MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Dana White Wants to Put on an Event in Afghanistan That None of Us Will Ever Get to See

It’s hard not to wonder if the heat in Abu Dhabi is getting to Dana White. In this chat with MMAFighting.com’s Ariel Helwani, he casually mentions that he’s planning on going to an even more remote location for a UFC event this summer, and he doesn’t even care if the fights are recorded for posterity. That’s right, the UFC is headed to Afghanistan to put on an event for the troops stationed there, and the fact that they might not be able to film the action, let alone broadcast it to fans back home, seems less like a deal-breaker than a slight bummer to DW.

We have to ask, what are the fighters going to say when they’re told that they are all fighting in dark matches on the other side of the planet? And can the UFC, in conjunction with the U.S. military, truly assure that no one captures the action on a cell phone or a flip cam? Will we be dependent on an artist’s rendition to find out how things went? And what if the fight of the year happens on a card that no one has any footage of? Does it really make a sound?

Deep, deep questions here, and yet no answers. As for this rumor that White supposedly owes the Bellagio in Vegas $1 million for a gambling debt, the UFC prez’s answer on that seems pretty definitive.  As juicy a story as that would be if true, something about it seems too tidy.  Come on, a million dollars?  When people really get in gambling debts, it’s rarely in such perfect round numbers.  Trust me on this.

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ronson73- April 11, 2010 at 5:16 am
Wow, really?!
Maybe it's because I was a soldier and come from a family of soldiers, but is the main point of this article: Boo-Hoo the guys who are risking their lives and dying for us might get some well deserved attention?
As for the fighters I'll bet that they'll be a line a mile long to go fight in some dark corner of the world, to interact with the soldiers and give them something they need. Yeah we may not be able to see it, and yes we may miss a once in a life time fight, but don't the soldiers deserve the chance for a little slice of home during their fight? I do not support this war but will ALWAYS support our soldiers.
I think maybe the writer of this article should straighten his priorities. If the UFC is willing to lose money to put on a show for the troops why should it bother us? How freaking greedy do you have to be to whine about it or question the decision.
J-Dog- April 9, 2010 at 5:34 am
If the UFC put on a "dark" private show just for the troops, you can bet your ass there won't be any big names fighting. It would be all 1st-timers and undercard guys who make minimum money. They'd probably even have some of the military's mma fighters fight in it. No way they'd put any of their stars in dark show.

I thought I read that the United Arab Emerates wasn't a very kind place for Jews?? I bet Helwani has to be uncomfortable there.
ghostboner- April 9, 2010 at 12:40 am
@simpsycho - +2. I was thinking the same thing. Oooooohhhh Dana you just got burned! Sucka!

@Charming Charlie - Oh poo, I laughed real good at that one.

So anyone want to wager whether Brian Stann will be on this card? And whether he will come out in red white & blue shorts? With an uncle sam beard and a top hat? Wearing a baseball mitt? A mitt containing an apple pie and a bible? With some fresh high and tight jibs, firing an M4 in the air?

Seriously, it is cool that Dana is hooking it up for the boys.
fatbellyfrank- April 8, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Just do it Dana, If WWE can do shows in Iraq, UFC should be able to do a show in Afghanistan, and as Rex points out USO shows are fairly frequent, plenty of Aussie entertainers go over there for shows for the troops.
Charming Charlie- April 8, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I feel like this Afgan event would be a perfect opportunity to test all the promises of "I'll fight anyone, anywhere," "I just do what Dana and the Fertidas tell me" that fighters have been selling. When security concerns turn into security woes, the UFC compound is attacked by Afgani insurgents. Buffer's "WE ARE LIVE!" is their cue. Suddenly there's an explosion and a wall crumbles away. Forty towel-headed terrorists rush into the arena, spraying lead from their AKs and saliva from their Allah-praising gibberish holes. The only thing standing between them and the Freedom stored deep in the heart of the military compound is: 10 MMA veterans.

This summer, Randy "Captain America" Couture leads a team of Jiu-jitsu black belts, Muay tai experts, All-American wrestlers and grizzled street brawlers, against those responsible for the attacks on 9/11.

Team America is duly represented by Tim "The Maine-iac" Sylvia, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, and Chael "The Republican" Sonnen.

Brandon Vera dies in the opening attack.

The final scene invovles Couture wrestling Bin Laden (cybernetically enhanced w/technology from China, a subplot which will be cut and go completely unexplained in the release) against the cage. They end up on the ground. Couture fights for top position while Bin Laden reaches for a nearby AK47. As his fingers near, Couture notices, softens him up with a few big shots to the face, carefully avoiding punching to the back of the head, and then puts that arm into an Americana. In the background someone gasps "an Americana!" so we get it. But servo motors in Bin Laden's shoulder are too strong, and he resists the submission. He starts chanting "Allah Akbar," over and over again as he gains the upper hand. Bam, Couture grabs the wrist and spins. He yells, "It's called an ARM BAR" right as he hip thrusts. The arm snaps off and explodes Bin Laden's head. Credits roll as our motley band of [Freedom] Fighters take a helicopter into the sunset, ostensibly back to America.

Whoops, I just wrote a script for Hector Echavarria.
ReX13- April 8, 2010 at 12:01 pm
agentsmith>> Surely you know that USO shows in deployed locations feature celebs and distinguished visitors all the time. Hell, the US President just came back from Afghanistan. There are concerns, but security wouldn't be the main one.
agentsmith- April 8, 2010 at 11:51 am
The UFC has had events on military bases before, but never outside of the US, let alone in an active war zone. I kinda doubt this will happen, the security concerns are too great.
ReX13- April 8, 2010 at 11:41 am
cecils_pupils says:

"IMO both Bens would do well by ramping-up the video exposure with more comedic material... Ben vs. Ben on a larger scale."

Word. These guys could definitely do a twenty-two minute show on HDNet. If Mike Straka doesn't get picked up for another season, you guys should definitely pitch this to the network. Include "Ben vs Ben", "Nice Playa, Naw Playa", "Hot Potato Alert", "Better Know a Fighter"...hell this show would write itself. Actually, you may need help. I'm available, Bens. Call me.
cecils_pupils- April 8, 2010 at 11:32 am
@sweedish. Well, yes. Helwani is also better than the Bens on video. But I disagree that the Ben's should do radio (who listens to radio anymore when they are not in the car?). Iole and Cofield should stick to radio... AM radio.

IMO both Bens would do well by ramping-up the video exposure with more comedic material... Ben vs. Ben on a larger scale.
T_Durden- April 8, 2010 at 11:18 am
@simpsycho: The only problem with that comparison is that Fitch-Kos wanted to do it bc of their gay love for each other, DW wants to do it to put on a show for our guys who are stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere....and let's be honest for the positive PR for Zuffa.

I say, fuck it. Do it.
ReX13- April 8, 2010 at 11:15 am
simpsycho>> +1!

simpsycho- April 8, 2010 at 11:12 am
Private fights that the public won't get to see? That would make a lot of money.
Catalyst8487- April 8, 2010 at 10:57 am
Silva at 170 is unthinkable. Catchweight at 177.5 (Right in the middle)??

I like how Dana is adamant that he would rather do a show for the troops over record the fights and make a buck. Dana and the UFC are good people.
T_Durden- April 8, 2010 at 10:56 am
Silva's head alone, has been looking like it could fight at lightweight lately. Can we focus on that bit of news? Why not let both of them keep their titles and have them fight at a catchweight? People would still pay to see that fight regardless of it being a title fight and it would most likely be more competitive. Or are we just hoping to handicap it a bit for St. Pierre?
Swedish- April 8, 2010 at 10:55 am
@cecils_pupils. Do you think Helwani is better on camera than the Bens?

IMHO CP I would focus strictly on radio, their looks don't help them one bit.
cecils_pupils- April 8, 2010 at 10:44 am
@G Funk. Ariel's interview style is smooth, his questions and topic transitions are solid (though not overly intrusive - which Dana likes), and he knows his MMA. Helwani is better than Cofield, Iole, Rossen and all the fuckwads at Sherdouche put together.
ReX13- April 8, 2010 at 10:31 am
If he wants it to be a private show, that's cool. Hopefully they'd put on closed-circuit or AFN; it's BS for the guys at the FOBs to not be able to take part in the cool USO events just because they're out doing their damn jobs. Most of the troops at the big bases like Bagram, Baghdad, and Balad have it made compared to the guys out on the forward edge. Having one live event for the relatively small percentage of troops who are off-duty at one base at one particular time may not be the best way to go about it.
G Funk- April 8, 2010 at 10:30 am
Ariel has got to be one of the worst reporting personalities that I've seen. Monatone voice and character followed up by not asking good counter questions like,"Why the fuck would you not be able to tape these fights?!" would have been nice.

Could somebody please tell me why this guy is at the top of the MMA reporting heap please???
nooger- April 8, 2010 at 10:24 am
Publicity Stunt to stir good tidings for DW and Zuffa. If this ends up happening, you can count on the matches being recorded.
cecils_pupils- April 8, 2010 at 10:23 am
It's nice that Dana is thinkin' of the troops - whether we see it or not is irrelevant , though Dana's people will find a way around that somehow.

But realistically, it presents huge security concerns. Not a good idea to have a large gathering of infidels in one place...
Defender- April 8, 2010 at 10:19 am
@Nut Puncher

You beat me to it. The UFC wants to put on a private show for the troops. Good for them! And if I have to read a news site to find out how it went...how is that any different than how I find out what is happening in the Middle East anyways?
Nut Puncher 9000- April 8, 2010 at 10:08 am
So the UFC wants to do something positive for our troops and we bitch about not being able to see it?

And all of you think the UFC is just after your money...
MaxTheLimit- April 8, 2010 at 10:04 am
So GSP fights Anderson Silvas......skeleton?
Or does Anderson simply cut off one of his arms to make 170?
NOTSOB- April 8, 2010 at 9:58 am
no cuz florian doesnt have jew nose.
the4thsign- April 8, 2010 at 9:43 am
is it just me, or from this angle, doesn't ariel helwani look like kenny florian with a shaved head?
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