 at 3:23 pm
The fact that this is his first birthday cake is even more impressive when you take into consideration that he's also probably 55 years old.
danomite- February 28, 2012 at 3:21 pm
It also marks the first time he ate something that he didn't kill with his bare hands. Notice the look of confusion on his face. Paul Harris doesn't want to be fed. Paul Harris wants to hunt.
Fried Taco- February 28, 2012 at 2:51 pm
The burial is tomorrow for the guy who shoved Paul's face in the cake right after this photo was taken.
ArmFarmer- February 28, 2012 at 2:32 pm
sho nuff made me lol with his comment.. nice one
Motivated Penn- February 28, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Dear lord that's a scary opponent. He doesn't come to fight. He comes PURELY to destroy legs. It's ridiculous.
danomite- February 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm
did you really think the wolves that raised him knew how to bake a cake? there aren't any ovens in the jungle.
J. Jones- February 28, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Thanks, guys. What can I say? Paul Harris is my muse.
smellypiratehooker- February 28, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Great! First it's a birthday cake. Next he's wanting a piano and to know what "love" is. And they didn't even make it in the shape of a femur!

@Danga- Nice Army of darkness referance!
Sho Nuff- February 28, 2012 at 1:25 pm
That backstory on Paul Harris was so funny it would have absolutely no chance of winning a CP caption contest.
The12ozCurls- February 28, 2012 at 1:25 pm
@Kid Clam Curtains and xrefused -- you guys need to eat more carrots. It works for the busses in Brazil.
xrefused- February 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Man, you always have to pay a price when you eat meat off swords. I wish I had a dinosaur stomache so I don't shit my brains out whenever I want strange brazillian and Peruvian food
Jon Fitch and Exciting in the same sentence- February 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm
This guy seriously gives me the creeps.
Kid Clam Curtains- February 28, 2012 at 12:54 pm
That cake looks like my toilet after a long night of whiskey and overeating at a Brazilian Churrascaria like Fogo de Chao. Including what looks like blood on top.
Stak40- February 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Regurgitating stupid shit you heard someone else say makes you fucking pathetic and me sad that you could possibly bring another fucking imbecile into the world. Happy birthday Paul.

Danga Jones-pretty good intro bro.
xrefused- February 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm
He probably just started dead lifting oxes and shit, or the stacked corpses of his enemies, and hydrated with rain water
Cranekick- February 28, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Of course it's his first cake. It's Brazil. Next you'll be telling me they have the internet over there. The Nogeira brothers tried to feed a bus a carrot because they thought it was a horse. A horse! And now you're telling me they ahave cake in Brazil? Get out of here
Neggar Wants a Watermelon- February 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm
How can someone that broke get that jacked?
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