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Dana White Is About To Blow Your Mind

(Big announcement forthcoming? Are the words “love child” involved?)

In a recent interview with ESPN the Magazine, Dana White promises some big announcements coming soon. What kind of announcement? We don’t know. But it’s going to be huge, or so White says:

You have no idea some of the stuff that we have planned. I’m going to make an announcement next week that is going to blow people’s minds. That deal is done, but my employees don’t even know yet. I’m renting out a place next Thursday and I’m going to tell them. Then we’ll make the announcement later that day. It’s an indicator of where this business is going over the next five years.

So, he’s renting out a place just to tell his employees? They couldn’t just meet in the office, maybe have a conference call? I got it. It’s King Kong, isn’t it? That’s the big announcement.

Zuffa has captured King Kong and will display him in chains in front of the world. Then when he escapes they’ll be forced to mend fences with Randy Couture just to get him to save the world. At first Couture won’t want to do it, but he’ll eventually become our reluctant hero while constantly griping that he’s getting “too old for this shit.” Damn, now I’ve gone and ruined the surprise. Sorry, everybody.

White also divulged that Chuck Liddell‘s next fight will be in Atlanta, Georgia, though his opponent is as of yet unnamed (Godzilla?). Then he lit right into ESPN for giving Kimbo Slice and Elite XC so much attention. This, despite the fact that he had not been asked about either.

I gotta tell you, I was very, very disappointed in ESPN this past weekend. A 15-minute feature on SportsCenter about Kimbo Slice? That is embarrassing. It’s so bad I can’t even tell you. Then that show goes off. That guy he fought is a joke, and he went three rounds with Kimbo in a fight that shouldn’t have been stopped. When the major media outlets would rather follow freak shows instead of real athletes, it’s embarrassing. It just makes my life and job a whole lot harder. It’s already been exposed. But getting that kind of coverage on ESPN, and BJ Penn doesn’t? Everybody is so obsessed over who’s going to take a chunk out of the UFC that those guys will get this kind of press coverage for no reason whatsoever. I think the show that happened on CBS the other day was a complete embarrassment for CBS and for the sport of mixed-martial arts. Urijah Faber is 145 pounds. He’ll beat Kimbo Slice. Kimbo Slice sucks. He’s terrible. If I had a heavyweight The Ultimate Fighter show, I don’t think he’d win the show. And he’s headlining a show on CBS?

These are all points that have been made already, but White seems intent on hammering the subject until it is officially dead.

On the subject of Couture, he also reiterated that he is open to bringing him back to the UFC, describing the chances of that happening as “better than zero”. That’s sufficiently vague.


Cagepotato Comments

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KTFO- June 6, 2008 at 2:50 am
In reference to Hillbilly's comment on Snipes: Hey now! You shall speak no hurt of the daywalker, you know he has all the vampire strengths and none of there weaknesses....... except one, the IRS. Take that Frost!
Hillbilly- June 5, 2008 at 11:34 pm
I would've loved to see Rogan and Wesley... too bad Mr. Snipes is too cheap to pay his fuckin taxes. What'd he get like 2yrs in jail? oh well I wasnt really into a Blade 9 anyways.
Hillbilly- June 5, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Im guessin that he got a deal between either Anderson Silva and St. Peirre or Silva and someone else amazing like iunno the winner of the Jackson/Griffen fight. I mean we havent heard much about Silva and he is the best fighter the UFC has. Atleast I am hoping it's something like that. If not, then im out of ideas... since everyone else is throwing out these dumbass ideas maybe I shud too, hmm lets see... Dana White will go in the UFC and fight Kimbo Slice. Wouldnt that be the day. Then Dana wins lol. How embarrasing.
snipes is a- June 5, 2008 at 10:49 pm
black belt in tae kwon doe
dude- June 5, 2008 at 10:45 pm
snipes has a black belt in something or another
pierre elliot trudeau- June 5, 2008 at 8:05 pm
>Rogan’s got some skills and so does Wesly.

I know Rogan won some things in kung fu or similar Rockets high kicking sport..
what has Snipes done apart from those fight scenes in his movie?
Old, Bald and Irish- June 5, 2008 at 6:29 pm
@ Dota: I never heard about a Joe Rogan vs Wesly Snipes "superfight". Are you for real? Rogan's got some skills and so does Wesly. Could actually be worth watching.

@ Breen: UFC Grand Prix? In both of our dreams, buddy! I would LOVE to see a UFC Open-Weight-Class Grand Prix. It would freakin' rock.
Kevin Marshall- June 5, 2008 at 5:42 pm
"It could be something as cool as UFC getting NY to regulate fights."
That doesn't seem like something he could keep a secret (since the New York media would probably break the story first).

Since everyone else is taking wild guesses, they're either buying out the IFL or the deal with HBO is back on.
Dota- June 5, 2008 at 5:38 pm
@ sean a while ago there was a superfight in the making of Joe Rogan vs Wesly Snipes but snipes got into some legal trouble
Dana's PR Man- June 5, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Dana is going to announce that the Herpes virus scare on TUF was actually spread by Paris Hilton during the filming of UFC's new reality show, "Mounting Paris." The title "Mounting Paris" won out over other scintilating titles such as "Paris's Rear Naked Choke" (they felt it was too similar to other videos she's made.) Also losing out was "Tap Paris" (didn't leave enough to the imagination) and "Slam Paris" which would include coaching by Quenton "Rampage" Jackson on how to properly body slam an opponent. However, this title was also eliminated due to the fact that Paris had already been "slammed" by each of the contestants.

On a side note, Dana White has sold 20% of his share of the UFC and invested the funds with the parmaceutical compay which manufactures Valtrex.
Jeff- June 5, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Lmao @ mayhem, nice.
Seth- June 5, 2008 at 5:21 pm
its most likely gona be something not so cool or significant
sEAn- June 5, 2008 at 5:05 pm
celebrity UFC?
1st one will be Danny Bonaduce vs Howie Mandel
matt- June 5, 2008 at 4:29 pm
"It’s an indicator of where this business is going over the next five years"

It could be something as cool as UFC getting NY to regulate fights.
mayhem420- June 5, 2008 at 4:21 pm
To Jeff:

5- A UFC event will be broadcast on ESPN2.

Really? I would have quessed that it would have been on ESPN 8 the "Ocho"
Jeff- June 5, 2008 at 4:01 pm
In other news, that thing in Paris Hilton's hand kinda looks like a stretched out condom.
jakey- June 5, 2008 at 3:44 pm
it ll be another borin sponsorship deal or a new venue where their going to be havin an event- they built up to the bud light announcement like it was going to be something spectacular when truth be told who really cared apart from the ufc and bud light? My mind though is open to being blown so i hope they suprise me
Jeff- June 5, 2008 at 3:42 pm

1- The UFC landed a network TV deal.

2- They're going to co-promote with Affliction.

3- Both.

4- Kimbo actually is going to be on TUF with Mir/Nog.

5- A UFC event will be broadcast on ESPN2.
breen- June 5, 2008 at 3:42 pm
ufc grand prix!!!!!
Myles Kilometers- June 5, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Dana White is like Scrooge McDuck but without the credibility.

I hope his big announcement is that the Beagle Boys are back behind bars thanks to some detective work by Huey, Dewey, and Louie...and also that Launchpad is a cuckold.
Hank Scorpio- June 5, 2008 at 3:29 pm
To quote George Carlin, "You blew my mind. Now blow ME!"
ArmChairFighter- June 5, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Dana SHOULD trash that event every chance he gets - he's right, it was a complete embarassment. ESPN should be ashamed of themselves giving attention to a hack street fighter rather than focusing on the top level professional fighters that we see in the UFC or WEC.

As far as the big announcement...Randy C will get back in the ring to face Fedor...but NOT to fight. Instead Fedor will be strapped down on the UFC logo as Randy uses a dull fishing knife to circumcise the mighty European and fulfill his contractual obligation with Dana!!! Good luck with that Randy.