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@ theJuggernut - Thumbs up - your today's true Champion!

I might run a close third to everyone else here, except Pat Barry - I have never used Novocaine.

6 teeth pulled, one root canal, 12 cavities, one shattered tooth, 12 replaced amalgam fillings with fancy Dana White (Dwight) cream shot fillings.

I am not about to try to one up anyone.. But, I have had my jaw broken, bone removed, face reshaped, titanium plates put in screws installed. I have had my shoulder dislocated 4 times from a fight that resulted in surgery.. I have had my stomach get wrapped in my intestines (also from a fight) That crap is brutal..

that is true wilson.

After noticing that I was pissing blood after running, I went to the doctors and they performed a bunch of tests. Unfortunately, that wasn't good enough for them. They ended up performing a cystoscopy. It's where a camera enters your urethra. It wasn't bad when it was happening. I even laughed a little bit since my feet were up in stirrups and they had a clip on my penis to hold the numbing jelly. The part that sucked was when I had to piss. Picture only the finest razor blades coming out while they are spinning. And yes, I've been "rodded of the range" before. The cotton swab to the penis for STD's. That wasn't fun either.

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I am currently recovering from ripping my knee from one side to the other on an escalator.

Pics or it didn't happen:
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I was doing a paper in college when my left testicle decided to twist itself, cutting off its own circulation. Went to the hospital because I was vomiting from the pain. They cut my scrotum in half, twisted it back and sewed it to the side so it wouldn't twist again.

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@ Interceptbad70'sshowjoke440 - yeah, sorry man. We both had the same awful idea for a joke. At least we got to reference the original Steve Austin.

I got a papercut once. Had to put a bandaid on it. It's haunted me to this day..

fucking wilson trying to take my shit again. muthafukka

i was the test pilot in an experimental plane that happend to crash at mach 6. only thing alive was my heart, my brian , and my massive cock. they had the resources, the technology, to rebuild me better , stronger , faster than ever before.... when i moved you here nah nah nah nah nah. and my name is steve austin... suck on that you fucking fag bitches. yeah muthafukka. i am bionic

Insert quasi humourous Karma ate my cum gay joke

since we're one upping each other about wisdom teeth, i might as well destroy all the stories.

when i was having my teeth removed, my oral surgeon accidentally stabbed my lingual nerve with his needle, then as he took out my tooth, ripped it nearly in half. now i have half my tongue stuck in dysthesia. it's a part paralysis part sleep sensation. it's 24/7 pins and needles on the right side of my tongue. the bonus is always talking like sean connery because i can't move my tongue. your move, junkie.

Ugh. I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed too. All four impacted, one was horizontal. They had to split them with a chisel and pull out each piece and even had to take a bit of my jawbone to get one of them. But honestly, the two days of nausea from swallowing all that blood was worse than the two weeks of soreness. I didn't take the meds they gave me because the pills contained a narcotic that said "may cause nausea" so I just did without. What is really shitty is trying to feed yourself. You can't use a straw, can't have solids, even opening your mouth wide enough for a spoon hurts. And when you finally can chew again, it hurts all of your teeth since they haven't been in use for so long.

I broke my wrist in a mountain bike accident. It fractured the radious was fractured along the bone like a wood maul by one of the smaller wrist bones. I was a minor so I had to sit in the hospital for 5 hours while they got ahold of my parents. I had to have surgery to put in two permanent screws and the pain was ungodly.

training for a bjj tourney, i had a training partner decide he would try a takedown he'd never used before and he snapped my tibia and fibula clean in half. first, the emt's that showed up had a busted splint. so while i was high as a kite on morphine and feeling no pain, i could still feel the actual bones grinding together and my shin bending with each pothole we hit on the 20 minute drive to the hospital. considering it happened at 9pm, when i got to the hospital there was no orthopaedic surgeon on duty. we decided to postpone surgery til the next morning when the ortho doc would be there, so they drugged me up and splinted my leg. however they put the splint on wrong and it was pinching a nerve in the top of my right foot. i actually got no sleep that night, despite the pain meds, because my right foot felt like it was engulfed in flames. lame.

I was once involved in an experimental plane crash, and was a man left barely alive. But they had the technology to rebuild me. To be the first bionic man. To be better... stronger... faster. No wait, that was Lee Majors.
Well, I did have cataracts and got a prescription for weed to treat it. No wait, that was Nick Diaz.
Sorry, I've pretty much been healthy.
I think Dowellryan pretty much takes the cake on this one.

Got my big toenail removed in boot camp wout any numbing medication. When the nurse asked me if I felt anything, I informed her that I most certainly had. She then said, "Oh my God I didn't numb you." I wanted to hit her, but then I would have been Tito.

Early this year in order to become stronger,faster, and hornier I offered my doctor $10,000 cash to pretend I suffered from testosterone deficiency, after a few forged papers and signatures I was living the good life. Muscle was just pouring on nearly out of control. My doctor assured me with my upcoming MMA fight I would be cleared regaurdless of my TRT, boy was he wrong; now I have PSAC up my ass and my employer told me I was "fucking fired." Web MD has no idea what to do and I'm simply lost over the entire situation.

I fell 30 feet when my ladder set swung out and started to teeter on uneven ground about 8 weeks ago. The only reason I landed in the five foot strip of grass between lines of boulders is because I jumped away from the ladder. I broke some vertebrae, ribs, and punctured my lung. I could have died or ended up in a wheel chair. I'm grateful neither is the case. However, in the ER I had a chest tube inserted to suck the air out of my abdomen so I didn't have an embolism. No anesthesia, have to push out with lungs as they stab you with this thing to get past the cartilage and into your lung area. I know what it's like to get stabbed in the chest, not cool at all. During my first couple weeks of recovery sneezing, laughing, coughing, getting up/down, all hurt like hell. Hooray for narcotics!

Fuckdamn, Dowellryan, that sounds awful.
For my lengthening all they did was split it in the middle and stretch it up; didn't have to have my foot locked in place. Having to physically get it stretched like that sounds excruciating.
Mine was supposed to be minimally invasive, just two small holes on either side the tendon, but had to open me up due to what the doctor called the thickest tendon he had ever seen. After waking up and getting my demerol, I half-consciously had a "that's what she said" joke when the doctor told me that.

This year has been injury ridden one.July 2010 my gall bladder ruptured the morning of July 4th, at about 3am. Since the doctor who does the removals for that was on vacation, I had to wait till the night of the 5th to have it removed. Internal bleeding and no fun on the 4th of july last year. Morphine all day in the hospital. They put on my check in that I do stand up comedy, so every nurse told me lame ass jokes when they came in.

Jaw was operated on in January, removed my front right cainine and scraped the calcium deposits off my upper jaw which were interfering with my nasal cavity. They cut my upper gums off, shaved the bone, then sewed the roof of my mouth back on.

In May, we had a phospheric acid spill at work, leaking from a faulty container. It melted through my shoe and turned my right foot into a giant yellow hardened rock. COnstant pain, discussion of amputation was just taken off the table because the EMG started showing signs of Nerve activity.

there must be something in the water on this site, i had my achilles lengthened as well. had my posterior tibial tendon reconstructed and a stainless steel implant placed in the joint to lock it straight up and down. then had a bilateral pulmonary embolism three weeks after the surgery and almost croaked. that was a lovely day.

Also, nurse didn't suture up my leg perfectly, and the doctor pulled out an internal stitch from the outside. Not the most painful thing ever, but it felt like getting stabbed and having my calf muscle yanked out; ripped the headrest off the doctor's exam chair. I thought what he pulled out was running the length of the incision, looked back and it was maybe a centimeter long.

I just had my left Achilles' lengthened over the winter. Wasn't too bad. First week just felt like my leg was going to burst (I have a nice, 8" long scar running down my leg), after that, really didn't feel like anything.
Caveat: The week before I had my foot rearranged and ankle rebuilt. Had a few bones broken and wedged in to other bones, and a small plate and a few screws put in. I went the first two days with no pain meds. Horrible, horrible idea. The third night I had lightning bolt pains just fucking jolting my entire body. Promptly took 50mg of demerol. Worst pain ever.
The next week when I had my Achilles' lengthened, I immediately asked for demerol in my IV. Within 10 seconds I knew why people do heroin.
No walking for three months (two months sooner than projected!) and since about June I have been able to walk free of pain for the first time in about two years.
Also, after my first surgery (lasted almost 8 hours) I woke to find I had a catheter that I'm positive was gauged about two sizes two big. My dick dribbled for about a month after. Bitch nurse just yanked it out; didn't even get a good, close grip.

i had my ACl, MCL, and LCL all repaired at the same time. and they took piece of my PCL to repair the ACL ha it sucked. Wasnt 100% for about a year.

Psh.. My fiance had her wisdom teeth removed, and didn't complain once.I had that procedure to release my hidden penis. My doctor told me no sexual contact for three weeks, but I whacked it four times on the way home. That's pain.

@DoWellRyan,
Jesus, sorry to hear that man.

My right hand is currently in a cast right now cause a guy high on PCP started kicking and punching my car door in in downtown Houston while I was parked at a stop light (about midnight). Instead of driving away like a normal person, I got out and retalliated knocking his crazy ass unconscious. Broke my right hand in 2 places, 26 stitches from surgery, plate and pins, and I have to type (and jack) left handed. Nothing compared to some of you guys, just thought I'd share. When yall come down for UFC 136 the arena is in the middle of downtown, and that shit can get ugly at night.

I had a muscle biopsy when I was 10. They kept me awake for it, I could feel everything they were doing on the other side of the blanket and was giving them a play by play through tears. I haven't been awake for a medical procedure since. End result, muscular dystrophy. yay!

Then, at 13, I had double Achilles tendon lengthening surgery. The basically rip your tendons, then put you in casts for 2 months from toes to your knees. The foot is pulled up so when you're healed the tendons have stretched. Worst. Pain. Ever for 3 weeks. Everytime my leg moved, the worst pain I've ever felt would shoot up my leg to my ass.

I cracked my femur 2 years ago and talked them out of surgery, because I now hate hospitals so bad. Femur healed fine with a brace.

had spinal surgery and when i woke up i found out i was allergic to the morphine they were giving me :(

cock reduction

Sprained my eyelash once playing table football, some nasty shit right there

A chic shit all over my buddy when he was bangin' her one time.

When I joined the military I had a flying job and had to get my wisdom teeth removed. A few X-rays later.. I had 4 impacted Wisdom Teeth and my 12 Year mullers messing with my sinus cavities. One Wisdom tooth was in my jaw and one was starting to become infected. In total I had 8 teeth removed,Sinus surgery,and part of my jaw bone taken off (small piece). Horrrrribble 4-5 weeks post-surgery.

Had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed (two had to be cut in half to get out) all in the same session. honestly it sucked but not really as bad as everyone made it out to be. Painkillers helped tho :).....and I had a broken heart once........once.

It's not a medical procedure, but I literally just sat on my own ball sack. That was pretty painful.

One time I had to take a tylenol... It was really hard to swallow.

All 4 of my wisdom teeth were impacted AND I had them ALL removed during one visit. Beat that sh!t Barry!!!! (I passed out from the pain once during recovery).

Had a snapped collar bone snapped back into place.

Had my uvula removed. That shit hurts!