When I was 8 years old, I got lost in the woods for two days while playing hide and go seek with my cousins. I did not eat for some 34 hours, and only survived thanks to a blackberry bush I stumbled upon on night 2, the water from a nearby creek (which in turn gave me beaver fever), and the coyote-poking stick I fashioned out of a regular stick. When the cops found me, I was apparently asking a willow tree for directions to Pallet Town while urinating on myself, my sustenance-deprived mind on the brink of total collapse.
The point is, starvation can have a wide variety of effects on the brain to differing degrees of amusement. Take Mark Hunt, for instance, who dropped a bomb on the MMA world last week when he tweeted that he had been fired by the UFC for no apparent reason (other than a potential “bailed hug rest” as I speculated). The thing was, Hunt hadn’t been fired, as Dana White quickly confirmed via a series of curse words and insults to other people’s intelligence.
So why the ruse then? Was Hunt trolling us? In the depths of an ether binge, maybe? Nope, it turns out that The Super Samoan was just…hungry.
“Looking forward to japan sept 20 troops sorry about unemployment tweet I was hungry no carbs,” Hunt tweeted in attempt to clear up the confusion.
So there you have it, Nation. I guess. Blame
Canada The Zone Diet.
That this tweet was followed by three straight tweets reading “[18+ VIDE0] You Will Never Use Garnier Products After Watching This Shocking Video” leads me to believe that Hunt either had his Twitter hacked or is elaborately trolling his followers in some sort of Kaufman-esque experiment. Or he’s been lost in the Australian wilderness for the past few days and is completely losing his sh*t. Yeah, it’s probably that. In that case, REMEMBER TO BOIL THE CREEK WATER BEFORE YOU DRINK IT, MARK.
Meanwhile, Hunt’s opponent on September 20th, Roy Nelson, just ate his third Mushroom & Swiss Burger of the day without a care in the world.