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Do You Wanna Be a F*ckin’ Fighter? Then Please Fill Out, Sign, and Return This Application in a Timely Fashion

ufcapp1
A thousand blessings to TheGarv (via BloodyElbow) for bringing this to our attention. What you’re looking at is one page from the original fighter application for the UFC, way before Zuffa, when biting and eye-gouging were the only illegal attacks. The other three pages are after the jump. Some highlights:

– Page 3′s inclusion of "Toughman" as a fighting style. (Ed. note: Not only do I train Toughman, I actually earned my 4th-degree black belt in Toughman under Grandmaster Butterbean.)

– The "This is what I will wear in the competition" section. I just like the idea of Art Jimmerson selecting "Boxing Trunks" and "Other," then writing in "boxing glove (1)".

– The best release-from-liability line of all-time, on the last page: "In the true spirit of the warrior, I enter and compete knowing full well the possible consequences."
 

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Michelle- December 3, 2008 at 4:22 am
Sorry, I should clarify: that dude with a hard-to-pronounce-much-less-spell name beat up the lesser of the Nog brothers.

(It sounds kind of like soak-a-jew. It's funny, but in a not-nice way.)
Michelle- December 3, 2008 at 4:18 am
@Krazy Kracker

Wrong Nog...
Krazy Kracker- December 1, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I dunno... Nog looked pretty knocked out against Soko... Sokojew.... Soko-not gonna work for the UFC anymore that's for sure.
CZ knows jackchit!- December 1, 2008 at 6:05 am
Nog is a joke??? You think that Heath Herring fight exposed or proved something bout Minotauro? Only what Pride fc fans knew for years now, you can't knock him out! You can daze him, make him see lil' birdies and chit, but time and time again this guy regains himself and comeback. Herring only got up and let him up when he could'nt get good shots on him on the ground! watch the fight again.

T. Silvia is crap? Randy destroyed him? no no no Fedor destroyed him. Randy got a 5th rnd decision. It was 'nt more than a year ago that Silvia was the most dominant HW the UFC has ever seen.

Randy did one thing in that fight with Lesnar, expose his weak game! There were times Brock had issues overpowering a guy who hes got 60lbs of muscle over. A superheavyweight (like Brock) with good MMA exp. would phuck his ass up bad! Big Nog is gonna get owned by Brock and pull a submission out his ass. Its in evitable.

geoff- December 1, 2008 at 5:57 am
dont ever post again. i havent read one thing that made sense in that paragraph.
tim silvia= not 2nd best heavyweight, he's top 10 ill give u that
hong man choi= 4th or 5th? not even close, just cause hes big doesnt make him a good fighter
brock lesnar= brock actually has faught some decent opponents already, granted he needs more competition cause his record is too small to be a heavyweight champ
forrest griffin= did u just pull this out of ur ass?
(id rather see rampage v. brock...or even rashad v. brock)
geoff- December 1, 2008 at 5:57 am
and i was referring to fedor rules..
England Rules- December 1, 2008 at 4:13 am
Er time for some new posts......
Anonymous- November 30, 2008 at 11:28 pm
wtf
Derly- November 30, 2008 at 11:15 pm
@whatever idiot mentioned Kimbo/Lesnar as good matchup...

Are you kidding me? Sure Kimbo had that Brawler style, but thats really not any top notch striking. If you wanna put him in the cage with a big mean black guy, who can strike. I call out Cheick Kongo. Didn't Kongo want a shot at the "tittle."

Seriously if you wanna put Brock up against a top level striker in the HW division it's Kongo. Assuming that Kongo could handle the takedowns, and has improved his ground game, it would be a decent fight. Give Kongo a shot at the "tittle" it's not like Lesnar really deserved a clean shot at the title.
Sebas- November 30, 2008 at 10:29 pm
@ T-Rex about fighting with just a belt and nothing else...


No where in the rules it says i can Dickbar you or just rip you dick off and throw that shit in the stands.
Krazy Kracker- November 30, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Check out all the long rants. "Call me Ishmael..." I guess I’ll write one too. I'm going to skip the poignant and go right for the retarded.

@ crzywhteboy1

Whoever made that video is an idiot. The first dialogue is an agitated guy responding to stupid reporters who keep asking him his opinion of a fight occurring between two people who are not him until he is finally fed up, then you have Fedor responding to what he thinks of a promising up-and-coming fighter, and then a video of Brock's first fight in the UFC against the former heavyweight champion. Not sure how it correlates to him as being disrespectful. I mean, he very well may be, but that is not proof. As far as records go, I consider them a stat for experience, not skill.

@ everyone else (Not sure how we got on the topic of heavyweights - both rising and fallen - but here goes...)

Brock is a monster, a big uncut diamond just waiting to be polished. I'm not pole jocking, just stating the obvious. Until another fighter comes along who is 350+ of solid muscle with decent striking, takedown defense and a ground game then we have to look forward to every heavyweight title ending in a takedown with hammerfists from the owner of poorly thought out tattoos.

Tim Sylvia is the Lyoto Machida of heavyweights, except without very good striking... or ground game... fine, he's just boring. That's all they have in common. They have boring fights that grind out wins. If Tim is anything more than a gatekeeper for any organization than said organization is in sad shape, despite how void of talent any and all heavyweight classes possess. I look very forward to seeing him on the undercard of a fight I never hear of.

Kimbo has absurd marketing cred from avid youtube street fight fanatics and is now thought of as a glass-jawed sissy by mma fans. I wouldn't mind seeing him in an entry level UFC fight to prove me wrong and increase his credibility. Best thing he could do is give Dana a blowjob and hope for a job. I can see it now - Kimbo Slice vs Houston Alexander... UFC 102: Bread or Dead
UFC fan- November 30, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I cant read any of this nuthuggers shit. CZ, leave....leave while you still have cyber balls.
You are a cock chestner fan, you disqualify yourself as an MMA fan right there.
Go...walk away, go back to "that other fake MMA forum" you don't belong here. You are a brainless pipsqueak, and everything you say is stupid, and YOU are the only one who believes your words.

Run home child.......its a sad fucking day when I think trinity isn't the most whacked goofy fucker typing on the topic....cause usually he is. You get king dipshit honor today, so go away, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!"
UFC fan- November 30, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Hey pac-man.....'wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca........(eat an energy ball)."

greetings top cyberloser.........shall we play.....a game?
How about thermo-nuclear....go fuck yourself?
Pac-Man- November 30, 2008 at 9:52 pm
First MMA action figures and now I'm seeing words like pwned and noob on forums, although I should've seen it coming after the use of the word 'douche' was being used way too liberally here. I'm beyond disappointed. I can't bear to watch the fanbase of the sport I love so much become a bunch of cyberlosers.
MMA Wannabe- November 30, 2008 at 8:17 pm
@CZ

Chill. No one doubts Brock Lesnar's athleticism. We make fun of his chest-cock because we still find it funny. You don't. Yay, for individuality.

Perhaps he shouldn't have gotten that massive wang-sword tatoo'd to himself, if he didn't want immature blog readers making fun of it.

@CZ's responders

Grow up.

@ Fedor Rules

I am a Fedor Fan, too, but I hate hearing fans of his hype his opponents needlessly. Hong Man Choi has NO gas tank, or ground game, and only average striking. Tim Sylvia barely makes it on top-ten heavyweight lists and isn't even a thought in the heads of fans when thinking of P4P. Either you don't watch MMA, or you just plain have no sense.
JTho- November 30, 2008 at 7:59 pm
@cr_trinity

Take your off-topic platitudes and inane generalizations somewhere else.

Mr Josh- November 30, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Come on guys lets not turn this in to a Cock, Fador, Bimbo debate again!

Anyway.........id love to see another underground org start this style of fighting up again on a big scale with no waight classes etc....we could get some of them sholin monks in and some ninjas and everything! it would be just like a real life 80s martial art flick!
CageFighter72- November 30, 2008 at 7:34 pm

UFC Rules Says:
Sun, 11/30/2008 - 18:31

I think Brock Kimbo would be an interesting matchup he's a different kind of fighter than Brock has faced and could provide some interesting problems for him. I mean his striking is in a class of it's own and I think (besides his last fluke KO) his chin is solid. I'm sure his wrestling has gotten better and he's definetly as strong or stronger then Brock. All in all I would love to see him in the UFC HW picture I think he would do well.

Dude, are you for real? You cant be fukkin serious, Kimbo? Strong or stronger than Brock? Lemme guess, you are one of Kimbo's entourage, or just from Miami? You have to be, either that or youre on crack! Kimbo....ROTFLMFAO! Im dying here, Kimbo in the UFC HW picture.....LOL!
CZ is gay- November 30, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Ha Ha, you got pwned you MMA noob.
K.E.G.- November 30, 2008 at 7:21 pm
@CZ
Hey maybe you should call your mother or something I'm sure she has something nice to say about you, respects your opinions, and can maybe validate some of your feelings. Or if you want people to like you so bad and think your smart maybe try going out and having some conversations with people face to face. If none of that works take a break from the comment section you know there is a ton of porn on the internet as well go release some of that tension you've got all built there.
CZ- November 30, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Oh one more thing, Fedor rules, Sylvia isnt the second best in the world, and couldnt even be considered so for some time by now, but I digress... Brock Beating Forrest, Unless he drops his belt to Rashad next month and then decides to go up a class, I dont think your requirements for being impressed by Brock will be fulfilled... But yea the Britney Spears video comment, you got me, again original=funny, but Ive put my thoughts about lesnar and his attitude out there and made it somewhat clear Im not his biggest fan, but Im not scared to admit I like watching him fight and win, even though people are mad because of how quickly he got a shot, because the president in charge of the some 250 contracted fighters saw the crossover potential in Lesnar to make it the biggest PPV in history, you cant argue with facts, the guy you cheer for and have posters of on your bedroom wall with stains all over the face (thats for anyone of you who gave it your best to insult me) who have been on the grind for years not getting a title shot, had to get to the back of the line so this monster could step in and get the belt. I hope this clears up my status as an MMA fan, um a hederosexual, and at least one of the more intelligent (certainly not the most intelligent) posters in this forum...
Thank you
CZ
crzywhteboy1- November 30, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Here's a good cock chester video.

CZ- November 30, 2008 at 6:44 pm
MMA noob? no no... No MMA Noob... Considering my original comment contained a piece of advice urging people to look at Frank Mir's questionable choice in body jewelry from UFC 41 when he dismantled Tank Abbot. I still think Tim Sylvia is a joke, and will continue to do so, he will likely be remembered for two things, Frank Mir ruining his arm, and getting owned in Fedor's first domestic fight. And then beqwith you make fun of my choice of words in my post and then turn around and call me a gigantic douche? Do you see what happens when you post insults with your headphones on playing your favorite Dane Cook skit? Didnt I urge creativity before? The word douche? Went out before elite XC... I never said Nog never beat anyone, but the fight with heath herring he stayed on the mat twice, in order to get his feet back under him, which I dont think is smart I think its cheap, So here you go again NOG IS A CHEAP BITCH! Its no different than holding the cage when you are about to get thrown, ok its illegal and youll get warned but id did just what you wanted to and you probably just saved your night by doing so. Nog is talented and has beaten some very impressive opponents but in a CAGE which is where he fights now, he beat two people, who I mentioned before, who dont impress me... If youre getting mad, and your just gonna post some more internet garbage calling me a "noob" and all that, have at it, I live in the real world where words like noob, and pwned, and all that other keyboard shit means nothing....
UFC Rules- November 30, 2008 at 6:31 pm
I think Brock Kimbo would be an interesting matchup he's a different kind of fighter than Brock has faced and could provide some interesting problems for him. I mean his striking is in a class of it's own and I think (besides his last fluke KO) his chin is solid. I'm sure his wrestling has gotten better and he's definetly as strong or stronger then Brock. All in all I would love to see him in the UFC HW picture I think he would do well.
crzywhteboy1- November 30, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Somebody get cz a blanket and a video camera.LEAVE BROCK ALONE.Make a video for us like that dude did for Britney Spears.
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