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Dan Henderson Still a BAMF, Offers to Step in Against Lyoto Machida at UFC 173

Just as the sun rises each morning, Dan Henderson wakes up, kills a wild boar with his bare hands, and asks himself, “What can I do next to make all men look like absolute pussies?” Today’s answer: By calling out Lyoto Machida roughly 48 hours after defeating Mauricio Rua in one of the most brutal fights of the year.
(Author’s note: And you mean to tell me that this man needs testosterone *injections*? I CALL BULLSHIT.)

You see, when Chris Weidman was forced to bow out of his UFC 173 title fight with Machida last night due to a knee injury, there weren’t many middleweight contenders lining up to get Munoz’d by “The Dragon.” Strange, I know. But being that Dan Henderson is who Ron Swanson aspires to be, he of course volunteered to step in against Machida — who himself was stepping in for Vitor Belfort – while still shaking off the effects of multiple concussions. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting behind this computer, clacking away at keys and trying to shake off a hangover from last weekend like the shell of a Dan Henderson that I truly am.

Obviously, this fight is never going to happen for a multitude of reasons. Obviously. For starters, there is no way in Hell that Machida is going to give up his title shot, which has been rescheduled to UFC 175 in May, to fight a guy he already defeated just over a year ago. Secondly, let’s just say that Machida vs. Henderson 1 was…a tough fight to watch. Throw in the fact that Hendo likely won’t be able to even resume training for a couple months on account of the damage he took in the Rua fight and you can file this rematch right behind “Tito Ortiz staying healthy” on the list of things that are never going to happen ever.

That being said, we must tip our cap to Henderson for trying to turn chicken (boar) shit into chicken (boar) salad. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a nasty hangnail to take care of and God I suck as a man.

-J. Jones

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