(‘You guys want something to drink? A dozen shots of tequila, maybe? It’s how I test people’s ethical fiber. Just a thing I do.’)

UFC president Dana White appeared on the Carmichael Dave sports talk radio show to talk about the UFC’s global expansion, this season of The Ultimate Fighter, and of course do a little EliteXC/Kimbo Slice bashing. You know, a normal day. He also found himself defending the decision not to kick Junie Browning off the show, and followed it up with a justification for the plentiful alcohol in the TUF mansion:

A lot of people are horrified that I didn’t kick Junie off the show. …I’ll tell you exactly how this thing works. I never know what’s going on at the house unless something bad happens. I see what happened at the house when you guys see. The way it works is something bad happens, they call me, and they say, ‘Something bad happened. We need you.’ I go to the gym, they have a tape queued up and ready for me, I watch what happened. Then I drive over to the house and I deal with it.

So this happened, I drive over to the house…I get out of my car, I walk in, and [TUF producer] Andrea [Richter] is like, ‘Okay, we got it all set up, we got his flight home,’ and I’m like, ‘Andrea, I don’t know if I’m going to kick him off.’ She was like, ‘What!?’ I mean, everybody was ready. Everybody knew I was kicking him off.

I said, ‘I don’t know what’s up with me. But I’m going to walk in there and I’m going to wing it. I’m going to see how this kid acts and then I’ll make a decision. …I thought he was going to be a punk. But he wasn’t. …You’ll see what happens later in the season.

Naturally, White also claims that this is the best season they’ve ever done, repeating the claim, “we came off with a kid at 155 pounds who could be the next Anderson Silva.”

Asked whether that might be Junie, since he seems to be the most talented guy in the house, White responded, “But he’s not. He’s not the most talented guy. See, that’s the thing, everybody thought I was talking about Junie.”

Then White went on the offensive against those who criticize the UFC’s policy of providing copious amounts of free alcohol to pro athletes locked up in a house with no distractions.

What you have to understand is, this isn’t the UFC! The Ultimate Fighter are guys who want to be in the UFC. They want to be UFC fighters. They’re not UFC fighters. I’ve heard all kinds of shit, people shooting their mouths off. Even old, bitter fuckers who were on the show before. I just heard a couple of them mouthing off. Here’s the reality, okay, this thing is a training camp for us. We get to see these guys…they’re like, ‘they put the alcohol in there so people will drink it.’ Yeah, retard. If you’re fucking dumb enough to drink alcohol and blow your opportunity while you’re on the show, that’s your problem, not mine. Yeah, I’m going to put alcohol in there.

Oh, I get it. It’s a test! They want to see what your weaknesses are. You know what else they should put in there? How about a bunch of money-hungry groupies. Maybe some cocaine, too. You know, simulate the temptations of fame, just to see if they can handle it. And make sure the cameras are rolling.

White even responded to Mike Dolce’s claim (without mentioning his name, of course) that it took the TUF producers several days to get him a free-range chicken breast, while tequila and beer showed up within minutes. White’s rebuttal:

Is a free-range chicken going to help you win your fucking fight? Are you out of your mind? We give these guys whatever they want. They write down a list and these guys run around and get them whatever they want. I guarantee you a liquor request they can get quicker than a free-range chicken.

You can drink alcohol when you’re not in the house. If that’s part of your life, and you turn into an absolute lunatic when you drink, I want to know that. I want to know that, I want to see it. These guys are in a pressure cooker, man.

Look, we all know why there’s alcohol in the TUF house. It’s there for the same reason TV, books, magazines, and phones are not there — to make for more interesting reality TV. It’s not some moral test. Would it be so absolutely insane for White to just admit that and move on?